I (18f) have a dad (64m) with a temper. He’s always had this boundary about me talking to my mom while he gets changed, so I always leave the room to give him privacy. Recently, he’ll ask for privacy and if I don’t move at that exact second he’ll blow up at me and won’t even express why with words. Today, I was talking with my mom on her bed, my dad comes in, asks to get changed, I sit up, and he blocks my only exit from the room. Then he starts yelling about how we’re giving him no privacy, we’re not even bothering to close the window blinds (which he never asked about before that very moment) and yelled at my mom and me for not respecting him. 10 min later my mom has tried to reason with him and I’ve left the room by now. I go back to talk to my mom and she starts telling me it’s my job to ask if he needs privacy the second he enters his bedroom to keep him from getting upset. I say that it’s not my responsibility to cater to a grown man’s feelings just because he has a problem with a situation. My mom is now yelling at me and calling me selfish. AITA for saying it’s not my responsibility to ask if he needs me to leave every time he walks in a room?
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I (18f) have a dad (64m) with a temper. He’s always had this boundary about me talking to my mom while he gets changed, so I always leave the room to give him privacy. Recently, he’ll ask for privacy and if I don’t move at that exact second he’ll blow up at me and won’t even express why with words. Today, I was talking with my mom on her bed, my dad comes in, asks to get changed, I sit up, and he blocks my only exit from the room. Then he starts yelling about how we’re giving him no privacy, we’re not even bothering to close the window blinds (which he never asked about before that very moment) and yelled at my mom and me for not respecting him. 10 min later my mom has tried to reason with him and I’ve left the room by now. I go back to talk to my mom and she starts telling me it’s my job to ask if he needs privacy the second he enters his bedroom to keep him from getting upset. I say that it’s not my responsibility to cater to a grown man’s feelings just because he has a problem with a situation. My mom is now yelling at me and calling me selfish. AITA for saying it’s not my responsibility to ask if he needs me to leave every time he walks in a room?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I was told by my mom that I need to ask my dad if he needs privacy every time he walks into his room, in order to prevent him from blowing up at us. AITA for saying it’s not my responsibility and i won’t do it, because in my opinion it’s not my job to regulate a grown man’s anger issues?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Your father sounds disturbed, to be honest. And your mother is totally an enabler who spends her energy defusing situations. This is not a healthy living situation for you. Are you close to being able to leave for college or work and a place of your own?
NTA.
Stop going in to your parents’ bedroom to talk to your mother. Bedroom’s are traditionally places of privacy. You should respect your parents’ privacy as they should for yours.
NTA and your dad sounds abusive. He’s constantly moving the goalposts to keep you on edge. I bet your mom is asking you to do something different because she’s also trying to keep up with these constantly moving goalposts to avoid abuse–but it’s really unfair of her to blame you when you both should be blaming your dad.
YTA – it sounds like you and your mom hang out in their bedroom too much. His room is his retreat, not yours. Hang out with your mom in a different room.
Both you and you father are TA. He does sound like he has a temper and should take it down a couple notches. But it’s his house and his bedroom and if he wants you out, then leave. It’s not catering to him to give him privacy in his own home.
Is your father ex military by any chance?
Do you share a bedroom with your parents? No shame, if so… you are older though so it sucks but I (mom) had to share my room with my son until he was almost 12 and then I asked everyone if it was okay if I took over the living room as “my” room (I slept on the floor and put my blanket up during the day, had a duffle bag for my weekly clothes).
Nta though, it’s not your responsibility to pacify a grown man’s temper or behavior. I’d go low contact with them, no more hanging out with mom, no talking to dad. He behaves as a spoilt toddler and she enables it.
NTA but tbh, I would just go ahead and leave the room the second he walks in every time. It’s not fair for him to speak to you like that, so I would set the boundary that if he’s going to speak to you like that …. he just doesn’t get to speak to you at all.
Leave every time he opens his mouth to you, be just as petty and childish as him
NTA. Your mother is obviously walking on eggshells to try and manage your dad’s volatile moods and outbursts. And it might make sense to do that, tactically. But it still isn’t your responsibility. Adults are responsible for their own behavior.
NTA but I’d recommend just avoiding their room. You dont have to cater to his feelings but you can avoid this specific blowup. He can’t yell at you to leave the room if youre never in the room to begin with.
Im a dad. Your dad is a piece of work. Sounds like you have a level head on your shoulders. Don’t let his poor attitude get to you when its clearly already changed your mother to be subservient to his childlike tantrums. This is not reasonable and is using the two of you as punching bags for his problems.
NTA. He is a grown man. It is up to him to manage his own emotions. Your father is abusive and your mother is enabling him to save herself from being abused as well. Can you move out soon or go live with family members like grandparents or siblings? Maybe you can find yourself a cheap roommate situation. Your dad keeps moving the goalposts for his supposed need for privacy. He didn’t even let you leave the room and still complained about you violating his privacy. What will it be next time? This will only get worse. Find a way out now.
NTA. Glad you’re already aware that it’s not your responsibility to manage his emotions for him cause it took me fucking years to figure that out lol
NTA. He should’ve given you a chance to leave. You can avoid this particular scenario in future by just avoiding being in your parents’ bedroom if it’s a particular bugbear of his. Maybe he doesn’t like you in his bedroom in general which isn’t unusual in itself but could obviously be better expressed. You can’t avoid making angry people upset though — unless you move out and avoid him completely.
NTA but also as a parent I can see wanting some privacy. Why not just stay out of their room?