Going to raves were something my boyfriend (26) and I (24) have enjoyed together since the beginning. Since I have been pregnant (high risk) it seems that my whole pregnancy has been about my boyfriend and how this is a “huge” adjustment for him as I already have a three year old. He has gone out to bars/clubs more times than I can count on two hands, went on a bachelor cruise to Mexico when he wasn’t in the wedding party, we went to San Diego for the wedding but we did nothing there except sit in the Airbnb then go to the wedding, he bought Coachella tickets while i was pregnant and told me we can either go together or he’s bringing his brother, and now a rave today. anytime I have feelings about these outings, I’m told that I’m controlling and the babies aren’t here yet but instead of feeling like I have a partner in this, it feels like it’s just me sacrificing everything including my feelings so that he gets what he wants. I asked for one thing since the beginning, a baby-moon trip to morro bay, his response… “it’s expensive”. My sisters and cousins are also going to this rave and we saw them last night which I thought was ironic he didn’t mention to them that he’ll be there. Am I hormonal and irrational in feeling upset about all of this as a whole?
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Going to raves were something my boyfriend (26) and I (24) have enjoyed together since the beginning. Since I have been pregnant (high risk) it seems that my whole pregnancy has been about my boyfriend and how this is a “huge” adjustment for him as I already have a three year old. He has gone out to bars/clubs more times than I can count on two hands, went on a bachelor cruise to Mexico when he wasn’t in the wedding party, we went to San Diego for the wedding but we did nothing there except sit in the Airbnb then go to the wedding, he bought Coachella tickets while i was pregnant and told me we can either go together or he’s bringing his brother, and now a rave today. anytime I have feelings about these outings, I’m told that I’m controlling and the babies aren’t here yet but instead of feeling like I have a partner in this, it feels like it’s just me sacrificing everything including my feelings so that he gets what he wants. I asked for one thing since the beginning, a baby-moon trip to morro bay, his response… “it’s expensive”. My sisters and cousins are also going to this rave and we saw them last night which I thought was ironic he didn’t mention to them that he’ll be there. Am I hormonal and irrational in feeling upset about all of this as a whole?
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> the action I took was telling him I think this is wrong and the action that might make me an asshole is being over emotional and taking his freedom away?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
He’s not a partner. He’s selfish and isn’t going to be changing diapers and doing night duty.
You aren’t going to “low maintenance cool girl” him into becoming a partner.
I suggest you move to wherever you can get support before the babies come, and then hit him up for child support.
thats extremely wrong of him. he should be with you and your concerns are valid
NTA – honestly, it sounds like a guy who was told he has three days to live, so he’s doing as much as he can before his time is up. You don’t have a partner, you have like 8 red flags in a trench coat.
The writing is on the wall.
NTA – partner definitely is. He should be more concerned with saving money for the babies. He should be there for you, not partying like he’s some single dude with no family. I think you may wanna have a chat with him on what a father does and what an absent father does, sounds like he’s been spending a hell of a lot more time with friends than with his family
You don’t have a partner you have an overgrown teen.
NTA. You’re a high risk pregnancy which means things can go left real quick. Your bf should be by your side being supportive, comforting and just generally available. I get that he has his own life and wants to do his own thing, but being in a committed relationship requires compromise and sacrifice. On top of that, how will this play out when the babies arrive? Is he just going to continue this behaviour and be absent?
NTA
And unless he is willing, and able, to work on himself (with or without the aid of therapy), you are likely to become a solo parent. Your choice will be if it is with him living in the house or not.
NTA and you should make him go to Morro Bay with you next weekend!
What you want is expensive but fucking COACHELLA isn’t?? Dump this guy; you’re already single parenting, just make it official.
Edit for judgement: NTA
NTA this is a mess. Is he talking to women when he’s out?
You are having a child with a child. But it’s not too late to escape this situation.
NTA 35 weeks with twins may as well be full term. I know of very few people who make it much farther with multiples. So leaving to go out and party at this stage is incredibly irresponsible on his part. He’s not a partner. He’s a self-centered child.
NTA
Having twins is an adjustment for you as the mother. You’re jumping from one child to now three with two being newborn.
Your bf is not being a responsible adult. He is acting like he has no responsibility. This won’t change once babies are born.
He will in all probability put all the parenting on you( as you’ve done it before).
He’d rather spend money on trips and raves with his friends than a baby moon with you.
I’d re evaluate this relationship and consider parting ways. He will be required to pay support for the babies.
Not sure what your support system is like but I wouldn’t depend on him for anything.
This was a discussion you should’ve had before getting pregnant.
NTA. Your partner is showing you he’s not ready for commitment and kids. He complains about the cost of a babymoon but shelled out money for Coachella. I live on the other side of the country . I looked up Morro Bay. I found hotels as low as 71 a night, but even if you spent a long weekend (3 days) at 150 a night, you’d spend less than 1 weekend at Coachella. That’s not the cruise and the raves. You don’t have a partner, you’ve gotten pregnant, and now you’re no fun anymore. He wants fun fun fun and no responsibilities. I’m sorry you are finding this out at 35 weeks pregnant. I hope you have a good support system.
NTA. Why he suck so much lol
>it feels like it’s just me sacrificing everything including my feelings
Sounds about right. I’m so sorry. The next time you get pregnant, make sure you’re married.
>it feels like it’s just me sacrificing everything including my feelings
Sounds about right. I’m so sorry. The next time you get pregnant, make sure you’re married.
No, NTA. And WTF is wrong with your boyfriend?
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NTA. Unfortunately you chose to reproduce with someone who very clearly doesn’t want to be or isn’t ready to be a parent. This doesn’t excuse his abhorrent behavior, as he also chose to reproduce with you, but it’s too late now. Very sorry OP.
NTA he is showing you what behaviors he will most likely continue when your babies are born.
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If he’s acting this selfish while you are pregnant, I can’t imagine how things will be after the babies are born. His behavior is inexcusable. NTA
Damn, that’s so irresponsible. I don’t think this guy is partner material.
NTA your bf is a dad now, not when the babies come, right now. The babies already exist, so he should already be stepping into the dad role. But is doesn’t sound like he is.
He’s acting like a college student with no responsibilities.
NTA. At 35 weeks it is risky going to events like this even with a low risk pregnancy as anything could happen at any point. You do not have a partner, you have an additional cause of stress.
NTA, you need to go to family or friends. Do not continue this relationship.
NTA, he doesn’t even have a pinky toe into this parenting gig.
Go to where you are actually supported, family/friends.
You have too much on the line to trust him.
Info: gave birth to twins at 28 weeks. They are fine now, but at 35 weeks it’s literally any day now. Full term for twins is what, 36 weeks?
He doesn’t GAF.
Good god NTA. I went into labor and delivered my twins at 35 weeks. He needs to grow up, and step up majorly. He’s acting like a child.
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NTA but come on. You can’t get pregnant from guys like this and expect them to turn into Mr. Dad overnight.
I’d tell your sisters and cousins he will be there and get them to surround him so he’s always got girls with him
Be prepared to raise this kid alone too. Don’t have another kid after this one unless you’re stable. He doesn’t give a shit about you or the babies, you’ll be dragging him along until you’re sick of it and finally leave.
NTA but come on, you really thought this dude was gonna magically transform into a dad?
NTA I don’t think he likes you a lot
He’s 24!! He’s not even fully cooked yet, men are still boys at the age!!!
NTA but a rave? Those are still things?
NTA. But some people should just enjoy their 20’s before having kids.