For 12 years it was just me (17m) and my dad and for 13 years I was an only child. My mom wasn’t involved when I was a baby. Like not involved at all. I never actually met her. She died when I was 5.5 and I have vague memories of her funeral. I grew up with both mom and dad’s families in my life. But at home it was just me and my dad and he wasn’t father of the year or even a contender either. He made sure there was a roof for me and food in the walls underneath that roof. That was it. I had different babysitters until I was old enough to do simple stuff for myself. Once I reached that point at like 5/6 years old I was on my own.
Extended family would take me for a day or two at a time. They’d check in. They used to chase after dad to pay more attention to me. Some offered to raise me too. But he never took them up on those offers so I stayed with him and went to family member’s houses during the day and some weekends or weeknights if something important was going on at school or whatever.
Then he met and married his wife when I was 12 and they had a kid together when I was 13. There was a total change in him. He took some time off work to be with his wife and the baby, got up in the middle of the night with the baby even when he went back to work. Suddenly Sunday was family day and they were doing things together. Him and his wife planned for the just in case they both died and asked his oldest sister to take the baby and any other kids if something happened to them. She asked about me and after a few awkward seconds he said he figured that was a given. But he never legally put things in place for me according to my aunt. It’s just my half siblings and I have three half siblings now. All three were newborns and there was something in place for the worst. Apparently I was 13 when a verbal thing happened for me, yaaaay.
With my first half sibling being 4 now I can really see the difference in dad as a parent. Because he actually is one. He’s involved in teaching them, in putting them to bed, in making food for them and in knowing what they will and won’t eat. There’s all kinds of ways he’s involved. And yeah he has a partner with him now for this stuff but he had support with me and he didn’t do shit.
For the first time in over 4 years my dad and his wife want a date night and dad told me I needed to babysit on a Friday night. I told him no and he asked why and I told him I work Friday nights. He said I can call off one night and I said no. I told him he could afford a babysitter like he did for me when I was younger. Then he said they hate the thought of leaving them with strangers and I asked why he didn’t hate that when I was born. He told me it was a different time and set of circumstances and come on I’m a part of the family and babysitting is a role of the oldest. I was like since when am I part of this family and he told me always. Then he said he’s a damn good dad and my attitude is claiming otherwise and it was pissing him off. I said he was never a good dad to me, only to my half siblings. He got pissy about it and spent two weeks telling me I was wrong.
So we had dinner at my grandparents house and my two aunts and three uncles were there with us and I asked them if dad was a good dad to all his kids or just my half siblings. They all said he was hardly a dad to me at all but was amazing with my half siblings. His wife stormed off because the kids were at the table and she was like wtf are you bringing it up in front of them for. Dad told his family they were being harsh and they told him they all know me better than him and worried about me more than he ever did.
Ever since dinner dad’s been trying to prove he’s a good dad to me and he fails every time. He’s pissed that I brought family into it to prove a point. His wife’s pissed that I brought it up in front of her kids. And she’s pissed that I don’t consider myself family and asked what kind of way that is for her kids to live. Then she said I basically made her kids feel like their family cares for them less than they do for me.
AITA?
Comments
Absolutely NTA. Her saying you shouldn’t have brought it up in front of her kids, they’re 4 and under, they’ll never remember anyway so that’s a pathetic excuse and just her way of trying to deflect blame away from your dad and make it about you being the problem rather than him.
He’s an AH for treating you like that when you were young and acting like he did nothing wrong now you’ve told him and all his family members have done too. You’re 17, when you hit 18 I’d seriously think about moving out and going low to no contact with him, you’ve put up with for long enough
I’m so sorry you had to endure such a childhood. All children are precious and need nurturing. You are definitely NTA. I wish you nothing but good things in your future.
Lmao. OP…big big NTA.
You see they can both go pound sand. It took his wife 4 whole years…4 years and 3 kids to realise the reality she has been living with her entire marriage????
Yea if she cared about you at all she would have realised it sooner and may be did something about it. She did not care. Until other people called it. Thats not on you.
You told them the truth and they did not believe you and decided to gaslight you. So u brought receipts. Nicely done. NTA
Nta.
Your father and step-mother are AH. And your father didn’t even apologize to you for all of that. Is it so gard to tell your kid “sorry that I was barly there for you.” Instead of acting like you are the probleme?
And the father even said no, when other family members offered to take you in and actually give you a loving family.
I’m glad the rest of you family is on your side.
You’re already 17 and I don’t really see your dad building a bond with you… I guess you will low or no contact with him once you move out
NTA and I’m sorry you’re going through this.
NTA. Tell her that your dad cares for them more than he ever cared about you.
You can tell his wife that her kids are very lucky – she’s alive to be their mother, and it’s only because she’s present and providing him with sex that he’s interested in them.
It’s important she faces the reality of the man she married now, instead of discovering it later when things get rough. He’s a liar.
You can also tell her to stop helping him gaslight you into pretending he was a good father to you. She’s just enabling him and extending the trauma. If she wants anything from you, including babysitting you are at least entitled to her giving you that basic level of respect.
NTA but just check that your mom didn’t leave you anything in a will, life insurance ect. Start to plan for where/what you’re going to do at 18 so that you can live your life without that toxic house looming over you.
NTA You finally got to tell them your feelings Dad was trapped and embarrassed I admire you for having a back bone at such a young age You will get far in this world
Updateme!