So I’m 17f and I turn 18 next January, and I feel like my parents have been moving differently and I don’t know why. I feel like ever since I turned 17 they’ve had this weird change in attitude and how they treat me. They treat me just like they do my younger siblings, or they treat me as if I have no common sense. They’ve been arguing with me over the dumbest things as well.
For my 17th birthday I had wanted to cut my hair, they said no. Cool, I’m not the kinda person to do stuff like that behind their backs. They didn’t want me cutting off my locs and so instead we “compromised” and I combed them out during spring break. I had told them “I just feel that at 17 years old I should be able to do what I want with my hair.” And my dad told me it doesn’t work that way, and that I’m not grown and can’t make that kind of decision. While my mom said that if I were to cut my hair it’ll be when I’m grown. I’m not saying my parents should be like my friend’s parents, but I wish they were a bit more lenient when it comes to personal style. I’ve always wanted to dye my hair and have been asking since I was in 9th grade, but it’s always been a no.
They’ve randomly started policing the things that I watch as well, which normally wasn’t an issue. I watched IWTV with no issue, but when I started watching The Boys and Bojack horseman it was a problem. It turned into a “who said you could watch that, who did you ask to watch that” situation. Stupid, small things like that. It’s gotten even worse though with the start of the new school year, my senior year. All of a sudden in their minds I don’t know how to do anything and can’t do anything. They treat me as if I’m a dummy who doesn’t know anything and can’t be trusted to do anything. I’m not sure why they’ve started doing that, I get good grades at school. I’m not pregnant, have no boy/girlfriend and never have, I don’t drugs/drink and if I’m not at school I’m at home.
Yesterday me and my mom got into an argument over something stupid, and then my dad jumped in and started getting on my ass too. Nowadays with every argument that we have it’s always “you’re almost 18 and yet you still do this/that.” Or they bring up everything that I don’t do, or everything that I do do and how it’s still not good enough/could be better. So while we were arguing I mentioned how I feel like they’ve been treating me weird all year, and how they expect to start acting like an adult but don’t want to treat me like one. Now I’m not saying that my parents have to treat me like an equal, cuz we’re not equals. But I want to be treated as if I have common sense. My parents got super pissy about it and started saying how I’m not grown and that I need to stop acting like I am, and that I need to get my shit together. I ended up apologizing because they said I hurt their feelings by saying they’re acting weird, and they accepted my apology, and now are acting like nothing happened.
AITA for what I said?
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So I’m 17f and I turn 18 next January, and I feel like my parents have been moving differently and I don’t know why. I feel like ever since I turned 17 they’ve had this weird change in attitude and how they treat me. They treat me just like they do my younger siblings, or they treat me as if I have no common sense. They’ve been arguing with me over the dumbest things as well.
For my 17th birthday I had wanted to cut my hair, they said no. Cool, I’m not the kinda person to do stuff like that behind their backs. They didn’t want me cutting off my locs and so instead we “compromised” and I combed them out during spring break. I had told them “I just feel that at 17 years old I should be able to do what I want with my hair.” And my dad told me it doesn’t work that way, and that I’m not grown and can’t make that kind of decision. While my mom said that if I were to cut my hair it’ll be when I’m grown. I’m not saying my parents should be like my friend’s parents, but I wish they were a bit more lenient when it comes to personal style. I’ve always wanted to dye my hair and have been asking since I was in 9th grade, but it’s always been a no.
They’ve randomly started policing the things that I watch as well, which normally wasn’t an issue. I watched IWTV with no issue, but when I started watching The Boys and Bojack horseman it was a problem. It turned into a “who said you could watch that, who did you ask to watch that” situation. Stupid, small things like that. It’s gotten even worse though with the start of the new school year, my senior year. All of a sudden in their minds I don’t know how to do anything and can’t do anything. They treat me as if I’m a dummy who doesn’t know anything and can’t be trusted to do anything. I’m not sure why they’ve started doing that, I get good grades at school. I’m not pregnant, have no boy/girlfriend and never have, I don’t drugs/drink and if I’m not at school I’m at home.
Yesterday me and my mom got into an argument over something stupid, and then my dad jumped in and started getting on my ass too. Nowadays with every argument that we have it’s always “you’re almost 18 and yet you still do this/that.” Or they bring up everything that I don’t do, or everything that I do do and how it’s still not good enough/could be better. So while we were arguing I mentioned how I feel like they’ve been treating me weird all year, and how they expect to start acting like an adult but don’t want to treat me like one. Now I’m not saying that my parents have to treat me like an equal, cuz we’re not equals. But I want to be treated as if I have common sense. My parents got super pissy about it and started saying how I’m not grown and that I need to stop acting like I am, and that I need to get my shit together. I ended up apologizing because they said I hurt their feelings by saying they’re acting weird, and they accepted my apology, and now are acting like nothing happened.
AITA for what I said?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I just wanna know whether or not ITA for what I said to my parents during an argument. In my opinion they’ve been treating me weird because I’m almost 18 and they don’t know what to do about it.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Sounds like they’re scared about you growing up. But they’re messing it up! They’re clamping down more, when they should be giving you more freedom. More freedom would give you the opportunity to develop more independence while you’re still under their care and guidance. That’s what parents are supposed to do. But nope. So they shouldn’t be surprised when you disappear because you want to do things your own way.
NTA. 17 is definitely old enough to decide what to do with your hair or what to watch on TV. And it’s old enough to demand a little respect from your parents or call them out over legit issues.
“Stop acting like you’re grown” and “get your shit together” are completely contradictory attitudes to have. You can’t “get your shit together” if you’re not allowed to be responsible for yourself.
NTA
It’s just normal. Think about it. Did they change at their old age or have you? Growing and changing everyday.
You’re gaining your individuality and wanting some independence. Most teens go through this.
Some kids don’t for whatever reason, but most do.
I remember asking my mom
When I was older why we fought so much when I was a teen. ( when I say fought, she never yelled or anything, just lectured and grounded me) she said if we didn’t we would always want to be together as life would be blissfull for us both. It a stage for you want to leave and your parents to get ready for you to leave. You’re becoming an adult.
Your still a kid and have a while
To go. Just take your time and think about
Things. Negotiate what you want. Act like an adult and they’ll be better at treating you like one.
One day they will trust you completely and how they raised you. As long as you keep making good choices.
You’re probably not quite ready to pay bills and be in your own yet.
NTA
And I really believe your parents are trying break down your self-esteem to prevent you from leaving the house once you turn 18. Everything they have said to you, they probably already have been – just upping the frequency.
They want to keep their fave ‘punching bag’ near to keep abusing.
It sounds like they suddenly (are you the oldest btw..?) realized their kid IS about to be an adult, and maybe either had a conversation about it that triggered the change in behavior or just both are subconsciously (or consciously) panicking a little and worrying that you’re not ready to be independent but they aren’t quite sure of how to do a good job of going about dealing with their worries/feelings. Not all parents are cut out to be the best parents, and even those who ARE pretty good parents, not all of them have the most logical ways of approaching parenting when they aren’t sure of what to do. It does sound like they are having some (unfounded) trust issues with you getting older, and aren’t doing the best job of balancing the way they treat the little kid they raised with the adult they’re about to have to form a different type of relationship with as you start making your own life choices.
Maybe some serious deep heart to heart conversations need to be had, and I hope they’re good at communicating and LISTENING to you. Might be a sensitive topic after this last talk you guys had, but good communication (and trust) going forward are absolutely necessary from all parties if they hope to maintain a good relationship with you once you aren’t obligated to be their little kid anymore.
January is very soon, you DO have the right to make a lot of decisions when you’re 18. If you want to move out when you graduate and get some space from this sort of thing, start planning for it financially.
NTA, you’re also the tip of the spear for your siblings in managing parental expectations. I got into a lot of trouble for staying out late. My younger sisters said it made it easier for them to stay out later when they got to my age 🙂
Most things are not worth arguing over, so just say sorry. and move on.
They’re terrified of losing control of you. They want to make you feel incompetent so you’ll let them continue to treat you as a child.