I (27F) dated Jacob (28M) from the ages of 17 to 21. He was talking about proposing to me and I mentioned it to my sister (28F) who was like my best friend our whole lives since we only have a 14 month age gap. Her reaction at the time made me question stuff because she got angry when I mentioned it to her. But she played it off as she didn’t want him to take me from her and how things would change between us if I got married then.
Turns out my instincts had been right and a couple of months after we got engaged I caught the two of them together. I ended my relationship with Jacob and told my sister I wanted nothing to do with her ever again. She asked for my forgiveness and said we needed to talk it out because we were sisters first and I told her she was dead to me for doing that to me. And I told her I hoped she’d get everything she deserved with Jacob.
The two of them dated ever since but broke up three months ago because Jacob cheated on her. He cheated with three of her friends and random women he picked up at bars. She only found out because her friends who slept with him were diagnosed with chlamydia and they told her and then she found out she had it.
I didn’t talk to her or see her around that time but my brothers told me about it and they told me how she’d wanted my contact info but they refused to give it since they knew I wouldn’t want to talk to her. When my parents and I talked about it I said my stance on her had not changed.
I have moved on and I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years now. But my sister’s betrayal cuts deeper than Jacob’s. He was just a boy but she was my sister and my best friend and she stabbed me in the back and lied to me and expected me to just accept her and Jacob and be happy for them. My boyfriend knows the whole sordid thing.
I had successfully avoided my sister until Saturday when she showed up at our grandparents house for a family lunch and she tried to talk to me. I ignored her for the first half but then during our actual lunch she kept trying to talk to me and she talked about what she’d been through with Jacob and the stress and worry she had over the STI he’d given her. She asked me if I couldn’t agree to put what she did in the past and move on because she had needed me a lot these last three months and I refused to talk to her. She asked me if she hadn’t been punished enough. I told her she got what she had coming to her and I wasn’t going to forget about it just because he cheated on her too. I said she was still dead to me and would forever be. She started to cry and asked why I couldn’t forgive her and she told me she loved me. I told her she had the worst way of showing it and she didn’t get to take back her actions just because she got hurt in the end. I said it didn’t erase what she did to me. Then I told her to be thankful she wasn’t engaged like I had been.
My grandparents told me I was saying awful things and they tried to force reconciliation on me so I left. But even after I left they called to chew me out over the things I said. They told me nobody deserves what happened to her (the STI) and I should have moved on enough to forgive her.
AITA?
Comments
It’s almost as if… actions have consequences 🤷♀️
NTA. Karma’s a bitch
I think it would have been great if you could forgive her, but I wouldn’t be able to do it, either. She got what she deserved – from him, and from you.
Betray your flesh-and-blood for a fucking man. Pathetic,
You don’t have to forget or forgive betrayal hurts.good thing you found out before marriage.karma is real.
LMAO!! I would have laughed so hard I’d have got hiccups after she got the clap. She is a walking talking example of FAFO
NTA. She betrayed you in the worst way. You may find it in your heart to forgive her somewhat someday, but I don’t see how your feelings toward her will ever be the same, since she broke your trust. You’re grandparents are out of line. At least chlamydia is treatable.
NTA – if he hadn’t cheated, they’d still be together.
Karma. She is swift and she is effective.
NTA.
She reached the find out part of FAFO and was all surprised pikachu face. Almost as if she never heard the expression “If he’ll cheat with you he’ll cheat on you”.
NTA. Actions have consequences. You’re under no obligation to forgive someone who betrayed you at such a deep level, just because they finally got to see what it feels like. That doesn’t erase your pain, and it doesn’t mean you owe her a relationship now.
NTA
Karma. She chose to cheat and be with a cheater and got pikachu-faced when the affair partner position got open.
NTA trust once broken is very hard to fix.
Also I remember reading someone else on reddit that how you get them is how you lose them.
I’d buy a t-shirt that says KARMA in scarlet letters & wear it to every family function until she stops talking to me & the family drops their attempts at patching things up.
NTA
You are NTA. You were both young and she betrayed you with your fiancee, who betrayed you with your own sister. Now the creep betrayed her as well. She learned a very tough life lesson and lost her best friend, you. I understand why you cut her out of your life. Forgiveness is about loving yourself and not holding on to the pain she caused you. Let it go. It doesn’t mean you are condoning her actions. Maybe one day you will be able to have a friendship again, after you heal from the hurt she caused you. I wish you a beautiful life going forward.
Once again, the dildo of consequences rarely comes lubed. Your sister deserves what she got. Everyone can piss off, including your grandparents. Not their call. NTA
NTA but let me guess your sister is your grandparents favorite? Because your brothers know where you stand & even your parents after they gave it the old college try dropped it because they know what your sister did to you was foul especially since you were ENGAGED to the pos.
Your sister & grandparents need to realize you got cheated on for who knows how long by your sister who was also your best friend she got cheated on with randos & 3 of her so called friends she deserved her parting gift from him. And if he didn’t burn her friends she would’ve never known. The day she forgives all of her friends you would “consider” sitting in the same room as her.
NTA.
Just because it blew up in her face, it doesn’t mean she’s absolved of choosing a loser over her relationship with her own sister.
Even IF you did forgive her doesn’t mean that you automatically trust her again or that she can waltz into your life like nothing happened. I never understood people who speaks for the one at fault and expect the victim to just let it go. You got stapped in the back by your own sister and people act like she is the one bleeding. The audacity is frightening and your sister is pathetic coming to you for sympathy. Good on you for standing up for your self, girl. Keep your peace and fuck those who doesn’t serve and respect that peace.
r/OhNoConsequences
So what are you going to do about your grandparents?
NTA and you don’t have to forgive anyone. The closest person to you betrayed you in the worst way. She never deserves forgiveness and she’ll just have to live with the consequences of her actions for the rest of her life.
Are you really talking about about STI’s in front of the whole family, while you’re eating?
Nta but, it would be best to forgive her. Don’t tell her that. Don’t let her in your life, don’t ever trust her again. But forgive her in your heart so YOU can let it go. Let her stew. Forgiving and forgetting are two different things. Never forget that she can’t be trusted.
Oh would you look at that! It’s the consequences of her own actions!
Those have a way of finding you.
I sincerely hope your brothers are still on your side, and not joining your grandparents in their pity forgiveness crusade. Nobody deservse an STI?
How about nobody deserves to be cheated on by their partner with their own sibling?
NTA
You’re not the asshole, because you haven’t done anything to betray family and love.
Also, I want to congratulate you, if you had stayed with Jacob, you probably would have ended up catching chlamydia, he is not a good partner.
NTA.
Good on you for not giving in to “being the better person” (which you are, since you cut clean ties and were not being petty or revengeful afterwards!)
STI risk is high when there is cheating going on. Your sister was hit square in the face with karma. Bravo! NTA, of course!
What’s your parents and brothers exactly stand here they still take to her normal or what and are you planing to cut your grandparents out
Nope. Getting her just deserts doesn’t magically undo the betrayal.
I don’t know what to say about you forgiving her ( probably you shouldn’t and you have every right ) but reading this and seeing that she finally got fucked with her poor choices actually puts relive to my mind.
NTA
Nta updateme
Keep her far away from your current boyfriend so she doesn’t try to steal him as well.
NTA
You let her know you felt and this lil Jacob is one nasty pos
The audacity of saying ‘nobody deserves what happened to her’, but they’re obviously not bothered about you not deserving what she did to you.
NTA. I’d have laughed in her face at wanting my sympathy. Lost him how she got him. Thought she was special and it was worth destroying her own best friend/sister’s happiness and it turns out, no, dude is just a disloyal tramp. So is she. Glad you’ve washed your hands of her.
Ask your grandma how she’d feel if grandpa stepped out on her with her best friend/sister/cousin and then they started a whole relationship and expected her to ‘forgive and forget’.
“You lose them how you get them”
She can’t have loved you that much because she was perfectly happy to continue dating the guy and avoiding you.
The only thing that’s changed here is her relationship status. And that she dislikes being lonely so wants to mend things.
NTA
Karma strikes again
By any chance, is your sister’s name Karma?
NTA. Nobody deserves what happened to her, and certainly, nobody deserves the betrayal she inflicted on you.
NTA – she conveniently forgot about “sisters being first” when she tripped and fell onto your ex’s 🍆 for the last six years or so. You have every right to cut her out of your life and your grandparents should recognize that in addition to the fact that your sister kept pressing you until you snapped. What did she think was going to happen? “Oh! I’m so sorry that douchenozzle slept around and I forgive you!”
You choose th behaviou, you choose the consequences. Sis chose, sis got.
The position of mistress became vacant when they became a couple, what did she expected?
Oh, I guess she thought she was “special”
Would she have been sorry if he didn’t cheat on her?
Nta. Just because she is sorry, doesn’t mean you have to spend time with her. There are boundaries which siblings should not cross. Sleeping with your siblings partner is one of those.
She got more than she wanted, now feels sorry for herself.. stick to your morals and leave her in the bin
What’s the saying? If they do it for you, they’ll do it to you…
Sucks to be your sister. Cheated on and left dumped with an STI. Not your problem though. Gotta live with the consequences of the choices you make in life. NTA
NTA FAFO You sister is trash. She betrayed her own sister. Funny how people will take her side. I would go NC with her and anyone who said I should forgive her.
Updateme!
She got what she deserved. Nta
You’re mot the AH. Your sister betrayed you badly, and just because she got hurt too doesn’t mean you have to forgive her. Her pain doesm’t erase what she did. You set a boundary, and your famiky shouldn’t force you to move on before you’re ready.
NTA.
She knew he was a cheater, she knew what she was getting into.
Updateme
NTA- it’s called KARMA!!
She loved you. But she stayed with your ex for another six years? Way to show her love for you. Then she only ends things with him because a known cheater cheated on her.
But now she expects you to feel sorry for her and to support her? How much sympathy and support did she give you when she slept with the guy you were thinking about getting engaged to?
Tell your grandparents that you will never come over when she is present and to stay in their lane. You don’t owe your sister forgiveness.
NTA
NTA, not ONE BIT!! She knew exactly what she was doing the whole time and didn’t care just like now. The only reason that she’s coming crying to now is because she’s the one getting hurt. Beware of her she’s a snake and that hasn’t changed one bit….
NTA. Definitely not your circus! 🤡
NTA
Your sister hurt you and she doesn’t get to decide whether or not she is worthy of forgiveness. It isn’t about being “punished” enough or not, it has nothing to do with anything she has been through, due to her own actions. It’s about the loss of trust, more importantly it was betrayal and calculated manipulation over time. She had a choice and she said fuck you.
Tell anyone in your family that defends her they are walking a fine line in your life as well. Good luck OP!
She literally, quite literally FAFO. In the worst way possible. So NTA.
NTA
NTA
> But she played it off as she didn’t want him to take me from her and how things would change between us if I got married then.
I know she was lying, but even now, she seems to think it was his fault that you aren’t close. She isn’t taking responsibility for her actions. As if it was only him that hurt you and she was just a bystander.
How many of her friends will still be in her life after they cheated with him?
By the way, ex is the absolute worst. The way that he cheats on people with people they are close to and leaves biological gifts behind. But she chose him, knowing that he was fine with justifying sleeping with two sisters and even after he proposed to you. That takes a special kind of messed up.
NTA it’s exactly as you said her betrayal is a far worse crime than his. While his cheating is downright despicable, what your former sister did is unforgivable.
NTA. She chose him over you and now thinks that she should get a pass because he cheated again? The only thing you did wrong was not leave immediately when she walked in.
NTA updateme
NTA – Your grandparent’s are though.
No one deserves an STI, but you deserve to have your fiance run off with your sister. Not just a ONs, but she fully ran off with him.
Fuck her and all her supporters right out of your life.
NTA