I’m an amateur photographer and have done 5 shoots for my friend over the past year or so. She recently asked me to do another shoot for her (newborn shoot) but I just don’t feel I have the capacity. I explained this but gave options at first because I felt bad (chill shoot, edit much later), but then realized I don’t have it in me atm so I followed up saying I couldn’t. I feel badly as it’s a newborn shoot and she explained she can’t afford an actual photographer, but I’m so burnt out that I’ve been putting my own goals and self care on the back burner for months. We also don’t hangout outside of these events and have had a bit of a tumultuous relationship. I feel like I’m being taken advantage of a bit. Am I the asshole for saying no?
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I’m an amateur photographer and have done 5 shoots for my friend over the past year or so. She recently asked me to do another shoot for her (newborn shoot) but I just don’t feel I have the capacity. I explained this but gave options at first because I felt bad (chill shoot, edit much later), but then realized I don’t have it in me atm so I followed up saying I couldn’t. I feel badly as it’s a newborn shoot and she explained she can’t afford an actual photographer, but I’m so burnt out that I’ve been putting my own goals and self care on the back burner for months. We also don’t hangout outside of these events and have had a bit of a tumultuous relationship. I feel like I’m being taken advantage of a bit. Am I the asshole for saying no?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Saying no to doing my friend’s newborn shoot after saying yes when she has said she can’t afford a professional photographer.
2. She doesn’t have the finances to hire a professional, is a first time mom and has been having a tough time, and I originally said yes and then said no. Capturing those memories is important to her.
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NTA – Your hobby does not make you owe her this. Look after yourself.
NTA.
You have a choice about which photoshoots you want to do and which you don’t. If you feel like you can’t do one, even if it’s for a friend, there’s no reason to feel bad about that. Photography should be something you love, not something you’re obligated to do for lesser payment for friends.
NTA Trust your gut; it’s usually right. If you’re feeling as though you’re being taken advantage, then you likely are. Prioritizing your own needs in this situation does not make you an AH.
As an amateur photog, I stopped doing zero-fee shoots for friends and family a while back – pretty much as soon as it became assumed that I would make myself available, or that the friend was just looking for “free”.
Your friend has made it clear what your value is, and it’s not the friendship.
NTA.
You’re not the AH. Burnout is real, and saying yes when you have nothing left to give would just make you resent her. Your time and energy have value, even if you’re not charging
NTA. You have already done some shoots for her. It’s ok to request a fee or in-kind contribution to compensate your time and effort.
She can also develop some skills herself, and learn done techniques from YouTube for settings and poses that will help her get great shots. Some very lovely baby photos are taken by new mothers!
NTA, your friend should understand you’re not her personal photographer
NTA. You need to take care of yourself first. If she can’t afford a newborn shoot, then she just doesn’t have professional newborn photos. It’s not going to kill her.
It doesn’t sound as though you’re actually friends. You only see her when you’re doing free photo shoots for her?? NTA but be a bit more discerning about who you hand out favours to, and how you define a friendship.
You are never TA for saying no because if self care. Your time and talents are yours to own and use as you see fit. Anyone who tries to exploit or coerce them from you ( especially for free!) can be shut down guilt free. Takes a special kind of entitlement for people to think they are “letting you” give time energy and goods with no appreciation, just because they have a need and you can supply them.
Vultures, the lot of them. Shut down the service. If you offer someone a special circumstance or if you let yourself be hired? Cool. But don’t feel guilty not letting you be exploited and taken advantage of. It will effect the quality of your work anyways, so you are saving them inferior results 😉
NTA.
Newborn shoots are pretty specialist, and she could end up disappointed with what you do, and then would likely accuse you of doing a less than 100% job deliberately. So if you do it, you’re on a hiding to nothing.
So stick to your guns, say you don’t have experience doing newborn shoots so you’ve got to say no. And just keep repeating that. Thing is, she wants a professional (expensive!) job done without paying for it and she’d go off on whatever you did.
NTA. You’re only human and you need time to yourself to rest and relax