For some background, me (15f) and my older sister (30f) never really had a relationship, because my dad got custody of me when i was 2 and i moved to live with him, rarely seeing my older sister who lived with our mom while i was growing up.
Now to the present, shes always been unable to take care of herself like a “regular” adult should. Now im not saying this to put her down or anything, its just the truth. Without my mom watching her and practically rasing her all over again, shes unable to function, keep a job down, not wreck apartments, basically, not become homeless. Shes gone to a physiologist and she was only diagnosed with depression and ADD which shes on medication for, because for a long time my mom was sure she had something seriously wrong. Before our mom cracked down and started hovering over her, she had never called or texted and only reached out when she was in super deep shit (She had been homeless twice and the reason my mom found out was because some guy found her. But if he hadnt done that then she wouldve died out there before she told our mom. Just an example). The reason she moved back to our state was because she got fired from her old job and now my parents (mom and stepdad) do everything for her. In the span of a year, they had found her an apartment, she ruined it, completely and utterly trashed it, and got evicted. Their last resort was full on purchasing a trailer for her and forcing her to job search till she found one at a mc Donalds like she was some teenager. They drive her to and from work everyday (she doesnt have a license, by choice), and they do errands for her. They brought her to therapy to try and help her get better and fix her ways but she stopped going, and obviously since shes an adult they cant make her.
Today they were discussing puting her trailer in the backyard so they dont have to pay the campsite she stays at anymore and its a little less driving back and forth from her job and back. Somehow it turned into my stepdad making a comment about how when they die im gonna be the one taking care of her. He was serious. For some reason i just scoffed instead of letting it go and i basically said along the lines of “no way. Im definitely not gonna do that.” My mom gave me a disappointed look like IM the one in the wrong, and not them for continuing to be her saftey net even as they are struggling financially because of it. She doesnt want to help herself and theres nothing they can do about it. But it cant be expected of me to have to do the same thing they are. So aita for being adamant on not helping out in the future if something happens.
Comments
Well it kinda goes both ways, if she is currently going under a depression it’s not really her fault she doesn’t wanna do anything about it. I mean, a depression is difficult and it’s tough. Still, to get out of the depression you gotta try and do something the medication only will not cure it. So, she has do so something and not expect everyone else to everything for her true.
Your mom is a great person taking so much care for her, even if she is still this age. So if she asks if you could do it when something happens to her, then do it for your mom I would say. Your mom wants the best for the both of you, she wants her daughter to get out of this depression and she wants you to be happy I can assure you that. So like helping your sister would make your mother happy, if you don’t wanna do it for your sister do it for your mom you get me?
NTA.
I get that she’s your sister, but you have a life of your own to live and the fact your parents seriously expect you to put yourself in the role of a full time unpaid caretaker is ridiculous.
It sounds like your sister may have other neurological issues that would benefit her by having her live in a group home.
Why would you have to take care of her when you have a brother?
/r/AITAH ● /u/Educational_Value665 ● Tue Feb 18 2025 15:05:25 GMT-0500 [See on Reddit]
AITAH for making my dad feel bad about not being able to afford to go to my brothers wedding
Our parents got divorced when i (f15) was 2 and my brother was (m25)
Also YTA for these posts and really need mental help
/r/AITAH ● /u/Educational_Value665 ● Wed Feb 19 2025 12:52:05 GMT-0500 [See on Reddit]
AITAH for being unempathetic towards my sisters attempt
my sister (f28)
AITAH ● /u/Educational_Value665 ● Tue Mar 11 2025 08:20:38 GMT-0400 [See on Reddit]
AITA for accidentally “laughing” when my stepmoms, mom died
Nta you don’t owe her anything you’re not responsible for taking care of her bc she can’t take care of herself. If it’s due to mental illness maybe she should look into a long term residential facility
Your sister needs a little less ‘hovering’ and a lot more ‘adulting.’ Maybe she should start taking notes from the ‘How to Adult’ handbook instead of expecting you to do it all for her.
NTA
NTA If you were like me at 15, you’ve got a lot of hopes and dreams about what the future may hold. I doubt being the caretaker for your sister is in any them.
I think your mom needs to get a second opinion. This is a pretty extreme level of dysfunction. The ultimate goal would be to get your sister stabilized so that she can function and care for herself. And that may involve your mom gaining guardianship over your sister so that therapy is not optional.
NTA. She’s not your child, she’s your slacker sibling. There’s a huge difference.
NTA. Your sister has some serious issues that need to be addressed. That isn’t your responsibility. She has grown accustomed to your mom bailing her out. Adulthood sucks.
She needs less enabling and maybe a ass whooping as long as they take care of her she will be a bum she is NOT your problem
NTA. In the future when this remark is made, just ignore it and say nothing. Once you hit 18 they can say it all they want but it never makes it true. You seem quite smart and likely already know this, but saying nothing in this circumstance is your friend. Good luck.
NTA – just keep quiet about your intentions
No
Who cares what they think, they’ll be dead.
NTA
It’s not “if” your parents die, it’s “when.” They need a plan. They should talk to an estate attorney.
Wait, I thought you lived with your dad. How can your mom do anything about it. You are a minor. If she ever tries to make you her guardian in the future, just refuse. At 15, she can’t do anything, especially if you are living with your dad.
NTA
it’s your life, not an obligation. if you dont want to take on that responsibility, that’s completely valid. it sucks if your parents just assumed you would, but that’s not a decision they get to make for you. better to be honest now than resentful later
Does your mom drink? Or used to drink? Sister could have FAS. Adults with FAS can really struggle through life and depending on the severity can be pretty incapable of self care.
NAH but your parents should be looking into getting her diagnosed with whatever real disability she has and getting her into a supportive living situation.
Not your problem.
Sounds like she has more wrong with her than ADD and depression. This sounds like a serious mental illness.
If the diagnosis was over 10 years ago, she should be seeing someone for a new one.
Your mom should definitely do that.
BUT – it isn’t on you to take care of another adult.
NTA – You said in the past your sister would only ever get in touch when she’s in deep shit. Maybe she got so used to your mother saving her that one day she just thought “fuck it” and completely gave up so she could live the easy life by having people do everything for her. This is called weaponized incompetence since there’s nothing really wrong with her.
Your mother and stepfather’s expectations of you is unrealistic and unfair. What if they were to get in a car accident tomorrow and didn’t make it? Are they expecting you a MINOR to look after a grown ass woman in her 30’s when in situations like this it should be the other way round? They need to stop helping her and let her learn to really live on her own two feet.
What does your dad think about all this?
She belongs in a group home. Probably not feasible with a lack of diagnoses but sounds like she would do best there. She may have a low iq or slow cognitive function. A full neurology exam would tell.
Sis needs to be evaluated again and the diagnosis revised as necessary.
As regard to therapy—it’s ok to not click with a therapist.
That doesn’t mean all therapy is useless. She can try working with a new one that she may like more
Doesn’t matter the reason. Could be your sibling has a “legitimate” issue that requires that she has care. You have to do what fulfills you. Only when are you fulfilled are you in the space where you can make clear headed decisions.
NTA your sister has a mom & dad, their problem to resolve her future without you if you choose that. Saying no is setting your boundaries & totally acceptable. I was asked something similar with my older brother, and I replied no. I refused to fix his stuff ups & bail him out for the rest of my life.
WTF is wrong with them? They better put her in some assisted living or a halfway house, who wants to deal with that nonsense?
NTA
It doesn’t matter what anyone says. You have the right of refusal and you are not legally required to do a thing. So, move forward with that peace and make a life of your own.
NTA