My husband and I got a puppy the other day, well I did, my husband said I could get a puppy if I wanted to so I’ve paid for her and for everything she needs so technically she’s mine but anyway.. since we’ve got her he’s completely taken over with everything. I can barely get a cuddle with her until he starts looking like a jealous child. He attends to her throughout the night, cleans up her messes, feeds her, everything. Even though I tell him I’d like to be able to do that for her sometimes he just insist on doing it because I’m “busy being a mum and house chores” even though I reminded him continuously I was the one that wanted the dog and paid for her, I’m well prepared for her.
Anyway, I ended up snapping and saying “you literally love this dog more than your own daughter” he doesn’t work, and still he spends NO time with our daughter, his idea of spending time with her is a 10 minute interaction calling her beautiful and what not.
He doesn’t feed her, he doesn’t change her, he doesn’t get up throughout the night if she wakes up. I swear in the year we’ve had her he’s had to change he 3 times and refused to do it again unless he REALLY has to. He doesn’t even like waking up to quickly heat her up a bottle and give it to her if she wakes up.
I do everything with our daughter.
He told me “how dare you say that who the hell says that, what’s wrong with you?! Of course I love my daughter more than a dog” but I responded with “you literally do more with this puppy in the 3 days we’ve had her than you have the whole year our daughter has been born” of course he got defensive and denied everything. It was like talking to a brick wall.
I’m not saying I don’t think he doesn’t love his daughter but he is so lazy when it comes to her but he thinks I’m wrong for what I said.
So AITA?
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My husband and I got a puppy the other day, well I did, my husband said I could get a puppy if I wanted to so I’ve paid for her and for everything she needs so technically she’s mine but anyway.. since we’ve got her he’s completely taken over with everything. I can barely get a cuddle with her until he starts looking like a jealous child. He attends to her throughout the night, cleans up her messes, feeds her, everything. Even though I tell him I’d like to be able to do that for her sometimes he just insist on doing it because I’m “busy being a mum and house chores” even though I reminded him continuously I was the one that wanted the dog and paid for her, I’m well prepared for her.
Anyway, I ended up snapping and saying “you literally love this dog more than your own daughter” he doesn’t work, and still he spends NO time with our daughter, his idea of spending time with her is a 10 minute interaction calling her beautiful and what not.
He doesn’t feed her, he doesn’t change her, he doesn’t get up throughout the night if she wakes up. I swear in the year we’ve had her he’s had to change he 3 times and refused to do it again unless he REALLY has to. He doesn’t even like waking up to quickly heat her up a bottle and give it to her if she wakes up.
I do everything with our daughter.
He told me “how dare you say that who the hell says that, what’s wrong with you?! Of course I love my daughter more than a dog” but I responded with “you literally do more with this puppy in the 3 days we’ve had her than you have the whole year our daughter has been born” of course he got defensive and denied everything. It was like talking to a brick wall.
I’m not saying I don’t think he doesn’t love his daughter but he is so lazy when it comes to her but he thinks I’m wrong for what I said.
So AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Because I was angry when I said it so I feel like I may have said something out of line in anger and my husband says I was in the wrong for saying what I said so I’m curious to see what others think.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
He doesn’t work? And you still have to take care of yourself daughter, pretty much full time? I am sorry you’re going through this. NTA
I’m Sorry but if this were me I’d return the puppy. This isn’t going to get any better. NTA
NTA. The numbers don’t lie. More minutes with that puppy in three days than with the daughter all year. That’s pathetic. Not that he loves the puppy, which is fine. But that he’s neglecting the daughter.
NTA. He needs to be spending more time with his daughter, who is an actual human being. The dog is yours and he is spending lots of attention to the dog and not the human that is both of yours. He needs to do more than take care of something that was meant for you and instead take care of the thing meant for both of you.
YTA. There are many better ways to discuss division of labor in the household than insulting each other.
A one year-old and a puppy not a good combination. Both need a lot of attention. Someone needs to train that puppy so its safe around the 1 year. And some one needs to teach the one-year old how to be safe around the puppy. Both need potty training, feeding, and pickup on top of love and affection.
Not sure why you wanted a puppy where it seems you already were overwhelmed by the one-year-old’s care.
NTA. He doesn’t work, doesn’t help care for your child, and is trying to steal your dog. Why are you with this guy?
Who the hell brings the money in
Let’s get this clear: you live with your deadbeat husband who doesn’t work and doesn’t parent, and your 1yo. You are struggling to keep up with your current responsibilities, and you have a just-getting-mobile toddler in the house.
And you decided to add a puppy to this mess.
Puppies and toddlers are not a good mix.
Adding the burden of puppy care and puppy training to a household that’s already not functioning is not a good choice.
ESH except the toddler and the puppy. You’re both parents, it’s time to act like adults.
He doesn’t work and he ignores his child. It’s kind of odd that the issue you choose to post about is the puppy.
You and your husband are adversaries not partners. You have bigger problems than a puppy.
YTA.
Who works in the household?
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YTA. Why do y’all keep marrying these men.
You are only mad at him now because you are jealous of how much he loves this puppy? You never confronted him about the lack of love and care he showed his child but now that he’s taking the puppy’s attention from you you complain? YTA
I don’t know what’s with people…I had two kids under 3 and a puppy…sure it was crazy…but awesome crazy. lol…Her issue isn’t with the baby or dog…its with the husband. Tell him to either get with the program or hit the road. Doesn’t work, doesn’t attend to daughter, and no doubt doesn’t do much housework either I’m guessing. NTA. He needs to do more than puppy sit.
EHS why have you not already had discussions with this man about his lack of participation in the house care and child rearing? Your daughter is only going to become more and more aware of her dad’s lack of attention and interest. It sounds like he’s a stay at home partner right now. What you said wasn’t wrong but this should have been a serious and calm conversation months ago.
This cannot be real. If you really got a puppy, while you have a baby, you did not think.
Babies need constant attention. Obviously. Puppies need constant watching, or crating, while in the house. When a puppy starts to ‘go’, you have to pick it up and run outside so it learns to eliminate outside. Then what happens to the baby??
Also, getting any pet needs to be a family/couple decision. You don’t just go out and “buy a puppy so it’s mine”.
Again. This cannot be real. If so, it’s bananas.
NTA, but seriously, why be in a relationship like this where his actions are screaming louder than his words? If you separated, he’d only be given access to his daughter, not your dog. How do you think he’d react to that?