I don’t know where to start from but anyway, My brother and I 33M were suer close growing up, but over the years I’ve noticed how controlling he is with his wife
And i also feel like it’s none of my business, but then she’s reached out to me a few times about how’s She’s not allowed to work, has no social media, and needs to “check in” constantly when she’s out. He says it’s “traditional,” but it feels like control. I tried to talk to him about it a very polite manner but he quickly shushed me.
And then a few months ago, saying she felt trapped. I encouraged her to talk to him, but he brushed her off. Eventually, she asked if I could help her find a job and a place to stay. I paid for a temporary rental and helped her quietly land a remote job under my name so my brother wouldn’t find out.
Two weeks ago, she timed him and moved out while he was at work. He was furious and said i betrayed him and I was disloyal to him when he found out I was involved, said I “destroyed his marriage” and “betrayed blood.” Our parents are split: mom says I saved her, dad says I broke up a family.
I know I went behind his back, but I couldn’t watch her live like a prisoner.
AITA?
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I don’t know where to start from but anyway, My brother and I 33M were suer close growing up, but over the years I’ve noticed how controlling he is with his wife
And i also feel like it’s none of my business, but then she’s reached out to me a few times about how’s She’s not allowed to work, has no social media, and needs to “check in” constantly when she’s out. He says it’s “traditional,” but it feels like control. I tried to talk to him about it a very polite manner but he quickly shushed me.
And then a few months ago, saying she felt trapped. I encouraged her to talk to him, but he brushed her off. Eventually, she asked if I could help her find a job and a place to stay. I paid for a temporary rental and helped her quietly land a remote job under my name so my brother wouldn’t find out.
Two weeks ago, she timed him and moved out while he was at work. He was furious and said i betrayed him and I was disloyal to him when he found out I was involved, said I “destroyed his marriage” and “betrayed blood.” Our parents are split: mom says I saved her, dad says I broke up a family.
I know I went behind his back, but I couldn’t watch her live like a prisoner.
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I understand. The action I took was secretly helping my brother’s wife leave him — I gave her a place to stay, helped her get a job, and kept it hidden from him.
The conflict is between me and my brother — he feels completely betrayed, says I ruined his marriage, and now refuses to speak to me. Our parents are also divided, so the fallout has affected the whole family.
I know I went behind his back, so I’m asking if helping someone I believed was in a toxic situation — even if it meant betraying my own brother — makes me the ass
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, you did what you thought was best
NTA.
You (and the wife) only acted behind his back after multiple attempts of talking to him and him ignoring the problem.
He’s the one who destroyed his family, regardless whether he’ll ever admit it or not.
NTA
He destroyed his marriage and broke up his family.
NTA. You saved her. You’re a good person.
Is your mom happy in her marriage?
NTA
NTA, you saved her from an abusive marriage. He was abusing her and controlling her and was the one to cause this.
NTA. You did the right thing
NTA
Good work!
NTA. If your mum said that, you know you were right.
NTA, that isn’t marriage, that’s basically slavery. I’d advise you to tell his wife not not just file for divorce, but file a restraining order on him. Also if he starts dating again, I’d warn his partners about this thing until he wises up.
Your mom is right and it sounds like your dad taught your brother how to abuse women.
You did the right thing, never doubt this!!!
NTA – he ruined his own marriage, not you!!!
How do you get a remote job for someone under your name? Legit employment requires a SSN for a W2.
It breaks my heart to hear your mother say you saved her, because she’s right. The need for control never eases, only gets more powerful
You helping your SIL not only could have and most likely did save her life, but also showed her it’s not men to blame – it’s your brother. You’ve helped her not lose all trust and that isn’t something you can put a value on.
As for your dad, tell him this marriage was always going to break. How do you know? Centuries of domestic violence. It never ends with both parties growing old together. This way it ends without one party in jail and the other in the ground. You didn’t break up a family.
You absolutely saved her. Good job. I wish there were more people like you, when we are abused, we have no clue who’s safe. I was brushed off so many times. You absolutely did the right thing.
NTA!!!!! You did the right thing !!! Thank you!!
NTA you saved her from best case scenario a miserable life, but more likely you saved her life. I’m betting your dad is the same as your brother and that’s why he supports him
You’re good. You did the right thing.
Absolutely NOT the asshole.
Only read the caption, and have to let you know that my uncle helped my mom divorce his own older brother. It was THAT BAD, not like the lazy divorces now.
My uncle did the right thing, especially in my sister’s and my eyes (back then as kids and now full grown adults STILL feel the same). He did a GOAT move for our safety.
NTA.
NTA. You’re a good person. Keep her safe.
>He was furious and said i betrayed him and I was disloyal to him when he found out I was involved, said I “destroyed his marriage” and “betrayed blood.” Our parents are split: mom says I saved her, dad says I broke up a family.
NTA – she wanted to leave. Do your brother and father support holding women against their will? Slavery?
Does your brother want to stay in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to be with him?
Your brother broke up his family by controlling his wife the way that he did. NTA. You need to be proud of yourself for helping her to get away from him. Especially since he’s your brother. That she felt safe reaching out to you for help? That shows what kind of person you are. The kind that everyone needs. ❤️❤️❤️
Do Not Feel Anything But Pride in yours and her.. This took strength on both of your parts.
You’re a hero. You rescued a captive
NTA you stood up and did what was right. You were 100% correct that his behaviour is controlling and abusive.
The only person that ruined his marriage was him.
You did exactly the right thing. NTA in any way.
However, I think it’s now time to have a frank discussion with your mother about how she feels in her marriage.
NTA just think of it as saving your bro from jail.
Your mom’s comment is pretty telling of her marriage. You did the right thing.
All these fake posts have the same format, can be spotted a mile away
NTA.
If it hasn’t already escalated to physical abuse, it was going to. We already have financial and emotional abuse in evidence. You did the right thing in the face of people who would rather you didn’t. Traditional = “wife is property” in your brother’s case, it seems.
Well your brother is right. You betrayed him and you are not loyal to him. AND I think that’s a good thing. Hope she gets to live her life now. NTA