I (30s, F) have a young son, Asher, who has significant challenges with food due to autism. His eating habits aren’t just “picky”—they’re tied to how he processes the world. It’s something we’ve been working through with professionals, and it causes me a lot of stress and anxiety. I cry over it multiple times a week.
My cousin Kelsey and I were close, but over time, our conversations around food became really triggering. She would often send photos of her child eating healthy meals, make comments about how certain foods are “gross” or “bad” (foods Asher eats, like Goldfish), and send me suggestions or tips that—while maybe well-intentioned—came across as passive advice that I didn’t ask for. One time Asher was eating Goldfish and she casually mentioned she read they’re a leading cause of cavities. Stuff like that adds up when you’re already emotionally overwhelmed.
After talking to my therapist, I decided to set a boundary. I messaged her to say that food is a hard subject for me, and I’d prefer not to talk about it anymore. I made it clear it wasn’t about her—it was about my own anxiety and what I’m going through with Asher. I even said I was embarrassed to admit how hard it’s been, and I just wanted to avoid the topic to protect my mental health.
She didn’t take it well. She said maybe they just “shouldn’t come around anymore,” and when I tried to clarify that I wasn’t blaming her and that I valued our relationship, she doubled down and said she was distancing herself. I stayed calm, explained again that I wasn’t accusing her of anything, and that this boundary was about me—not her. But she cut things off completely.
I honestly didn’t expect this reaction. I wasn’t rude. I wasn’t attacking her. I set a personal boundary and was shut out over it.
I’ve been blocked for months.
So… AITA for setting a clear boundary about not wanting to talk about food—even if it made her uncomfortable?
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I (30s, F) have a young son, Asher, who has significant challenges with food due to autism. His eating habits aren’t just “picky”—they’re tied to how he processes the world. It’s something we’ve been working through with professionals, and it causes me a lot of stress and anxiety. I cry over it multiple times a week.
My cousin Kelsey and I were close, but over time, our conversations around food became really triggering. She would often send photos of her child eating healthy meals, make comments about how certain foods are “gross” or “bad” (foods Asher eats, like Goldfish), and send me suggestions or tips that—while maybe well-intentioned—came across as passive advice that I didn’t ask for. One time Asher was eating Goldfish and she casually mentioned she read they’re a leading cause of cavities. Stuff like that adds up when you’re already emotionally overwhelmed.
After talking to my therapist, I decided to set a boundary. I messaged her to say that food is a hard subject for me, and I’d prefer not to talk about it anymore. I made it clear it wasn’t about her—it was about my own anxiety and what I’m going through with Asher. I even said I was embarrassed to admit how hard it’s been, and I just wanted to avoid the topic to protect my mental health.
She didn’t take it well. She said maybe they just “shouldn’t come around anymore,” and when I tried to clarify that I wasn’t blaming her and that I valued our relationship, she doubled down and said she was distancing herself. I stayed calm, explained again that I wasn’t accusing her of anything, and that this boundary was about me—not her. But she cut things off completely.
I honestly didn’t expect this reaction. I wasn’t rude. I wasn’t attacking her. I set a personal boundary and was shut out over it.
I’ve been blocked for months.
So… AITA for setting a clear boundary about not wanting to talk about food—even if it made her uncomfortable?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> What I did: I asked my cousin Kelsey to avoid food-related conversations with me because they trigger severe anxiety tied to my son Asher’s feeding struggles. I explained it wasn’t about her personally, just a boundary I needed for my mental health.
Why I might be the asshole: Maybe I was too blunt or made her feel like she was being criticized when that wasn’t my intention. I mentioned taking anxiety meds after a recent convo, which she might’ve interpreted as blaming her—even though I clarified I wasn’t. She said she felt blamed and decided to cut off contact. I’m questioning if setting that boundary and being so open about my anxiety made me the asshole.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
Sounds like you approached the topic in a mature way. A normal empathetic person would’ve apologized for making you feel uncomfortable and accepted your terms.
NTA People are quick to block family anymore. She has not frame of reference for what you are going through and certainly wasn’t important enough for her to learn. Just because people are relatives doesn’t make them better than anyone else. Find your support system. One day, she will have a challenge like you are going through and she just might get it, but that is not today. Stop trying to hold onto someone who let you go.
Absolutely, NTA. Your request was more than reasonable, honest, and direct.
NTA. Kelsey’s response was unreasonable. I’d venture a guess she’s made a “healthy” lifestyle part of her personality or it’s unlikely she would have taken your boundary so personally. As someone who’s had a child in OT for sensory processing issues I understand you. Kelsey may have been unaware of what that truly looks like for a child and how hard that is on a parent, she’s not an AH for that. But she is an AH for her response to you informing her and for choosing to remain ignorant and unsupportive of what you’re going through when you set a reasonable boundary.
NTA. I think it really comes down to she doesn’t understand what having a child with autism means. Sending you pictures and making comments to about your son’s eating habits was out of line in my opinion. You sent a boundary that seems reasonable to me. IMO she knew what she was doing so the her unsolicited advice was passive aggressive.
I’m sorry she blocked you and you’re hurt. I hope someday if you want you can clear up this situation.
So now you know, she was doing it maliciously, and when you asked her to stop, she got upset that she couldn’t bully you any more.
NTA.
NTA. You set a reasonable boundary and were clear it was about you and your issues and NOT her. She responded quite poorly – that is on HER – NOT you. Honestly, I know this is hard, but I’ve dealt with family and friends like this – and it’s just not right. You deserve better. You are better off without her in your life at this point, as she will only cause you stress. Stay strong – you were valid in setting a reasonable boundary.
NTA. Some people who can’t respect boundaries react in a way that suggests they feel personally affronted. She didn’t like that you were setting healthy boundaries. I know it hurts, but if she keeps her distance for now it might be less painful than her violating your boundaries and you having to fight her on it every time you see her. Maybe by the time she gets in contact again you’ll feel less defensive and ready to stand up when she inevitably tries to suggest you’re doing things wrong again.
Well-adjusted people would apologise for overstepping, mentioning that they were just trying to help but they realise they were not helping, and then respect your boundaries.
Unpopular opinion, but NAH. Your boundary was reasonable. She cut herself off and now your boundary won’t be crossed.
NTA I’m autistic myself and you’ve completely done the right thing. The problem here is your cousin’s ignorance and lack of empathy and understanding
NTA, but I’m so stuck on the “Goldfish are the leading cause of cavities” comment. Girl what? Like, a national board of dentists sat down and authored multiple peer-reviewed studies on the effect goldfish crackers have on the teeth, and determined, by god, THESE are the culprits for cavities! Not the multi-factorial causes we already know about, no no, the tasty orange snack that smiles back must be banished!!!
In all seriousness, from that comment alone the cousin is one of those food purity people, and she wouldn’t leave OP alone even if her kid ate a pretty typical diet. It is weird that we have gotten to a point in human evolution that we are so well and safely fed that some people have decided we essentially must go backwards and starve ourselves and our children if a food or meal doesn’t pass a judgment test.
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NTA
Kelsey enjoyed putting you down and showing off like the better mother.
When you put your foot down you stopped being a source of daily dopamine for her.
NTA. Also if food is the *only* thing she is capable of discussing in a conversation you’re clearly better off.
Ehhh. You didn’t really set a boundary. You told her what to do (not talk about X with you).
A boundary is something YOU will do if a person does an action.
You’re not an AH, but what you did wasn’t a boundary
NTA. This was a reasonable request worded in a kind and non-accusatory way. I know this must be painful, but she is the problem. This is immature and invalidating at best, and, while it may not feel that way now, you have dodged a bullet. All the best to you and your son, who is lucky to have such a thoughtful and caring parent!
I’m thankful your son has you. I read like three sentences so far but I am 25f and I struggled with ARFID growing up before it was recognized as an eating disorder and I didn’t even learn what it was until I was around 19-20. It would’ve changed my entire relationship with food if I’d known about it beforehand and worked towards fixing my mental blocks with certain foods which I still have currently but am slowly working towards. I’ve never been diagnosed with anything but I knew the second I first read about it that I feel a lot of those things described. Don’t back down, boundaries are set for a reason, if someone can’t respect them it’s on them not you. You set it and cut out anyone who can’t respect your boundaries fr.
>she doubled down and said she was distancing herself
That’s because she wasn’t trying to be helpful. This was a way for her to insult you and put you down and you put an end to her fun. You are better off without this in your life.
NTA but neither is your cousin. While that was a perfectly reasonable thing in your eyes for her it was not. You have to respect her boundaries the same way you wanted her to respect yours.
My (now adult) son has food issues related to texture and other issues which made meals, especially with my MIL, challenging so I get where you’re coming from. However, even if your son is having major issues there are still healthy and unhealthy choices and maybe that is something your cousin just can’t look past.
Again, I do get it – there were enough battles to fight each day that I chose to make certain things, like food, not one of them.
NTA. You did nothing wrong. She is just a mean spirited individual who is pissed off that she can no longer be nasty. I’ve been in that type of boat with my son and his language development (also on the spectrum). I set a boundary and the relative respected it, because ::drum roll: she was a good egg, unlike your cousin.
NTA, and good riddance. You and Asher need supporters not bullies. Your cousin is the one who chose to throw a tantrum over your very reasonable boundary. Best just to ignore them.
My son is neurodivergent also, and also has particular eating habits and anxieties. I’d have set the same boundary you did.
NTA for all the reasons other commenters have said. I just want to add, as an autistic adult with food issues that have lessened over time, that things can change. Especially with help like you’re giving him, there is hope. He’s young. Non-autistic kids go through restricted food periods too and it’s documented that our senses of taste change over time.
And don’t forget yourself in all of this. Be gentle with yourself. Give yourself grace. Maybe talk to your therapist about finding a support group of parents in a similar situation. This internet stranger believes in you.
NTA
You are doing what your kid needs you to do, and you’re doing what you need to do for your own mental health. You set a perfectly reasonable boundary, and her cutting you off is completely unreasonable. I’m sorry you lost what you thought was a strong friendship, but she is not what you need in your life.
Guys this is so obviously AI 😀
good riddance. she sounds exhausting, i have no idea how you can tolerate her. i hate this woman and i’ve never met her.
nta.
I assume Your son has ARFID. It’s a lifelong condition that he will never grow out of. It’s hard AF to balance that with nutrition and you’re doing the best you can. She’s been a thief of happiness for both you and for your son, because I have no doubt he’s internalized some of the shit she’s spewed.
NTA. You’re good to be rid of her negativity.
NTA. Her problem. Don’t know what it is, but it’s her, not you