My best friend, lets call her Susan is getting married soon. She has made me her best man (i’m her gay best friend). We have bumped heads a couple of times but over nothing major, but she sent me the schedule to her wedding day and she asked me to be at her house for 6am (from my hotel i’d have to get up around 5am. I am working a half day and travelling the day before in the evening and it is about a 4 and a half hour journey (unfortunately I have no holidays left at work). The ceremony is at 2pm.
There are 3 bridesmaids and me and the bride so five in the bridal party in total. One bridesmaid and the bride are getting their hair professionally done and only the bride is getting her makeup done. One bridesmaid is turning up at 11am and the bride was annoyed but didn’t really push it as she was nervous the bridesmaid would drop out of the bridal party. The bride wants us all there for 6 to help her set breakfast up (I think it will just be some croissants and jam with mimosas) and then the long getting ready process will start. I suggested she push back breakfast to later on but she said it was a stupid suggestion due to the girls not wanting to eat anything while their hair/makeup is done.
I spoke to the bride and said i’d prefer if I could come later at like 8/9 as I am travelling a lot the day before and I struggle with sleep. I also have super bad adhd so sitting around for hours while all the girls are doing their hair getting ready would just really under stimulate me – there is 8 hours between getting there and the ceremony starting and the expectation is that it will go into early hours of the morning the next day. The bride was really upset with this and said I wasn’t making enough effort and that it was one day and I obviously don’t care enough about it. In the end I said I was fine to come at 6am but I am genuinely worried about functioning well for the rest of the day, personally i felt like her reaction was abit dramatic like I would be ruining her day but I did try and push back on it a couple of times but ultimately gave up, AITA?
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My best friend, lets call her Susan is getting married soon. She has made me her best man (i’m her gay best friend). We have bumped heads a couple of times but over nothing major, but she sent me the schedule to her wedding day and she asked me to be at her house for 6am (from my hotel i’d have to get up around 5am. I am working a half day and travelling the day before in the evening and it is about a 4 and a half hour journey (unfortunately I have no holidays left at work). The ceremony is at 2pm.
There are 3 bridesmaids and me and the bride so five in the bridal party in total. One bridesmaid and the bride are getting their hair professionally done and only the bride is getting her makeup done. One bridesmaid is turning up at 11am and the bride was annoyed but didn’t really push it as she was nervous the bridesmaid would drop out of the bridal party. The bride wants us all there for 6 to help her set breakfast up (I think it will just be some croissants and jam with mimosas) and then the long getting ready process will start. I suggested she push back breakfast to later on but she said it was a stupid suggestion due to the girls not wanting to eat anything while their hair/makeup is done.
I spoke to the bride and said i’d prefer if I could come later at like 8/9 as I am travelling a lot the day before and I struggle with sleep. I also have super bad adhd so sitting around for hours while all the girls are doing their hair getting ready would just really under stimulate me – there is 8 hours between getting there and the ceremony starting and the expectation is that it will go into early hours of the morning the next day. The bride was really upset with this and said I wasn’t making enough effort and that it was one day and I obviously don’t care enough about it. In the end I said I was fine to come at 6am but I am genuinely worried about functioning well for the rest of the day, personally i felt like her reaction was abit dramatic like I would be ruining her day but I did try and push back on it a couple of times but ultimately gave up, AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I tried to push back on my bffs wedding day about getting up super early adns he was mad and i felt bad
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. It’s crazy to expect you at 6am and not even hosting you for the night! Are you able to set up the breakfast and go in a room for a nap?
ESH. This is kind of the gig when you’re the best man also, you’re not wrong, it’s inconsiderate. But there is a difference between regular bridesmaid and best man. Your job is to be there to keep her calm, problem solve as things occur, and make memories. She’s trying to include you in her breakfast with the girls because you matter to her. Your request isn’t unreasonable. Is this a hill to die on with your best friend?
NAH Your friend’s request is not unusual at all. The best man usually is expected to be there the whole day and preparations normally start early. Supporting her the whole day is part of the job. Also, weddings are exhausting. Yet, if you need more than 8 hours of rest to function and you really think you can’t handle it, you should tell her.
But it would have been better if you told her earlier that you weren’t able to be there for her from the start. She than could have made the conscious decision to pick you or someone who was available from the start.
NTA. Your needs matter.
Is this a test? I have read the same problem with OP beeing maid of honor.
my opinion, regardless of gender:
YTA.
Be there for the bride. Yeah, 6am sucks but this is not about you but her and I expect her to have a really good reason to start her wedding day to that time.
Info- is there some new trend of wedding days starting at 6 am for the wedding party? Seems like similar stories were posted yesterday a couple times.
>We have bumped heads a couple of times but over nothing major
Just how much nitpicking and push back have you given her and on what sort of things? It’s hard to judge whether she’s been the A-H or you have been a pain throughout the whole wedding prep.
NTA. You have a long travel time and the wedding day will also be long and exhausting. It would be reasonable to be there at 8am; 6am is definitely not necessary when the ceremony is at 2pm. Yes, a “best person” is supposed to support the bride on the wedding day, but this person still is a human being that has only a certain amount of energy.
NTA It’s always OK to ask a question, and given you’re not getting makeup and hair done, I don’t think it was an outrageous request. Also, if the alteration would prevent you from crashing and burning later in the day it’s understandable.
That said, as she’s refused to accommodate your needs, you can accidentally-on purpose run a bit late (I don’t recommend this) or take a break/nap while the girls are getting hair and makeup done.
NTA. what is this support her on her day nonsense. she is getting her hair and makeup done, what exactly are you going to do for her while that is happening. 8 or 9 am is perfectly reasonable. the bride’s request is not.
Didn’t like the answer you got here? This is the third time you’ve posted this hoping to get your way. YTA at this point for not taking constructive criticism. Show up for your friend. GROSS.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1lruzn4/aita_for_saying_i_dont_want_to_arrive_at_6am_on/
NTA. I get that it’s a wedding, but 6 am? That’s ridiculous. The fact that she even reluctantly let a bridesmaid off but not you tells me she feels like she can push you as hard as she wants knowing YOU won’t just pull out of the wedding. wtf is up with brides who think the world has to conform to their ‘special day’?!?
While hair & makeup is being done, take a nap out of sight.
This again?
Well I never knew brides had a best man, I thought that was the groom and the bride had bridesmaids and page boys