I (23F) live in a 3 bedroom apartment with two roommates: H (23F) and E (21F). We all split rent evenly and while we’re not super close we’ve always gotten along just fine until recently.
Over the past two months, I’ve noticed small things going missing from my room. a $20 bill from my dresser, some of my nicer makeup, and even a couple pieces of jewelry (nothing expensive just sentimental). At first I thought maybe I misplaced them but it kept happening and I started getting paranoid.
I didn’t want to accuse anyone without proof so I bought a cheap hidden cam on amazon and set it up discreetly facing my bedroom door. not the whole room just pointing at my door. I didn’t tell anyone because I honestly just wanted to know if I was losing my mind or not.
So last week while I was at work, the footage showed E coming into my room twice. The one time it looked like she left with something in her hand, but the quality wasn’t great so I couldn’t see what it was. When I confronted her, she freaked out, denied everything, then got mad about being recorded and said I violated her privacy.
H is now saying I took things too far and that maybe E had a reason to go in? but I’m like if someone is stealing from me, how else am I supposed to find out? I didn’t film anyone changing or in a bathroom, just my doorway.
Now the house is super tense, and they both think I’m being weird and extra…so AITA for setting up a camera to protect my stuff? Ive heard plenty of stories about roomates stealing before so I just feel like its not too crazy to be on the lookout…
Comments
But she didn’t violate your privacy by going in your room without permission. Got it…
I think you should move away from your toxic room mates. Even if one of them stole something, you don’t really have a strong evidence. So you should just move out quietly.
If the camera is in your room, there is no privacy being violated
Just put a lock on your bedroom door. Get an exterior handle with a lock at any hardware store. Swap it back to the existing handle when you move out.
Sounds like they are both guilty and are trying to shift focus to you. I’d find different living arrangements
New lock and key. Thieves are shit people and will never fess up
They are both being delusional nutcases. Make sure to show them this thread. ITS HER ROOM. YOU WENT INTO HER ROOM FOR NO REASON. SHES MISSING STUFF.
Like honestly, you could even have a case with the cops if they really wanted to escalate it. Put a lock on your door asap while you find different living arrangements.
say “if you don’t go into my room you won’t be recorded “ boom !
She went in your room though. Did you ask her if she entered your room or that she stole something. I would have asked the first question, then you catch her in a lie.
Your mistake was putting it in the house rather than inside your room – where you could see what they did to your stuff.
Change your door lock to one with a code or fingerprint, that way they can’t get in.
People tend to get mad when you are right. If she had a sufficient excuse for entering your room she would have been embarrassed and said it. Fact that she got mad is a response to getting caught imo.
Tell her to return ALL that she took or you are going to the police with the recording. She will return everything
Seems ok morally but maybe not legally lol. Depends on where you live and whether you were recording audio, among other things
She doesn’t have a right to privacy while actively invading yours. Outside your room? Sure, that’d be a bad place to have a camera. Inside your room where no one would ever be on it unless invading your space? Yeah. She doesn’t have a leg to stand on here.
INFO: Was this camera in your room or outside your room?
If they’re both being weird about it they were both going in and out of your room. Super creepy. Keep your camera up, it’s your room that no one should be entering. People are sooooo weird, what possessed her to do this and then get upset with YOU.
No you’re not the A at all and I’d even go as far as filing a police report because she violated your privacy and you every right to record in your own room
Gaslighting you because they’re scum thieves and got caught. Lock your door.
2nd roommate knew about the 1st one and/or was also going in. Why else would she get defensive of someone else? Get a lock and start looking elsewhere to live. Do this before something else happens and you end up catching the blame.
Bot post
What privacy was violated here? You filmed your room (your private area). If your privacy was being respected, no video footage of your roommate would have been recorded. You cannot be filmed if you stay out of someone’s personal space. You are legally allowed to have cameras in your own home (or room in this case) and those camera will only capture trespassers (or shady roommates) if they break in to your home (room).
The fact that H chipped in on the finger pointing it is likely they are also stealing from you. The normal response would be to be upset that a roommate was stealing. You showed your hand too soon. I would get a better camera, one that captures the whole room and can clearly show what is being taken. Once it is installed and hidden, I would make a big show to your roommates that you are sorry and get rid of the camera. Make sure they see you get rid of the old camera.
Continue to film and allow them to steal. Keep the video footage and after a few repeat episodes, report them to the police. Make sure to post, in view of the camera, my stuff is off limits, do not borrow or take anything. I will only give written permission, no verbal permission will be granted. Then they can’t claim they had permission.
Or better yet move out. Both your roommates suck!
she went in YOUR room without your permission, so its your privacy that was smashed here not hers.
Get a lock for your door, there is no reason why anyone should be in your room when you arent home.
Cause innocent people get mad, right.
So … Camera was in your room. Not anywhere in the common areas.
But you’re the one violating her privacy. Got it
Tell them you have a right to protectyour space and get a lock for your room.
NTA.. Your room. She entered without asking. Her fingers weren’t broke so she could text if she wanted something. No excuses. She first denied and as soon as you show her the footage she claims victimhood. She knew it was wrong. It’s all on her.
H saying you went too far blah-blah-blah.. If H thinks it’s ok for E to enter someone’s room to retrieve something without asking, she’s as bad as E. So.. H either A. hasn’t noticed things missing from her room. B. Knew E is doing it and didn’t care. C. Was in on it with E. D. Has done so herself, just wasn’t caught yet. or E. Some or ALL of the above.
leavea bait and then put a ring camera with a motion sensor alert and catch them in the act.. a nice loud “What the F are you doing in my room” should freak them out
They are both stealing from you, lol. Time to move
Set up a bait bottle of nice makeup so that when she steals and uses it, she’ll regret being born.
She can’t go into your room and steal your stuff and then be mad that you violated her privacy.
Get a lock on your door and start looking for another place to live.
It’s your room
Honestly you shouldn’t even worry about it only viewing the door, have it somewhere that it can see as much of your room as possible.
It’s been a minute since I have had to have roommates, but when I did I had no guilt trip whatsoever for immediately installing a keyed entry door lock on my bedroom door.
Best contact the police and go with them to her room to look for your missing sentimental items. It sounds like your roommates will try to gaslight you to heck and make you believe that you are the problem. They might even try going to your room and do some revenge (because in their heads you will be the problem). So, I would say go nuclear with the police, get a temp lock for your door, and pack up to a new place asap.
You should have left a 20 on the side, then you’d have had proof of theft instead of a vague accusation of being nosey.
NTA she violated your privacy by going into your room without permission and stealing from you. Get a lock for your bedroom door or find a new living situation.
Time to buy a lock for your door. Roommates don’t have to be friends. Just respectful and pay on time.
You’re not the AH. You caught her red-handed. Why is she going into your room without permission?
There is no reasonable expectation of privacy in a room they were not invited into. Their privacy wasnt violated, theyre embarassed that they got caught.
Now you know you have a thief as a roommate. Take that as you will but I would never trust anything she did again. If the other roommate is sticking up for a thief, you have bigger problem and they both may have been stealing from you or at least the second roommate already knew the first roommate was stealing from you and the second roommate is feeling guilty for not saying anything. Your roommate did not have their privacy violated by being recorded inside your private space. That is not how privacy works.
Don’t let them gaslight you. You did nothing wrong. I bet the stealing stops now they have been caught but I’d still consider fitting a lock to your door. My friend had a similar situation, but he waited until he had footage of the culprit entering his room and taking things on multiple occasions over a period of a month. It was irrefutable and when he confronted the flatmate they broke down and confessed.
Put a freaking lock on your door, explain to everyone that all your stuff better show back up, or new holes are going to be dug in the back yard,,,,,, or, start going in their rooms, and rearrange their stuff, but don’t actually take anything, just hide a few personal items of your choosing, and wait for their heads to explode !!!!! Sometimes, lessons need to be
Learned the hard way,,,, best of luck to you,,,,,
It’s time to find a new place to live. Life is too short to live with people like this.
It’s just a matter of time before the thief steals your camera 📷. Move out before things get worse’
Put a padlock on your door.
You only “invaded” her privacy after she clearly invaded yours. She has no reason to be in the room. Next time, get a better camera.
Smells like time for new roommates. If they willing to break into your room on the regular, what other shady ways are they gonna treat you?
Go get your shit. Or your gonna call the cops
Go into their rooms and look for your stolen jewelry.
Get a lock for your door and lock your room.
Get a plan to move out ASAP. Tell your landlords your issues and they may be able to refund your portion of the security deposit.
Tell your roommates everything that’s gone missing, and you’re putting a stop to it. Could be both roommates taking turns stealing from you for all you know.
Search for a Doorknob Lockout Device online, and get one that has a built in lock, not one that needs a padlock. Assuming you have a round doorknob and not a lever, it’ll prevent anyone from turning your doorknob and installs and removes in seconds.
Then put that hidden camera back up, but this time pointed towards your valuables and not the door.
H is trying to give E the benefit of the doubt. I would implicitly say that if someone needs to go into your room for anything that they ask first. Meanwhile, keep the camera on the door for monitoring. If the situation continues to be tense, I would suggest looking for other living arrangements. If that isn’t possible, put a lock on your door like other people have suggested.
How dare you irrefutably prove that your roommate is a total cunt? The audacity to not just let her steal your things with impunity. The nerve!
did this- support it.
Take and hide just one of her shoes
NTA
The way I’d be going into their rooms and grabbing all My stuff back and THEN getting a lock for my bedroom door!!
Look up DARVO. Your roommates are being manipulative. You aren’t in the wrong, they shouldn’t have been in your room (I think they’ve both been stealing from you, why else would H be on E’s side on this??).
Time for new locks on your door and hopefully a new roommate situation.
Wait, you violated her privacy by…setting up a camera in your room? 🤦♂️
Violating her privacy….when she enters your room?
Your closed room?
If anyone is invading privacy it is her.
And if it was easy to explain she would not get this upset I think.
You did right.
It’s because they are both doing it.
NTA. I put a camera in my room when over $1000 was missing, and when I found my roommate’s bf going through my drawers on video I didn’t tell anyone. I told her the day I moved out, after all my stuff was gone. I didn’t trust that he wouldn’t get violent.
Tell the cops.
Your room is your property. If want to record in your room, your fine to do that. If they violate your property, then they are the ones in trouble, not you. That’s my opinion anyway
If they had a legitimate reason to go into your room, they would have told you the moment you videod them going into your room.
When I confronted her, she freaked out, denied everything, then got mad about being recorded and said I violated her privacy.
Ah NO. SHE violated YOUR privacy by going into YOUR private ROOM.
Private room. She violated your privacy.
Sounds like ya’ll need to scissor each other and make up
The other one has been stealing too and is worried about getting caught as well
What was her “good” reason to go into your room
They make door knobs with like a fingerprint access for not much money. My step daughter installed one cause her younger sister was stealing from her. Worked great. Your roommates should not go into your room for any reason without your permission. You may need new roommates….
You have a right to record your bedroom. There’s an expectation of privacy. If it’s somewhere they frequent often/you invite them to, then you’re obligated to inform them that you have a camera and you don’t have to explain why. Also, know that most people (especially young) being caught doing something wrong get defensive/combative when confronted. So while they’ll make you the ass hole, you’re not.
Listen. If this story had been about you putting cameras in a public space in the house because someone keeps stealing something you leave in the kitchen or living room, yeah, you’d be violating privacy (but with reason!)
But in this case, the only privacy you’re violating is your own. It’s your room. Anyone that wants to come in is giving up their right to privacy.
I SUPPOSE they could argue you were trying to have a gotcha moment or something. I guess they wanted you to announce the camera? That probably would have solved the issue without even buying a camera, just announce to the house you’ve lost some items and you’re putting a camera in your room, so FYI you’ll be on cam if you’re in there… but like, why? Why should you have to announce what you’re doing in your private space?
You did NOT violate her privacy. She voided her individual rights to privacy when she decided to be a sneak and potential thief by going into your private bedroom multiple times without your permission. Your bedroom is not a common area/space.
Now there’s proof, I’d tell them there are hidden cameras, you know who is doing it, and leave your stolen possessions by your door by Saturday and you won’t press charges.
NTA. That doesn’t even make sense. Your room does not have an expectation of privacy for anyone else. It’s not the kitchen or the bathroom.
I think the exterior door handle with a lock is a good next step.
Let us know how it goes.
Guilt caused her to freak out!
Is no one worried about her stealing from you?!?!!!
Nta, always a laugh to hear someone thinks their privacy was breached when they are being recorded in someone else’s room without their permission.
So you caught the thief and she’s accusing you of going too far, but no-one’s worried about how you caught her stealing? Huh? This has some real “the problem is the cellphones” vibe. (What dick Cheney said was the problem when the photos revealing the torture at abu grain. Not the torture, the cellphones recording the torture). So you got some thinking to do. The theft was the lesser problem. Wow
So has the thieving stopped now?
Start looking for other living arrangements. Feel free to steal from the thief and her defender while you’re at it.
NTA if it’s in your room, not even close. Sounds like you got snakes for room mates though
Move. They’re thieves and jerks.
If your one roommate is siding with the one who clearly invaded your space, it might be safe to assume that they both invade your space.
Put a lock on.your doir..you have caught the thief red handed. Now she is trying to spin it you make you look bad…..I bet if you searched her jewelry case you would find your missing jewelry. Tell her if she doesn’t want yo be offended Don’t go back into my Room without My Permission….She knows what she did wrong..Lock up any thing of value you don’t want stolen….
She violated your privacy by going in. Leave the camera up but buy an exterior door handle for your bedroom. Keep the original for when you move out though or leave the key. It’s 2 screws to change out a door handle or about 50 bucks for someone to install it.