So I (M31) am a groomsman at my sister (F21)’s wedding. The groom (M23) and I get along well, though we aren’t necessarily best friends. Currently, we’re in the process of planning the bachelor party (scheduled for the evening before the wedding) and the official plan is to go to an entertainment center/arcade. The grooms best friend and best man (I’ll call BM) got the rest of the groomsmen in a secret second group chat to plan a surprise- change venue to an escape room center. I’m cool with this, partially because it’s the sort of thing I think the groom would enjoy, and it’s less physically demanding the day before he gets married, with less chance of injury.
However, BM also has a plan of how to get the groom there. Basically, he would “kidnap” him (have a few of us groomsmen in disguise, faces covered, etc force him into a car and drive off) and then reveal as we got closer to the new venue what was actually going on. He think it would be a “fun prank”, and the groom “likes pranks”. I didn’t feel comfortable with this idea, and told him that it wasn’t a good idea in this current… icy… climate. My brother-in-law (who is also part of the wedding party) backed me up, saying it sounded like a good way to get injured or shot at the day before the wedding. I also pointed out that we probably shouldn’t add “fear for his life” to the list of pre-wedding stresses. I suggested perhaps instead we could just have someone blindfold him once we were in the car to keep the new venue a surprise, or maybe do that after driving past the original venue and not stopping.
We argued for a bit, but eventually the BM begrudgingly conceded. It felt like he was disappointed he wouldn’t be able to do the whole prank he had planned, and possibly had been planning for a long time. I feel a little bad, because as much as I get along with the groom, the BM has known him for a lot longer, and is a lot closer to him, so maybe this wouldn’t be as bad as it might sound to me. I’ve only known the groom for a year or two, once my sister introduced him to the family, and we’ve only had occasion to hang out a handful of times since they both live in a different state- the BM knows the groom way better. So, AITA?
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So I (M31) am a groomsman at my sister (F21)’s wedding. The groom (M23) and I get along well, though we aren’t necessarily best friends. Currently, we’re in the process of planning the bachelor party (scheduled for the evening before the wedding) and the official plan is to go to an entertainment center/arcade. The grooms best friend and best man (I’ll call BM) got the rest of the groomsmen in a secret second group chat to plan a surprise- change venue to an escape room center. I’m cool with this, partially because it’s the sort of thing I think the groom would enjoy, and it’s less physically demanding the day before he gets married, with less chance of injury.
However, BM also has a plan of how to get the groom there. Basically, he would “kidnap” him (have a few of us groomsmen in disguise, faces covered, etc force him into a car and drive off) and then reveal as we got closer to the new venue what was actually going on. He think it would be a “fun prank”, and the groom “likes pranks”. I didn’t feel comfortable with this idea, and told him that it wasn’t a good idea in this current… icy… climate. My brother-in-law (who is also part of the wedding party) backed me up, saying it sounded like a good way to get injured or shot at the day before the wedding. I also pointed out that we probably shouldn’t add “fear for his life” to the list of pre-wedding stresses. I suggested perhaps instead we could just have someone blindfold him once we were in the car to keep the new venue a surprise, or maybe do that after driving past the original venue and not stopping.
We argued for a bit, but eventually the BM begrudgingly conceded. It felt like he was disappointed he wouldn’t be able to do the whole prank he had planned, and possibly had been planning for a long time. I feel a little bad, because as much as I get along with the groom, the BM has known him for a lot longer, and is a lot closer to him, so maybe this wouldn’t be as bad as it might sound to me. I’ve only known the groom for a year or two, once my sister introduced him to the family, and we’ve only had occasion to hang out a handful of times since they both live in a different state- the BM knows the groom way better. So, AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I shot down the best man’s plan for a part of the bachelor party that it sounded like he had been planning for a while. The best man knows the groom way better than I do, but I think the plan is not in good taste, as well as potentially dangerous.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, that could go really really bad. Some bystander see that, seeing a felony in progress, they can use deadly force to stop it.
NTA. This “prank“ could get someone killed. There could be an off duty law enforcement officer around or a civilian who carries, who going by what they see may use deadly force to stop a kidnapping.
Maybe I’m old but I don’t see what’s funny about pranks that humiliate, scare or cause physical and emotional harm to people.
Nah no Fing way. You don’t know anyone that well that you know how they’ll react, what you’ll trigger or what the outcome willl be. Funny to joke about but spike that
NTA You’re right that this could easily go very badly. It’s not even a clever prank. You guys could come up with something better than this that isn’t going to potentially get someone hurt or arrested.
Nta thats a stupid dangerous terrible cruel prank
NTA. The prank you describe sounds incredibly childish. Good on you for speaking sense!
NTA
What they were planning is immensely dumb.
I mean so is having a bachelor party the night before the wedding but no where near the level of dumb of his “prank”
Pranks are not fun or funny.
>groomsmen in disguise, faces covered, etc force him into a car and drive off
This could get you killed, hurt or arrested.
NTA. The kidnapping prank is just awful. I hate pranks but that one is especially bad. Throw in current events and it’s incredibly stupid. I would warn the groom just in case the best man decides to go rogue.
NTA. This happened to my coworker on her birthday. Her friends “kidnapped” her. Honestly it sounds terrifying. She truly thought she was in danger. Do not.
NTA – people who like to prank others WAAAAAY overestimate how much others appreciate them. Once you get to the venue, let your BIL-to-be know the kidnapping plan and ask him if he would have enjoyed it.
There is a pretty well known story on Reddit of someone doing this to a woman for her engagement, and it ended with her filing charges against several of them. It also ended her relationship with her fiancé (if memory serves). She was utterly terrified, one of the guys groped her and they were making disgusting comments about her to “sell” the kidnapping as real, and she peed her pants out of terror. Kidnapping is not a minor thing.
Best case is that the groom thinks it’s funny. Worst case is that someone gets hurt, the groom gets utterly humiliated by people who are supposed to be his friends, or literal criminal charges are filed. The cops are not necessarily going to take “it was a joke” as an excuse for what is ultimately committing a crime. Whether or not people could go to jail is dependent on how the groom takes it. There is no world where that best case is worth the risk of the worst case.
NTA. That isn’t a prank or a joke, especially if you are living in the states with all the stuff going on there these days. That is the kind of “prank’ that could end with someone seriously hurt.
NTA. Go to BM and say that you are all in on it, if the groom agrees. “We’re going to kidnap you for your bachelor party, play along”
Otherwise make it something less like life threatening.
Is he Hispanic? Dress up like ICE agents when you kidnap him 😂
NTA. Super bad idea and actually dangerous, in the current icy climate. Also, the groom might love it, so too bad for not doing it. Also the groom might hate it and be freaked out and you all would regret it for ever. All in all, just too risky.
So, someone told me about a friend of his that was “kidnapped” in a similar way for his bachelor party. They had masks and forced him into the trunk of the car. He feared for his life. He was thinking about his bride to be and how she would grieve losing him.
All involved in this was disinvited from the wedding and are no longer considered friends. Including the groom’s brother.
NTA …
NTA. this goes beyond just a silly prank and could be traumatizing. i would hate to be the groom in this scenario