As some background information, I (16, male) have an extremely large collection of stuffed animals, including Jellycats, Care Bears, and Build-A-Bears which I began collecting when I was around 11 or 12. I was bullied during my childhood for being autistic and spent a lot of time in hospitals which I feel like I had to act more mature than what I was to try and deal with it, so collecting these toys has helped me reconnect with my younger self. I will admit I do have a very big connection to them they all have names and personalities
My mom has been very supportive when it comes to my neurodivergence but my stepdad isn’t, My relationship with my stepdad has always been strained. A month ago, he stopped taking his medication for depression, believing he didn’t need it. Since then, our interactions have deteriorated. We’ve been snapping at each other, and my attempts to set boundaries have been ignored; he sees them as an attack on him.
The main reason I came here is that yesterday I was running late for a taster day at the college I’m starting at, and I accidentally left my door open. I thought it would be fine since we have a gate at the top of the stairs to stop our dogs from coming up. When I got home, I realised that my only childhood stuffed animal I’ve kept, Charleston, wasn’t on my bed. I tried looking around, thinking maybe I had left it on the floor, but he wasn’t there.
I went downstairs to ask my stepdad if he had seen Charleston, and he told me that the dogs had taken him off my bed. He let the dogs have him because he thought it was “just a stupid stuffed toy that I should have left behind in secondary school.” I feel like I might have overreacted because I shouted at him, telling him he had no right to throw my stuffed animal away like that. I know I shouldn’t have but I swore at him.
It escalated into a fight where he said that I need to start acting like an adult, get a job, and grow up. And that I’m a slob. He isn’t entirely wrong; I’ve been putting off getting a job before starting college to see if I can handle it. In the heat of the moment, I told him he was weighing down the family and that my life was better before he married my mom. I ended up going through the trash and found Charleston. He was completely fine, just a bit dirty, which was an easy fix. I haven’t spoken to my stepdad since.
My mom thinks I’m being overdramatic since it’s just a stuffed animal, but to me, it means so much more than that. My stepdad has always hated Charleston, as if his very existence offends him. I’m wondering how the dogs got to Charleston if the gate was closed and why he didn’t have any marks on him. If my dog had gotten hold of him, there would only be shreds left. They both know how much Charleston means to me; he’s been there for me through every surgery and bad day at school. Plus, the toy was discontinued, so if I hadn’t found him, I wouldn’t have been able to buy another. ATIA?
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As some background information, I (16, male) have an extremely large collection of stuffed animals, including Jellycats, Care Bears, and Build-A-Bears which I began collecting when I was around 11 or 12. I was bullied during my childhood for being autistic and spent a lot of time in hospitals which I feel like I had to act more mature than what I was to try and deal with it, so collecting these toys has helped me reconnect with my younger self. I will admit I do have a very big connection to them they all have names and personalities
My mom has been very supportive when it comes to my neurodivergence but my stepdad isn’t, My relationship with my stepdad has always been strained. A month ago, he stopped taking his medication for depression, believing he didn’t need it. Since then, our interactions have deteriorated. We’ve been snapping at each other, and my attempts to set boundaries have been ignored; he sees them as an attack on him.
The main reason I came here is that yesterday I was running late for a taster day at the college I’m starting at, and I accidentally left my door open. I thought it would be fine since we have a gate at the top of the stairs to stop our dogs from coming up. When I got home, I realised that my only childhood stuffed animal I’ve kept, Charleston, wasn’t on my bed. I tried looking around, thinking maybe I had left it on the floor, but he wasn’t there.
I went downstairs to ask my stepdad if he had seen Charleston, and he told me that the dogs had taken him off my bed. He let the dogs have him because he thought it was “just a stupid stuffed toy that I should have left behind in secondary school.” I feel like I might have overreacted because I shouted at him, telling him he had no right to throw my stuffed animal away like that. I know I shouldn’t have but I swore at him.
It escalated into a fight where he said that I need to start acting like an adult, get a job, and grow up. And that I’m a slob. He isn’t entirely wrong; I’ve been putting off getting a job before starting college to see if I can handle it. In the heat of the moment, I told him he was weighing down the family and that my life was better before he married my mom. I ended up going through the trash and found Charleston. He was completely fine, just a bit dirty, which was an easy fix. I haven’t spoken to my stepdad since.
My mom thinks I’m being overdramatic since it’s just a stuffed animal, but to me, it means so much more than that. My stepdad has always hated Charleston, as if his very existence offends him. I’m wondering how the dogs got to Charleston if the gate was closed and why he didn’t have any marks on him. If my dog had gotten hold of him, there would only be shreds left. They both know how much Charleston means to me; he’s been there for me through every surgery and bad day at school. Plus, the toy was discontinued, so if I hadn’t found him, I wouldn’t have been able to buy another. ATIA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action that I felt made me an asshole was yelling, swearing and telling my stepdad my lives would be better without him and then not taking to him. I understand that that was rude and unprovoked as he didnt swear or shout at me that my words were harsh and not talking to him can be seen as childish
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA and your stepdad crossed a major line. It’s not “just a stuffed animal.” It’s a possession of yours, that you care about. He took it on himself to steal it and trash it. And he still thinks he was right! And your mother supports him. The people who are supposed to care for you are harming you. I’m really sorry. Please do what you can to protect yourself from them.
NTA that is absolutely unacceptable behavior and your mom defending it is also not cool.
Even buying another wouldnt have the same memories and meaning as the original.
Stepdad is the one who needs to “grow up” and “start acting like an adult” if he is that threatened by a 16 year olds stuffed animals and wanting to ruin their stuff.
At the end of the day it was your possession and they had NO RIGHT to touch it no matter how much they liked or disliked it. It also wasn’t just any possession but a very meaningful one to you so yeah I would’ve been throwing fists if that happened to me.
How would he like it if you trashed something of his? You’d probably be grounded for a long time and forced to pay for it so serious double standard and mom also knows how much that meant to you and then is trying to deny your feelings is nuts.
NTA. It sounds like you spoke the truth
NTA and if there is an adult in your life you trust that isn’t your mom or stepdad, you need to talk to them
NTA at all. You did absolutely nothing wrong throughout any part of this.
Im really sorry to say this but I don’t think your mom is quite as supportive of your neurodivergence as you are giving her credit for. She should have shut down her husband’s gross attitude towards you long ago. He is absolutely in the wrong, but she’s the one that allows him to be part of your life. She needs to stop defending him and stop invalidating your emotions. Maybe show her this post if you feel comfortable doing so because she needs to wake the hell up.
Many autistic people (myself included) are born highly sensitive, this is something your mother should know as your caregiver honestly, and absolutely not something she should hold against you herself or allow her husband to hold against you. Your feelings are absolutely valid, I have a blankie and elmo from my childhood that are absolutely wrecked now but I still can’t imagine not having. It is very normal to have sentimental connections to something from your childhood. And you found Charleston in the trash AFTER your stepdad said the dogs took it….are we supposed to believe the dogs threw him out??? He threw him out and lied about it, he purposely targeted the one animal in your collection that he knew meant the most to you.
You’re 16 and in college? Am I getting that right? If so, absolutely insane of your stepdad to tell you to grow up when you’re already ahead of many peers your age. Even if you are in high school, you seem far more mature than him. It is perfectly reasonable at 16 to focus on schooling more than a job. If I had to guess, that’s what his real issue is with you. At 16 you’re already more of a man than he ever will be. I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself. Respect is earned, you swearing at him after he has been so openly disrespectful to both you and your property is warranted. I’m very sorry you are doubting your very valid reaction and Im so glad you found Charleston. Wish you luck going forward, you seem like a really amazing person!
Nta and your step bastard is a thoef
NTA Your stepfather is so jealous of you and your stuffed animal collection. Take that on board in a good way, if you can. He is fragile on the inside and resorts to throwing away your belonging to make himself feel good. Sad, isn’t it?
Lock Charleston away somewhere safe and maybe put a lock on your bedroom door as well. Don’t let your stepfather get to you anymore. Remind yourself that this grown man can’t deal with you, a 16 year old.
Nta, and i don’t know if your mom is as supportive as you think if she doesn’t get this