My (33f) boyfriend (38m) of 1 yr said Wednesday he wanted some alone time. He also texted me asking if he could get something back on Thursday or Friday. I told him Thursday works, since I had plans Friday.
On Thursday he didn’t confirm or text. I tried calling after work but he didn’t answer, so I stopped by his place around 8pm. He was home and had been drinking, seemed annoyed, and told me he doesn’t like it when I show up unannounced, saying he was tired and had been busy with work. I have been by unannounced before and I never thought it was an issue, he certainly never said he doesn’t like it. He refused to talk, said he wasn’t going to have an argument on the street (I was standing at his door), and basically shut me out. I felt upset and left.
I feel like I overstepped, but I also feel like he could have communicated more clearly. AITA? Or ESH?
EDIT: We had plans for Wednesday but he said he wanted to spend Wednesday chilling alone.
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My (33f) boyfriend (38m) of 1 yr said Wednesday he wanted some alone time. He also texted me asking if he could get something back on Thursday or Friday. I told him Thursday works, since I had plans Friday.
On Thursday he didn’t confirm or text. I tried calling after work but he didn’t answer, so I stopped by his place around 8pm. He was home and had been drinking, seemed annoyed, and told me he doesn’t like it when I show up unannounced, saying he was tired and had been busy with work. I have been by unannounced before and I never thought it was an issue, he certainly never said he doesn’t like it. He refused to talk, said he wasn’t going to have an argument on the street (I was standing at his door), and basically shut me out. I felt upset and left.
I feel like I overstepped, but I also feel like he could have communicated more clearly. AITA? Or ESH?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Showing up to my boyfriends house unannounced after he didn’t respond to my message/call
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA girl respectfully he said he needed space and you showed up the very next day… I also don’t really understand why he’d tell you he needed to get something on thurs/fri, and then didn’t confirm his timing, but in that case I’d just be like, “well, it’s his errand not mine, he can arrange it himself”. I think his behaviour is strange but doesn’t make him an AH, whereas you did directly go against the space he’d asked for.
Unless you live there, turning up unannounced is bad form. That said, if you’ve done it before he really should’ve said something.
I’ll go with YTA. His reaction likely came from his drinking and your unexpected arrival. That would irk me too
ESH. He could’ve communicated with you and told you he wasn’t feeling it today and rescheduled but showing up unannounced is also kinda childish. He’s your boyfriend. Boundaries should be in place so if he’s not responding, send him a text, leave a voicemail then move on with your evening. No need to worry unless it’s been days
NTA
I think he’s breaking up slowly. Make sure you get your stuff back. I’m surprised he didn’t have the new girlfriend there
He’s breaking up with you as soon as he gets back whatever he has at your apartment.
He may have had someone else with him when you “dropped by”. But you already know this.
Wait for him to text you about getting his thing back, then meet him somewhere to pick it up. Return anything else of his that’s at your place. Get your key back.
Sorry!
Supposedly these two are above 30 years old
ESH smh
info: by “get something back” does that mean you were dropping something off to him?
if you were dropping something off to him and he had previous said “Thursday is good” I see nothing wrong with stopping by Thursday to drop the thing off.
Yta. Leave the man alone and give him some room to breath!
NTA since he asked you to bring him the item. However, YTA to yourself if you decide to stay with him. This isn’t loving behavior. Listen to his words and actions: he doesn’t want you around. Give him what he wants, and move on with your life.
NTA – he asked you to come on Thursday to bring him something.
You arrived and he was pissed because he had been too lazy to confirm.
I’m sorry you are with someone with poor communication and emotional intelligence skills.
I’d go with a soft and loving YTA here. It’s about boundaries, if the thing was really important to give him, sure. But from your description it doesn’t seem that way. If someone doesn’t text or call back they are more than likely not ready to talk. If people don’t text me back I’ll wait for a reply or text them another time later to check in on them.