My sister and I had a falling out, and my husband and I want to know if we should apologize or just move on.
I’ve been running a business for quite a few years now, and it was small, but I never really tried to make it anything big. I was content just getting by and doing something I enjoyed.
Eventually I started dating someone who had the time, energy, and resources to start helping me grow. He rebranded my business, and it grew. It was fun, and eventually I got my partner more involved. He went to a trade show with me, and we got an idea together to grow the biz more. My bf had a great idea to include my sister and her spouse because we thought it would benefit them financially and bring us closer together. BIG MISTAKE.
Even though my bf and I each invested about 50% into the expansion and my sister and her SAH husband invested nothing, it wasn’t long before they started telling everyone it was their business. I would talk to people who would tell me they, “talked to the owners” which was funny to me because it was actually my bf and I who risked everything financially to purchase the expansion and grow it. We just invited them to come along for free, and we even gave my BIL a job because he had been unemployed for years.
It went downhill from there. My BF and I aren’t big on attention, so we didn’t really care that people thought my sis and BIL owned the business, but then they started giving their friends huge discounts (sometimes free), and doing it without our consent.
ON TOP OF ALL THAT…
My BF and I found out that my dad who handled accounting was paying my BIL DOUBLE what we discussed for working for our company. All of this was without our knowledge. Meanwhile, my BF declined to take a salary for all of the work he was doing for what was now our business, even after he had invested his own personal money into it.
I got upset enough and tried talking to my sister, and my BF tried talking to my BIL, but things quickly fell apart. My BIL started telling my BF he wasn’t going to do parts of the job, so my BF and I took on all the work while BIL was making a double salary, and my BF was taking nothing. I didn’t even increase my salary while we were trying to grow.
We realized maybe inviting them to join us was a mistake, but we truly had the best of intentions. We tried to find ways to talk to them, but they got passive aggressive, and recently my BF finally told BIL to “Go f*** yourself”. Anyway he said that he would, and now they’re no longer working for us.
My parents have sided with my sis and BIL, but they haven’t heard our side. This whole situation hurts bc my sister has always been my bff, but I can’t figure out what we did. We have asked but at this point they’re only rallying the troops against us. I’ve tried talking to my sis who won’t respond. I want to protect my partner and I think he was justified after having dealt with my BIL’s bad attitude for weeks. If we did something wrong I want to apologize.
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team.
My sister and I had a falling out, and my husband and I want to know if we should apologize or just move on.
I’ve been running a business for quite a few years now, and it was small, but I never really tried to make it anything big. I was content just getting by and doing something I enjoyed.
Eventually I started dating someone who had the time, energy, and resources to start helping me grow. He rebranded my business, and it grew. It was fun, and eventually I got my partner more involved. He went to a trade show with me, and we got an idea together to grow the biz more. My bf had a great idea to include my sister and her spouse because we thought it would benefit them financially and bring us closer together. BIG MISTAKE.
Even though my bf and I each invested about 50% into the expansion and my sister and her SAH husband invested nothing, it wasn’t long before they started telling everyone it was their business. I would talk to people who would tell me they, “talked to the owners” which was funny to me because it was actually my bf and I who risked everything financially to purchase the expansion and grow it. We just invited them to come along for free, and we even gave my BIL a job because he had been unemployed for years.
It went downhill from there. My BF and I aren’t big on attention, so we didn’t really care that people thought my sis and BIL owned the business, but then they started giving their friends huge discounts (sometimes free), and doing it without our consent.
ON TOP OF ALL THAT…
My BF and I found out that my dad who handled accounting was paying my BIL DOUBLE what we discussed for working for our company. All of this was without our knowledge. Meanwhile, my BF declined to take a salary for all of the work he was doing for what was now our business, even after he had invested his own personal money into it.
I got upset enough and tried talking to my sister, and my BF tried talking to my BIL, but things quickly fell apart. My BIL started telling my BF he wasn’t going to do parts of the job, so my BF and I took on all the work while BIL was making a double salary, and my BF was taking nothing. I didn’t even increase my salary while we were trying to grow.
We realized maybe inviting them to join us was a mistake, but we truly had the best of intentions. We tried to find ways to talk to them, but they got passive aggressive, and recently my BF finally told BIL to “Go f*** yourself”. Anyway he said that he would, and now they’re no longer working for us.
My parents have sided with my sis and BIL, but they haven’t heard our side. This whole situation hurts bc my sister has always been my bff, but I can’t figure out what we did. We have asked but at this point they’re only rallying the troops against us. I’ve tried talking to my sis who won’t respond. I want to protect my partner and I think he was justified after having dealt with my BIL’s bad attitude for weeks. If we did something wrong I want to apologize.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole for Supporting my BF when he told my BIL to go f himself instead of trying to patch things up at that time
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
INFO: What is the nature of their affiliation with the business? Are they legal owners? Employees?
NTA. Oh, sweet child, never mix business with family without being willing to risk relationships. Money and success can change even the most humble and kind soul.
NTA. You and your Bf / partner invested, your sister and BIL seem to want to leech off you. Good for you putting your foot down. IMO, I’d send your parents basically what you posted.
NTA. BIL and sister got greedy and entitled. You have every right to assert your ownership of this enterprise. This is the peril of doing business with family – so often it goes wildly wrong. You have *nothing* to apologize for. Truly, you were a lot more patient about this than a lot of people would have been. As soon as they started acting like it was their business and dad started paying them more than agreed the whole greedy lot of them would have been on the curb. Do not bend on this. You’ve been taken advantage of in a shameful manner and sister, BIL and parents all owe *you* and your BF a big apology.
You had the best intentions.
BIL and sister invested nothing.
It didn’t work out and they no longer work for you.
NTA
NTA no good deed goes unpunished. Your bil not working for years should have been a red flag to his character, or lack of and not someone you want involved in your business. You and your bf did nothing wrong, ignore them. In their warped way of thinking they are the victims, and your parents are included if they support their behaviour. If they continue, consider low contact and if it escalates do no contact. Do not apologize, neither your bf nor you did anything wrong, so why admit to it.
NTA. But sister, BIL, and parents definitely are.
Was your initial salary discussion with BIL in writing? And the communication to your Dad for that same number? Or was it all verbal and a “miscommunication”? If you got it in writing, I would personally deep-dive into how you got gouged out of your own revenue and get that money back by legal means.
OP, you love your family, which is shown by your actions in trying to help and then resolve things when it went wrong. So it’s understandably difficult to be in this spot. But they have disrespected you, stolen from you, and will not even discuss the issue with you. Do you feel their love?
You need a new accountant, one you’re not related to. And if your business has a website, or any marketing materials, it may do some good to include a “Proudly owned and operate by OP and BF since year” section/or writing.
NTA and why aren’t you pissed at your dad for taking your money and paying BIL double? I think it’s time to go through everything your dad has been in charge of
Stop talking about trying to figure out what you did wrong to apologize. You didnt do anything wrong. Your sister and BIL are ASSHOLES. Maybe your sis used to be your BFF, but she is 100% with her husband now and he will take advantage of you and your BF every chance he gets. Cut them the fuck off already.
Any why is your Dad involved when its your business?? Why is he paying your BIL double salary?? This whole thing is making me furious on your behalf.
NTA
NTA Don’t apologise, you did nothing wrong. You and your partner were used and taken for granted. If your family know all the info and still side with them then time them out too because you are the villain. Also I’d stop you dad from being your accountant, if he was over paying willingly when there should have been. A clear payment agreement then he’s an AH and you sis and BIL are clearly the family favourites.
Continue to grow and get stronger. Your relationship with your parent seems solid and blossoming into something beautiful and ever lasting. After reaching a goal and milestone pay yourself out with a trip or something. And get more clearer contacted employees if you need too.
NTA
Please immediately remove your father’s access to your business and accounting and hire a new CPA to review EVERYTHING.
The fact your father took it upon himself to dispense out money, without your direct approval as the boss, indicates he might have done other things that were not only inappropriate but may have been done so at a cost to you and your partner.
I would encourage you to contact legal counsel at this point to clarify what has happened and what liabilities you’ve opened yourself up to. If there is anything that occurred with your dad’s accounting then your lawyer can probably provide an idea of what next steps would be appropriate.
This sounds horrible and another reason so many say to never mix business and family.
NTA.
As the owners of the business, you and your bf, need to sack the other two and then get someone else outside of the family to do your books. That way, you can keep more of your hard-earned money and make the investment you both put into it, start paying you back rather than some hanger-on.
They will be back once they run out of money. Also, you should fire your father. Giving someone double salary without owners approval is stealing. Stop hiring family and hire some employees who will respect you and help you grow your business.
The BIL getting himself paid twice the agreed salary is THEFT! Your rebuttal to anyone that questions it should be ‘we discovered BIL was stealing from the company’. My sister is my soul mate and I know in my heart, she would never allow her husband to do this, nor she herself and likewise! Do not focus on apologising, she showed you who they were, now it’s time to believe them.
Get your priorities straight. Don’t worry about siding with your bf, that’s the wrong question. Worry about the fact your sister and bil screwed YOU (and bf). Why didn’t yiu do anything when your dad paid bil double salary?? That’s throwing away your own money and security. Stop being a doormat and protect yourself and your bf.