I (23M) have been sleeping with my ex-girlfriend (22F) regularly since January, after we broke up in mid-2022. During that time, I’ve been with other people and kept my options open. In January, she reached out to me, and we started sleeping together again. From the start, I made it clear I wasn’t looking for a relationship or commitment, and she said she was fine with that.
Despite this, I chose to stop seeing other girls while we were hooking up, just out of respect. About six weeks in, she suddenly ghosted me and deleted me from all her social media without saying anything. This was a big issue for me, and it’s actually why I didn’t want to get back together with her in the first place.
After about three weeks of no contact, I decided to sleep with someone else. Fast forward to today, a full month after she last reached out, she came over, and we slept together again. Afterward, she asked if I had been with anyone else during the month of no contact. I told her I had, and she got really upset, crying and accusing me of basically cheating on her.
To me, this seems ridiculous because we were not in a relationship, and she ghosted me for a month. But in her opinion, I betrayed her. So, AITA for sleeping with someone else during the no-contact period?
Comments
NTAH
She ghosted you because she was likely trying to make something work with another guy. When that fell apart, she came back and hoped you’d just been waiting like a little lost puppy so she could swoop in and feel needed again. Once she realized you truly didnt need her, not even just for sex, she felt like nobody needed her and got upset.
Don’t play her games bro. There’s more where that came from
NTA. You were WELL within bounds on this. You know what she was up to. Do yourself a huge favor and move on from crazy
NTA, but everybody should get checked for STI’s
Definitely NTA
She ghosted you for a month and it sounds like she was done with things on her end.
You made your intentions clear from the start and honestly it’s kinda unfair for her to expect loyalty when she vanished.
It seems like she’s projecting some feelings now that you’re back together again but that’s on her. Just keep being honest about where you stand
You’re not necessarily in the wrong for sleeping with someone else since you weren’t in a relationship, but her feelings were likely hurt because she may have expected exclusivity. Clear communication about boundaries and expectations would have helped prevent this confusion.
NTA I’m going to bet that she cut it off cuz she found someone but he didn’t choose her and came to sleep with you to make her feel better than asked a dumb question that she knew was not going to make her feel better and when you told her that you had slept with someone, she feels like no one chooses her.
Just I wouldn’t do anything with her anymore as it might just bring more drama
tell her you both had a hall pass since she walked away without saying a word.
Sounds like you were on a break.
No you are not and ass hole and you are right, that is a ridiculous reaction from her lmao
Stop sleeping with her and distance yourself from the drama.
NTA.
Be straight with her in a way that she’ll understand: every single time she decides to ghost you, in your book, that’s a breakup.
It doesn’t really matter if she agrees, because you’re an adult who is entitled to set the behavioral standard for all of your relationships, and if she’s the type of adult that likes to disappear for weeks or months at a time, you’ve decided you’re not going to commit. It’s as simple as that.
It always blows me away how often grown ass adults think that the fictions in their head actually entitle them to control other people in the context of a relationship. She ghosted you on a whim and she’ll do it again — until she learns how to say “I’m feeling overwhelmed and antisocial and I need a week to myself” like every adult that moderately cares about being a good communicator can do, the only rules that apply to you are your own.
She sounds like drama, and I bet a lot of other people in her life see her as self-centered, too.
I don’t particularly like this phrase or use it lightly but dude: Don’t stick your dick in crazy. She sounds immature/unstable at best and manipulative at worst. Ghosting someone for a month is heckin disrespectful. Even FWB deserve basic communication. Whatever she was up to she can go right back to. You are a free agent.
Ask her why she ghosted you. 9/10 she was fucking someone else
NTA
Sounds like she’s playing games. I wouldn’t bother with her anymore, because she’s demanding loyalty she isn’t giving or communicating.
Ex. You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means
Why are you still seeing her? Such an unhealthy relationship. You’ve shown her how to treat you, so she continues to use you like a yo-yo. Cut off all ties and move on. This isn’t healthy behavior.
Bro you’re completely in the right here, I had the same situation back in 2023 and my ex ghosted me and ended up cheating like 4 times or somethin, when they came back 3 months later acting like we were still a couple after they’d put their new dudes insta in their bio, I just closed the door on them and that was that. Don’t let yourself be an option, because women will try to turn you into their choice without thinking about you
Why are people so crazy?
You were on a break!! (Sorry, couldn’t resist.) NTA
It’s only potentially cheating if boundaries and an understanding we’re not made explicitly clear
If you made it very clear . That you were not in a relationship. And that if you were going to have sex, there was no commitment involved
Then it’s not cheating. You are free to do whatever you want
If on her end, she felt differently. Well.
Maybe you should reevaluate if hooking up is a good idea. If she still wants exclusivity and commitment, and you don’t. Then it may not be fair to her emotionally, to continue being intimate in that way
Ultimately though . If you are very clear with her. And she continues to engage, that’s on her . But just might be a headache for you. Hopefully the head is worth the headache
Nta
Either she was in jail or SHE was sleeping with someone else during that ghosted month. I would tell her that her actions were the only thing speaking to you, so you knew you two were over.
Also, ask her if she was seeing someone during that month or while you two were fing.. because it seems like maybe, she ghosted you because she got caught?
I’m old but I’ll tell you that the sooner you realize that pussy ain’t made of gold the better off you’ll be. It is always ok to return the energy that you have received. You merely gave her the save level of respect that she gave you. Since she can’t see that, make sure you only keep her around for fun. She is not a keeper. She lacks critical thinking skills. You’ll deal with drama over everything.
NTA. Stop dealing with her!
NTA
Ghosting someone for a month and expecting it to be ok is abusive itself.
NTA. She’s being ridiculous. Did you ask her if she slept with anyone while she was busy ghosting you for a MONTH? Nah, you were clear going into the arrangement that there were no strings attached. After a week of no contact, you were in the clear to assume you two were “broken up” again.
NTA
Like Ross said “we where on a break”.
NTA and get out of there
It sounds like her other guy didn’t work out and you were so desperate to have just any relationship that you’re willing to put up with this and even be convinced that you did something wrong here. Hopefully, as you get older, you’ll get better at spotting this kind of BS, and valuing yourself enough not to put up with it. NTA.
You need to block her.
NTA
Why are you sleeping with someone who wants something you don’t? That will always be messy.
Dude do you really need an answer or is this a rhetorical question…NTA
You are the AH for continuing to entertain and engage with her. It sounds like this is not the first time she has done this, so why get involved with her again? You should have declined her advances in January and continued your other relationships.
Are you sure you want to continue a relationship with someone acting like that? If you are Superman, she is your kryptonite. You want Lois not kryptonite.
NTA.
NTA as of now. GIANT ASSHOLE if you value her for anything other than casual sex on your own terms.
Nta, you made it clear you wanted no commitment to her and are doing this for the sake of hooking up to me as a fellow female it sounds like she was testing you? And had forgotten or gaslighting that you weren’t committing to this relationship.