I (22F) am a bridesmaid in my friend Lauren’s (28F) wedding this August. She’s had a few things she feels strongly about—no kids except her nephews, no alcohol, and no plus-ones. And I’ve completely supported her on that, because it’s her wedding—who am I to have an opinion?
Before she and her fiancé David got engaged, I had a short relationship with David’s friend, Jake. The four of us even went on a couple trips together. I had just started to really like Jake—I liked him a lot—and it was honestly pretty hard when he ghosted me. I wanted an explanation, but all he told me was that he’s “just a different person.” I’ve mostly gotten over it, but yeah, it hurt.
What makes it harder is that Lauren loves bringing him up to me. I don’t know if she realizes what she’s doing or not, but it’s weird. I also know she talks to Jake about me—I’m not sure exactly what’s said, but based on things she’s mentioned, it’s clear they do.
Today, she called me before work, bragging about Jake’s new girlfriend and how the four of them went somewhere recently. Then she said something like, “Well, I was worried you might start drama if she came to the wedding.”
The wedding is in two months. Invitations have already been sent. She’s met this girl like twice—and now Jake gets a plus-one, but the rest of us don’t? I initially was supportive and then thought about it and sent her a pretty angry text about how I didn’t think it was fair.
I just don’t think it’s fair that I have to watch someone I genuinely cared about be all couple-y at the wedding while I can’t even bring someone to keep me company. It’s not like I’m going to know a ton of people there.
I don’t know, y’all—AITA?
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I (22F) am a bridesmaid in my friend Lauren’s (28F) wedding this August. She’s had a few things she feels strongly about—no kids except her nephews, no alcohol, and no plus-ones. And I’ve completely supported her on that, because it’s her wedding—who am I to have an opinion?
Before she and her fiancé David got engaged, I had a short relationship with David’s friend, Jake. The four of us even went on a couple trips together. I had just started to really like Jake—I liked him a lot—and it was honestly pretty hard when he ghosted me. I wanted an explanation, but all he told me was that he’s “just a different person.” I’ve mostly gotten over it, but yeah, it hurt.
What makes it harder is that Lauren loves bringing him up to me. I don’t know if she realizes what she’s doing or not, but it’s weird. I also know she talks to Jake about me—I’m not sure exactly what’s said, but based on things she’s mentioned, it’s clear they do.
Today, she called me before work, bragging about Jake’s new girlfriend and how the four of them went somewhere recently. Then she said something like, “Well, I was worried you might start drama if she came to the wedding.”
The wedding is in two months. Invitations have already been sent. She’s met this girl like twice—and now Jake gets a plus-one, but the rest of us don’t? I initially was supportive and then thought about it and sent her a pretty angry text about how I didn’t think it was fair.
I just don’t think it’s fair that I have to watch someone I genuinely cared about be all couple-y at the wedding while I can’t even bring someone to keep me company. It’s not like I’m going to know a ton of people there.
I don’t know, y’all—AITA?
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Info: Is Jake best man? It’s possible that MOH and best man get plus ones. But if not, it does seem like uneven treatment of people in the wedding party, and NTA to express that you’re miffed about that. This is a natural consequence of uneven treatment: people will be miffed.
INFO: I don’t get it, where does it say Jake gets a plus one in this?
YTA
> it’s her wedding—who am I to have an opinion?
> now Jake gets a plus-one, but the rest of us don’t?
It’s her wedding.
Who are you to have an opinion?
NTA. But, you should drop out of this wedding. Lauren has replaced you with Jake’s new girlfriend in her private life. She doesn’t give a damn if this hurts you, only that you “don’t start drama” when the new girlfriend appears at the wedding.
She’s made her choice and it’s not you. Move forward accordingly.
Sorry, but I never got past the no alcohol part. Why would anyone go to a wedding with no alcohol?
YTA. Sounds like Jake’s new GF is now friends with Lauren and David. She isn’t a plus one but a guest in her own right.
A plus one is someone invited by the guest that wouldn’t be invited by the bride and groom.
YTA Your break up with Jake doesn’t change that its her wedding and guest list. Maybe she and this girl clicked and she’s invited as her own person, not as Jake’s accessory. It doesn’t matter.
What matters is your willingness to blow up your friendship over an ex having a new gf.
She knew how hurt you were and doesn’t care. The no plus ones is not hard and fast since it seeks like most people get one. But, again, her wedding her choice. That being said , it doesn’t seem like she likes or cares about you. So you gave a decision. Stay in wedding or not.
Do you want a future or do you see one w her? Likely she will dump you and hang with ex and new gf.
Do you want to spend all the cash to be a bridesmaid and feel like crap?
Also red flag is two groomsmen backing out. Seems like there is a lot of drama without you.
Girl you seem to not be getting that your actual problem is Lauren and the fact she isn’t exactly a good friend. Yes it’s unfair and annoying that you don’t get a plus one but she’s the bride and in case this is the first time in your life going to a wedding, brides usually run wild😅, if this dude is close to the groom I assume he also agrees and IT IS ultimately THEIR wedding so, again, it’s unfair but I find it a bit much complaining you can’t bring a random person to someone else’s wedding when they’ve said no. The issue here is why does she sound like she enjoys you having an unfortunate dating life? Why is discussing you with said unfortunate dating life and why does she feel the need to bring this whole thing up randomly if she knows you were hurt and probably still feel uncomfortable over it. Whether she’s being a bit extra proud of herself for getting married at the moment or she’s genuinely been like that in the past know that you’re not a punching bag and that we don’t do that to friends? I’m actually curious, is that the first time she’s a bit too excited to bring up your insecurities? Just saying 👀 NTA but don’t stoop to her level.
Have you considered that she’s using you as a punching bag; and that she doesn’t really consider you a friend? She is being awful. Some people (usually girls in high school) keep a friend around that they belittle, make fun of, and talk shit about, because it makes them feel good about themselves somehow. I think that’s your place here. I absolutely think you should drop out of this wedding.
You’re NTA btw.
YTA. Jake’s gf was invited herself, not as a plus one. Also, if he told you he’s “just a different person,” that means he either told you he was ending things or answered when you asked. That’s not ghosting!!! Ghosting is when you never hear from them again, they never say anything is wrong, they just stop talking. You know, like a ghost.
NTA, drop out and keep the dress , don’t let her have it ….. when she comes and asks for it
NTA if you are a reliable narrator your friend doesn’t sound like a fried it sounds like she just wanted a body to stand next to her at the ceremony so it looks like she has friends.
It’s not your wedding and he’s an ex. Go to the wedding and have a good time and stop pining over an ex. Maybe his gf being at the wedding will help you get over him.
YTA. I would understand if you had a more serious relationship with Jake, but you didn’t. It was brief and you say you’re mostly over it anyway.
NTA. But I would drop out of her weeding party let her know from now that because of her prioritizing Jake and his new relationship you would not be comfortable attending her weeding.
She has been telling you that Jake is more important to her, you just weren’t listening. You need to put you first and take time away from her to be able to move on.
YTA. Your ex is the groom’s friend, so he was always going to be at the wedding. If 2 groomsmen have dropped out, it’s possible they’re bending over backwards to keep the ones he has left. Although I don’t agree with her + one “policy” and it’s haphazard application, it’s her wedding. Stop keeping score.
NTA It’s hard to imagine enjoying anything about this friendship. Lauren’s mean.
YTA. It’s her wedding. Even if she had a no kids rule and then invited an orphanage, she can do whatever she wants, because it’s her wedding.
Your post is one long blurr because you fail to use paragraphs.
I wonder why she constantly brings him up? Either she likes to stir up drama, or she is of the opinion that you did something to cause the relationship failure.
I don’t think you handled it the right way, bringing up the personal angle isn’t the way to handle it, it just plays into her hand. You should have brought up the fairness angle. She said no plus 1s, but he’s getting an exception made for him, how is that fair?
She can invite whoever she wants to her wedding, but this is weird. You’re NTA
My speculation is she thinks much more highly of Jake than you and enjoys the power of watching you squirm. I’d bow out of the wedding gracefully and watch her throw a bit of a fit.
NTA. I think she is bringing him up on purpose. There is no way she doesn’t know what she is doing.
The rules are the rules – until they are not
So, the happy couple has lost two bridesmaids and two groomsmen at this point?
NTA but ignore everyone and go to the wedding. Because it’s going to be a hot mess!!! Make sure to record everything. There are sure to be fights.
Sorry I have to go against the grain here with a YTA, possibly an ESH situation.
If your friend is actually shitty and doing this to hurt you then you need to dump her and get new friends, and that’s the only way this could be an ESH situation or a NTA situation….but at the same time you have to learn to let things go and move on, and that other peoples shitty actions are reflections on themselves and nothing to do with you.
You need to drop out and tell her your ex’s new gf can have him, a plus-1 invite AND your bridesmaid dress….Because you’re OUT.
This bride is NOT your friend.
NTA. “Your wedding, your rules” should apply to everyone, not just when it’s convenient.
NTA. Drop her and anyone who is stuck with her.
This person is not your friend. Go to the wedding. Pretend to be completely indifferent. They’re going to want to see your reactions. Have a great time. Eat and drink to your heart’s content, then never speak to any of these people again. Also, Lauren is 28 and messing with a 22 year old? She’s not very mature or kind. I’d be embarrassed for her. Imagine if she had to honestly tell another adult about her behaviour?
It’s not your wedding, though
Do yourself a favour and nope out of this one, by the sounds of it she has
NTA, but you are being an AH to yourself. She would know it hurts you to bring him up and she does it often. So yes she realises and it is weird if your friendship was sincere, which it is not. she even flaunts the new group of 4. why do you subject yourself to this? Just drop out of wedding, you are only there to show how many people she has all over her. Get some self respect, you are worth more than that.
NTA. Your feelings are totally valid and it is indeed unfair. It’s her wedding but she’s not being considerate.
could you show us what you said? i want full context but so far your NTA. she’s a shitty friend, she might like jake more then you do
Lauren isn’t your friend. She is choosing Jake’s feelings over yours. She is choosing the girlfriend’s feelings over yours. Your feelings don’t matter to her. Cut ties with her now. She’s got time to replace you in the wedding party. She’s already replaced you in her friends group.
NTA. This is hurtful. Drop out and let his new girlfriend replace you. Having no plus ones until this rare jewel comes along just means you have a free day
Why do you think you get a say in who she does or doesn’t invite to her own wedding? If you’re not paying for the wedding, you get zero say in who can come with who. YTA.
NTA. But I wouldn’t have a fit because she’s invited this girl. I’d drop these people because she talks to you like crap.
NTA….UpdateMe
NTA. Drop out.
Updateme
Forward this post to Lauren.
Your “friend” doesn’t sound like a friend. I would never do this to my bestie. I’m sorry. She’s the asshole.
Your “friend” doesn’t sound like a friend. I would never do this to my bestie. I’m sorry. She’s the asshole.
Also what was Lauren’s response to your obviously hurt text? That is the part that will tell u all u need to know!
NTA. Lauren doesn’t sound like a very good friend to you. So don’t be a very good friend to her