So I (25 f) was at my cousin’s (24 f) house for a sleep over, because we wanted to feel like little children. It was all fun and games. We baked brownies, played volleyball and just casually chatted about work and other stuff, but we always had some disagreements in between those activities.
At like 6:15 pm I needed to call my boss to tell him that my computer broke and the paper work I needed to send in 15 minutes as all gone and I will rewrite them tomorrow morning, but my phone was at one percent. I couldn’t find my charger, so I asked my cousin where it was since she was the last one who used it. Well she kept making this teasing comments that she’ll give it to me when my phone dies and why do I need it so bad. I DID told her about the situation that I was in but she laughed if off like it was nothing. After going back and forth for a few minutes before I exploded and told her to act serious for one time in the not so polite way. I know I might not been the nicest in this, but we’ve had tension building up and this was my breaking point. She was stunned for a moment before looking at me like I just ate a spoonful of ants and telling that I had anger issues and I needed to check my mental state. After that day interactions were weird. I kept apologizing and giving small gifts to ease the tension, but she was extremely hostile and kept making mean comments about me. So am I the asshole for snapping at her?
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So I (25 f) was at my cousin’s (24 f) house for a sleep over, because we wanted to feel like little children. It was all fun and games. We baked brownies, played volleyball and just casually chatted about work and other stuff, but we always had some disagreements in between those activities.
At like 6:15 pm I needed to call my boss to tell him that my computer broke and the paper work I needed to send in 15 minutes as all gone and I will rewrite them tomorrow morning, but my phone was at one percent. I couldn’t find my charger, so I asked my cousin where it was since she was the last one who used it. Well she kept making this teasing comments that she’ll give it to me when my phone dies and why do I need it so bad. I DID told her about the situation that I was in but she laughed if off like it was nothing. After going back and forth for a few minutes before I exploded and told her to act serious for one time in the not so polite way. I know I might not been the nicest in this, but we’ve had tension building up and this was my breaking point. She was stunned for a moment before looking at me like I just ate a spoonful of ants and telling that I had anger issues and I needed to check my mental state. After that day interactions were weird. I kept apologizing and giving small gifts to ease the tension, but she was extremely hostile and kept making mean comments about me. So am I the asshole for snapping at her?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think that snapping at her would be the action that would make me a huge asshole, since I was rude and didn’t try negotiating with her.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. You were under time pressure and needed to make a call for work — this wasn’t about scrolling Instagram, it was your job on the line. You communicated clearly, and she chose to play games and mock you. That’s not “fun,” that’s disrespectful.
Also, her reaction after you finally snapped — calling you mentally unstable — was way over the line. Everyone has a breaking point, especially when someone pushes your buttons on purpose.
You apologized multiple times, but she’s still being hostile? That says more about her emotional maturity than yours. Setting a boundary doesn’t make you the problem.
ESH.
> At like 6:15 pm I needed to call my boss to tell him that my computer broke and the paper work I needed to send in 15 minutes as all gone and I will rewrite them tomorrow morning, but my phone was at one percent.
Sounds like awful planning ahead. And your cousin is an ass for not just letting you borrow her charger.
> but we always had some disagreements in between those activities.
You guys are in your 20s, why are you bickering so much during a sleepover? That’s really immature.
NTA
Your cousin isn’t exactly your little cousin, only a year younger. That doesn’t mean she can’t give you the charger.
NTA she’s 24 years old, I skipped over the ages at first and thought she was a child. That’s crazy immature for a grown adult, she should’ve understood why you needed it when you explained
NTA
She was messing with your job. That important thing that pays your bills and keeps a roof over your head. You told her why you needed your charger – so you could quickly call your boss.
Anyone would have lost their temper after asking multiple times and her behaving so immaturely she would put your job at risk “to tease you”. She was a huge AH, that wasn’t funny, she ruined the evening not you. Don’t know why you apologised, I’d still be mad at her!
ESH. Your cousin acts like she’s 14, not 24. Unless your computer broke while you were at her house, your “At like 6:15 pm I needed to call my boss to tell him that my computer broke and the paper work I needed to send in 15 minutes as all gone” call should have been made much earlier. If you knew you would need to make this call, you should have kept your phone charged.
ESH you’re both childish – your computer didn’t break 15 minutes before the deadline. You should have done your job before going over to your cousins instead of waiting till the last minute to make up excuses to your boss. She shouldn’t have hidden your charger
NTA.
You were in a stressful situation and needed something basic. Your charger! She knew that and still decided to mess with you. That’s not playful, that’s dismissive. Yeah, snapping isn’t ideal, but it didn’t come out of nowhere. You explained, she ignored it, and then insulted you after you reached a breaking point.
You’ve already apologized, even gave her gifts, and she’s still being hostile. That says more about her than you. You’re not the problem here.
NTA
It’s not okay for her to take your belongings and not give them back. Honestly, even my five year old will give things back when I tell her to stop. Being teasing about keeping people’s stuff is not cute.
>I kept apologizing and giving small gifts to ease the tension, but she was extremely hostile and kept making mean comments about me. So am I the asshole for snapping at her?
I wouldn’t have done this. I would have told her that stealing my stuff and not giving it back isn’t funny or cute, and that I won’t put up with it. If she dosen’t like that, oh well. I’d have left if she was prissy about it, probably. Or at least not played into it. Certainly not given her gifts??
That said . . .
>At like 6:15 pm I needed to call my boss to tell him that my computer broke and the paper work I needed to send in 15 minutes as all gone and I will rewrite them tomorrow morning, but my phone was at one percent.
What’s going on with this? Did your computer just break? Where you doing work at your sleepover that you procrastinated and then it broke? I don’t really understood how this happened.