I (24F) grew up quite religious but I’m just not as religious anymore. My mom still is.
Last night we were watching TV when our neighbours started having sex. It happens often which is not ideal but whatever. She got upset, which I get, but then said “They’re not even married.” I asked, “And?” She replied that since they’re not married, you’d think they wouldn’t be that loud.
That irritated me. I told her not everyone lives by the Bible and she can’t keep preaching it while ignoring parts of it herself (she’s very judgmental, divorced etc which is fine
but hypocritical by her logic). She turned her head away, lifted her hand to eye level and said she wasn’t listening to me. I said that’s fine but I still get to say my piece.
I then walked to the kitchen (next to the living room) and muttered “jeez fucking louise”. She asked what I said to her and I told her since she wasn’t listening to me, I wasn’t talking to her. She called me “fucking rude” and I said yeah when it suits her. Now it’s the silent treatment for me.
AITA? I know I could’ve handled it better but I’m so tired of her using her beliefs to judge everyone. Even when I told her my childhood best friend had a baby recently, her first response was “that’s wrong, they’re not married.” I don’t expect her to change her beliefs, but why can’t she just let people live their lives without commenting?
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I (24F) grew up quite religious but I’m just not as religious anymore. My mom still is.
Last night we were watching TV when our neighbours started having sex. It happens often which is not ideal but whatever. She got upset, which I get, but then said “They’re not even married.” I asked, “And?” She replied that since they’re not married, you’d think they wouldn’t be that loud.
That irritated me. I told her not everyone lives by the Bible and she can’t keep preaching it while ignoring parts of it herself (she’s very judgmental, divorced etc which is fine
but hypocritical by her logic). She turned her head away, lifted her hand to eye level and said she wasn’t listening to me. I said that’s fine but I still get to say my piece.
I then walked to the kitchen (next to the living room) and muttered “jeez fucking louise”. She asked what I said to her and I told her since she wasn’t listening to me, I wasn’t talking to her. She called me “fucking rude” and I said yeah when it suits her. Now it’s the silent treatment for me.
AITA? I know I could’ve handled it better but I’m so tired of her using her beliefs to judge everyone. Even when I told her my childhood best friend had a baby recently, her first response was “that’s wrong, they’re not married.” I don’t expect her to change her beliefs, but why can’t she just let people live their lives without commenting?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I snapped at my mom for always judging people based on “what the Bible says” even though it’s other people’s lives and they don’t necessarily live according to the same beliefs and values. I might be the asshole for saying jeez fucking louise in response and it could be seen as disrespectful and rude to my mom. I could have handled it better
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
It’s kind of funny that you’re judging somebody based on the fact that they’re judgmental. You know your mom’s not going to change. Let us say it and move on. She’s not saying it to the other couple who bedroom is right next to yours and having very loud sex which is kind of rude in the first place. Since you’re not that religious anymore and you know your mom is, what do you even have to react to it?
So your mom’s divorced and judgmental. Which are two judgments on your part. So what does that make you? Oh yes, a hypocrite just like you’re accusing your mom.
Yta, Glass houses, stones stuff throwing stuff
Just quote her Matthew Chapter 7, verses 1-3.
NTA.
NTA. Your mom seems to have some issues. Like this is on her. She’s not being reasonable or rational. No use in trying to talk to her likely … just learn how to live with it
Since your mom strictly follows the Bible, I’m assuming that when she has/had her period she takes two turtledoves or two pigeons and brings them to the priest, who offers one up as a sin offering and the other for a burnt offering. IF WE FOLLOW THE BIBLE WE FOLLOW THE BIBLE, MA.
NTA.
YTA.
If you know your mom has a religious perspective, stop getting irritated when she tells you that perspective.
You don’t expect to change her beliefs yet you keep bringing up non-nuptial sex as if she’s gonna suddenly say she’s cool with it.
> why can’t she just let people live their lives without commenting?
Someone keeps asking for her opinion.
Prophet TIMOTHY tells that women should stay silent.
Find the référence.
NTA
“The Bible are rules for YOU to live by. Not for you to try to force others to live by.”
As someone who believes the Bible from cover to cover, it sounds to me like she tried to deescalate and you both ended up snapping at each other. I understand you don’t believe anymore, but this is a situation where you can have a very good point but the way you say it can be all wrong. Imagine what would have happened if you said,”Not everyone believes what you do. It’s their choice if they want to live that way. Besides, we could all work on living our beliefs out a little better.” Anyway, apologize to each other, makeup and have your mother give Ephesians 4:29 a read when she gets a chance. To be very honest I don’t think either of you meant to be jerks to each other. You’re just trying to emphasize that your mother should live according to her beliefs and let other people live according to theirs. That’s not a bad point. It’s just the way you said it that’s the problem and I don’t even think that makes you a jerk here. I don’t think anybody speaks the way they intend to all the time.
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ESH for sure.
Your neighbors for being loud enough to make their sex everyone’s business; your mom for her weaponized use of religion when it suits her, and you for fighting with her over religion when you know she’s religious and when the actual problem is that your neighbors are apparently loud. I get that she’s annoying, but you used her religion to pick a fight. You were fine with her being upset until she brought religion into it and then attacked her entire life. Why couldn’t you let her live her life in this instant without commenting?
Enjoy the silence I find when moody people get pissed off at me is the most peaceful time of my life
NTA.
It is never wrong to point out religious hypocrisy.
Judge not lest ye be judged.
Well, OP’s mom was judging, therefore she can be judged.
Maybe it’s the life experience of dealing with Christian hypocrites, but I will not tolerate that kind of behavior and will always endorse calling it out.
NTA
Mom please explain what religion and the volume of sex has to do with each other. Don’t worry I’ll wait. Take as long as you need.
Bonus points if you can ask this with someone else present.
“My religion says I can’t do this.” – Fine, no problem.
“My religion says YOU can’t do this.” – Poke it.
NTA
NTA. I’ve lived around religious hypocrites my entire life. They’re some of the most obnoxious people I’ve ever dealt with, and the very reason so many people turn away from religion. They’ll find so many reasons to hate other people based on their religious beliefs but cannot seem to gather an ounce of self-reflection, empathy, or even a sense of humor. Your mom sounds the same way lol.
Religious people have a tendency to be obsessed with what other people do with their genitals.
But, Mom, “50 Shades of Grey” teaches us that premarital sex is perfectly fine!
I mean, if you’re going to live your life based on what some book says, who cares which book?
You are outgrowing your mother and her particular mindset. You can ignore her comments and not follow up, don’t reply just let them hang there. you can avoid topics that you anticipate will elicit these comments. in a calm moment you can share with her how annoying and stifling it is. Another strategy is to reply but not exactly to what she said.
“Childhood friend had a baby”
“They’re not married “
“They’ve named the baby after her brother”
“They’re not married “
“They’re doing well everyone is healthy”
You get the idea. It’s very challenging to grit your teeth through stuff that annoys the hell out of you but try to be more mature than your mother
NTA. Do you live with her? If so, learn to ignore when she says such things. If you can’t ignore her, and I know that may be hard, maybe it’s time to move out. She’s allowed to say whatever ignorant things she wants to say in her own place.
Can we go back to how you know your neighbors are having sex?
Why do you live with mom? Who pays the rent? If it’s mom, you should leave and find a roommate with your values. The enlightened Reddit folks will talk shit about anyone quoting religion so you might BTA depending on who pays the rent.
NTA. Sounds like you needed to move out like yesterday.
>since they’re not married, you’d think they wouldn’t be that loud
hahahahaha! I love that her first reaction wasn’t “that’s wrong so it shouldn’t be done” it was “that’s wrong so it should be hidden.” Perfect summation of the Sunday Christian.