For my 21st birthday, my girlfriend was supposed to come into town and stay with me and my family at our house. In the months leading up to this, I had been pretty adamant that I wanted to instead fly to her and spend it at her home, but my parents wouldn’t allow that (even though I would be the one buying the ticket). My girlfriend was supposed to leave in 2 days to head over, but her dog is sick with a kidney infection, and he would likely pass while she was gone if she had flown to me. He’s 14, and she’s had him since she was 8 so she’s pretty devastated.
As a solution, she refunded her flight for trip credit, and used all that trip credit to buy me a ticket to come see her. Therefore, I will be going and spending 5 days with her and her family, and flying back home the day after my birthday.
My mom says I am being selfish, and that I clearly am not considering how important my birthday is to her. To clarify, I am turning 21. Not 12. Regardless, I would’ve wanted to spend the day at bars with my friends if I had been at home.
I told her she is being a little over the top because we can just celebrate the day after my birthday once I’m back. She responded by saying that my girlfriend is stealing me from my family and that I will end up regretting this decision for the rest of my life. AITA?
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For my 21st birthday, my girlfriend was supposed to come into town and stay with me and my family at our house. In the months leading up to this, I had been pretty adamant that I wanted to instead fly to her and spend it at her home, but my parents wouldn’t allow that (even though I would be the one buying the ticket). My girlfriend was supposed to leave in 2 days to head over, but her dog is sick with a kidney infection, and he would likely pass while she was gone if she had flown to me. He’s 14, and she’s had him since she was 8 so she’s pretty devastated.
As a solution, she refunded her flight for trip credit, and used all that trip credit to buy me a ticket to come see her. Therefore, I will be going and spending 5 days with her and her family, and flying back home the day after my birthday.
My mom says I am being selfish, and that I clearly am not considering how important my birthday is to her. To clarify, I am turning 21. Not 12. Regardless, I would’ve wanted to spend the day at bars with my friends if I had been at home.
I told her she is being a little over the top because we can just celebrate the day after my birthday once I’m back. She responded by saying that my girlfriend is stealing me from my family and that I will end up regretting this decision for the rest of my life. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I went to the airport and hopped on a plane to go to Boston to see my girlfriend. That is the action I took. And that action might make me the asshole because it was unplanned, and my mom had hoped to spend my 21st with me (even though I didn’t want to)
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Establish boundaries with your mom now, or she will be the MIL from hell for your future spouse.
NTA
Crazy mother alert. She needs to realise that you are allowed your own life now. NTA
NTA. Parents trying to “not allow” their adult children to do things just because they still live with them will never not be funny to me. have fun with your gf and let your mom be mad, just wait until she finds out you want to move out one day 🤯
NTA
Your mom is being dramatic if you spend the rest of your life regretting how you spent your 21st birthday you’ve got a bigger problem. I’m 29 and my 21st was in the middle of finals so I spent it at dinner with friends. You’ll realize when you get older that birthdays can be fun but at the end of the day, they are not that big of a deal.
Now on to your mom, the first thing that came to mind was the typical Reddit response of “your mom is jealous of your girlfriend!!” However, could it be possible that your mom may have had something planned as a surprise? It could also be that depending on your family she could be all in her feelings that her child is getting older. I’m the baby of the family and my mom definitely shed a couple of tears when I turned 21. She was a little upset that she couldn’t celebrate with me because I was off at college. You both are adults so sit your mom down and ask her why you going to visit your gf is upsetting her so much. Good luck OP and happy early birthday!
Nta, go enjoy your birthday.
And your mom is content to steal your life for herself. You’re 21, you don’t need permission. When you become a self-sufficient adult, parents get an opinion, not a vote.
NTA
NTA
time to escape from your mom – see that you have a lot less contact with your overbearing AH mom.
Use paragraphs
NTA but your mom is, parents are meant to prepare their children to fly and leave the nest but your mom seems to want to just clip your wings and keep you to herself.
Like you said, you’re 21, not 12. Does your mom not realize that you’re gonna want to have a family of your own some day? Once your parents are gone, you’ll be alone if she has it her way.
NTA, you’re mom is having trouble letting go and you growing up. Nip it in the bud now or she’s gonna be super controlling the rest of you life and interfere in every bit possible.
NTA. At 21 you are an adult and you mother needs to understand that you are going to be her “little man” forever. She needs to.understand and you may have to do some explaining that you really care about your GF as much as you do her but she needs to understand her position of GRIEVING. Dammit
NTA for being an adult. Are you an only child?
Your being selfish by not spending your birthday the way your Mother wants? It’s very important to her? That’s just crazy talk! You’re turning 21! It’s your time to be crazy and go out to the bars and drunk with your buddies! She’s the selfish one for trying to control an adult who should be able to go out and celebrate however he wants! You only turn 21 once!
NTA. I can understand your mother being a little hurt by this if it’s something she envisioned and then the reality changed on her, but it’s not something she can reasonably demand from you. Your girlfriend is not stealing you from your family and I doubt it’s something you’ll think much of in the future. Do what you like and tell your mother that her attempt to guilt trip you here was not appreciated, but that you’re sorry that her idea of what your 21st birthday should be doesn’t match up with what you want.
NTA. Tell mom that no, the GF is not “stealing” me. But I am a man and will be having my own life.
Curious, do all your grandparents live with you? If not I would ask mom why she does not have them at the home or did Dad “steal” her from them or did she steal dad from his parents?….
NTA
Wow. NTA. I hope you can stand up to your mom because she will forever blame your gf, even if you get married. She is so out of line.
NTA. Parents don’t get to tell their adult children what to do and control their lives. Exactly what the first poster here said: set boundaries with her now for the sake of this and future relationships.
I am 62F with two “kids” that are 32F and 28M. I would not expect them to spend their 21st birthday with me but with their friends. I believe both were at college when they turned 21 and we saw them at some point after their birthday so we could celebrate with them.
Your mom is being unreasonable by assuming you should spend your entire birthday with her/your family. You can see them the day/week after and they can celebrate with you then. You’re NTA to go fly to your GF’s and spending time with her.
If course you are not the AH. Go and be where you want to be with the person you want to be with. Your girlfriend and you should be together on your birthday and you want to be there with her too! It’s your birthday not your mother’s. Your mother sounds a bit much again the day is about you. Your mother will get over it. If not too bad for her.