AITA I’m 38f living with my husband (38m) and our young daughter. We have had to be very careful with our money as we have a mortgage to pay, bills, and generally life is expensive. I don’t work due to health problems and my husband works a full time job, we don’t claim benefits etc but we try hard as we can to get by.
Anyway, in recent months I lost an elderly relative, we will call her Aunt B. Aunt B left me some money alongside my mother, her sister and my brother. Happy to receive a chunk of it, I quickly planned what I wanted to do with it including home improvements and maybe a holiday which we haven’t had for years.
Now I find out that my parents have been interigating my husband about what I have done with the money. My Dad said he had been phoning local window companies to check if they had appointments with our address, and finding out they don’t he wanted to know why and asked if I had been ‘flittering it away’ and telling my husband to ‘be firmer’ with me.
I’m flabbergasted at this. I know that they are controlling narcissistic people. Affection has always been something to trade, and any time I did anything they didn’t approve of I was reprimanded with emotional blackmail, neglect and harsh judgement.
However this is just too much. It’s absolutely no e of their business what I do with the money, they had no right to harass my husband about it, or withhold contact for information. I’m so hurt and upset, but I feel as though I can’t say anything to them,I felt as though they are crossing boundaries but I’m struggling to figure out what to do. If I say something they might try and withhold the rest of my inheritance somehow. Help!
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AITA I’m 38f living with my husband (38m) and our young daughter. We have had to be very careful with our money as we have a mortgage to pay, bills, and generally life is expensive. I don’t work due to health problems and my husband works a full time job, we don’t claim benefits etc but we try hard as we can to get by.
Anyway, in recent months I lost an elderly relative, we will call her Aunt B. Aunt B left me some money alongside my mother, her sister and my brother. Happy to receive a chunk of it, I quickly planned what I wanted to do with it including home improvements and maybe a holiday which we haven’t had for years.
Now I find out that my parents have been interigating my husband about what I have done with the money. My Dad said he had been phoning local window companies to check if they had appointments with our address, and finding out they don’t he wanted to know why and asked if I had been ‘flittering it away’ and telling my husband to ‘be firmer’ with me.
I’m flabbergasted at this. I know that they are controlling narcissistic people. Affection has always been something to trade, and any time I did anything they didn’t approve of I was reprimanded with emotional blackmail, neglect and harsh judgement.
However this is just too much. It’s absolutely no e of their business what I do with the money, they had no right to harass my husband about it, or withhold contact for information. I’m so hurt and upset, but I feel as though I can’t say anything to them,I felt as though they are crossing boundaries but I’m struggling to figure out what to do. If I say something they might try and withhold the rest of my inheritance somehow. Help!
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> Am I the asshole for thinking I should spend my inheritance how I want and tell my family it’s none of their business.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
I think you should get a manila envelope, address it to them from you and write “inheritance information” on the outside. Then take a piece of printer paper, some glue and some craft glitter and make a big glittery note that says “Fuck Off” to send in it. and then go NC.
NTA
You’re 38. Tell them to back the eff off. It’s none of their business what you and your family do with y’all’s money. NTA unless you don’t shit this shit down now.
NTA. Your father sure is, though. And such a misogynist. It’s as if you don’t count as an adult human. Like, who calls around to see if you have business dealings going on? Assholes, that’s who. If you do do business, put passwords on your accounts so they can’t mess with them. Much like for wedding planning.
Don’t say anything to them again.
My condolences to you on the loss of your aunt.
Call your parents up and tell them to back off or you will file harassment charges. They are beyond intrusive.
NTA, and you absolutely need to say something to them. If they start on your husband, then he also needs to tell them to mind their beak.
NTA – it’s none of their business what you do with your inheritance
NTA – it’s none of their business what you do with your inheritance
NTA. But I’m curious as to what you mean by the rest of your inheritance? Did they hold some of it back somehow? Or are you talking about when they pass, you’re afraid they’ll cut you out of their will? But as far as the money from your aunt, she left you that to do with what you want to do. I believe, what you are wanting to do with it, is a fabulous idea. For your house, it’s an investment. The upgrades you do now will help out if you ever want to sell it later. And taking a trip, everybody needs a good holiday ever now and again. As far as then holding it back, they can’t do thatof its money your aunt said it in her will, unless she put it through a trust that says they watch over it for you or something like that. If it’s their will you’re worried about leaving you out, I wouldn’t worry about that. But I say, it’s your money, do what you want.
NTA, but how would your parents be able to withhold part of the inheritance? Are they executors? Maybe spend a little of that money on an attorney to protect yourself.
NTA. This is between you (and your own household) and your aunt. You do not need your parents permission or approval.
Let me say it again- you are an adult.
You do not need permission or approval on how you conduct your life.
Wow. 38 and they are still trying to control what you do? While I think it is ok to have an open conversation and give you things to think about, trying to find out and control what you do with it is overboard. Spend it on hookers and blow if you want, as along as you don’t owe others for borrowing in the past.
NTA. It is 100% your business and your business alone what you do with that money.
If the money was left to you, it is your money. Get your parents out of your money. Talk to a lawyer if necessary.
That inheritance is legally yours if it was notarised in a will, so your parents cannot hold it back from you for whatever bonkers reasons they feel appropriate. You are 38 my lovely, it’s time to tell your narc parents to stay in their lane because it seems that they like to overstep and interfere at every chance they get. Get YOUR money and do with it whatever YOU feel is necessary with it, after all it’s YOUR inheritance and you are an adult so put ya big girl pants on and tell parents it’s none of their business how you spend YOUR MONEY! NTA but you will be if you let them get into your and your hubbys heads.
Edited: to put the e on none 🤦🏼♀️
NTA, but what do you mean by you’re afraid they’ll withhold the rest of your inheritance somehow? Are you talking about money they leave you when they pass on, or do they have extra money from your aunt that should belong to you?
Either way, the money your aunt gave you is yours to spend as you wish, it would be one thing if you were a teenager spending it away, but you’re 38 years old and married. And why is your husband even having these conversations with your dad in the first place?
What did your husband say to them? Are the two of you a team?
NTA. It’s your money, not theirs. If your dad wants you to have new windows then he should pay for them himself.
>My Dad said he had been phoning local window companies to check if they had appointments with our address […] and telling my husband to ‘be firmer’ with me
Super creepy.
Dad calling window companies? That’s next-level nosy. NTA.
You’re almost 40. Time to learn to put your foot down with your overstepping parents. Tell them what you do with your money is none of their business, and you will not tolerate them sticking their nose where it does not belong or cornering your husband. If they can’t stay in their lane, you will put them in time out. If they continue the behavior, the time out extends. If they still push boundaries, you will go low contact. And so on.
NTA except to yourself and your daughter for allowing this behavior. You are modeling to your daughter what relationships and boundaries look like, and this is why so many children grow up to get with abusers: because boundary stomping and ignoring red flags are normalized throughout their childhood.
Inheritance? What inheritance? Tell them you blew it on the most outrageous thing you can think about and never let them know the difference.
NTA Your father actually called window companies rather than asked you? This is wild!
You KNOW your parents are controlling narcissists, don’t let it affect you. They can call whoever they want, it’s doesn’t matter! Is you who makes the decision and it’s only valid once You sign it.
But mind that vacations are only for the ones that aren’t drowning on debts!
NTA! I thought is was going to be your hungry making plans, like my brother and hiw wife, she’s planned what to do with his share form the family house that’s being sold right now, he’s just laughing and putting it in his pension.
But YOUR PARENTS! And not even talking to you, but calling c9mpanies and tattling to your hubby. That’s crazy control. You would do well to go very low c9ntact with them
If I say something, they might try to withhold the rest of my inheritance somehow. EXCUSE ME, but what are they doing with YOUR inheritance?!? They aren’t entitled to withhold ANY of YOUR inheritance!!! I would demand the rest of what you are due NOW! If they give you a hard time, it would be in your best interest to contact an estate attorney…NTA
NTA. But if your relationship is more complicated than simple parent-child love as you suggest, it’s not a bad idea to be pragmatic in dealing with people who might delete your name from their will. I had a rich uncle die, and I was his only living heir in the family. He was domineering and insulted me frequently. I told him to fuck off. He left his estate to the Catholic Church. He had been having dinner frequently with the local priest and Monseigneur, which of course didn’t help me.
“I’m honoring Aunt B’s dying wish by tending to whatever I feel like. Her wish is to grant me some financial peace and I trust that she knew what she wanted.” I believe legally they cannot withhold your inheritance without fear of litigation from you.
Calling local companies is unhinged behavior. NTA.
NTA, tell them you spent it in Vegas and hubs absolutely approved of it
Why is he fixated on windows? What in his little “father knows best” brain gives him the idea that he knows what the greatest need is in the house?
NTA. It’s your money to spend how you please. Lucky you got it as you don’t work due to ‘health problems’. Though you did seem to find money for tattoos with your bestie. Priorities.
NTA. You need to have a serious chat to them, they’re not getting any younger and when you called the local disability suppliers you were a bit shocked they hadn’t ordered anything to help them in their twilight years. Start pressuring them to see a doctor with you. The first time you suggest it is crucial regarding gaslights. “Come on dad, you know we’ve discussed this many times, I don’t know why you agree to something and then deny remembering it”.
If it was me I would put away some money for my daughter’s first car or college. My job as a parent is to teach her to be an adult and manage her finances and my actions speak louder than words
NTA time to lawyer up
Since you legally inherited it, ask for all of it upfront now, and tell them if they don’t give it all now, you will get your own lawyer and sue them for theft. Get your husband to back you up.
As soon as you have the money, go no contact for as long as you like.
NTA of course!
How do they have your part of the money? Tell them all to mind their damn business!