I (F, 22) was in a long-term relationship with my ex (M, 23) from 10th grade to 2nd year college. The breakup was amicable. One of those “we’re growing in different directions” type of things. It was still painful, but it felt like the right decision.
One of the hardest parts was letting go of his family, especially his mom, whom I’ll call Tita. We got very close during the relationship, even though we had different personalities (she’s outgoing and active, I’m reserved and quiet), we connected deeply over shared values. She became a comforting and stable presence in my life when things at home weren’t.
Even after the breakup, we still hung out every Saturday like usual, like trying new restaurants, doing activities, etc. My ex knew and never expressed being weirded out by it.
But when he started dating someone new last year, that changed. Tita invited me to her 50th birthday party. A big family celebration. I hesitated but she insisted I come, saying it would be huge and my ex and I probably wouldn’t even bump into each other.
Well… I did end up bumping into him. Right as he was introducing his new girlfriend to his mom. It was super awkward. His mom and I were in the middle of a loud conversation, and the vibe got tense. His mom greeted the new GF politely but was noticeably more focused on me the rest of the night. I even tried to leave early to avoid making things weirder, but she kept gently insisting I stay—”It’s my birthday!” and all.
After the party, my ex texted me saying I was disrespectful for coming. That even though he knew I was invited, he assumed I’d have the “decency not to show up.” He said his GF was upset no one made her feel welcome and that it led to a big fight between them.
I felt bad. I didn’t know she’d be introduced that night, and I really didn’t mean to overshadow anything. I told Tita maybe I should stop attending family events and we agreed to hang out less to avoid drama.
But when his GF found out we still did our weekly hangouts, she threatened to break up with him. He told his mom to stop seeing me altogether, which sparked a fight between them. Some family members said our friendship was weird, others defended it. Eventually, I told Tita we should pause our hangouts until it “wasn’t weird anymore.” She understood, and we only messaged each other on birthdays and holidays after that.
Fast forward to a few days ago, I randomly ran into Tita at the mall while I was running a small errand and so was she. It was like there was never even a pause in our relationship and we ended up spending the whole day together: lunch, museum, movie, early dinner. It was lovely and felt like reconnecting with an old friend. I even shared that I was seeing someone new, and she was really supportive.
Then came the fallout. Tita posted a story of our hangout, and my ex saw it. He messaged me again, calling me weird, disrespectful, and even accused me of still wanting him back because I “won’t leave his mom alone.” It was honestly really hurtful, especially since her knew why and how I got close to his mom. I explained that I’m in a new relationship, I have no interest in him, and Tita is just someone I care about deeply.
I’ve also learned that even after all this time, his girlfriend and his mom never got close, and our hangout story sparked another huge fight between them.
So… AITA for continuing a friendship with my ex’s mom—even after years have passed, I’m in a new relationship, and it was just the two of us spending time together?
Comments
This is AI writing this.
Your previous posts are clearly a different writer.
NTA
NTA – I dont think you’re an AH. You’re all adults and should theoretically behave as such.
But I do think you may need to be respectful and cautious here and just maybe more aware of you still being in his family’s life may impact your ex.
NTA- Tita is allowed to have friends, even if her son doesn’t like them. Your relationship with her is separate from the relationship that you had with her son, which has now ended.
Stepping back from family events is probably a good idea, but if she invites you as a friend to HER event, then her disrespectful son can go kick rocks.
YTA – You broke up, get out of his life
YTA I’m going a different route. shes not just a random woman she’s your exes mom. shes never going to care abiut a new gf as long as you’re there hanging around. Future partners are not going to be okay with it because it does look like youre still hoping for him back by clinging to his mom. Let the relationship go you can make other friends and you’re intruding on another family at this point.
NtA but also do you really want this friendship ? It is likely that you will have to avoid future events like her birthday and such . I dont think this friendship is beneficial for you
You broke up with him. You need to move on and that means from his mother too. On some level you probably know that
YTA and so is his mom. Invasive, disrespectful.
NTA. Titania a grown woman and allowed to have a life outside her son. His new gf is a nut job. She’s driving a wedge between him and Tita, not you. Her insecurity is weird. You enjoy your friendship. It’s not your problem to fix her insecurity.
YTA
An entirely avoidable drama.
Women crave drama.
Ergo, here you are.
Prediction: His mother will insist you be invited to his wedding and being the person you are, you will go.
YTA
My mother did something similar with my younger brother’s exes. Two of them. Thankfully she was never dumb enough to hang out with them but still stayed close with both.
This caused a lot of friction with my now sister in law and I had to pull my mother aside and set her ass straight.
She owed her son some fucking loyalty and respect and should prioritize maintaining a healthy relationship with his fiance who, yes was a little introverted, over his two outgoing exes who both broke his heart.
OP you just wanna hurt your ex
NTA.
NTA, but she knew what she was doing when she posted your meetup online. I would talk to her about why she did and what the impact of her doing so was.
I love that you two are friends, and if it is truly a separate relationship, then you should be able to agree to keep it on the down low and not post on socials about it. Your ex doesn’t get to police who his mom sees, but she doesn’t flaunt it in his new gfs face either. If she is doing it to split them up, then you know it isn’t as genuine as you thought.
Yeah personally I’m glad my mom is more focused on me. Seems like mom is keeping the light on for you. Now that you know you’re making his life harder you should end the friendship. YTA
YTA
NTAH
My ex and my mom are close. I am weirded out but as long as I don’t need to see him, it’s okay. My mom is her own person and she loves him. I’m close to another mom of one of my exes. He moved to another country and she has no one, so I visit regularly. Sometimes it is what it is. His new partner can’t dictate his mom or his ex how to behave. She should loosen up, she got the guy, you got the mom. 🙂
NTA. Don’t let his girlfriend’s insecurities stop your friendship.
If he has a problem with his girlfriends developing a friendship with his mother, stop introducing them until he gets engaged
I know a woman who invites her sons’ ex to all the parties. Both are married to different people and have children with their respective spouses. It’s really weird when she comes because it is obvious everyone in the family (minus her son) likes the ex more than his wife.
Edit: YTA it’s time to cut the cord, you aren’t together any more.
I don’t think you are necessarily the asshole, but come on…who wants a bf whose mom hangs out with his ex EVERY WEEK ?
His mom is in fact hindering his possibilities of having a new healthy relationship. She, being his mom, is definitely the asshole.
NTA – your ex does not get to police his mother’s or your friends. Your relationship with her is between the two of you and none of his business. Tell your ex that his GF’s insecurity is not your responsibility to fix for her or him. His mother and you are grown women that can have a friendship outside of whatever happened between you and your ex.
NTA. Everyone in my family has always kept in touch with family’s of ex’s because we become a “group”. Those people are a part of our circle and lives now. We all don’t mind. It doesn’t cause issues. Especially if the split was amicable??? As far as im concerned i dont see why you and your ex and the new girl shouldn’t all hang out, especially if none of yall are interested in each-other. It’s like, revert to friend mode. You didn’t have some falling out so why is anyone even jealous here… i swear people encouraging people to coddle people’s insecurities is crazy. Maybe being latina my experience might come from cultural differences. We would even make fun of our exes at family events referencing the past and we all laugh. I think they are being too sensitive.
NTA. You developed a relationship with his family and him separately. Just because your relationship with him didn’t work out does not mean you have to end your other adult relationships with people he’s related to. While it sucks being the new gf who will never live up to you in moms eyes (my ex’s new gf has the same issue) it does not mean she isn’t allowed to talk to you. I still see my long term ex’s family more than he does (he’s a felon and has stole from many of them and took off to a different state so don’t feel bad for him lol).
yta but honestly his mom is a bigger asshole, she has no loyalty or love for her son, it’s sad. Who picks an ex over their child? so weird
NTA if your ex’s gf can’t connect with his mom, that’s a them problem not a you problem. You & his mom are still friends because you enjoy each other’s company, nothing more. It’s not like either of you must abide by your stupid ex’s demands as you would are both consenting adults. Never ditch your friends to satisfy a tantruming ex.
I don’t think you’re the asshole but I’m always gonna be in the camp of when you break up with someone, you break up with the family too.
You can be friendly if you see them in public but weekly hangouts with his mom is pretty weird.
NTA. I’m usually not a fan of exes hanging on to family members, but there are exceptions.
You have known this woman since you were a kid. You both seem to respect his relationship by keeping your relationship private. I see nothing wrong with you having a friendship with his mom, one on one. If you were at family hang outs, that woud be problematic.
Her birthday seemed like a mess of unfortunate events. What she does on her own time outside of family affairs is none of her sons bussiness.
The truth is this is an issue between him.and his mom. I would just block him and tell him to figure it out with her. He is mot you bussines or problem anymore, you don’t owe him anything. As long as you and his mom are respectfull of his relationship and not harbouring any feelings or thoughts of reconciliation, there shouldn’t be a problem. And again, not your circus, not your monkeys.
Oh, this brings back memories! I still miss my ex mother in law. My ex and I were together for 5 years, and I loved his family so much. His Mum and I still met up for a while afterwards, went to the ballet and got coffee and stuff, but I decided to let it go because it made it harder for me to move on.
I’m not saying you have to cut her off, but do take a break. NAH, but sometimes life is complicated and there are no right answers, just less wrong answers.
You have all the right to be friend with his family sure but honestly if you being in contact with your ex family and because of you, they’re having issue with each other. Wouldn’t you rather keep your distance and want to make sure not because of you they are having problems?
NTA but this seems like the breakup was not as amicable or as clean as it should have been. I don’t know what either OP or ex boyfriends mom gets out of this relationship. It is not s relationship that causes emotional stability or support or growth. It’s only about hurting EX or at least causing drama with some sort of favoritism debate. Ex is gone, his mother should have gone with him. Not the asshole because I don’t believe this was malicious, but if when I started dating my now wife, and I was friends with my ex girlfriends mother, my now wife would laughed and left my ass for living in the past and not being over my ex. OP sounds like that’s either the case (closure with a clean no contact break would help), or OP likes the drama… which in that case, kind of gross.
EDIT. Seeing OPs comments now. OP is the AH for sure. Loves the drama. That’s gross. Not calling names. OP isn’t gross. But this behavior is weirdly hurtful to ex.
NTA. You two are allowed to be friends. I do not understand how so many people think you should cut off anyone just because of a breakup without reason. People have gotten so messed up over relationships and what is allowed, like no exes as friends or anything. It’s immature. I am friends with my ex’s mothers and their wives and have gone to events where they were. Your ex’s girlfriend is immature and he’s feeding into it. He doesn’t get to control who his mother is friends with nor what you do.
YTA and so is his mom. Mom more than you. Stop hanging out with her. You know what she is doing and part of you is happy to play along
Seems like a tool move. Seems your doing to to cause issue. The mother is your only friend? Seems weird like you need to be around.
All of the “NTAH” comments are pure cope lol. It’s all dandelions and daisies until YOU start dating a guy whose mom is best friends with his ex and has her around all the time while basically ignoring your presence.
I have to wonder if your ex is projecting his feelings onto you because his new gf and mom aren’t close and don’t have a similar relationship like you had with his mom. If even when you and her took a step back from the friendship they didn’t bond and become closer that doesn’t have anything to do with you. If he doesn’t like how his new gf and moms relationship is then he should take that up with them. I say if you guys want to continue a friendship then do so but I wouldn’t attend any family events and his mom shouldn’t post anything or discuss it with her son or gf. You are both adults and can be friends with whoever you like but keep it separate from her home life and maybe not every weekend.
When my ex and I ended it was amicable and I was very close to his mum and dad. I was still invited to family events etc. Eventually my ex started dating and living with a women. She got on well with his family and while he and I remained friendly I stepped back out of respect for his now wife. I still stayed in contact but chose not to attend family events (we did attend the funeral of each other parents). We share 3 sons and 3 grandsons so we meet at events for them. I think she is lovely and perfect for him but I don’t belong to his family and I need to be respectful.
NTA, my brothers were in my exs wedding to his new wife and he’s regularly at functions my brothers host… is it irritating sometimes… sure… but at the end of the day their relationship is separate from our past one and it’s not hurting me or anyone I’ve dated since including my now husband… this can be done with literally no issues if he finds himself a girlfriend who isn’t wholeheartedly insecure
Soft yta on your part (but big yta for his mum). Of course no gf would feel welcomed in those conditions. If there were children involved yes but you’re just a childhood gf.
I had he same situation but I am the mom, my son ex and I were friends and after the break I continued meeting her, he got married and I really like his wife it was a different friendship but did not mentioned her or our get together,
Tita needs to keep it to herself when you too meet,
NAH. Ex’s mom is allowed to have friends, but your ex is allowed to have boundaries on his ex coming around his family and still being involved in his life.
I had the same issue. Adored my ex’s mom and his kids. Eventually, I had to give up all connection to his life because it got too hard, especially when we both started dating other people.
If you truly wanna maintain a relationship with her, I would keep your hangouts out of his way.
NTA if she was bringing you around all the time and clearly disrespecting the new girls presence because she prefers you, that would be one thing.
But you agreed to stop going to family events AND 1v1 hangouts that would never affect your ex and his gf.
She’s the one with the issue and she needs to find a way to fix it.
I think the son Will go NC with his mom soon enough. She is the disrespectful one- mostly to her son
I was really close with my ex’s mom and I knew it made his new gf uncomfortable so I stopped hanging out with her and put myself in her shoes.
YTA stop hiding behind his emotionally immature mother and cut that out. It’s one thing to have lunch in private but to be so blatantly disrespectful to be used as her pawn at a family gathering is an asshole move.
You’re not responsible to manage your ex’s new GF’s emotions. She is. NTA
NTA. You did everything right. You stepped back when asked, stopped your weekly hang outs, even communicated very little. This was a random occurrence, just reconnecting with an old friend. His girlfriend’s insecurities are not your issue.
This may have been a one off meetup or it may lead to monthly visits; either way, it’s up to you and her if you want to be friends. I wouldn’t suggest resuming meeting weekly, but an occasional dinner between friends is ok, if she wants to.
NTA but I’m curious what Tita says to the new gf when you aren’t around. You might not be holding a candle for your ex but his mom seems to be holding one for you. I understand you care for this woman deeply but sometimes the best course of action is taking a huge step back. Her posting you on her story knowing the animosity it causes between her son and his gf is very telling.
I was extremely close to my ex mil but when I got divorced I eased that relationship wayyyyy back so that my ex had the space to move forward. That includes distance with his family so they could develop room in their lives for anyone new in his.
I still call her on her birthday and anniversary. I send presents for special occasions. I will randomly drop a card in the mail or send a silly text. But there’s distance.
My suggestion is to do the same. It sucks for both of you but there IS someone else impacted by you two staying close.
Right now my ex is dating a chick that constantly demands that I change my name because I kept his last name after the divorce. i can only imagine what kind of hell he’d have to deal with if I was actively doing things with his mom also.
Give it some time and space. If nothing else, both of you can just keep it to yourselves if you spend time together. Why post that shit all over social media? That’s like waving a red flag at a pissed off bull. No good will come from it. That feels antagonist to me and his mom needs to stop that.
I won’t say you’re TA but I do think you’re not considering the other people that your relationship is impacting.
Nta
His insecure bitchy gf and him can go kick rocks.
You’re not doing anything wrong.
Life is far too short to ditch a loved one just because you’re not with a family member anymore
No advice. But there’s literally a song about this: All my exes moms – Alex Brooke
NTA, the base problem here is that he and his new girl act like children, while you and his mother act like adults. You need to tell them that you’re not interested in what goes on at the kids table, and they should keep their distance when the adults are talking.
Not your problem how this woman feels, at all. However saying that exes are that for a reason I think you need a little space from that family and move on.
NTA
You and Tita have a genuine friendship. It’s not about the ex anymore. I find it weird to tell someone else who they can and can’t be friends with. If there had been abuse or something, it would be different
The world doesn’t revolve around your ex and his gf. It may come as a surprise to them that Tita is her own person. She has an identity that does not solely consist of being “mom”
If conversations revolved around the ex, or you were scheming to get him back, it would be different. But you’re not. Yours and Tita’s relationship is independent of him and doesn’t involve him