I (28F) have began resenting my father (57M) because his behavior closely mimics my ex. To give a little context my ex is being charged with 2 felony’s for what he did to me. My father hasn’t done anything that extreme but he does treat my mom the way my ex treated me. Meaning she does all the cooking/cleaning, she does his laundry and he complains if it’s not put away properly, he expects to be considered in all decisions but doesn’t consider anyone else in his, etc. I’m having constant thoughts that he’s going to snap the way my ex did and do something to my mom. I’ve spoken to my therapist about it and she feels talking to him is not an option based on his past reactions to me doing that as a teen. The thing is I know he’s dealing with things from his childhood and I can see why he has trouble with something’s, AITA for starting to develop a resentment towards him even though he’s fighting his own battles?
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Backup of the post’s body: I (28F) have began resenting my father (57M) because his behavior closely mimics my ex. To give a little context my ex is being charged with 2 felony’s for what he did to me. My father hasn’t done anything that extreme but he does treat my mom the way my ex treated me. Meaning she does all the cooking/cleaning, she does his laundry and he complains if it’s not put away properly, he expects to be considered in all decisions but doesn’t consider anyone else in his, etc. I’m having constant thoughts that he’s going to snap the way my ex did and do something to my mom. I’ve spoken to my therapist about it and she feels talking to him is not an option based on his past reactions to me doing that as a teen. The thing is I know he’s dealing with things from his childhood and I can see why he has trouble with something’s, AITA for starting to develop a resentment towards him even though he’s fighting his own battles?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Fighting your own battles, having trauma, and dealing with MH concerns does not excuse behavior. It explains it. There are still repercussions to treating people poorly. Resentment and anger seems healthy, honestly. It’s you recognizing not-ok behavior and what he demonstrated to you as a kid. You can sympathize with what he’s going through but without any reflections or active changes, don’t just excuse it.
The question missing in this post is “how is your mom”. Have you talked to her? Mentioned that you see how your dad is behaving and don’t think it’s cool? Asked her if she feels safe? Its not something we can comment on, really, some we can’t see or know her but rather than confronting the abuser, try listening and offering aid to your mom.