Im a 25 (F) and a few years ago I was trying to move to LA and got a job there and started working so I could show renters I was local giving me the ability to show a income and so forth. I have family in the LA area and I asked if I could stay with them for the time being while I look for a place to live. I got a job as a EMT and I worked 3 days a week then I would drive 2 1/5 hrs back to where I live. Basically I would stay at my aunt and uncles place for 2 nights because I wouldn’t get to their house till later at night so I wasn’t in their space as much as possible. After work I would drive a hour to get there and a hour back to the house but I would go to the gym to yet again give them more space. As if I never existed there. I even brought my own food and only used their dishes but would clean them once I was done. I also woke up at 3am and worked 14hr shifts. Im a very hard sleeper and I use a deaf alarm clock that shakes the bed and makes noise. One day it went off and I didn’t get up, so my aunt came in and woke me up. Which I was so grateful for. I was extremely exhausted at this point in time because I drove a lot to a demanding job and went to school as well (not making excuses just giving a full picture). I got ready and left and later in the day I got a text message from my uncle saying basically my alarm kept waking him up that day and days before and that I should live with my grandma for some time and go back and forth between the two. He said him and my aunt will help me find a place to live even though I was already looking and really trying to save money to leave. The text was from him and not my aunt and some background my aunt is blood and the sister of my mom. I grew up thinking my aunt was like my second mom I love her. I always looked at my uncle as a good dad and someone I wished could’ve been my dad. But after all of this I told my mom and she got extremely mad and said it wasn’t my fault. My family is very close we would do anything for each other and my mom would take in my cousins in a heart beat and even offered our house if they ever needed it for a prospective job where we live. Based off this information we are close and I didn’t think I was that much of a burden. For even more context, my cousin that lives with them as well is 3 years older than me with a part time job and does drugs behind his parents back. He doesn’t do much to contribute to the house at all and while I was there I would take care of their dog and I was more than happy to do that even if I was exhausted. Back to what happened. The text basically said he didn’t want me there anymore and needed to find a different place. My aunt was very apologetic and was very upset about what he said but I cant help to think I’m the asshole. To this day my mom doesn’t speak to my uncle when they used to be very close. Family functions are awkward now and still cant help but feel it’s my fault for all of this. AITA
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
Im a 25 (F) and a few years ago I was trying to move to LA and got a job there and started working so I could show renters I was local giving me the ability to show a income and so forth. I have family in the LA area and I asked if I could stay with them for the time being while I look for a place to live. I got a job as a EMT and I worked 3 days a week then I would drive 2 1/5 hrs back to where I live. Basically I would stay at my aunt and uncles place for 2 nights because I wouldn’t get to their house till later at night so I wasn’t in their space as much as possible. After work I would drive a hour to get there and a hour back to the house but I would go to the gym to yet again give them more space. As if I never existed there. I even brought my own food and only used their dishes but would clean them once I was done. I also woke up at 3am and worked 14hr shifts. Im a very hard sleeper and I use a deaf alarm clock that shakes the bed and makes noise. One day it went off and I didn’t get up, so my aunt came in and woke me up. Which I was so grateful for. I was extremely exhausted at this point in time because I drove a lot to a demanding job and went to school as well (not making excuses just giving a full picture). I got ready and left and later in the day I got a text message from my uncle saying basically my alarm kept waking him up that day and days before and that I should live with my grandma for some time and go back and forth between the two. He said him and my aunt will help me find a place to live even though I was already looking and really trying to save money to leave. The text was from him and not my aunt and some background my aunt is blood and the sister of my mom. I grew up thinking my aunt was like my second mom I love her. I always looked at my uncle as a good dad and someone I wished could’ve been my dad. But after all of this I told my mom and she got extremely mad and said it wasn’t my fault. My family is very close we would do anything for each other and my mom would take in my cousins in a heart beat and even offered our house if they ever needed it for a prospective job where we live. Based off this information we are close and I didn’t think I was that much of a burden. For even more context, my cousin that lives with them as well is 3 years older than me with a part time job and does drugs behind his parents back. He doesn’t do much to contribute to the house at all and while I was there I would take care of their dog and I was more than happy to do that even if I was exhausted. Back to what happened. The text basically said he didn’t want me there anymore and needed to find a different place. My aunt was very apologetic and was very upset about what he said but I cant help to think I’m the asshole. To this day my mom doesn’t speak to my uncle when they used to be very close. Family functions are awkward now and still cant help but feel it’s my fault for all of this. AITA
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Stayed with family for a certain amount of time.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA. Being woken at 3am every morning by your alarm must have been exhausting for them. Imagine having your own sleep disrupted every night.
It doesn’t matter what their son is doing, or whether you aren’t there much or whether you wash your dishes up after using them. It matters that you are disrupting their sleep every night you stay.
It sounds like your mom is the one who blew up the family. You staying with your aunt and uncle didn’t work for them, so he told you that and helped you find new housing. If your mom hadn’t gotten so angry, it sounds like this would have been a situation where everyone went “It’s a shame that it didn’t work out, but oh well“ and gotten on with their lives. NTA. Your mom’s being unreasonable to think that they should have allowed you to continue living there when you were waking at least one person up in the middle of the night every night. It sounds like everyone else was being reasonable about the arrangement just not working out.
It sounds like your work situation and living situation aren’t sustainable. I understand that housing in LA is extremely expensive. I’m not sure how difficult it is to get full time employment as an EMT. If you moved to a smaller city or town, would you be able to get a full time EMT job and affordable housing? Living with relatives just doesn’t sound like a good plan for the future.
Yeah, I would be pissed if an alarm went off at 3:00! Tell your mom to get over it, you were an unreasonable inconvenience.
definitely not the asshole ♡ sounds unfair im sorry ur going through that xx
it seems pretty harsh to send you out for missing your alarm one day and waking them up by accident. doesnt sound like ur fault at all, if its awkward now thats on him.
Absolutely not the AH. You asked, they said yes. You lived with them until they decided they didn’t want you to live with them anymore. Then they asked you to leave. No one is the AH here—it’s just people asking for what they need.
Sometimes, in unhealthy relationships, people are made to feel like an AH if they ask for what they need or if they set a boundary.
Now, the alarm is very likely the reason they asked you to leave—but that doesn’t really matter. They had every right to ask you to leave and it is none of your business why or whether their child is better than you or worse than you. Even if you did everything right and washed all their dishes all the time, they have a right to live with who they want.
You aren’t clear about how long you’ve been staying with them and that’s important. Am I right to understand that it’s been a few years?
What’s going on with your mom? Why is she upset?
Your aunt & uncle offered you a place to stay, but ultimately it was too disruptive given your sleep condition and work schedule, so they suggested you stay with your grandmother until you were able to move out on your own. They offered to continue to aid in your eventual move. They sound like the best aunt and uncle ever.
So, they’re certainly not AHs and neither are you. Your mom might be the only one who is, or at least needs to rebalance her meds.
NAH.
You’ve buried the lede.
Your subject line should be “AITA for regularly waking my uncle and aunt at 3am with my alarm?”
Also the stuff about your cousin is irrelevant to your conflict. He’s their SON. Maybe he is indeed a mooching drug-taking devious asshole whereas you are an almost perfect boarder, and maybe you think that’s unfair, but it’s still irrelevant. The terms under which he lives with his parents are entirely between him and them, and nothing to do with you.
If we look solely at the conflict between you and your aunt and uncle, I’m going NAH.
You didn’t wake your aunt and uncle on purpose, you’re working all the hours there are, you did your best not to be an inconvenience to them, but you can’t help being a very heavy sleeper.
They, in turn, were very kind to let you stay with them at all, and it’s reasonable for them to say “We gave this a try, but we can’t put up with woken at 3am every night that you sleep here. Sorry, this arrangement just isn’t working out. You will need to find somewhere else to live.”
Your mom has inserted herself into something that is really nothing to do with her. This situation wouldn’t even rate as a conflict if not for your mom. It would just be two parties saying “We tried to make this arrangement work, but it wasn’t to be”, and parting with no hard feelings.
If your mom has decided to go all dramatic and not speak to your uncle, that’s her choice. If family functions are now awkward, that’s your mom’s doing. You shouldn’t blame yourself for that.