My wedding is in two weeks. Earlier today, I got a call from my mom asking if my older brother could attend with his partner’s 7-year-old daughter.
For context: my fiancée and I sent out save-the-dates 7 months ago, and formal invitations 5 months ago. RSVPs were due 5 weeks before the wedding to allow enough time to finalize headcounts for food, seating, etc.
When I spoke with my brother, he originally RSVP’d “no” because his first child is due right around the time of our wedding. I told him I completely understood. He mentioned he might be able to make it later in the week, possibly bringing his partner’s 7-year-old with him (they live across the country).
Here’s the issue: our wedding has had a clearly communicated 21+ only policy for nearly a year. We’ve already had tough conversations with family, including my future in-laws, to reinforce that this applies across the board — no kids, no exceptions — even for newborns. My brother already RSVP’d no and now says he can make it.
Now, my mom and sister are pressuring me to “be more welcoming” and let my brother bring the child. But my fiancée and I feel like our boundaries aren’t being respected on what’s supposed to be our day. We put this rule in place intentionally to give guests an adults-only atmosphere and to avoid exactly this kind of last-minute stress.
To be fair, I understand how this could seem rigid or even unfair. My brother lives far away, and this might have been a rare chance for him to come — and I get that traveling with a 7-year-old complicates things. Letting them come might feel like a compassionate exception. But if we allow this one child after telling others — including close friends and immediate family — that no children are allowed, it undermines the rule we’ve held everyone to and could cause resentment or confusion.
So… AITA for sticking to the no-kids rule and saying no to this request?
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My wedding is in two weeks. Earlier today, I got a call from my mom asking if my older brother could attend with his partner’s 7-year-old daughter.
For context: my fiancée and I sent out save-the-dates 7 months ago, and formal invitations 5 months ago. RSVPs were due 5 weeks before the wedding to allow enough time to finalize headcounts for food, seating, etc.
When I spoke with my brother, he originally RSVP’d “no” because his first child is due right around the time of our wedding. I told him I completely understood. He mentioned he might be able to make it later in the week, possibly bringing his partner’s 7-year-old with him (they live across the country).
Here’s the issue: our wedding has had a clearly communicated 21+ only policy for nearly a year. We’ve already had tough conversations with family, including my future in-laws, to reinforce that this applies across the board — no kids, no exceptions — even for newborns. My brother already RSVP’d no and now says he can make it.
Now, my mom and sister are pressuring me to “be more welcoming” and let my brother bring the child. But my fiancée and I feel like our boundaries aren’t being respected on what’s supposed to be our day. We put this rule in place intentionally to give guests an adults-only atmosphere and to avoid exactly this kind of last-minute stress.
To be fair, I understand how this could seem rigid or even unfair. My brother lives far away, and this might have been a rare chance for him to come — and I get that traveling with a 7-year-old complicates things. Letting them come might feel like a compassionate exception. But if we allow this one child after telling others — including close friends and immediate family — that no children are allowed, it undermines the rule we’ve held everyone to and could cause resentment or confusion.
So… AITA for sticking to the no-kids rule and saying no to this request?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) Actions I Took:
Set a 21+ only rule for your wedding.
Enforced the no-kids policy consistently, even with family.
Declined your brother’s late request to bring a child after RSVP-ing no.
Communicated that you want your boundaries respected for your wedding day.
(2) Why I might be the asshole
No exception for family in special circumstances
— Your brother’s life is in flux with a baby on the way, and he’s trying to make the effort to attend. Some might say it’s unkind not to make a compassionate exception, especially for a 7-year-old who isn’t a disruptive toddler.
Rigidity over flexibility
— People might argue you’re putting the principle of the rule above the relationship, especially since this child wouldn’t have been competing for space with other kids and the wedding is close enough that the final headcount is likely already set.
Perception of favoritism elsewhere
— If anyone suspects that you have made any exceptions (or even just appeared more lenient with others), it might look like you’re being unfair just because it’s your brother’s stepchild, not a direct niece.
Family drama close to the wedding
— Some folks on Reddit will say it’s better to “be the bigger person” right before a big event to avoid lasting resentment, even if you’re technically in the right.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA why does he want to bring the 7 year old so bad? Even though 7 is old enough to behave, I wouldn’t travel with a kid if I didn’t need to personally. But yeah I would stand firm on the boundary you set. You are not asking too much. A wedding with no other kids (and I’m assuming alcohol) really wouldn’t be great for a 7 year old anyway.
NTA, the wedding is for you. You are paying for this celebration , so you get to set the terms.
NTA You’ve gone to great lengths to create an event that is strictly 21+ and therefore not the appropriate place for a child.
Info: Is he asking to bring the kid to your actual wedding, because it is mentioned that “he might be able to make it later in the week”?
NTA. It was okay for your brother to ask as long as he accepts your decision. And it’s okay for you to say no. Your family shouldn’t be pressuring you.
Maybe you can arrange childcare for your brother during your wedding.
“Unfortunately the wedding is child free and regardless he has already rsvp’d no and the final numbers have been accounted for. As much as I would have loved to have him there, this should have been sorted months ago.” Nta
Weddings are about family kids should be invited any scene they cause is going to be way less than someone’s drunk uncle.
NTA. He waited until the last minute on purpose. I wouldn’t be surprised if his entire plan was to make you feel guilty last minute to change your mind.
He’s had plenty of time.
NTA. He RSVP no so that would be enough for me unless someone else canceled.
A compromise would be you or you over invested mom setting up a baby sitter for him and/or offering to pay for one.
Stick to your plan make a not so jokey joke about security
NTA. You are 100% right that if you allow this child and not others, you are going to upset the other parents that either said no because they couldn’t make it work, or found childcare because they respected the boundaries you set for your wedding.
If you want a compromise, and can afford it, you could offer to cover a baby sitter for the 7 year old while your brother attends the wedding.
More people will be mad and resentful if you told them no, and one person yes. Sure your mom and sisters are mad. But this is the choice you made. To have a child free and they’re trying to push that boundary over. Not just push it back. And all the people who thought this would be a no child would be annoyed there is a child there.
This is a no win situation. I would suggest to pay for a babysitter for your brothers step child and have him come. Its what my cousin had to do because his sister in law thought if she drug her feet, thrn her rather annoying toddler would be welcomed
NTA he rsvpd no, it’s too late to add him so the whole child dilemma doesn’t even matter.
NTA
I say this every single time this subject comes up. Making one single exception for anyone for any reason is not being kind to that person. It’s punishing everyone who respected your boundaries, for respecting your boundaries.
NTA but I’m really nosy and kind of confused. So like, was his first child just born and he wants to leave while his newborn is two weeks old and his partner is still recovering?
Regardless, if you make this exception it’s gonna really fuck things up with your in-laws if you had to have difficult conversations about it. On top of that it’s your wedding, you’re allowed to have and keep boundaries.
NTA. “The deadline for confirming numbers and seating with the venue has already passed. We’ll catch up with bro after the wedding.“
YTA. Your wedding so do what you want. But this is your brother. Make the exception and enjoy your wedding. Who cares about undermining your own rules. You can set whatever rule you want about who comes. My wedding was no kids. But my brothers kids came. And my best friends son. Nobody argued about why those kids got to come.
I will also say 10 years later… my favorite photos are my wife and I with the kids at the wedding. They were so cute.
I’ll also say my biggest regret is denying a cousins request to bring her son bc she has nobody to watch him. I didn’t want to start a war about why that kid was the exception. It was a mistake. That cousin babysat me, was always so good to me. I was so wrapped up in my rules that I couldn’t see her struggle and be compassionate. 4 years later my wife and I adopted a baby and she has a formal event with no kids. Evryone was going, we had nobody to watch my son. She was gracious enough to let him come. He had, as a 2 year old, the absolute best time. He got to meet and spend time with family he doesn’t see often. It was awesome. And I feel like the TA to this day for not doing that for her son.
I’m gonna go with NAH, as it’s pretty straightforward. There was a request, you hold the line that you’ve been holding for a year and reject said request. There might be hurt feelings, but that’s life. I’d argue you’d be more of an AH if you let this one exception through when others asked the same question.
NTA
Where is his pregnant partner going to be???
I say call your brother and tell him you appreciate the thought but let him know that he really needs to stick close to his pregnant partner right now. She needs him more than he needs to be at your wedding.
Check around for a good babysitter. Odds are a 7 year old would not want to attend an event where he only knew one adult Let your brother know you’d love to see him, and have arranged for a sitter at your parent’s house (if they are close enough).
NAH
No kids means no kids not make an exception for one kid because your family feel the rule doesn’t apply to your brother. NTA
NTA
You probably don’t even have room for your brother now. Maybe “check with the venue” (wink wink) and say they won’t allow it. My friend had a child free wedding, she had two kids of hr own who only attended the ceremony, once pictures were taken afterwards the kids were gone and everyone got to enjoy themselves without having to worry about kids.
NTA he should stay home with his newborn