Hello everyone,
This is my first time posting, but I have a dilemma and could use some outside perspective. Sorry for the super long post and if I’ve made grammar mistakes, English is not my native language.
So, my ex husband and I divorced about 2 years ago, it was a mutual agreement, so not a messy divorce. We have a child who is 17 now, but was 15 at the time. Instead of going on a court battle, we decided to ask her who she wants to live with and agreed there will be no restricting her on visiting the other parent, which we both kept. She decided, she wants to live with her father and while I was brokenhearted, I didn’t make a fuss, but signed the papers and that was that. For a year or so, she lived with her father, but would visit me and spend a lot of time with me. We agreed on a child support that is quite high, since I at the time was a lot better financially and didn’t want my child to be deprived of anything.
The little twist in the story is, we had bought an apartment 2 years prior and he wanted to sell it so we can split the money, but the down payment for it was from my inheritance and the mortgage is under my name, I am paying for it, so I said this will happen only over my dead body (here, everything you buy during the marriage is community property, so who had the money and who’s paying doesn’t matter in the eyes of the law, but he couldn’t sell without my consent). We agreed to “gift” our daughter the apartment and it will be fully hers when she’s 18, because he was worried I would remarry and have another child (I never wanted a second child, but whatever), so anyway, I agreed to this. Therefore, I stayed in said apartment and they moved out.
What went wrong is, he started drinking a little more than he used to, he wasn’t physically abusive towards her (he has never been physically abusive to me either), but would monitor her every action, would demand she sends him locations wherever she goes (I know some would say it’s him being worried, but that was never the case before), even when she was at school. Would make a HUGE deal if she was 5 minutes late, because the bus she had to take was late for example (and she would call him and tell him where she is and if she’s going to be late).
I’ve always been the laid back parent, I would ground her and add more chores when she did something she shouldn’t have, so to me this seemed excessive, but at the time, I didn’t want to badmouth her dad, because I’ve never thought he was or is a bad parent, quite the contrary. In any case, our daughter is a great kid who yes, sometimes messes up, but nothing major or worrying, she gets good grades at school, she’s normally very responsible and seeing horror stories about teens misbehaving, I think I’m extremely lucky to have a child who is quite easy going. Both me and my ex husband would talk to her a lot, so I think we did a good job in parenting, minus the small infractions here and there. She’s a very reasonable child who doesn’t cause much drama or gets into trouble (with some exceptions of course).
At the time, my daughter had a boyfriend, who was emotionally and verbally abusive to her, to the point, where she would cry all night in her room, because he would say extremely mean things to her and then when she wanted to leave, he would threaten suicide. This was going on for months and I tried to intervene, but my ex loved the boyfriend and would tell me to not try to break them up. I was livid. Not only because he would tell me to butt out, but because he would not do anything about it and even tell her that in some regards, the boyfriend was right (like, she shouldn’t shave her legs or wear any makeup, because otherwise she would look “easy” and “cheap”. Mind you, she’s kinda into goth aesthetic, so this is ridiculous).
One day, my daughter called me crying, her dad actually threatened her with his fists (which I was shocked to hear, we were together for 22 years, nothing even remotely similar has EVER happened), but my kid said he was VERY drunk when he did it. So the next day, while he was at work, I packed her things and brought her home. I called him the second we cam back, because he needed to know. I won’t go into detail on the threats, man comments and insults I heard, in the end, we had a long talk that she wanted to stay with me for the time being and when he said he won’t be able to afford his apartment, we agreed I would continue to pay half of what I was previously paying. My reasoning behind it was, it’s a good apartment, it’s convenient for her when she stays with her dad, because she has her own room and it’s closer to her school. Again, we agreed – no stopping her to visit and for the time being, it was fine.
Now to my question – it’s been over a year since she moved back and while I’m not doing bad financially. I am paying mortgage, I am paying half child support, all her out of school activities, all bills, everything (not to mention I paid for the divorce) while giving her allowance and this slowly but surely drained my savings. I’m not a fancy living person, nor do I need a lot of savings, but she’ll be graduating this year, then college, I will need some additional money to fund all of it. So I decided to talk to my ex husband and tell him I’ll be stopping the child support. To be clear, he earns almost as much as I do, but has a lot less expenses and while I am sure he will pitch in for prom and college, I don’t think it’s fair to fund his trips to multiple locations in Europe or trips with his girlfriend (actually, I’m assuming she’s paying for most part of those, but it’s still unfair my daughter and I (or even just her) can’t go to a vacation, while they are. I could ask my current partner for financial help, but I’m not that kind of person and wouldn’t want to be a burden on him, nor do I want him to think I’m using him. We don’t live together and he has his expenses and while he’s paying most of the time we’re out, because that’s what kind of a man he is – he knows the situation and wants to help, it’s not fair on him, he had nothing to do with any of this., And yes, I know how that sounds and no, I am not jealous of them, I hope you understand.) My ex called me a bunch of names, told me I was a stingy bitch and we left it at that. A lawyer friend of mine said that not only I shouldn’t be paying child support, but HE should be paying me now. But I don’t want his money,
Comments
NTA
NTA. He lives with you now
See a lawyer. Don’t ask him anything.
NTA- you should have stopped the payments when she moved in with you. I know you were trying to keep the peace, but he’s no longer your responsibility. You’ve been more than fair.
my daughter had a boyfriend, who was emotionally and verbally abusive to her
Gee, I wonder where she learned that this was acceptable behavior?
From you.
NTA but you need to do what’s right by your daughter and get a lawyer.
you might not want his money, but your kid deserves the support of both her parents. he is clearly unable to provide that support emotionally or by caring for her; the money is a poor substitute but at least it’s something. don’t screw your daughter out of what she deserves. even aside from having that money at her disposal, it’s important to teach her that her needs are worthy of being met, she deserves all the love and care and support available. if you let him off the hook you’re basically letting her know she should suffer to make things easier for subpar men
NTA. Your friends are right. If your incomes are similar then he would be paying you now, reimburse all that you’ve sent him and owe you back support pay. You stingy bitch! 😂
stop subsidizing his life y t a to yourself for agreeing to keep paying. do you think he’s going to give her anything for college? laughable
NTA – he owes YOU child support. if he can’t afford his rent without child support maybe he should find a roommate or pick up a second job (like a lot of us).
he needs to figure it out on his own like you’re doing . he’s an ass for insulting you and your daughter . i can’t say i’m shocked he liked the ex boyfriend ; they probably have things in common .
NTA
Child support is for the child not for the parent. If your ex can’t afford to pay for his apartment then he needs to find a new apartment. When your daughter goes to college you probably each have to pay for half of it, depending on the details of your divorce.
Your ex needs to take responsibility for his own financial future because that is clearly not on your plate.
Stop being a ATM
NTA stop paying him now and he should be paying you, take the money he now owes you
NTA to stopping paying child support, but YTA for not filing against him, the child support is for the child. Even if you don’t need it you can save it for her, so far all she has learned is to bow down to an abusive man. You need to stand up for her, put him on support and stop worrying about what will happen to him.
You’re NTA and honestly a saint for how long you kept paying. The moment your daughter moved back in, the support should’ve flipped. The only “stingy” thing here is your ex’s empathy. Let him throw his tantrum—he’s just mad he can’t coast on your dime anymore.
You need to call your nation’s version of CPS and have him arrested. Shalom you’re loved 💔
NTA. As soon as she started living with you those payment should have stopped. His expenses are his responsibility and he should be paying you support for your child. That is how support
Works. The custodial parent is taking on more expenses because the child lives there the majority of the time. You aren’t supposed to be paying for the other parent but for the child’s housing and needs.
First it’s not your money to decide it’s your daughter’s money that’s what child supports for secondly that apartment thing sucks you deserve better but is there anyway your lawyer can get at least your deposit back first and then split the remaining amount as it wasn’t inheritance
NTA. You should not be paying child support when she’s living with you. In the US child support stops at age 18, because the kid is then an adult. So you have every right to stop child support.
Your ex may be a good parent normally, but encouraging her to stay with an abusive boyfriend is extremely bad parenting. She deserves an adult in her life who is concerned about all aspects of her well being, and your ex falls short.
Child support is for support of the child. Your ex is not doing that. Your ex wants your money for his own wants, not your daughter’s needs. It is not your responsibility to support him and his lifestyle, and he is taking advantage of you. Him calling you names instead of stepping up on his end shows me what kind of person he is. Allowing to let your daughter date an emotional, suicidal and controlling person shows more of his character. Cut him off. Better yet, it’s his turn to pay child support.
I am a 50 year old male by the way, and that’s my professional opinion 😄
NTA, but please see a lawyer, if you haven’t already, and make sure he can’t come after you later for the amount originally agreed upon.
Nta, but you need to get it changed in court. Verbal agreements can backfire.
NTA your ex is still financially abusing you. It’s time to cut him off.
NTA – Do what is best for YOU and YOUR daughter! Start thinking ahead and stop funding his bs! These are the consequences he’s facing
My youngest wanted to live with his dad to finish his senior year of high school. I paid child support but not nearly as much as my ex wanted. I paid for all expenses too.
My son moved back with me after 4 months. My attorney said “Let’s go back to court.”. I said that he needs that money more than I do.
I had a steady union job. He was chronically laid off.
NTA
Consult a lawyer and do the minimum the law requires. That’s my advice. Assuming you’re not lying about the threats, that’s the end of any cordial agreements. And if custody becomes a thing, that will have to come out. Be sure to document it. It’s common for people to lie about that, so be sure you have something more than your word, and in writing. Best would be to “confront” him in messages and see if he takes the bait and admits to anything in writing (text, email, etc.).
Go to your lawyer and do everything above board. If he wants to be a MAN he should man up and pay for his own bad habits himself.
Lawyer
If he makes as much as you then you are just giving him money to have a better quality of life than you. What is fair is for him to have been paying child support for the last year. What is insane is you paying him anything just so he can have a bigger apartment and vacations, you’re literally buying his liquor.
You seem very nice and well intentioned. You avoid conflict and appear to think just existing imposes on others. You are NTA but I am annoyed you don’t claim your space. Why are you less? Why are your needs an imposition? I’m curious when you decided you weren’t worth a seat at the table? I hope your daughter has a greater sense of self worth.
Stop giving your retirement/ college fund to a man who threatened to punch your daughter, go to counseling to learn to value yourself – until you believe you are as worthy as everyone else, and make sure you didn’t pass along to your daughter that her opinion, feelings, outlook aren’t just as valid as anyone else and should always be heard.
NTA
You provided a lot of unneeded information. At the end of the day, this is what matters – where does the child live? If with parent A, parent B should pay. If with parent B, parent A should pay. Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, else matters.
There will be arguments about here about what the money goes towards and how much and what if this happens and blah blah blah. None of that is what you’re asking. If you continue to pay the other parent money while the daughter lives with you, you are not paying child support, you are paying alimony.
Child support is for children. A lot of people dont seem to realize thar. No more child. No more support
Get a family law attorney. Protect yourself and your daughter.
Nta. What was your ex’s plan when she is an adult. When does child support stop in your location. She’s 17. Most places it stops at 18.
Nta stop paying child support and block him. Your daughter is 17 and will be 18 soon so she’s at an age where her views and maintaining relationships are down to her.
NTA – child support is for the child. He is not your child and your child is currently living with you. Your money should be going to your household only. Quit paying for him and his girlfriend.
Child support isn’t for you. Child support is for the child. That’s why they call it child! Sorry, but you’re a SUCKER AND A FOOL, if you don’t go after him for the same support that he demanded from you. Wow, why are so many women a pushover by useless men?! UpDateMe
If he makes the same amount of money as you, why could he not have kept his apartment without your child support payments? But you could make those payments AND pay for all your own housing and other expenses? The only thing I can think of is that it’s a much more expensive place than yours. And it’s not your job to give HIM a life of luxury surpassing your own, even if your daughter still lived there.
My ex also turned into a different person when we split. My biggest regret is not keeping him away from our kids when he was drinking. If I had it to do over, I’d refuse to let him be around them if he drank anything. Even to the point of requiring a breath test. And if there were reports of him drinking after picking them up, I’d move to only supervised visits. I bent over backwards, as you did, to keep the peace. It only got my kids abusive treatment from their father. Some things are worth arguing about.
Admittedly, I also kept thinking that it was some stage that he’d get through soon – but it’s been about 20 years and he’s still horrible. Only a bit better because now he doesn’t have to pay anything for them anymore. But with every check he wrote for child support or college it was incredibly miserable. When we first split, I was getting a little under half his income. Over the next few years his income increased so he was probably giving me only about a 1/4 of it at most. But you’d think I was taking ever penny and making him live in poverty. And he rarely even saw the kids – his choice completely. But whether over the phone or in person, he was extremely emotionally abusive. And he still says I stole all his money.
NTA. Child support is support for the child. If she is, and has been, living with you, there is no reason to pay him anymore. For all you know, you are just funding his drinking habit. Get a lawyer, take care of your daughter, and live happily ever after! Good luck!
Take his money now
NYA. So glad you got her away from 2 abusive men. Good job. No need for continue child support if she’s not with him. I would petition the court with the new arrangement and the reasons so you do it legally but she’ll be 18 in a matter of months so it would stop then anyway.
As for the apartment, I would change the locks and get cameras as soon as possible as he may try to worm his way back in
NTA. Stop paying. It’s his turn to make child support payments.
He not being able to afford his apartment is not your problem. He’s a grown man.
If your ex is getting drunk and aggressive with your daughter, I’d say this is the biggest concern, by far.
NTA. You’ve been generous, but at this point, you’re finding your ex’s lifestyle, because your daughter lives with you.
In order to do right by your daughter, you need to get a lawyer, and make this legal. You’ve kept the peace much longer than you should’ve, and it’s time you start doing things according to the law, because your ex is actually financially taking advantage of you, and should be paying child support, because the child you share is living with you.
Sweetheart, if she is living with you, it is her sperm donor who pays the child support. Your lawyer will fix it, or you can prepare an order requesting the change.
Take a deep breath and stop catering to the asshat! The marriage is over, your child almost grown – you owe him NOTHING, certainly not respect.
TBH, sis, you’ve been bending over backwards too long. You’re playing both mama and papa bear for your cub, dealing with bills, college funds, all while funding this guy’s chill life? Nah. You’ve got no obligation to bankroll his lifestyle. You’re amazing for doing all you can for your daughter, and that’s all that counts. Stand your ground, look out for yourself and what’s best for your kid. Y’all deserve better, period. 💪✌️
NTA it’s CHILD support if the child with you and your paying for her. Your ex shouldn’t get a dime.
Also what was his plan gonna be when she turned 18 and moved out? Have you continue to pay? Dude had no plan for the future
Nta but take his child support an put in a account for your daughter for when she goes to collage
Sounds like you are giving this man too much power by even asking if you’re in the wrong.
If you legally can stop paying child support to him – then quit paying. There’s no rationale for you to continue.
And quit worrying about whether you’re being unreasonable or an AH. THAT also is giving him power that he shouldn’t have.
Same with your daughter. She’s making the right move by living with you.
But I’m surprised that you’re continuing to fund his apartment.
After being threatened by a drunk dad, does she even want to visit him? She’s 17 and hopefully doesn’t have time for a bully. PLEASE help her learn to set boundaries with her dad – FOR HER SAFETY. Meeting for coffee? Fine. Staying over with a guy who drinks and threatens violence? Absolutely not.
Please don’t enable that by paying for his apartment.- he’s a grown man and makes almost as much as you do. He can pay for his own place. Use that money for the savings that you lost.
STOP ENABLING HIM.
Contact a lawyer and get an agreement for child custody and child support.
okay you are being an a****** to yourself.
Get legal on this, stop with your petty desires of what you want/don’t want based on your ego, “I don’t want his money” means you’re still attached to him or the situation. You’re not acting in a balanced way, get real about both the money and the need for legal fairness.
Get a lawyer immediately, stop paying him any child support immediately, and negotiate to sell the apartment with the proviso he gives you back your down payment and mortgage stuff out of the proceeds. You can buy your kid another apartment, but this will solve all your money problems for the future – set up a good retirement thing and straighten out that he should be paying and for what. or don’t include this part, but I do suggest you do the rest of these legal suggestions.
Stop your ridiculousness about you don’t want his money – this is not money for you! This is money for your kid! And you have gone deep into your own retirement savings for your kid! For stuff he should have been paying for!
All those exclamation points mean you are really doing this from the wrong position – get logical, get practical, get a lawyer, and stop thinking about what you want and just go for the legal perspective of what is fair. That is what he will settle for, that is more than you want,so don’t refuse it, but straighten all this out before your kid is 18, including any back payments he might owe you. Including, now he’s doing better than you, the share of the divorce that he owed half for! Really quit acting like you’re in love with this guy still and cutting him slack – he is changing and not in a good way, protect yourself by seeing everything fairly and truthfully. He deserves no slack.
Otherwise, I warn you this actual jerk you had as an ex-husband, will probably sue you thinking you owe him money, and drag you through legal proceedings you do not want. At least get a divorce lawyer in there to straighten this out, you and your daughter deserve all help and benefit from the money he should have been giving you in the first place,. Stop rejecting money that you are both owed, deserve, and need, out of ego. if you’re having a bad life in poverty, your daughter will suffer just seeing you, stop this path of thinking.
Get that common sense hat you use on your daughter in to parent and guide your own self please
You may not want his money but it’s not for you. It’s for your daughter.
It’s not that you want or don’t want his money. Child support is for your daughter. Yes, you can use it for repay expenses you’ve fronted. But if that’s not necessary, put it aside for her. It’s a nest egg.
Whether you want it or not, he should pay it because that is his child as much as she is yours.
Not only are you NTA for stopping child support but YTA for not filing against him as soon as she moved in with you. It doesn’t matter if YOU want his money, it’s not for YOU. It’s for your daughter. It’s your duty as her mother to make sure she gets what’s due her. Furthermore, as others have said, you not filing for child support, you paying half support when she’s not even living there, is teaching your daughter to cowar to shitty men to avoid their anger. Your daughter has already sought one abusive relationship and stayed in it. It’s time to intervene and you need to put her in therapy so she doesn’t fall back into another relationship like that. Your ex has modeled abusive behavior for her, and it’s what she will seek out in a partner every time if you don’t intervene now.
You need a lawyer. You made a huge mistake doing everything with verbal agreements.
There is no reason for you to be paying child support to an ex spouse who is not providing support.
Apparently, you don’t even have a legal contract to obligate him to contribute to college expenses.
You are shortchanging your daughter and yourself.
At this point, based on what you’ve written, your ex should be extremely restricted in terms of contact with your daughter.
Supporting a controlling and abusive boyfriend who threatens suicide is a screaming huge red flag.
Frankly, your failure to intervene was wrong. That boyfriend is a huge danger to your daughter and you let your hands be tied by some false obligation you feel to your ex.
Get a lawyer. Get a therapist to understand why you are being such a doormat to an unfit ex who had menaced your daughter.
Take responsibility. Take charge. Fix this.
NTA. UpdateMe
You’re not paying child support for your child you’re actually paying child support for a overgrown man baby that you don’t need to support. Whatever the child support you’re sending him need to go to your daughter and your own lifestyle not him, you don’t owe him a damn thing..
You ARE the asshole but only because you continued to finance this jerk’s lifestyle at the cost of your own life. Stop paying him and you will no longer be the asshole here.
In other words, you are NTA once you start looking out for yourself and cutting off the ex-husband that has been living the golden life because of your generosity. He either needs to get a paying roommate, a 2nd job, and/or cut his expenses somehow. It is NOT your problem anymore.
You’ve got a lawyer’s answer to this. You really don’t need us saying it. I’m really sorry that your ex-husband feels that you owe it to him to support him. You don’t you need to take care of your child. You shouldn’t have continued it for that long. I could see leaving half the support for a few months but when it was clear that she was going to be staying with you, he should have done something different. But he wants to live a lifestyle he can’t afford and is demanding that you pay him enough so he can afford the lifestyle he wants. You need to put an end to this. And if it comes down to it, in all honesty you should of the day the daughter moved in with you, gone to court and got an even minimal child support for her. If she’s living with you and only visiting him and has chose to live with you, he should have been paying all this time. Instead, you’ve taken money that you could have used towards your daughter’s college and handed it to him so he can go flitting around the world with his girlfriend and look like he’s a big man
I’m going to say in a very mild way. You are the ass because you have taken money that could have been used for your daughter’s education and handed it to somebody else so he can wine and dine women and that’s wrong.
But you are not wrong to stop it now. He has been an ass this whole time. He should not have taken a penny from you when your daughter chose to live with you. You are nice enough not to cause a stink over severe drunkenness threats of physical violence. Trying to force her to stay with someone who was abusive to her. You let that all slide and I’ll be honest you shouldn’t have but you’re letting him bully you just to avoid a fight. So get the starch straighten your backbone up and put a little starch in there and take the money you’ve been sending him and stash it away so your daughter can have a good college education
NTA. I am worried that with the apartment in both of your names and his poor financial position, he will get to the point where he wants to sell that apartment that you have designated for your daughter. So I think it’s time to get a lawyer involved. I would get the deed transferred to you only. Or maybe they allow you to put that in trust for somebody at a certain age. But this is spiraling.
NTA infact you have been an AH to yourself for a long time. Your ex is abusive both emotionally and financially and you are allowing him to abuse you. What would you think if you saw a man treating your daughter the way he treats you? What would you say to her?
I’m sorry to say but you have inadvertently taught your daughter that women should accept abuse from men. The sooner you stand up for yourself the better, show your daughter a strong woman who will not accept disrespect from a man.
Also sue him for child support. It is nothing to do with you being greedy but everything to do with standing up for the rights of your daughter. If you don’t want to spend it put it in a savings account for her, she deserves to have both parents financially support her.
Finally, get some therapy for yourself, you are a good woman and a good mother and you need to learn that you deserve so much better!
Things are not adding up here. You present him as someone neutral enough to not go through a messy divorce with but:
a. was drinking before but worsened after he left
b. is controlling, manipulating, and emotionally abusing your daughter
c. threatened your daughter physically
d. threatened you verbally
e. bullied you about a home you purchased and paid for, he didn’t contribute
f. paid for his living quarters because he manipulated you
g. supported and bullied her into staying with an abusive partner
So, either he radically changed after the divorce into an abusive man who started straying into the possibility of physical with your daughter, or he was always this big of an AH and you didn’t acknowledge it. Either way, while I appreciate your desire to make things easy on your daughter, there is such a thing as being too passive and not fighting for her. Get some help for your abused spouse syndrome thing going, tell him to go f- himself, and get your daughter help to undo her daddy issues unless you want to see her end up in one abusive, miserable relationship after the other.
NTA for not paying for his digs, but you are one for not telling him to kiss your butt sooner and for paving the way for your daughter to be terrible, even dangerous, relationships in the future. Show her a strong mama and put that jerk in his place.
NTA. Lawyer up. Maybe he could afford rent if he cut down on his drinking and expensive vacations. It’s not your job to fund his lifestyle. He needs to live within his means, just like you do.
When you go to court, make sure they are aware that he was drinking excessively and threatened to punch your daughter. Make sure that they know he pushed your daughter to stay with an emotionally abusive boyfriend.
INFO
If it was a legal agreement, can you “just stop paying” or do you need to get the order changed? If it was just an agreement between the two of you, that agreement was based on her living with him. She isn’t, so the agreement is null and void.
Honestly you need to grow a spine because it just sounds like you are still catering to your ex for no good reason other than you enjoy being a doormat for him.
You’re setting a really bad example for your daughter and have allowed her to not only be in an abusive relationship but also acted as an example for her.
Stop giving this AH a single penny, he threatened your daughter and frightened her, he encouraged her to see a violent boy and sloot shamed her. Those are reasons for him not to see her, your job as a mother is to keep her alive until only her own stupidity can kill her. I would never let him have her unsupervised after that BS let alone pay him for his place when he makes equal money. Do not teach your daughter that being a bastard is financially rewarding.
Your ex is a real piece of work, he has no balls or contience!!! He will always do the wrong thing in life, and he knows this!!! And he don’t care …..
NTA. Please seek an attorney to make everything legal. Especially the no child support & the apartment. You don’t want your ex to pressure your daughter into selling the apartment or giving him half the value of it.
This is why the courts exist. In your scenario, had the court been involved with support, you could have petitioned immediately when the circumstances changed. It also goes down based on their age.
The kid lives with you. Support should stay with you.
NTA You many not want his money, however, you can put that money aside for your daughter. She may need that money some day for college, living expenses, a wedding. Take the money, for your daughter and put it away for her.
You should have stopped sooner, the moment your daughter moved to you. If he can’t afford the apparatment it’s because he’s using his money on alkohol.
He should have payed you aftrr the switch!
Don’t stop the child support without getting it dismissed in court. Even though she lives with you, the court order still stands. My husband’s ex changed the locks on her house and locked our 16 yo out of the house on a school day. We had shared custody, but my husband paid child support bc of income disparity. We stopped paying and she took us to court. The judge liked us—couldn’t stand the ex. But she did say the court order had to be followed, but she guided us in filing a petition to discharge the previous support order. She also owed us money at the time as my stepdaughter is type I diabetic and she never paid her portion of medical. The support we owed was a wash bc of the medical owed and she was ordered to pay us support. We declined her money with the understanding that she was to have zero contact with my husband and I. (She’s a psycho and I have a million stories). She never spoke to us again and it’s been wonderful.
Spend the money on your kid. Get receipts. Send copies of the receipts to your ex.