So I 24F and my friends all around the same age are together a lot. We love each other lots and we love to spend time with one another. Recently however I’ve felt that I annoy them.
It started with a trip to Disneyland we all took together earlier this month. The outing itself was great and fun but it was clear my friends were a little annoyed with me. One of them didn’t really want to ride any rides or wait in any lines she didn’t bring good shoes and the other three seemed annoyed whenever I suggested something. It became clear to me that I just had a lot more energy than them and I was being annoying. I tried my hardest to fall into step and just go along with whatever they wanted after that.
But the crux of this happened two nights ago. I suggested that we go see the long walk. I read the book last year and loved it. We went to the movie and I loved that too but my friends were really disturbed. They all like scary movies and we go often but this one I guess was a step too far. They called me deranged and didn’t talk to me for the rest of the night unless to say they were mad at me for suggesting we go. I sent them all apology texts later that night and most of them said they weren’t mad anymore and we still love each other but I still feel sad and angry at myself for upsetting them. one of them was still kinda upset at me and said I should have thought twice about suggesting the film because her job is “more dark and stressful”. I’ve pretty much decided to just stop suggesting anything for a while. I’m mildly autistic so social things can be pretty hard for me to read. But was it really wrong of me to suggest the movie?
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So I 24F and my friends all around the same age are together a lot. We love each other lots and we love to spend time with one another. Recently however I’ve felt that I annoy them. It started with a trip to Disneyland we all took together earlier this month. The outing itself was great and fun but it was clear my friends were a little annoyed with me. One of them didn’t really want to ride any rides or wait in any lines she didn’t bring good shoes and the other three seemed annoyed whenever I suggested something. It became clear to me that I just had a lot more energy than them and I was being annoying. I tried my hardest to fall into step and just go along with whatever they wanted after that. But the crux of this happened two nights ago. I suggested that we go see the long walk. I read the book last year and loved it. We went to the movie and I loved that too but my friends were really scared. They all like scary movies and we go often but this one I guess was a step too far. They called me deranged and didn’t talk to me for the rest of the night unless to say they were mad at me for suggesting we go. I sent them all apology texts later that night and most of them said they weren’t mad anymore and we still love each other but I still feel sad and angry at myself for upsetting them. one of them was still kinda upset at me and said I should have thought twice about suggesting the film because her job is “more dark and stressful”. I’ve pretty much decided to just stop suggesting anything for a while. I’m mildly autistic so social things can be pretty hard for me to read. But was it really wrong of me to suggest the movie? Should I just keep more things to myself?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I suggested a scary movie to my friends that made them way too scared Even though they agreed to go to it
(2) I knew the contents of the movie and suggested we go even though it scared them.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA – you cannot anticipate others needs. If your friends job is “dark,” then she needs to assess if she is ready for a horror movie herself.
Have you fallen into the trap of anticipating others needs so much they now expect it without communication? It’s an easy one for Nd people as we tend to notice others moods and their little changes more than n-typicals do.
Sounds like it might be time to take a wee break from the group and think about what makes a rewarding friendship for you.
NTA. Your friends like scary movies until you suggest one that’s actually scary? Make it make sense.
Ugh your friends are annoying plus you need to voice yourself better, doesn’t matter if you think you might sound rude it’s better than letting them step all over you. Call them out any chance you get if they start being backhanded or weird that’ll will just show them you are aware of their foolishness behavior and that you don’t play around. If you can’t do that then maybe spend more time with your family than making friends 💕
Ffs your ‘friends’ are finding reasons to be annoyed at you. I am guessing it doesn’t matter what you do. Try suggesting someone else’s idea and watch them whine UNTIL they know its not yours and suddenly its an OK suggestion again
NTA. Who gets mad when a scary movie is scary? I would be mad if you took me to a scary movie that WASNT scary lol. But in all seriousness, it sounds more like a compatability issue. Sounds like you want friends who are more into active adventures and thrills. You can still have these friends for all the things you love and enjoy together but I hope you find a friend or two who you can have the most fun at Disney or a horror movie with.
NTA – it seems like you could’ve suggested exactly what they would have wanted and they still would have shut you down.
i do have to ask what her job has to do with anything. is she saying her job is more dark and stressful to emphasis that the movie wasn’t horror enough for her? because if that’s the case it seems to be the exact opposite the rest of your friends had with it.
out of curiosity- what was the movie?
NTA, those aren’t really your friends. I am also autistic and this just sounds like soft ostracizing that a lot of autistic people unfortunately know all too well. Find autistic friends, it’s less painful.
NTA. These don’t sound like very good friends to me.
When you suggested the movie, did anyone ask you about it or look it up? It sounds like they didn’t, which isn’t your fault. If they did ask you and you played down the fact that it’s a dark, dystopian horror film, then you’d be at fault, but it sounds like there wasn’t any interaction like that. When someone suggests a movie I know nothing about, I ask them a bit about it so I can decide whether it’s something I’d like and whether I’m in the mood for it. The only time I’d be upset is if someone who knows me well enough to understand my tastes assured me that I’d enjoy it even though it was clearly not my thing because they knew otherwise I wouldn’t watch it (or they knew I’d want to be in a particular mood to watch it – eg, I do sometimes enjoy dystopian horror, but I like to know that’s what the movie will be so I can decide if I’m in the right state of mind for it, or whether it’s likely to leave me feeling unsettled or too dark after watching it; I’m even pickier about being in the mood for zany comedy).
I feel like these days, basically everyone understands what a trip to a major theme park is like, so the fact that they weren’t expecting a typical theme park experience is also not at all your fault.
If you were all teenagers, I’d give them some leeway, because teenagers are still learning about expectations and how to express their emotions and have healthy friendship dynamics, but y’all are too old for them to go around being so contrary and apparently prone to blaming you.