My parents in law are visiting us for a week. Because our space is small (50m2) , they would have to sleep on the couch which they wouldn’t like, so I suggested booking an Airbnb for them. That way they could spend the day with us, enjoy homemade meals (my husband insists on that, they will get mad if it isn’t the case), then go out and return for dinner at our place before spending the night at their Airbnb comfortably.
My husband hated this idea and was furious. He wants us to leave our apartment for them and stay at an Airbnb ourselves, taking our 3 month old kitten with us (because they hate cats) and then come back every morning to prepare meals, do house chores for them and spend the day with them.
Am I crazy for thinking this sounds unreasonable?
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My parents in law are visiting us for a week. Because our space is small (50m2) , they would have to sleep on the couch which they wouldn’t like, so I suggested booking an Airbnb for them. That way they could spend the day with us, enjoy homemade meals (my husband insists on that, they will get mad if it isn’t the case), then go out and return for dinner at our place before spending the night at their Airbnb comfortably.
My husband hated this idea and was furious. He wants us to leave our apartment for them and stay at an Airbnb ourselves, taking our 3 month old kitten with us (because they hate cats) and then come back every morning to prepare meals, do house chores for them and spend their night day with them.
Am I crazy for thinking this sounds unreasonable?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because instead of offering our own apartment to my in laws, I suggested they stay at an Airbnb.
My husband feels like I’m being inhospitable and disrespectful to his parents by not making sacrifices for their comfort, so maybe I was wrong for prioritizing my own comfort (and our kitten’s) over theirs.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
This is insanity. It’s your home. Say no and don’t leave.
Also please get rid of your husband. How embarrassing to be an adult man pandering to his mummy like that.
NTA at all, your husbands suggestion is ridiculous and hugely inconvenient for everyone. you should insist on your original plan or they lump it and sleep on the sofa and accept the kitten.
there are obviously some cultural norms at play here but ?????? No, your husband and his parents are TAs. absolute insanity.
NTA. Tell your husband he can do all the house chores and cook homemade meals (since he insists on that) while his parents are around while you do nothing but care for the kitten. When they leave, tell him to go home with Mommy and Daddy.
This is the hill to die on.
NTA, your suggestion is perfectly reasonable. Do your in-laws actually expect this or is this just your husband trying to make some kind of weird statement?
NTA – that’s ridiculous.
If it’s about the money for his parents, pay for their AirBNB. I have done that over a holiday when we simply didn’t have the room for everyone.
I wouldn’t say YTA but unless it’s a cultural issue I think your husband’s suggestion isn’t very practical and his parents sensibly should refuse it and offer to go to an Airbnb themselves.
NTA. I’d probably tell him he should go to the Airbnb with them too!
My humble opinion, they are visiting, let them stay in the Airbnb. If the cost is an issue, then you can foot the bill, but makes no sense for you to leave. This coming from a parent who visits children who love a long distance away. In one case, we stay in a hotel and visit, the other they do have an extra room where we can stay.
NTA. Your husband is nuts. Move out with a kitten and let him care for his parents.
Nta. Your husband is for trying to uproot you and YOUR PET to appease his parents. His parents can stay at the air bnb or don’t visit. Why put out the people you are visiting???
NTA. Your husband sounds like a big baby who completely devalues your (and maybe even his own) boundaries when it comes to his parents. The pair of them also sound like spoiled and ungrateful individuals who instead of valuing your hospitality, kindness and eagerness to help them, have requirements for you to cook for them, and they don’t even take the initiative as grown Adults to say, “we’ll find our own place to stay while visiting you, in order to not get in the way of your family life”. It’s that simple.
That’s your house and you should be able to decide who comes in, let alone who stays in there. You didn’t even recommend something unreasonable, and were even kind enough to search for a place for them to stay, eventhough that’s completely THEIR responsibility that they should’ve sorted out themselves before making any further plans to visit.
I would never be able to communicate with a man who overlooks everything just so his parents can have everything served in the plate. He doesn’t respect you, your home and your kitten.
NTA. That is bonkers that hes suggested you move out, and up route a kitten that won’t be used to the space and will likely play up because of the change in environment.
NTA that sounds very twisted and strange to me. Had this been MY parents, they would have insisted on staying by them selves and not a bother to us. Is he scared of his parents? Are they especially entitled, rude, demanding or something along those lines? Or are they very very old, disabled, fragile?
I am surprised that no-one has pointed out that it is distressing on a cat to relocate for a short time.
Screw that. Sleep in your own damn bed. NTA
NTA
In my culture your husband’s demand would be too much.
ETA
Mind you, it would also be reasonable for you and the kitten to go elsewhere, while he entertains his parents.
Your husband needs to face reality. Your home just isn’t the size it needs to be to host the way he wants to.
NTA
How about you go get a hotel room somewhere and let him be a slave to them for the time they’re visiting?
NTA
NTA It doesn’t even make sense. Your place is not their home, so why would they be more comfortable in your home than in an Airbnb? Would they be sleeping in your bed? Snooping through your things? what’s the attraction?
Certainly you and your kitten would be more comfortable in your own home. They could relax in the Airbnb because it would be private space for them in the way a hotel room would be. There is no need for you to turn your lives upside down and act like groveling servants when it’s not of any real benefit to them other than as a kind of display where you debase yourselves and they get off on it. Why would they even feel comfortable putting you out to that extent with so little payoff, unless the payoff were psychological?
My parents would have never allowed us to give up our own bed to visit us, never mind our whole apartment. My wife’s parents would not have asked for our bed, but would have taken it if offered. It may be a cultural thing, but personally, I wouldn’t stand for it. His parents would be staying at a hotel or airbnb or stay at their home and not visit. I hope he was suggesting that he leave the airbnb early in the morning to cook breakfast and clean for them because there’s no way in hell my wife would do that. If I got furious about it, she would just laugh. Don’t be a doormat. Tell the #$$hole he’s out of line.
NTA. They can go to the Airbnb, or you can leave permanently leave with your kitten… this is a hill to die on.
Not a whole lot of Air BNBs take cats.
NTA and I hope your husband is the one cooking those meals, too.
You want to spend the rest of your life like that?
Go stay at the Airbnb on your own and have a nice few days of vacation. Let your hubby sleep on the couch and cook and clean for his parents. You aren’t anyone’s housekeeper or personal chef. If he wants mommy and daddy to have homecooked meals, he can cook them himself
Absolutely nta, that doesn’t make any sense
Taking away cultural norms this is a bizarre request. I had a smaller home and when inlaws visited I put them up in a beach resort close to my home. I also paid for a meal plan. They were happy. We were happy. It worked well.
NTA. He is being unreasonable.
NTA. Good luck finding an Air B&B that accepts cats. Where does your husband store his spine? He needs to stand up to his parents on this issue.
You and your kitten go chill in the air bnb, let husband cook clean and host and never pull this kind of shit again.
Aside from the ridiculousness of your husband’s idea, it’s a logistical pain in the ass.
You and your husband could be home preparing the meals before the in-laws get there and have them ready when they arrive.
His way the in-laws are sitting around waiting for you.
NTA
Your husband’s idea sure sounds unreasonable
Besides, let’s pretend you accept his idea. Do you know their exact schedules? What about if they want to sleep late? Or have alone time for just the two of them? They hate cats so your kitten has to stay at the Airbnb? What about all the cat hair already at your place? How will your in laws unpack if the closets for sure are full? Toiletries? Honestly, it would be like moving out to the Airbnb for a week. Just not practical
My advice would be that you stay in a pet friendly hotel with your kitten.
Tell hubby he needs to get his priorities straight.
NTA. Your husband is ridiculous. He can join his parents in the airbnb and prepare all the homemade meals he insists on himself.
NTA your husband is being ridiculous. His idea leaves two lots of people (and a kitten) disrupted. Whereas his parents will already be away from their home so staying in an AirBnB will be no different to staying at yours. Also, leaving your home so they can sleep in your bedroom and rummage through your drawers? Hell no! And no maytter how much he or they might deny it, you KNOW they will…
I would think the parents would jump at staying at an Airbnb over your small apartment. I’d tell him you think it’s very selfish of him not to consider his parents comfort and that it’s ’sick’ he’s prioritizing his own comfort over his parents’.
NTA. My sister in law is afraid of cats, but she and my brother have never once suggested that my cat be made to leave her home when they visit.
NTA – it is wild to move out for a week so someone else can stay at yours and it’s really unfair on your kitten who is only just getting settled in!
I think the reasonable “compromise” would be for ALL of you to stay in an Airbnb somewhere (pick some destination spot you’ll all enjoy and turn it into a vacation), or for you and your husband to offer to pay for the Airbnb for the inlaws to stay in.
All of you in the airbnb would resolve a lot of the issues.
I’d discuss with your guests and let them make the decision. Everyone is happy then.
So that’s wild but honestly I’m more focused on the fact that you say that he is a furious because you made that suggestion. The fact that you can’t even talk to him and have a civil conversation about that without him being not just upset but Furious about it is a red flag.
Absolutely NTA. It’s absolutely ridiculous that you should be expected to vacate your own home. Even if they stay elsewhere, how are they supposed to even eat at your place if MIL has a “clinical fear” (gtfoh with that nonsense btw) and refuses to be around the kitty? I agree that this is a hill to die on. Hubby can go stay at the Airbnb and then go home with his parents when they leave.
As a mom of two boys, my measure of success as a parent is that they never end up on this godforsaken sub of absolutely bonkers men.
I mean, really? When you travel it’s fairly normal to stay in paid accommodation. This is completely ridiculous.
NTA
Need more information: What country is this?
What culture?
Thats ridiculous. Hes ridiculous. Your idea is logical. They get a bed and a meal. You cant take a young kitten out of its home. If it gets out it will lose his bearings and run away. Why cant ye see what his mil thinks. Is he making the home made meals or you? Hes ridiculous. Nta
That sounds absolutely insane. Plus most Airbnb’s do not allow you to bring pets. Don’t do this.
NTA – Your Husband is delirious. They can stay at an AirBnB, Hotel, ANYWHERE. But if your apartment is too small to host you can’t move out for them. That’s absurd.
NTA
What the hell? And with ‘prepare meals and do house chores’ he probably means you?
This is ridiculous!
NTA for wanting everyone to be comfortable! Have you thought about giving your bed to your parents and you and hubby sleeping on the couch though? That way you’d be dealing with the cat and the discomfort. I like the Airbnb idea but family can be strange.
NTA. But I suggest you and the kitten take the airbnb for the week and let your husband stay with his parents for the week at your place. He can cook and visit with them while you have a nice week off.
I remember when I had my first beer too (sarcasm).
What your husband is proposing is stupid. Why should you have to be displaced from your home is just idiotic.
What you are proposing is more than acceptable. And, very gracious. Husband obviously still has the emotional umbilical cord attached with mommy and daddy.
NTA
You are not crazy. Your husband is being unreasonable.
It’s concerning that you describe him as furious, hating, and insistent. He does not sound like a kind or respectful partner. People who love each other can discuss these kinds of decisions calmly and reach a compromise.
Are you in danger? Is your kitten in danger?
NAH: Traditional, when someone of high rank came for a visit, they were given the best room/bed of the house, and everyone below them was pushed down one level. So when my grand parents would come for a visit l, that meant they slept in my parents bed, my parents slept in my sisters’ room, and the sisters slept on the couch. You don’t have the room for everyone to stay in the house and therefore you are renting some space (hotel, AirBnB, etc). Given that your home and the Airbnb are about equal, I don’t see that it matters who stays at which house. If YOUR house is going to be the ‘gathering’ place, the “honorable” thing to do is let the parents stay at the gathering place and the children (you and your husband) at the rental.
NTA
So your in-laws want to make you a guest in your own home? It’s unbelievable what some people can do.
Edit: Re-read and saw that your husband made the suggestion. But it doesn’t make it any better, I just think it’s completely stupid.
Wait wait wait
Not only is this request absolute INSANITY in general…..
But your husband wants to take a very young kitten away from their new home, relocate them for a while which will stress and upset them at such a young age, potentially damaging a B and B because they’re stressed so his parents can live in the frickin home instead?
No lol. Just no. That’s SO irresponsible as an animal owner. They aren’t tous. They can’t just be picked up and carried anywhere in a bag to please HIM.
Please PLEASE send your husband to this thread. He is absolutely out of order lol
You and cat leave, preferably the country on a mini-vacation. Husband stays to be the maid and cook, he can sleep on the couch.
NTA if there is not a cultural component involved here.
Many Asian and Hispanic cultures have family hierarchies and expectations where asking parents to stay somewhere other than your home would be considered extremely rude/a rejection. Even if his reaction is because of a cultural difference…he could have explained that instead of getting angry. You aren’t some stranger, you are his wife.
Here’s your solution in any case: tell your husband that his parents can absolutely come stay at your house. At the last minute (the day they arrive) let him know you “forgot” how much they hate cats so you got a hotel for you and the cat. That way his parents can be more comfortable and use your bedroom and he can sleep on the couch and be available for their cooking/cleaning needs. You will of course return to the house. It may have to pop in and out during the day to check on the cat.
Sounds like a win-win for all!
Let big boy be the one to sacrifice if he feels like it’s an affront to his parents to offer an air b&b.
His suggestion is that you – take on the cost of a vacation – but come home to work like staff?
I don’t think so.
NTA. Every set of in-laws I know stays at a hotel or AB&B when a space is too small, crowded, has animals or they want privacy! You have a husband problem and not sure how you can solve it.
NTA- My mom is highly allergic to cats. When she visited we boarded the cat and cleaned the place thoroughly. Moving out for visitors and acting like servants is ridiculous.
NTA. Husband is being unreasonable to think you should vacate your home.
NTA
That might be the silliest thing today. Why would you leave your own home to stay elsewhere? Nope.
Why would your house, with you having to come and go for things like clothes in any way better than them staying at an AB&B?
4 people (and a cat) inconvenienced instead of just the two travellers l?
Tell them to stay home too much trouble for in-laws!
He’s cooking those homemade meals…right?
So you can be their personal servant while they take over your home? Absolutely not! NTA and girl 🚩🚩🚩
Vacating your own home is ridiculous. NTA
Uh definitely NTA.
Just curious if this is a cultural thing if you don’t mind sharing your backgrounds. You are still NTA but it might help explain his immediate desire to place his parent’s comfort over yours.
This is insane on so many levels. Especially with a cat. You don’t have a YOU problem. You have a husband & in-law problem. Not to mention if you don’t have a guest room any reasonable adult visiting should expect to happily make arrangements for their own accommodations nearby.
NTA. This is exactly how my family visits. It’s better for everyone and allows us all some down time. IMO it’s the perfect solution.
A) I would not want to leave my parents alone in my house to just get bored and snoop.
B) it makes no sense for them to be alone in your home with now one to help them find stuff they might need or figure out the tricky shower while you two are also in a strange place, with a cat and having to shlep a litter box etc.
C) if you are in your own home you can do meal prep when they are not there; this seems especially important in such a restrictive space.
NTA it’s just common sense.
Ew, and they sleep in your bed, in your private space? Hell to the no. They can stay in the ABNB.
NTA
This is very unreasonable and I’d not be comfortable with it. Your pet and your family of two shouldn’t be leaving your home.
Book them an Airbnb and make sure they know that’s where they are staying.
Since they hate cats, your kitten may not be safe around them. At the least, they could let her outside, on purpose. I might not want them in my home, at all, with her. Maybe this is why your husband wants to take her to an ABB.
NTA. I would consider it an invasion of privacy. They can go nosing around in every drawer.
You should ask him to contact his parents in front of you and give them the choice of your place or the airbnb with the full knowledge that you will be bringing the kitten and coming back to cook and clean. If he doesn’t explain it well, ask him for the phone and explain it.
If your husband insists on his way, tell him forget it, we will sleep on the couch.
It sounds like he is afraid of his parents.
NTA
Moving your family into an AB&B to accommodate a visitor is crazy.
If your visitors don’t like your cat, that’s on them. It’s not like they have to stay with you, they can go to a hotel/B&B/van down by the river.
Ummm, NTA. It’s going to be more expensive and more difficult to find a pet friendly AirBnB.
You guys can help pay for it if you so choose. But they are already living out of a suitcase so why should everyone live out of a suitcase for a week? This just seems over complicated and additional work beyond the extra time and effort to drive them back and forth. Plus you guys would have to either leave the kitten alone at an AirBnB or you’d be causing it extra stress driving it back and forth. Is the AirBnB even cat safe? You’d honestly be better off leaving the cat in a PetSuites or a similar situation for its safety and care.
Way too many moving parts to consider.
So does she have a “clinical fear” or just hate cats? I’m curious.
NTA – his way nobody sleeps well. The in-laws would undoubtedly prefer to stay at an AirBNB anyway. No-one really likes sleeping in someone else’s bed.
NTA
Why the hell would you have to leave your home. And as long as your husband is offering to cook, they can have homemade meals.
You’re definitely not crazy, your idea makes way more sense. Them having an Airbnb nearby means they’re comfy, you still host and share meals, and you don’t have to uproot yourselves (or stress out a tiny kitten).
Your husband’s plan basically makes you do all the sacrificing, while his parents get the best deal. That’s not really fair.
NTA
Ask your in-laws if they want to sleep in the bed where you and your husband bump uglies. Guarantee they’ll be happy to stay at the airbnb.
I recommend that you have your husband speak to his family about accommodations to find out what they prefer.
Praying that you’re not allowing this whack job of a husband to make too many decisions. 🙏
NTA. That’s the weirdest request. Good luck finding a cat-friendly Airbnb anyways.
NTA. Your husband’s idea seems ridiculous. It’s your house! You should definitely stay there, especially if you are expected to cook meals daily for his parents.
NTA ….. it’s time for wheeling and dealing…
Agree with your husband on two conditions
NTA. Your husband’s reasoning is stupid.
NTA.So, putting it bluntly, your husband expects you to cook, clean and entertain his rellies, while you are sent off to an Airbnb with a distressed kitten every night. And he is angry that you have a more reasonable suggestion. It sounds as if he expects his parents to have their own personal hotel, with you doing all the work. I wouldn’t even bother with the Airbnb, book them into a hotel where they will have legally employed flunkies. What an appalling thing to ask you to do, though it sounds more like a command. Is this coming from your husband or is it expectations of the in-laws? Is your husband trying yo show what an obedient, compliant wife he has, because that’s how it’s coming across?
NTA but surely you didn’t actually marry this person? Do yourself a favor and hold off starting a family until he grows up,
NTA. Having houseguests is stressful enough as it is. Get the AirBnB for yourself and let your husband cater to his family’s idiosyncrasies. Take the kitten with you.
Have you asked the in laws what they would prefer?