I live with 2 other girls in a 3bhk, which is owned by my parents. I’ve known these girls since college and we’re all close. They both pay rent directly to my parents but we don’t have a formal agreement in place because we’ve always been chill.
Last wednesday one of my friends (sofia) asked if a colleague of hers (let’s call her ava) can stay with us for a few weeks as she’s running short on cash and her parents live a few hours away, and she needs a place to stay, we agreed that she can stay and only pay for utilities and no rent is required as such.
Now us girls (3 of us) usually stay in on Saturday night and drink/smoke watch a couple of movies, the basic stuff. Ava asked to join in, we said sure no problem, didn’t even ask for any contribution for food/drinks etc., but she got super drunk, we got her to sofia’s bed to sleep it off and came back to the living room.
In the meantime apparently she didn’t sleep and called her parents crying over everything that has been happening in her life, her parents got very angry that she consumed alcohol (we didn’t know they were conservative) and asked to speak the ‘sl*ts’ she was living with and ava handed over the phone to sofia.
They called her a bunch of names including a sl*t, someone who should be ashamed of being a woman because she drinks, she’ll go to hell, that she brings disgrace to her parents and stuff like that. They also said that as long as ava is living here we have to ‘behave’ and not try to spoil their daughter, which also means no alcohol or boys or anything (the level of entitlement).
Soph started crying post that, given that both her parents are highly orthodox as well and condemn her life choices frequently, maybe that’s what soph and ava bonded over idk.
Anyway, next afternoon all 3 of us decided that ava living here wouldn’t work out and told her the same, we didn’t force her or give a deadline for moving out, just said to find a new place. Not even 10 mins later she came and handed over her phone to sofia to talk to her dad as he was angry and wanted to talk to her. I took the phone from ava and told her dad off, given that we were going to allow her to live here for weeks without even rent and now he’s the one to be blamed that his daughter is getting kicked out and I also said a bunch of stuff about his colorful vocabulary the last night and what it says about him as a man.
Ava did move out sunday night and showed up in office on monday, but she has been cold towards sofia and told a bunch of their colleagues that sofia kicked her out. Now I feel maybe I could’ve helped ava by just shutting up maybe. AITA?
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I live with 2 other girls in a 3bhk, which is owned by my parents. I’ve known these girls since college and we’re all close. They both pay rent directly to my parents but we don’t have a formal agreement in place because we’ve always been chill.
Last wednesday one of my friends (sofia) asked if a colleague of hers (let’s call her ava) can stay with us for a few weeks as she’s running short on cash and her parents live a few hours away, and she needs a place to stay, we agreed that she can stay and only pay for utilities and no rent is required as such.
Now us girls (3 of us) usually stay in on Saturday night and drink/smoke watch a couple of movies, the basic stuff. Ava asked to join in, we said sure no problem, didn’t even ask for any contribution for food/drinks etc., but she got super drunk, we got her to sofia’s bed to sleep it off and came back to the living room.
In the meantime apparently she didn’t sleep and called her parents crying over everything that has been happening in her life, her parents got very angry that she consumed alcohol (we didn’t know they were conservative) and asked to speak the ‘sl*ts’ she was living with and ava handed over the phone to sofia.
They called her a bunch of names including a sl*t, someone who should be ashamed of being a woman because she drinks, she’ll go to hell, that she brings disgrace to her parents and stuff like that. They also said that as long as ava is living here we have to ‘behave’ and not try to spoil their daughter, which also means no alcohol or boys or anything (the level of entitlement).
Soph started crying post that, given that both her parents are highly orthodox as well and condemn her life choices frequently, maybe that’s what soph and ava bonded over idk.
Anyway, next afternoon all 3 of us decided that ava living here wouldn’t work out and told her the same, we didn’t force her or give a deadline for moving out, just said to find a new place. Not even 10 mins later she came and handed over her phone to sofia to talk to her dad as he was angry and wanted to talk to her. I took the phone from ava and told her dad off, given that we were going to allow her to live here for weeks without even rent and now he’s the one to be blamed that his daughter is getting kicked out and I also said a bunch of stuff about his colorful vocabulary the last night and what it says about him as a man.
Ava did move out sunday night and showed up in office on monday, but she has been cold towards sofia and told a bunch of their colleagues that sofia kicked her out. Now I feel maybe I could’ve helped ava by just shutting up maybe. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Maybe I should’ve let him talk to sofia, but ava said her dad was angry and sofia had already cried last night because of what he said.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. You offered Ava free housing, and she repaid it by getting drunk, dragging in her toxic parents, and letting them verbally abuse your friend. Then they had the audacity to try to set ground rules on you in your own home. Asking her to leave was more than fair, and blaming Sofia is just manipulative.
I think you are NTA. Ava and her parents were both problems. You tried to help, it didnt work out, Ava moved out, problem solved. I think it was appropriate to communicate to Ava’s Dad that it was his words that caused the problem of Ava being kicked out. Sometimes, you just cant help people. Good for you all for trying though.
NTA. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you
NTA. Ava got drunk of her own volition and involved her parents in her housing situation. This is all on her.
NTA. Sofia needs to practice saying “The owners of the property decided Ava continuing to stay there wasn’t possible due to her having her parents verbally berate and insult the other people living there, creating a hostile living environment ” and then changing the subject
Never bite the hand that feeds thee. Her daddy did, and her daddy can apologize to all of you for his poor behavior. Ava, as well, should have intervened as she is an adult.
NTA.
Why on earth does she hand over the phone! Like, if my parents were yelling like that there’s no way I’d actually force someone else to speak to them. I’d deal with their anger myself, or I’d hang up.
I don’t really know what she thought would happen by doing that. She needs to grow up and set better boundaries with her parents.
You guys tried to help her out, but it’s clearly not a good fit. I just hope things don’t suck for Sofia at work if she’s just telling people she was kicked out.
NTA
Firstly you’re not her babysitter, you’re her roommate. Meaning if she’s old enough to live away from home then she’s old enough to make her own decisions
Secondly the unmitigated gall of her parents to think that they get to tell any of the rest of you what you can do in the house you all pay for
If it were me quite frankly she’d have been on the curb that same night
NTA. guess she got her poor judgment from her parents. there’s no way to get along with that kind of person long term, and no point in trying.
sofia could let the coworkers know that the reason she got kicked out is because she got wasted and had her dad verbally abuse everyone sofia lives with, if she likes.
NTA. Ava asked to join in, when she hadn’t told you about her parents. Even if you did know, being expected to change your whole lifestyle around one temporary and non-paying guest is unreasonable.
And its time for Sophia to fight back in the office.
“Ava, it seems you enjoy telling half truths. Tell them about how you called your Dad twice to tattle on us – adult women who were allowing you to stay rent free – and he reemed us out. We kicked you out after the second time when you thought it appropriate to allow your father to verbally harass one of my roommates. Are you going to do that here at the office if you don’t like your assignments here too? Grow up.”
NTA, Ava and her parents are TAs. If you know who Ava is talking to at the office, quietly go to them and say, heads up, Sofia talked us into letting Ava stay for a few weeks, and Ava promptly got drunk and called her parents, who started calling Sofia nasty names and tried to dictate house rules to the rest of us. And no, we didn’t charge Ava rent.
NTA
Here’s the thing is that it isn’t about what Ava’s parents did; Ava could have handled this differently and then no one would have had to deal with her parents.
She could have chosen not to drink knowing that her parents don’t approve of that. She could have chosen not to call her parents drunk, again knowing that they wouldn’t approve. She could have refused to hand over to phone to let Sofia be berated. She could have apologized when she sobered up and said that she’d tell her parents that their insane edicts were being obeyed and that no one else would have to talk to them again.
It sucks because she clearly doesn’t even realize how abusive her parents are, but it’s not ok for her to push that abuse onto someone else and then claim to be the victim. With someone like that it would have only escalated.
NTA. If Ava wants to escape this controlling and toxic parental behaviour the simple solution? STOP CALLING THEM. Like she literally made this problem. Maybe this will wake her up.
NTA – He deserved any language you threw his way times a hundred. And while it’s a shame Ava gets abused by her parents, it’s doubly sad she has to stand up for them in her own mind by making you the bad guys.
NTA. This should be filed under “NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED”
nta the parents were out of line and Ava should not given the phone to Sophia. They don’t get to tell you how to live.
What are we doing here, OP? Ava’s problems aren’t yours. And if Ava had been allowed to stay, she and her parents would have made a world of problems for all of you.
I feel for Ava. She needs to stand up to her parents. Also sounds like she needs to see a therapist and work through some things. But you can’t make it her do it. And there’s no reason to shatter your own peaceful home life either.
Sometimes you have to save yourself.
NTA.
Nta. What a dreadful position this woman placed you all in.
NTA but from now on if she hands you the phone to speak to her parents, decline. You have zero obligation to speak to someone you don’t even know who wants to tell you how to live your life and berates you.
Ava’s parents threw the proverbial first punch in this matter.
FAFO.
You’re NTA. It’s not just that her parents are judgmental, uptight A-Hs. Ava herself is a pathetic tattletale trying to sic her daddy on grown women.
He has no say in how you live your lives Soph should have hung up on him about three words into the conversation
NTA What until Sofia tells them what brought the household to the decision to ask her to move out. That mummy and daddy got involved regarding a night out and became abusive to all. Or she could just take the high road and inform HR of Ava bringing in a private dispute from outside of work into the workplace, in trying to create a hostile workplace for Sofia.
NTA. Ava did this to herself and drug Sofia into the middle of it. Ava is a grown woman and needs to grow up. She got herself kicked out because she instigated the whole mess. It’s a ridiculous way to treat people who were being nothing but kind to her.
NTA, Sophia needs to go to her HR and tell them the situation and tell them that Ava is creating a hostile work environment.
Info: How old are you all that mommy and daddy are getting involved in living arrangements and what you ALL can do in your lives?
NTA obviously and please UpdateMe
NTA! Ava’s parents are horrible people and she goes along for the ride.
NTA. So she’s an adult but calls her parents to yell at her coworker who’s doing her a massive favour?? Yea, no.
NTA Do you really want Ava’s problems in your home? No. She drunk called her parents and brought unnecessary problems on you. Well, actually her first screwup was getting drunk. She’s lucky that you were letting her stay there. Getting high or drunk should not have been something she would do. That’s because when you get high or drunk you can wind up doing or saying stupid things. The last thing she should want to do is risk getting kicked out. So what does she do? Gets drunk and does something stupid. And now she’s kicked out.
NTA
You and your two roommates did nothing wrong. Please don’t let Ava’s family gaslight you. Also, I’m going to repeat some other advice I’ve seen: Sophia needs to stick up for herself, and she needs to let HR know of the situation before it escalates, as this could cause some serious issues in her career
NTA! NTA!! NTA!!!
I just can’t wrap my head around the way her parents behaved! How dare they tell you young ladies how to live your lives and what you’re allowed to do in your own apartment? And calling you names? Wow! That’s so far over the line that I’m in awe of the “hutzpah”!
Let Sofia just casually mention that Ava’s mommy and daddy didn’t approve of her living with you so it was best that she find somewhere else to stay. Seriously, tell Ava that if she doesn’t knock it off then the whole story will come out. You will expose her for how she calls her parents to yell at you and tell you off, that they think they can tell you what you’re allowed to do because they don’t want you corrupting their precious daughter.
I wouldn’t put up with that nonsense!!
NTA. Girl, I loved your comeback ♥️. You can be my friend anytime.
I would have told her dad that none of us gave her alcohol, as a matter of fact it was the three guys she has in the bedroom who brought the beer. I would have said we pleaded with her not to have another gang bang but she cussed us out while she was sober ( one of the rare times) and said group sex reminds her of home. Other than clogging the toilet while flushing too many rubbers your daughter has been a perfect houseguest, good job dad!
At the office? I thought this was a college situation.
Ava needs to grow up.
NTA
I’m sorry but if I was Sofia I would explain to the colleagues exactly what happened. No way would I accept that shit after what happened! Sofia should be ashamed of herself for basically lying and ashamed of her father for the way he spoke to friends letting her live with them rent free and trying to help her out!