I’m (33f)taking a trip out of the country for a week with my dad and 2 sisters. My boyfriend(33m) of 4 years is upset because he thinks it’s not ok for partners to vacation without each other. He can’t go because he doesn’t have a passport and didn’t have enough time to get one. He says I should have denied to go and instead went somewhere just the two of us. Im excited for my trip. Am I in the wrong for going?
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I’m (33f)taking a trip out of the country for a week with my dad and 2 sisters. My boyfriend(33m) of 4 years is upset because he thinks it’s not ok for partners to vacation without each other. He can’t go because he doesn’t have a passport and didn’t have enough time to get one. He says I should have denied to go and instead went somewhere just the two of us. Im excited for my trip. Am I in the wrong for going?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1)Leaving the country without my boyfriend. 2)I tried to get his passport but didn’t have enough time.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
NTA. It is perfectly acceptable for partners to take separate vacations. Tell him you 2 will go somewhere together later.
He’s 33, without a passport and you’ve been together 4 years: he doesn’t want to travel, ever.
Enjoy your trip! NTA
NTA. I’m married and I go on trips all the time without my husband. You’re dating, not conjoined.
NTA. He’s not the boss of you. You are an independent person. If that’s too much for him, find a new one.
NTA Why would it not be okay for someone to go on a vacation without their partner? Especially a family vacation! My boyfriend and I have gone on separate trips and it’s always fine. Of course it’s an amazing experience to travel with your partner but unless you were going on a solo trip to Vegas or something of the sort, I don’t see where his problem stems from. Has he elaborated on why he feels this way?
Lol wtf, he should get a ring on you before even bringing this up as a topic… even married id have no issues with my wife going on a family trip without me, but can see how some may have issues with it (esp if kids are involved)
NTA
Even married couples don’t always vacation together.
My husband spent a week every winter, skiing in Colorado with his brother (his brother had a lot of travel points). Neither my SIL or I went along.
They were both serious skiers, we were not.
NTA – Enjoy your vacation. It’s perfectly normal to take separate vacations. I’ve been married 25 years. We take vacations together and apart with friends / family/ siblings.
Your boyfriend sounds like an extremely insecure person.
Wow, please don’t let him try to control you like this. He’s also inviting himself to your FAMILY vacation. Get out with that. NTA.
NTA. Its common on both sides of my family and within their extended families, and my friends, for partners to go on vacation with friends and/or family without their partners.
If a vacation were to use up all of your annual vacation w/o your partner, barring certain circumstances, like its a wedding or a milestone celebration rather than a normal every year thing, then you could be an asshole.
It could also be an issue if you need to save those vacation days in anticipation of needing to use them for a sick child where you would be in a lurch or unfairly burdening your partner.
But as youve laid it out NTA and best case your partner has FOMO hence their asshole behavior, worst case your partner is trying to create separation between you and your family. You have all of the details of your relationship to get a sense of where on that spectrum you guys fall.
NTA. This was family time. Your boyfriend can check his schedule, get a passport etc if he wants to go somewhere.
Is he 23 or 33? Ffs the grown man didn’t get his paperwork right so no one gets to have fun?
NTA enjoy your trip and post many pictures 🍸
NTA- It’s healthy to travel with other people or even alone if you want. Asking you to miss out on time and experiences with your family is quite pathetic actually.
NTA. Tell him to put his big boy pants on and deal with it.
NTA – he’s not your husband yet and it sounds like maybe for good reason.
No you are nta
NTA.
Your BF sounds like a guy I used to date. A very controlling, jealous, obnoxious guy.
NTA – Wouldn’t it be great if he could be happy for you?
What a weird mindset. People in relationships should sustain strong relationships w/ or w/out their partner present. He wants to squash your enjoyment with family because he couldn’t get his act together re: a passport. This is selfish.
NTA – he sounds incredibly controlling — but why should YOU cancel your family trip because he’s not adult enough to get himself a passport. Real partners are happy when their partner gets a good experience. They don’t try and take it away from them or block it. Dump him?
NTA
New boyfriend time.
My (34m) 33 year old wife is going to Spain for a week with our friends who were initially my friends. I couldn’t get the time off of work. I’m looking forward to hearing about all the fun they will have.
No!!! That’s his problem!! Bet he will get a passport now!!
He’s clearly jealous because he feels left out
NTA.
I get why your BF is disappointed. And his feeling disaponted is somthing I would validate.
But that doesn’t’ mean you shouldn’t go. Him saying you shouldn’t is kind of a red flag.
If he doesn’t generally do anything else problematic… isn’t overly controlling… than that red flag can pass by… but do think you should consider it if this is one isolated red flag, or one among many.
NTA. If you were traveling with a single male, that would be another thing entirely, but with your family is fine.
NTA It is actually an incredibly immature response from a man his age. You can go wherever you want with or without him.
NTA, partners don’t go on every vacation with each other. Plus he is your boyfriend not your husband. So if you want to get married tell him, we are not married so I will go where ever I want to go. If we get married it will be my expectation that you get a passport so that you can go on vacation with me however this is a moot point since we are not married. Also, I will go on family and girls trips sometimes which will not include you.
NTA.
It’s a family trip.
Also, he can get a rush passport. It’s not hard.
NTA – Partners need to have individuality. You don’t have to do everything together
NTA, just because you have a boyfriend doesn’t mean your family has to take second place to him all the time, you’re allowed to do things with other people!
He sounds jealous because you’re traveling abroad and he’s not. He should be happy for you to have new experiences and spend quality time with your family. This could also be a sign of controlling behavior, watch out.
NTA
It’s ok for people to vacation without their partners, whether that’s with friends or family or alone.
It’s understandable your boyfriend is unhappy he can’t go with you. But his reaction is that of an immature and selfish person.
A decent partner would say “I wish I could go with you, I’m going to miss you while you’re gone, have a great time.”
You’re not married yet and this is family. He should get a passport and you two can go another time
No you are not wrong. He’s controlling and immature
My wife had the opportunity to go to France and sing in an international chorus to commemorate D-Day. Trip also included runs through Paris and Versailles. We were able to swing her going, giving her the trip of a lifetime with several of her friends. We couldn’t afford for me to go. Oh well. I’m happy for her and what she experienced in France. She sits there and suddenly grins and says, “II’ve been to France!” I agree with those who suggest that the boyfriend should be happy she has opportunities to travel and seems to be quite the limiting kind of person.
NTA
He’s being strange. Partners can travel without each other. Also, he needs to have a passport.
NTA. Tell him to put a ring on it or quit pouting.
NTA and don’t you dare apologize to him for going without him. If he continues to make you feel bad because of something he can’t do – ask yourself if this is the person you want to be with.
nta it is absolutely OK for partners to vacation without each other.
I’m currently visiting my brother’s family on the other side of the country without my husband. I have twice as much vacation time as he does anyway, I’m not going to lose it for him.
Slight YTA – He is your partner of 4 years, not a casual date. I don’t say you shouldn’t spend tine with your family but when you are this far into a relationship, he is a part of your life. It is therefore fair for him to feel that he should be included in your limited holiday time.
Partners are supposed to lift you up so you can go higher. Not tie you down.
Bon voyage!
NTA but you need to think about this relationship-you won’t be able to do things on your own? REALLY?
He’s jealous. Go and have a great time.
I know many couples that only travel together. I also know many couples that travel together or separate. I am glad this came up before you married so it can be settled now. Why does he have a problem with you going? Does he not trust you? Does he have reason? I travel more without my husband than with. He doesn’t really wish to travel to the same places I do. You really need to settle this between you before you continue your relationship. Are there going to be issues if a good friend of yours gets married and wants an out of town bachelorette trip? Just out of curiosity, does he have problems if you go out without him? Have fun and enjoy your family time. You never know what tomorrow will bring.
NTA- I had planned a trip long before I met my bf. I didn’t even mention it when we first met. Then, as it got closer, I mentioned something about it and he lost it. He accused me of going with some other guy, no solo trip. Couldn’t understand how I could afford it by myself, budgeted, and saved for it for months. He was literally pouting. He thought it would be romantic to join me, not after weeks of his pouting. And every time he texted me on that trip, it ended in a fight. I ended up doing a redo trip a few laters. Because I should have blocked him!
NTA
So if he had his passport he (maybe) could have joined for a bit….but he was irresponsible and did not get the passport in time? NTA at all.
NTA. But your boyfriend is.
NTA.
It’s common for people, including partners, to take family vacations. Or even solo vacations. You aren’t and don’t have to be attached at the hip.
Why is he threatened by you spending time bonding with your dad and sisters without him there?
Enjoy your trip!
NTA
What even is this question and why are you even entertaining this?
This is his issue – not yours.
He can’t go, so he wants to prevent you from experiencing a vacation and time with your family. No. He’s so emotionally immature.
Enjoy your vacation, and NTA.