My brother might see and recognize this but it is what is is.
My mom passed away last summer. I (24M) was the only one of my siblings (F, M, M, all a couple of years older) interested in her car, so I handled everything with my sister since she was the authorized representative. I waited through probate, paid the fee, and had it titled, registered, and insured under my name this April. No one had issues at the time. I now drive that car (call it the yellow car).
I’ve also had my own car (the green car) since 2021. Both cars are worth ~$3-4k.
A couple months ago, one of my brothers asked to borrow my green car for the summer. I agreed but told him up front I might try to sell it and would need it back for that. He said fine.
Fast forward to early July: a coworker was interested in buying it. On July 9, I texted my brother that a buyer might be coming. No reply. I texted again on the 11th to say I’d need it Monday or Tuesday. Again, no reply.
Today, I texted him I’d come get it, and he blew up—saying the siblings need to be involved because I “got Mom’s car for free” and shouldn’t be selling my own car. He also claimed he didn’t see my texts because he was at a music festival Fri-Sun… but my first texts were from the Tues and Thurs before that, and he still managed to post to Instagram.
He sent some texts insulting my character, calling me selfish and saying I’d ruin my relationship with him and my sister “over money.” When I pointed out I warned him from the start I might need my car back, he went off with:
“I’m literally offering you money to use your car, can you not read? If you think I’m guilt tripping you then you’re actually [r-word]. You clearly only care about yourself, hope ruining this relationship is worth it. Don’t talk to me ever again.”
(Also—he only mentioned possibly buying when we first talked 7 weeks ago, never responded about it again until today, after he was already insulting me.)
I went and picked up my car from my other brother’s place (where brother in question is staying after quitting his job last year to travel). Found three empty weed pens in it—so apparently he was driving my car high.
Now I’m planning to go low/no contact for a while and not let him borrow anything of mine again.
AITA?
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My brother might see and recognize this but it is what is is.
My mom passed away last summer. I (24M) was the only one of my siblings (F, M, M, all a couple of years older) interested in her car, so I handled everything with my sister since she was the authorized representative. I waited through probate, paid the fee, and had it titled, registered, and insured under my name this April. No one had issues at the time. I now drive that car (call it the yellow car).
I’ve also had my own car (the green car) since 2021. Both cars are worth ~$3-4k.
A couple months ago, one of my brothers asked to borrow my green car for the summer. I agreed but told him up front I might try to sell it and would need it back for that. He said fine.
Fast forward to early July: a coworker was interested in buying it. On July 9, I texted my brother that a buyer might be coming. No reply. I texted again on the 11th to say I’d need it Monday or Tuesday. Again, no reply.
Today, I texted him I’d come get it, and he blew up—saying the siblings need to be involved because I “got Mom’s car for free” and shouldn’t be selling my own car. He also claimed he didn’t see my texts because he was at a music festival Fri-Sun… but my first texts were from the Tues and Thurs before that, and he still managed to post to Instagram.
He sent some texts insulting my character, calling me selfish and saying I’d ruin my relationship with him and my sister “over money.” When I pointed out I warned him from the start I might need my car back, he went off with:
“I’m literally offering you money to use your car, can you not read? If you think I’m guilt tripping you then you’re actually [r-word]. You clearly only care about yourself, hope ruining this relationship is worth it. Don’t talk to me ever again.”
(Also—he only mentioned possibly buying when we first talked 7 weeks ago, never responded about it again until today, after he was already insulting me.)
I went and picked up my car from my other brother’s place (where brother in question is staying after quitting his job last year to travel). Found three empty weed pens in it—so apparently he was driving my car high.
Now I’m planning to go low/no contact for a while and not let him borrow anything of mine again.
AITA?
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NTA
His entitled self is lucky you didn’t report it stolen when he refused to return it.
Borrowing the car was contingent on its return for a possible sale. He should take his weed money and buy his own car.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1 taking the car back from my brother
2 he still needs it for another month for work and it is very sudden for him. I could in theory let him borrow the car if the coworker doesn’t want it as well
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Report it stolen.
NTA
The reason you feel like you might be, is because he is gaslighting you. It sounds like he’s been living nearly free of all responsibility since quitting his job, and he had nearly TWO months to either buy the car (I imagine you would have let him get close to stealing it off you in price, because you seem like a pretty stand-up person!) or figure out a different situation, but he must have thought you’d never come knocking for the green car back. You did, and it is well within your rights.
This was a tantrum. It sounds like he desperately needs to grow up.
NTA. It isn’t his car. He isn’t entitled to keep it. If he wants to buy it, he can put his money where his mouth is. And if he had wanted the yellow car, he should have mentioned that while it was still in probate…prior to you transferring the title and insuring it.
He’s lucky you didn’t report him for driving high.
NTA
NTA. Bro is a jerk. Good riddance.
ESH. Your mom’s car was a mutual decision to put it under your name. Your own car is your own property. Maybe you could’ve lent your brother your mom’s car instead of your own car since you’re looking to sell your car. That way, you can’t pressure him if ever.
Then again, he’s recklessly driving you car while high. What’s to say he wouldn’t do the same if he would borrow someone else’s property?
NTA. It is your car and you had every right to reclaim it.
NTA you were clear from the start it was a temporary loan and that you might sell the car. With what he did, you should’ve reported him to the authorities.
NTA. He’s the one ruining the relationship.