So my date (24f) and I (28m) have been hooking up for about two months now. Around 3 weeks ago we decided we wanted to spend more time with each other outside the bedroom and things seem to have been going great until last night. So far most of our hang outs have been getting a drink or dinner at some local places and we also got ice cream once. Last night we went to a fancier Italian place, I got a carbonara and she got an individual pizza. She finished hers but I only ate half of mine so requested a box to take it home. She was very quiet on the car ride home and when I asked if she was okay she said she wasn’t feeling well. I drove her home, we had a good night kiss, and I texted her before bed I hope she feels better to which I got no response.
This morning I got a text from her saying me not finishing my food and taking it home made her feel like she overeats and is fat. I responded that that was not at all my intention and I was just genuinely full. She has not responded since.
I’m having dinner with my friends and they asked how last night went and I asked their opinions on the matter and they are split. Some think I should’ve just eaten all my food or not taken any back because from her text I obviously made her feel insecure about her body. Others are arguing that it’s perfectly natural to take home leftovers if you’re full so you don’t waste food.
I can see both pov and am wondering if y’all have any insights?
Comments
NTA, you are not the reason why she reacted that way, something must’ve happened in her past. Taking food home is a perfectly normal thing to do.
Bro, you just didn’t wanna waste food. That’s not a crime. You didn’t say anything about her eating habits, she made that connection herself. You’re NTA. If someone sees you taking home leftovers and instantly feels judged, that’s something they gotta unpack
NTA – wasting food from a restaurant in this economy?? No way
NTA, especially if you were the one who paid.
It seems like she has some serious insecurities. Although I will say it’s a bit of a red flag that she’s trying to guilt trip you for something so minor.
NTA, Red Flag, way too soon! She has issues and deflecting them on you. Surely a sign of things to come.
“Some think I should have just eaten all my food”
what? I often wonder why some of these are even a question, but apparently some people out there have some weird friends. Dude, if I’m full…I’m full, what the heck
Well that’s a fucking reach and a half. NTA
NTA She has issues, she made them your issues. Give her space and see if that’s all it took to end it with you.
NTA. You just both started dating and now she wants to control your eating style.
NTA. This is a “her” problem. You did absolutely nothing wrong.
NTA – it’s a HER problem, not a YOU problem.
A woman that insecure and fragile won’t get any better with time. She’ll blame you for triggering her low self esteem forever and she’ll weaponize it at some point if she means to or not. You’ll be walking on eggshells every time you see her, like you are now. Consider it a dodged bullet. No bueno
This is wild. Why wouldn’t you take your leftovers? It sounds like she struggles with self-esteem and self-image issues. Good information to know moving forward.
NTA. She’s weird. If you pay for food and don’t finish it have a decent portion left take it home. Her feeling like that is her problem
OMG! How much you eat somehow becomes about her feeling fat?! MOVE ON. She’s nuts.
NTA. If you’re in the US, portion sizes at restaurants are often enormous, with corresponding prices. Leaving half your food behind on the plate is wasteful, imo, and sometimes there’s just no possibility to order reasonable portions. That being said, some people are uncomfortable with the idea of doggie bags from a higher-end restaurant.
The idea that you made her feel fat for finishing her food, though? That’s about her and her self-image, not about you at all. It’s on her to fix it, not you.
Red flag. She take everything and somehow make it about her. You decide if you are going to be happy with someone like that.
your situationship is immature and your friends are stupid. next.
NTA
Good grief.
And women like this one want men to believe they are not completely nuts.
Reddit really reminds me that there are so many people out there that just suck.
If you are full, stop eating. If someone else feels bad about that, then that’s on them to deal with and maybe get some therapy. And friends who say you should just keep eating in case it hurts someone else feelings?? What the actual fuck.
Is this America? Land of the fat?
Female here……..I can eat an individual pizza in one meal but would struggle to eat a full portion of carbonara despite the fact I love it.
I simply don’t understand why she was upset or why some of your friends are split. Carbonara is a great breakfast and how was taking home your leftovers body shaming her?
I would have insisted you and leftover carbonara would have spent the night and you share the carbonara for an amazing breakfast the next morning.
Whoa! Speaking as a woman, she has some level of insecurity. What you eat or don’t eat has nothing to do with her self image. For Pete’s sake, you went from FWB to ‘dating’. It’s obvious you like her body, so where she got this from is really pulling a rabbit out of her hat. I’d back off no matter how good the sex is/was.
NTA for taking your leftovers home.
Nta man . You paid for it , you take it . Even if it is to have it later or to give it to a person in need , you’re free to do it . Is she fat fat or does she have a bit of fat tissue ? No offense, but even if she is fat fat , you didn’t say anything about her .
I understand how she feels; however, she can’t expect you to read her mind. Also, it would be dumb to waste your leftovers. She needs to work it out in therapy.
OMG, it’s like these young women look for shit to get worked up about. It’s completely normal to take home leftovers from a restaurant. Moreover, it was carbonara. It would have been a cardinal sin to leave that shit behind💯
NTA!!
Oh good grief. This is a HER issue that she needs to get therapy for. You did nothing wrong.
I’m a woman.
Nta she’s being absolutely toxic. She clearly has mental health issues, massive insecurities and will be a nightmare to date.
Id suggest not having any more dates with her and ending whatever this is. .
No one needs that level of toxic in their lives.
NTA. That’s a her problem that she needs to work on …
So NTA, if she’s that triggered over food, I wonder what else is coming.
NTA. No one can “make” me feel one way or another. (Yes, you could do something I dislike or disagree with, but you can’t MAKE me feel that. No one is that powerful.)
From taking home leftovers to “you made me fat” is a huge leap. IF you truly care about her AND the relationship, you could suggest a sit-down meeting to rewind to understand what happened and how communication got so screwed up.
Not your job, but maybe a way to learn more.
Otherwise, this is on her. She clearly has issues around eating, weight & self-esteem. I hope she gets some professional help!
NTA, sounds like she’s got an ED if she’s over analyzing the situation like that.
NTA!!! If u were full, what did she expect u to do???? I did go on a date with a guy once who only ordered stuffed mushrooms as his entre. I don’t eat a lot. Like a slice of pizza is sometimes (sometimes!) too much and I’ll only eat half. But I did feel like I couldn’t/ shouldn’t and didn’t eat a lot. But I’d never expect him to like, eat more than he wanted. That would be so weird!!!!!
NTA.
What you did was absolutely normal. She’s got issues she needs to deal with.
I think she’s very insecure. I don’t think you taking leftovers literally had anything to do with her!
It’s a little odd that she would blame you like that, but I’ve never been insecure about my body like that so my comment probably isn’t very helpful.
NTA. But if she is this insecure about you, taking home your leftovers that’s a massive red flag get out now and save yourself the pain
SHE feels fat and it has nothing to do with how much you ate. She needs to become more confident in herself before dating. I don’t think I’d continue seeing her if I were you. You didn’t mention how much she ate did you? If not, dodge a bullet by saying goodbye. She isn’t ready to date if she’s going to get pouty because she has a larger appetite than her date. Anyone who says that you should have eaten more is confused. It’s your job to be polite and kind but it’s not your job to make someone feel better about themselves. It never works. People this insecure need to heal from the inside out. It’s impossible to believe that someone loves us if we’re incapable of loving ourselves. You can’t fix her.
If you mentioned her body or how much she ate, apologize and stop sleeping with her.
You taking home food has nothing to do with her. If you want to work through her issues of self consciousness because you like her, give it a try. But if you keep having to shrink your natural personality or alter your behavior to not trigger her…. then you should let her get therapy and get through some of this stuff before being in a relationship.
You are NTA.
She needs therapy..That’s such a far leap and she wasn’t able to logic her way back from it. But she brought it up to you, which shows she trusts you.
NTA. Why would you be the AH for not wanting to waste food? Next time, date an adult that is not so insecure. If she is this insecure in herself, don’t even bother getting involved with her.
This is the red flag moment.
NTA, run dude!!!! Don’t walk! Get out of there ASAP!
She’s having some sort of trauma response; this is not on you. NTA. And find out what the F happened that she automatically jumped from you taking food home to her feeling like you were implying that she overeats. This young lady has an eating disorder and needs help!
NTA. Her take is Complete nonsense. Normal people are not going to think like that. This is this is way too manipulative for a sex buddy. Imagine what other stuff she will come up with if you keep seeing her..
I was brought up poor. So poor mom would skip meals to feed my sister and I. Once we were better off we never wasted food. we would cover it in foil and eat it later. If we went out and there was a lot left we’d ask for a box to take the rest home. I’m 61 and the days of being so poor I didn’t know where my next meal was coming from are long gone. But I still never waste food.
Restaurants are always happy to provide a take home box. I’ve said to many a waitress “Please tell the chef that was delicious, but it was too much for me. Please put it into a box so I can enjoy the rest later” and they’ve always smiled and said no problem. I like to think it put a smile on the face of the chef knowing someone enjoyed their food that much.
You had a lucky escape. If she’s that concerned about portion sizes she’s got serious issues. The date went badly, you don’t have to see her again. It happens.
And NTA in case I wasn’t clear. Kudos for not wasting food.
Tell her next time you’ll eat til you throw up 🤣🤣 wth.. she needs to grow up
This girl has some SEVERE hang ups with food and I think you’re only seeing the tip of the iceberg here. The fact that she was genuinely upset, and not even like in a joking way, should be concerning. If her eating more than you was enough to legitimately ruin her evening, you’ve got a girl with an eating disorder on your hands. Not that that itself is inherently a deal breaker, but I think if you really like this girl and think you’d like to continue seeing where it could go, this might need to be a serious conversation you have with her. Everyone has baggage, and everyone is entitled to decide what kind of baggage they’re willing to help bear the weight of.
Nta and wow that woman is strange. Run.
NTA thank you for taking your food home and not wasting it . Especially if it was good. Be yourself at all times.
NTA her insecurities are not about you, she needs to work on that on her own
So your friends think you should have gorged yourself and eaten after you’re full because of your girlfriend’s mental gymnastics that there’s absolutely no way you could have predicted? You need new friends. NTA.
NTA she’s being ridiculous.
NTA. Your date has issues.
What the hell 😂😂💀
This is why most people date first, then do the sex. LOL
She’s massively insecure, seriously manipulative, or both. You need to decide if the sexy time is worth putting up with her outside the bedroom.
NTA
I am so glad I’m out of the dating pool! It is absolutely insane out there for you all now! Too many people feel entitled to other people’s time. Too many people project their insecurities onto others. Too many people having absolutely absurd expectations, especially when they are first meeting people. All of the ghosting and catfising and scams…just way too much to wade through all that BS!
NTA this is absolutely ridiculous. Red flag raised. If you’re full stop eating. If you like your meal then bring the remainder home. Tell her she just made you uncomfortable and made you feel she’s too focused on how much you eat and she’s eating disorder shaming you. Two can play at this game.
She is feeling insecure because she ate more than you. Unless you commented on that, it’s nothing about you. I’d reassure her that you think she’s great and that thought never even or will ever cross your mind.
Wasting food is one of the worst things you can do imo. NTA
I agree that it is 100% normal to take home leftovers. I think her reaction is very weird.
Well…… was she a huskier girl?
She’s so insecure that you not finishing your meal made her feel fat? Wtf
Sounds like she has a stupid problem. If she doesn’t get over it since you’ve done nothing wrong, I’d move on.
You can see both POVs? I can’t. Your girlfriend is a nut job.
NTA.
There was no way you could have known she has such insecurity issues.
It is good it happened before you were more emotionally invested.
Don’t pack her up in doggy bag and take her home, dump her in the trash where she belongs.
In fact, the more that I think about it this has got to be fake ragebait trolling for karma, that’s how dumb this whole scenario is.
I take food home from restaurants all the time regardless who my dining partners are. Some servings are easily enough for two meals – why waste the food and your money by leaving it in the restaurant?! Your girl might have body image issues, but your taking food home after a big meal has nothing to do with them.
Lol wtf
This is one of the craziest things I have ever heard.
how does you taking home some of your leftover food make it that you’re saying she’s fat?
there’s something off with this person seriously
This is a “her” problem, not a “you” problem. Strongly NTA.
She’s definitely dealing with some major insecurities. If you’ve been hanging out/hooking up for a while I can see her feeling comfortable enough to tell you. BUT it is a HER problem so if you keep seeing her make sure it does become a you problem.
NTA
Also maybe run, she’s blaming you for things she imagined. You want to decide your basic bodily needs based on how she will feel about it reflecting on her? Smdh adults manage their emotions, they don’t expect others to do it for them.
NTA the projection and insecurity she’s putting out is, for me personally, a red flag. Sometimes, heck a majority of the time, leftovers are just leftovers. Treating leftovers as an indictment about herself is pretty self involved IMO.
She’s got an eating disorder.
NTA….everybody takes home leftovers.
This girl obviously has self esteem issues. You might want to rethink this relationship.
She’s a wackadoodle. If someone couldn’t finish their meal and took it home, I wouldn’t think twice about it. Is everything about her?
What a ridiculous thing to think or say. Your date sounds really immature or really needy. I don’t even know what to say. Who cares about leftovers? Better yet…..who interprets taking leftovers home as meaning they eat too much and they’re fat. You might want to rethink this relationship.
This is her problem, not yours. She needs to deal with her insecurities instead of trying to make them your issues. NTA
Red flag. Girl has an eating disorder or body dismorphia or just almond mom trauma. But if you really care about her maybe yall can talk about it and see if she can let go of controlling other people and work on this insecurity.
DUUUUUUDE. RUN. SHE IS CRAZY.
RUN! RUN. RUUUUUUN. RUN.
My opinion? This feels like a masculinity test. As in she was testing you for long term commitment. I say that because it’s a pretty huge jump to make her emotions over finishing her dinner while you didn’t, your fault. I wonder if she wasn’t looking for an apology, she was looking for reassurance. 2020 hindsight, I wonder how this would have played out if you said ” i dont believe you’re fat, if you doubt that come over tonight ;), I just wasn’t super hungry but the food was great and I wanted to save it for later.”
But, im playing armchair cupid at this point..
This fake stories
Just tell her that pasta is way more filling than pizza. And pasta is cheap, they load up on the noodles and make it look like you’re getting a lot of food (which you are) but I get that you couldn’t finish the whole damn thing. And as my mother used to say, “wasting food is a sin.” so your friends who advised you not to take it home or nuts, that’s lunch tomorrow! Plus, she would have still seen that you didn’t finish your dinner and felt bad. And if you forced yourself to eat the whole thing, you would’ve been belching and super uncomfortable the whole way home. You did nothing wrong. It’s about her insecurity.
At first, I thought this was gonna be her judging you for taking home leftovers lol. But it’s kind of offputting that she basically told you you made her feel fat because she finished her pizza and you didn’t finish your meal. Kind of weird. Definitely she has some insecurity, but to tell you about it… I wouldn’t have.
Maybe you could say it’s kind of sexist to assume that men eat more than women. That’s not always the case. I remember my husband used to say, “she eats like a bird… Six times her own weight!” it was funny when I was skinny…
NTA
NTA She is being a weirdo control freak trying to police how and what you eat and when you eat it
Good lord. How utterly exhausting. 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
Projection. Don’t worry about it. Eat your food you paid for. You might be dodging a bullet. Don’t date her again.
NTA
She is not having a normal thought process. I had a roommate who would get mad at us for “making him feel fat” when we didn’t eat as much as he did at dinner. He had an eating disorder.
She’s insecure and that’s her personal problem. Don’t let her make your very normal behavior an issue. You don’t keep esti g when you’re full just so someone else doesn’t feel fat. Maybe she should’ve eaten less of her pizza instead.
Nta
Oh boy, she’s gonna be work. Do you need this much drama in your life?
NTA – This sounds exhausting and I can’t believe this is even a topic of discussion lmao
Just say you had a late lunch.
This can’t be real.
Are you a chubby chaser? Your lady friend has issues as do the friends that think you should have ate all your food so your lady doesn’t feel like Jabba the Hut
Friends tell you to finish your food when full wtf?
Might have body image or eating disorder whatever NTA and almost hard story to believe
Why are you even asking this ? She needs to get over herself and deal with her issues without making them somehow your fault . This doesn’t bode well for a long term situation
Dude! NTA
There should be no such thing as the “clean plate club”. You eat until you are satisfied (or a little less if there isnt enough food for everyone). You do NOT eat until you are uncomfortable- esp pasta which is soooo filling. Eating everything on your plate, even after you are full, makes the whole even unenjoyable for me, bc I am so uncomfortable. Yes, it is absolutely rude to unbutton your pants in the restaurant!! This is absolutely the date’s own insecurities and not OP’s fault.
Your friends are split? The date is a bit of a psycho and half of your friends are dumb. Who would even consider “I’m pretty full but I better finish so the girl doesn’t feel like a fat pig.” So ridiculous.
This is AI bullshit. No one in your “friends” are split. The girl is imaginary. Enough.
This honestly sounds like a Seinfeld episode.
Holy shit. She’s acting like she’s 16. Tell her grown adults can differentiate between a personal attack and people simply eating dinner. Or… she’s got some other topic entirely bothering her. Either way, that’s a bunch of nonsense. Don’t deal with that.
Wow, she’s both immature and insecure.
Pass.
Absolutely NTA and her insecurity about her weight is something she should be discussing with a therapist before projecting it upon the people who already appreciate her enough to put in the effort of active dating.
Oh please, this is HER problem, it has NOTHING to do with you and “what you did” whatsoever, not even a tiny bit.
She has some security and maturity issues, rather than deal with them, she’s gaslighting you, passing on her anxiety.
Sounds like a her problem. You’re good
Omg, you are NTA! You should not over eat just because the other person might take offense to you not finishing your food when they did. I don’t give a shit if I eat all my food and someone else does. You can’t be worried about something like that. Her feelings about food are for her to deal with.
Half your friends are idiots and your date has a mental problem. Normal people take doggy bags home. Period. Don’t get serious with this woman.
As a certified fattie, the best thing I or anyone can do while eating in public is not pay attention to what’s on anyone else’s plate. Why shoulder that mental load? To what purpose? Order what you want, eat as much as feels reasonable, get a clamshell for leftovers if it’s available and you want one, and don’t comment on anybody else’s behaviour. If your date has hair-trigger body image insecurities/disordered eating thought patterns that interfere with her enjoying a meal out with a friend or partner, she should address them with an appropriate professional counsellor.
NTA, her reaction is not normal or healthy.
I’m an overeating woman. I take home food sometimes when there’s a lot. Nta
Tf? No one I know judges people for taking a doggy bag home.
She may have a disorder or is insecure with herself, but you are NTA.
Bro, what kind of nut case did you find with this woman? Anyone with half a brain takes extra food home with them if they don’t eat it all. As expensive as things are it makes sense. To expect you to gorge yourself and overeat is ridiculous. She sounds very insecure about herself if she feels threatened by you not eating your entire serving. Honestly, I would run.
People tend to be sensitive to whatever they’re most insecure about…. this is ALL in her head and has little to do with you…
Do you want to deal with someone who gets upset due to their insecurity? And isn’t able to articulate it in the moment??? Like, you will need to be able to figure out what is in their head by sniffing the air…. Goodluck
You taking food home has nothing to do with her. NTA. She needs to work on herself and her insecurities.
NTA good grief!
Nta…she had those insecurities well before the dinner date. Maybe if she didn’t want to feel fat and like she over ate, SHE should’ve only ate half and took her leftovers home to eat. I don’t see how it’s your fault. How would you have even known?
NTA. She’s insecure as hell! You shouldnt be forced to finish when you’re full or not take home expensive left overs to make her feel better. This is her problem, not yours.
Sometimes you are more hungry than others. You were full and decided to save your uneaten dinner for later. Your friend mistakenly decided to make it about her. You did NOTHING wrong. Your friend must be very insecure.
WTAF y’all … really? This is a bizarre person who is weirdly focused on food in a negative way. You didn’t eat all your food and chose to take it home… So what?
Please do not go out with this person again. You are totally fine.
This is unhinged.
You taking a doggy bag and not over eating when you’re full isn’t an assault on her or her body. Her even insinuating this is a HER problem, not a you problem.
She needs to check her own insecurities.
This girl has issues clearly, but why are your friends’ opinions split on this? I can’t imagine my friends think me taking my leftover food home is an issue.
It’s perfectly normal to take food back, a lot of people always do this. Obviously, I don’t want to dismiss her feelings here but equally I do think it’s a reach to go from you taking leftovers home to feel like she overeats and is fat. She finished a portion for a single person. That’s what it’s intended to do.
It’s a shit situation and it’s a shame she’s so insecure, but NTA and I do hope she can move past this and realise that she shouldn’t feel like that, especially not because the person she is with asks for their food to be packed so they can have it later.
I also feel this could’ve backfired a lot more, if you’d have taken home the rest of the food because money was tight and you’d chosen to go out to eat with her and make the food last for more than 1 meal, you’d probably feel embarrassed that she commented on your request to take the food back.
Dating sounds so much fun.
NTA I’m fat. She’s nuts. Don’t waste food if you wanna eat it later.
How about this? What about not appetiteshaming YOU for not wanting to gorge like you’re cosplaying intro characters from Spirited Away!
Idiotic as this sounds maybe gf was embarrassed to be at a fancy Italian place with a guy who shock horror dared get leftovers. Demonstrating that he is not an incredibly rich (and wasteful) man and she is therefore not a WAG.
NTA- she’s probably not ready to date yet though.
When people have problems with their own body image, they’re gonna project their own insecurities onto others.
Do you really want to deal with this delicate little flower on a long-term basis? She sounds exhausting.
YNTA. That girl is loco. What were you supposed to do? Leave food waste, or overeat yourself? This girl sounds insecure about herself.
Also, I have found that fuck buddies are not people to date. I went through significant grief several times before I figured this out.
Seems like you dodged a bullet.
What’s next. If you floss it means that she’s got bad breath?
That girl is weird as hell. You had two different meals. I have never NOT finished a personal pizza, and I have never finished a pasta dish. Besides which, what if you just weren’t very hungry? Her insecurities aren’t yours to manage. I’d call it quits and move on. NTA
I’m thinking that is her problem/issue and not yours. You didn’t do anything wrong.
NTA. Brother she is a red flag. You did nothing wrong. Do not feel beholden to her baggage. Its not on you. You move on with your head held high.
God help you! Is everything going to be about her? Learn to tiptoe around her. You’ll need it
Nta. Sounds like she has issues she needs to work out on her own. Your friends are weird too. Who doesnt take their leftovers home?
wow, shes over reacted on this, she really internalised those feelings and let them fester like a bad open wound. I see nothing you did wrong here.
NTA
OMG – she is DRAMA. Like, WTAF?
I thought you were going to say that she chastised you for bringing home leftovers to which I was going to say good for you because wasting food is abhorrent and a huge pet peeve of mine. BUT, she turned this into you made her feel far?
WTAF?
Break it off and find someone without the drama and issues.
That’s probably one of the dumbest thigns I’ve heard in a while.
If not finishing your food makes her feel that way that’s her problem she has to deal with, not yours and not wasting it by taking it home isn’t weird either.
It’s like she wanted to find something to feel bad/offended by/icked about.
NTA
This is a her problem, not yours. If she chooses to think like this watch out. This has nothing at all to do with her. You weren’t as hungry as she was. You should not have to base your decisions on how she is going to twist any and all situations to be about how your actions “make her feel”.
Your girl has an eating disorder for her to jump to such a conclusion. Or at the very least, she has shame around eating for whatever reason.
That girl is out of her damn mind.
NTAH
That was a huge jump she made based on your actions.My date took home part of his restaurant meal so that means I’m a fat piggy . It really speaks to a high level of insecurity regarding her body image and eating habits and her inability to just plain reason. You absolutely did nothing wrong and make it clear to her that your actions, in this case ,do not prove or demonstrate that you think she eats too much .Tell her if you have something to say about another,you will tell them directly!
NTA. Her self absorbed insecurities are not your problem. Cut this one loose.
She’s personalizing something she has no business personalizing; she’s projecting her insecurities onto you.
Your NTA. She lacks self confidence obviously. Not everyone eats the same amount and everyone’s hunger vary each day.
NTA. If you didn’t say anything or give her any looks then she’s mad projecting onto you. You don’t know if that was the first time she ate that day and she doesn’t know if you ate 2 hours before the date. Just like it would wrong for you to go “are you sure you should eat all that” and try to change the amount she feels she should eat, it would be wrong to influence you to eat more than you felt comfortable just to make her feel comfortable. Not gotten a take home box, and what let the food go to waste? You still didn’t eat the rest of it though, what would not taking it back change? You weren’t rude, in fact I think you handled it the best you could have, I just think she’s projecting onto you.
It’s not going to get better…
She should paddle her own canoe when eating and not internalise every incident as a personal slight. She is extremely insecure, childish.
It’s very very weird to me that taking home leftovers is upsetting. She is insecure on a high level.
Um… you are so not the asshole. This person needs therapy.
Your date has issues that have nothing to do with you. That is an extreme reaction by her to your not finishing your food and taking the rest to go. Really: extreme. Perhaps her parents shamed her over her weight when she was young? Perhaps another (or several) men have been unkind in comments about her body? Only she knows the answer to that and she is the one that needs to get that sh*t figured out.
You definitely should not have eaten all your food if you were full! Whoever said that is an idiot.
And there is nothing wrong with either of you taking home leftovers. Otherwise, it’s just a waste of good food that you already paid for.
I hope you can convince her that you in no way were, silently through your eating less than her, trying to imply or project that you think she overeats and is fat.
If not, well, perhaps you’ve dodged a bullet.
This is definitely a her issue. You did nothing wrong and unless you’re omitting where you told her, “how could she eat a whole pizza by herself?” then you are NTA. I’ve had dates where I took home leftovers and dates where he did, and never once have I felt judged.
Ick. She’s got some issues.
Sometimes I like to eat, sometimes I don’t.
No need to have a complex about it.
You’re NTA!
Not the asshole. This unfortunately just sounds like an insecurity from her end, which I do feel sad for her. But that should not be taken out on you for not finishing your food
Red friggen flag here please move on you don’t need to deal with that level of bull crap.
NTA
That’s weird – why would what you eat make her feel fat? And taking home expensive leftovers is just smart (though I have never gotten carbonara to reheat well). She’s weird.
Oh, ffs!!! She’s a flaming idiot!
It’s your food; you shouldn’t have to gorge yourself to please her. If you can get two meals for the price of one, good for you being smart. As a bonus, you aren’t over eating.
It sounds like gf believes her eating habits need to improve. If she can’t handle someone choosing to eat less, then she needs therapy and you need to find someone else to eat with.
You’re NTA.
As a woman….i would rather see you not waste food. I eat how I want to. Period. Some days I want a salad, some days I want I giant bowl of pho, some days I want a whole pizza to myself. Of ALL things to pay attention to and make a big deal…..this isn’t close to being on my list. Run. For real homie. RUN!!!!! It’ll never get better.
That is ridiculous. Clearly she thinks she is fat. A large portion of pasta is almost always impossible to finish! You didn’t do anything wrong. This lady has problems and is insecure. But she had no issue making it your fault.
NTA. Her insecurities are not your problem. You didn’t want to waste food and that’s perfectly reasonable.
NTA – she’s a psycho. Better to know now. Next time she’ll blame you for making her feel some way you don’t have any control over.
You didn’t make her feel anything. You did a completely normal thing that millions of other people do every day and she chose to take offense. I’m not trying to shame her for her insecurities, but blaming those insecurities on you is a bridge too far. I say let her ghost you.
Honestly if I was on a date and the woman I took out blatantly wasted food without even discussing should they take it, that’s a negative to me. And if me taking leftovers home is a negative to them that’s not the kind of person I want to land. I’d rather land someone practical and thoughtful.
She’s nuts.
None of your actions are targeted at her. If she’s feeling a certain way, then it’s because of a script in her head, not your actions.
So, unless there’s a whole lot more that you’re not sharing, NTA.
BUT there will be reasons the script is in her head, so I recommend giving her a lot of reassurance.
Oh lord save yourself!!! NTA
As a women, NTA. People have did hungers at different times. She has no right to tell you how much to eat ur take home.
That’s the oddest thing I’ve ever heard. You weren’t hungry enough to finish your food so you took it home. Maybe you had a late lunch and maybe she skipped lunch. Either way she sounds a little “off”. NTA but the bigger question should be do you want to keep this at casual hook ups or deal with this on a dating level. GL
NTA. It’s her baggage to stop carrying instead of trying to hand it off to you. If I go out with someone and they don’t finish their meal, I assume either they are full or they didn’t like it. If they did like it , I will wonder why they are wasting food by not taking it home, and might even wish it was offered to me to take home. There’s no shame in taking leftovers home and I hate wasting food.
Are your friends teenagers??? Her insecurities are not your problem. If you can’t take home left overs cause shes gonna be a baby about it then why keep seeing her?
Tell her (gently) that it’s a stretch to make your appetite on one night reflect on her eating habits and weight. She needs to reflect on how she is talking to/thinking about herself internally and not project her insecurities onto you in order to seek validation for her internal thoughts.
Not to mention carbonara is a very rich pasta, but that is besides the point!
NTA.
She’s a lot eh? That level of insecurity is crazy. Taking home leftovers is normal.
You responded about saving food and being full, instead of “Darling, you look good to me just the way you are. You want dessert?”
NAH though, but listen better.
If she ate the whole pizza and felt she overate, that’s on her. She could have held back and taken some of her food home as well.
Leftovers is the best part of dinner out.
“I payed for it. I wanted it.”