I (29) recently moved out of a share-house situation with my ex partner (28) and other people.
We had two pets together, one dog and one cat.
The dog was registered in ex’s name but I “chose” him, and the cat was one I drove to pick up as a surprise for ex partner, but was registered in my name
I absolutely love the dog, but the dog was trained by my ex with a hardcore alpha mentality (aka, ex would force him to submit when he was misbehaving by “gently” holding him to the ground with a hand on his scruff. A method I never agreed with and always fought to stop.
This training essentially lead to the dog never obeying my commands, because it did not see me as the alpha. Whenever the dog was with me and someone knocked on my door, the dog would bark his head off and would not stop (even with housemates) He does not do this to my ex. Only to me.
So when I decided to move out because I found a new partner, I we discussed me taking the cat instead because it was already in my name, and he pretended to be fine with it (I believed him because I’m autistic and always believed him when he’s not being honest- which was often.)
When moving day came around of course, he changed his tune, and called me selfish for taking the cat into another relationship when my partner already has pets. He said I was choosing the easy way out because the dog doesn’t listen to me and I should take the dog that I chose, but legally the dog isn’t mine.
We always agreed that we would split the animals when we broke up (together 7 years) but never specified who would get who.
My new partner has a rescue dog who is gentle but very very big, and the dog my ex wanted me to take is very small but quick to anger if his personal space is invaded.
I see it as very dangerous for me to bring a dog I have no control of into my new relationship with a rescue.
Am I the asshole?
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I (29) recently moved out of a share-house situation with my ex partner (28) and other people.
We had two pets together, one dog and one cat.
The dog was registered in ex’s name but I “chose” him, and the cat was one I drove to pick up as a surprise for ex partner, but was registered in my name
I absolutely love the dog, but the dog was trained by my ex with a hardcore alpha mentality (aka, ex would force him to submit when he was misbehaving by “gently” holding him to the ground with a hand on his scruff. A method I never agreed with and always fought to stop.
This training essentially lead to the dog never obeying my commands, because it did not see me as the alpha. Whenever the dog was with me and someone knocked on my door, the dog would bark his head off and would not stop (even with housemates) He does not do this to my ex. Only to me.
So when I decided to move out because I found a new partner, I we discussed me taking the cat instead because it was already in my name, and he pretended to be fine with it (I believed him because I’m autistic and always believed him when he’s not being honest- which was often.)
When moving day came around of course, he changed his tune, and called me selfish for taking the cat into another relationship when my partner already has pets. He said I was choosing the easy way out because the dog doesn’t listen to me and I should take the dog that I chose, but legally the dog isn’t mine.
We always agreed that we would split the animals when we broke up (together 7 years) but never specified who would get who.
My new partner has a rescue dog who is gentle but very very big, and the dog my ex wanted me to take is very small but quick to anger if his personal space is invaded.
I see it as very dangerous for me to bring a dog I have no control of into my new relationship with a rescue.
Am I the asshole?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I took my ex’s cat, and I’m conflicted because he wanted me to take the dog but the dog doesn’t obey my commands.
The cat is so much happier here with me and so much more cuddly that she used to be, but I can’t stop thinking about him calling me selfish for doing what I did
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Do what is in the best interest of both pets. Where will either or both of them be more happy?
Our cat was my cat until my partner came into the picture. It’s now clear that the cat has a much stronger relationship with my partner than he has with me- if we were to separate, I would feel awful for letting my cat live his life without my partner
INFO: Who is the cat most attached to? Is it at all attached to the dog your ex is keeping? How do the cat and your new partner’s dog get along?
Nope, you are sticking to the agreement and also what is legal (registrations). As long as kitty will be safe with new big dog, then you are all good, your ex is just pushing buttons.
NTA. What is your relationship like with your ex like? I suspect that he is angry about you moving out and is trying to make you feel bad about it by picking fights. Maybe he thought you wouldn’t actually move out and so said he was fine with everything until it actually happened. His argument doesn’t even make any sense- why shouldn’t you take the easy way out? It would be logical to divide the animals in the way that is easiest for both of you, so if your ex trained the dog and the dog is attached to him and registered to him, it makes the most sense for him to keep the dog and you keep the cat. You should also consider what is best for the animals. If your dog is attached to your ex partner and has not been around other dogs it could be very difficult moving them to a new environment and the dogs could fight.
I’d take the cat too. Why on earth would you drag a dog into your new home that a) legally isn’t yours, b) doesn’t respect your commands, and c) could end up in a dangerous situation with your partner’s rescue? Your ex sounds salty because he didn’t think you’d actually go through with it. You didn’t “choose the easy way out,” you chose the responsible, safe option. He’s mad he lost the cat. End of story.
I work at an animal hospital and am very familiar with the legal ins & outs- let me know if you need anything! Best of luck 🩷 this is never an easy situation
The Dog will miss his buddy…
NTA. New situation sounds like it’d be a nightmare for that poor dog. Ex is just trying to stir up drama since you’re leaving.
Your ex didn’t train that dog well at all if they’re still reactive like that. The dog just fears him and his “alpha male” nonsense.
Nope NTA. Take the cat, block the jerk.
Info: were you still with your ex when you met the new partner? How long have you been dating the new partner?
Honestly who cares what you ex thinks. Just think what is in the best interest of the pets. If the cat being with you is in its best interest take it. But if it’s not leave it. Your ex’s feelings are not the ones you should be concerned about.