I have a 14yo daughter with my ex. When my ex got remarried she stopped being involved in my daughter’s life. My sister stepped up.
My sister is now like a mom to my daughter and she tends spoil her and dote on her a lot. She is rich and can’t have kids of her own.
I recently got remarried. My wife has a 15yo daughter.
My wife and stepdaughter are very jealous of my daughter’s bond with my sister and they complain a lot. I tried to explain that she is basically like a mom to her but they wouldn’t listen.
A few days ago was my daughter’s 14th birthday and my sister brought more gifts than I could count. Meanwhile a few months ago for my stepdaughter’s birthday she gave her a gym membership (my stepdaughter has shown a lot of interest in going) for 3 months. It’s a very good gym and my daughter also goes there and it costs about 750 dollars for 3 months I think (my sister pays for my daughter so I don’t know the exact price) so it’s a generous gift but there was still a lot of difference between the gifts prices and now my wife and stepdaughter are angry.
They think I should stop her from seeing my daughter until she agrees to treat both kids equally. I said no and they called me an asshole.
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I have a 14yo daughter with my ex. When my ex got remarried she stopped being involved in my daughter’s life. My sister stepped up.
My sister is now like a mom to my daughter and she tends spoil her and dote on her a lot. She is rich and can’t have kids of her own.
I recently got remarried. My wife has a 15yo daughter.
My wife and stepdaughter are very jealous of my daughter’s bond with my sister and they complain a lot. I tried to explain that she is basically like a mom to her but they wouldn’t listen.
A few days ago was my daughter’s 14th birthday and my sister brought more gifts than I could count. Meanwhile a few months ago for my stepdaughter’s birthday she gave her a gym membership (my stepdaughter has shown a lot of interest in going) for 3 months. It’s a very good gym and my daughter also goes there and it costs about 750 dollars for 3 months I think (my sister pays for my daughter so I don’t know the exact price) so it’s a generous gift but there was still a lot of difference between the gifts prices and now my wife and stepdaughter are angry.
They think I should stop her from seeing my daughter until she agrees to treat both kids equally. I said no and they called me an asshole.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be an asshole for taking my sister’s side when she clearly favored my daughter over my stepdaughter even though my daughter is basically like her child to her.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
But your wife is! That sort of jealousy, lack of empathy and entitlement is NOT a good look.
You and your daughter are so flipping lucky to have your sister in her life, don’t you dare let pettiness take that away from her.
NTA. And don’t take away your daughter’s “mom” because your wife and her daughter are jealous. These girls are teens, not toddlers, and are old enough to understand that no one is treated equally and people have different relationships.
NTA
You don’t get to dictate how your sister spends her money, so you did the correct thing in telling them no. Just because you are married now doesn’t entitle them to an equal share of your sister’s assets. Your sister has a “maternal” bond with your daughter, and has stepped up as her mother figure while her biological mother has abandoned her. The fact that your wife wants to sabotage that bond for material gain is frankly disgusting.
ESH. Explain to me, as if I were five years old, why you and your wife didn’t address and resolve the issue of your sister’s clear favoritism of your daughter over your step daughter before you got married?
You wife and stepdaughter are jealous. Though it might be somewhat understandable, they need to accept that theirs is a long-term, pre-existing relationship. There’s absolutely no way that your step-daughter can develop a similar relationship with your sister simply because your sister and your daughter are so close to one another. Also, they have no business inserting themselves into and trying to interfere with that relationship.
You might ask your sister to tone things down a bit, though. BTW: a gift worth $750 is very generous indeed.
NTA Sometimes in blended families there is a disparity especially when it comes to relatives. It’s something you and your wife are going to have to come to terms with and your stepdaughter is going to have to learn to accept. What happens if your sister decides to help your daughter with her university fees? She is not obligated to do the same for your stepdaughter. Your sister gave your stepdaughter a nice birthday gift and if she and her mother are put out by it, it’s there problem.
NTA, but question – how long did you date your current wife? I assume it wasn’t just for a few weeks or months, which means you’ve been involved in the wife’s daughter’s life for a while and your wife has been involved with your daughter’s life for a while, so your sister’s relationship with your daughter isn’t new… before marriage, how did your new wife handle it? How did you handle that situation? This resentment can’t be new all the sudden now that you are married. You say you’ve explained the bond between your daughter and your sister to your wife, but I assume you explained this throughout your relationship not just once you were married, yet you still married her? I feel like there’s more to the story…
NTA But the title is wrong. You didn’t take your sister’s side, you too your child’s side. Your daughter has a close long standing maternal relationship with her aunt. Your wife & stepdaughter are jealous of family relationships that are typical in blended families. This may improve with time but you don’t take away your daughter’s family to pacify your wife.
NTA. It’s not like your sister is mistreating your stepdaughter. She’s entitled to spend her money any which way she chooses. If that’s on your daughter, so be it. That’s her prerogative. Maybe you could talk to her about doing it in private though? Like, if she wants to take your daughter out shopping, cool. Just do it away from your wife and stepdaughter so they don’t feel like it’s being rubbed in their faces. They obviously don’t have the maturity to deal with the situation. So keep it away from them whenever you can. It’ll spare you a lot of arguments and headache down the road.
NTA your sister is not obligated to treat the stranger the same as her niece.
INFO: why did you remarry?
The relationship dynamics between your sister and your kid should’ve been something any future spouse was well acquainted with. If you knew you were jumping feet first into family drama, then…why?
NTA and I don’t think your marriage will last long if your wife and her daughter are ganging up against your daughter
Here’s the thing: your daughter is like a daughter to your sister. There’s no possible chance for your sister to see your step kid as her daughter as well, that’s unrealistic. The interesting part is your wife and step don’t demand your sister to love the step as she loves your daughter, but material things. Isn’t that a red flag for you?
They want you to distance your daughter from seeing her “mother figure” Absolutely not. Step sister and wife should be grateful shes even getting them anything. NTA. Now say your sister buys Ops daughter a car for her 16th. Is she obligated to get her a car too. Nope. Thats her parent’s responsibility not hers. They need to sort out their jealousy issues. You don’t get a say in who and how much someone chooses to spend their money on.
curious: does your wife treat YOUR daughter the same way she treats HER daughter?
NTA. Growing up my parents told us that there would be times where we all would not be gifted and the same way. Some of us got presents from certain relatives or friends, others of us didn’t. Life isn’t always fair but our needs were more than being met. We were well-fed, comforted, had good clothes/shoes and an active and “normal” middle-upper middle class life. None of us were jealous and we’re all very happy.
If your wife put all of the energy she has with this into doing something for herself, she’d find it more productive. She’s letting her jealousy overcome her and it’s problematic.
Nta at all
NTA and good for you for standing up for your daughter.
Your sister stepped up in a big way to be in your daughter’s life. That naturally will come with a close relationship as it seems to have here. When you get remarried and subsequently have a blended family, these kinds of issues come up regularly. Its totally understandable in this general context for new wife and stepdaughter to feel the difference in treatment. Its not intentional. They have to understand the relationship that has been built between your sister/daughter. Your sister clearly has not built that type of a relationship with stepdaughter because she hasn’t been around long enough. Sister still gave her a really expensive present.
To me, this is entitlement being camouflaged by them making issues related to family blending. I get it sucks from stepdaughter’s position. She is 15 and only sees the differing treatment, but your wife needs to respect that your sister is being generous despite the lack of a relationship and to give your sister time to build one. Treatment may never fully equalize. Its hard to create the same type of relationship when you don’t have the formative years to grow together. This is not eithers fault. Its not easy to deal with I 100% get. But this needs to be about respect. Your daughter is your sister’s blood. No matter what people say that will always hold sway to some extent. But, get your wife to give sister some time. Let that relationship grow. I’ll be sister will come along after some time to get there.
Its entitlement to me to immediately expect what they are expecting right off the bat but they also aren’t coming from a terrible place either. Need to help protect the step daughter and help her to understand the difference. Make sure you don’t treat them differently.
Tell your wife and stepdaughter to stay in their own lane when it comes to your daughter’s relationship with her Aunt. The girls will not be treated the same because the relationship is not and will never be the same.
You need to tell your wife that continuing this crusade will result in a divorce.
Why was this not discussed before you got married? Strange. The whole extended family relationship would be an obvious elephant in the room when blending family’s.
NTA
You married a materialistic, manipulative woman. She has no right to make demands of your sister. She acts like she has a right to your sister’s money.
Why are you with this greedy woman?
Don’t break up your daughter’s relationship with your sister just because your wife is jealous. Her daughter is a stranger to your sister. She shouldn’t be forced to purchase gifts for someone who doesn’t mean anything to her.
NTA for supporting your sister – you and your wife need to get on the same page. Your sister’s money is not hers to spend.
At the same time such disparity between lifestyles in one house is bound to cause issues and YTA for not discuss this with both your wife and sister before blending families. You admit your sister brings more gifts than you can count – did you not think this would be an issue going forward? Did you do no prep work to manage expectations before just throwing your teen stepdaughter into this dynamic to deal with on her own? 3 months at a gym your daughter is already a member of as her only gift against a pile of gifts for your daughter?? Do you want your children to not get along?
I don’t think wife and stepdaughter care at all about the closeness of the relationship; they’re only concerned with the closeness of your sister’s pocketbook. Greedy. NTA.