So over the years after having children I’ve dealt with some hairloss issues that I have worked really hard to reverse. Recently I’ve felt like it’s made a lot of progress and I wore my hair down and felt pretty for the first time in YEARS.
We went to my in-laws for supper and after talking with her about the new shampoo/conditioner I had been using she made a negative comments about my hair that completely shredded my confidence.
I went to a back room and cried because I didnt want to cry in front of anyone and when she found me she was very upset saying she had worked hard to put this dinner together for us and had been looking forward to the evening and I was ruining it and if I was just going to lay in bed like a 2 year old I just wasnt welcome at her house anymore.
I was shocked because we have always gotten along and I consider her one of my good friends.
Am I the asshole for taking time to compose myself? Yes, I missed dinner but didn’t feel like anyone would want me blubbering at the dinner table so I quietly excused myself.
Idk, just disappointed that my tiny sliver of confidence was stomped on and then I got kicked while I was already down. AITA?
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So over the years after having children I’ve dealt with some hairloss issues that I have worked really hard to reverse. Recently I’ve felt like it’s made a lot of progress and I wore my hair down and felt pretty for the first time in YEARS.
We went to my in-laws for supper and after talking with her about the new shampoo/conditioner I had been using she made a negative comments about my hair that completely shredded my confidence.
I went to a back room and cried because I didnt want to cry in front of anyone and when she found me she was very upset saying she had worked hard to put this dinner together for us and had been looking forward to the evening and I was ruining it and if I was just going to lay in bed like a 2 year old I just wasnt welcome at her house anymore.
I was shocked because we have always gotten along and I consider her one of my good friends.
Am I the asshole for taking time to compose myself? Yes, I missed dinner but didn’t feel like anyone would want me blubbering at the dinner table so I quietly excused myself.
Idk, just disappointed that my tiny sliver of confidence was stomped on and then I got kicked while I was already down. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Skipped dinner to compose myself
2. She spent time preparing dinner and I skipped it
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA – sorry that happened to you. It sounds very painful.
Hair loss really takes a toll on your self esteem.
The right response for her after realizing that she upset you would have been to apologize, not double down.
NTA. She was unforgivingly rude to a guest and she is complaining about your response? You need to reach down to your power and quit being concerned about what anyone thinks. You be you.
NTA. she made multiple unnecessary rude comments that upset you & you didn’t retaliate, you went to another room & composed yourself, there isn’t anything wrong with that you were rightfully upset, & you quietly excused yourself. even if you did retaliate you still wouldn’t be the asshole, she would🤷♀️you didn’t “ruin” this dinner at all if she knew about your struggles with hairloss & decided to make a rude comment for no reason then she’s the one who ruined it.
please don’t beat yourself up about this, i KNOW you’re beautiful & you deserve to feel confident & have friends who don’t make snarky comments when you’re feeling good about yourself or feeling bad about yourself.🫶🏻
OK so as a person also struggling with hair loss…I get you, it’s devastating and so depressing, and every time I wash/dry my hair I get emotional.
What did mom-in-law say exactly? That will kind of tell me if the runing away thing was warranted. Did she know you ran away becuase of what she said? When she said she was disappointed, did you express to her how badly her comment made you feel? You are a full-on grown up and you have to be able to stand up to people with your words, not running away. This is someone you said you get along with really well, so you have to learn to express your feelings.
NTA for your feelings, a soft YTA for how you handled it….and she’s TA also for whatever comment she made to hurt you…but will need to know what it is to say for sure.
NTA – It is crazy that she doubled down after all that. I’m sorry this happened to you.
NTA. It’s the responsible and mature thing to do to remove yourself from situations in which you are being harmed or are becoming dysregulated. She was upset because she wanted to use you as a punching bag and you wouldn’t play. It would be a good thing if she doesn’t let you come over anymore because then you wouldn’t be spending time around a toxic bully.
Treat this as a win — not welcome in her house anymore? So, you don’t need to see her again!! Or hear her! Big win!
I’m curious about what your husband had to say about the way she treated you.
I’m so sorry that happened! NTA and you’re beautiful ❤️
NTA but she has never liked you and you deserve love, support, and respect. She gives you none of that. What did your husband say?
Don’t be a doormat. Block her forever. This is a wake up call. You don’t owe her shit.
Nobody gets to tell you what hurts YOUR feelings.
Your husband sounds like a piece of sh*t too. Guess the apple doesn’t fall far. I hope he treats his children better than he treats his wife.
Hi sweetie, I struggled with hair loss after my second was born. I was diagnosed with PP hypothyroidism. It caused a lot of hair loss joint pain and other intense symptoms.
It took my over a year to have the bald spots fill in somewhat. I was very self conscious and taking collagen and other supplements to help it. I was also oiling my hair and cut back on frequency washing. I put in a ton of work to help my hair get healthy again.
If ANYONE had treated me the way your in laws and husband treated you I would have lost it publicly. She decided to take you down a peg because you were feeling more confident. She is a jealous hearted person. Your husband is a selfish ass.
Cut out the sister in law and have a sit down with your husband. Let him know that if he can’t have your back when someone says something fucked up and cruel to you then you need to reconsider the marriage.
A marriage is a partnership. You’re supposed to be a team. I don’t think he understands the meaning of a partnership.
Depending on how the conversation goes should help you decide how to proceed. Perhaps he doesn’t want you confident either because then you’re easier to manipulate.
I’m sorry you were treated poorly. You don’t deserve that. You are beautiful no matter what they say. Please continue to take time for yourself. It is very important as a mama. Wishing you all the best.