Ok so this might be a lot to explain and i genuinely don’t know if im being a bad partner and person for bringing this up. My partner (M 21) has made it known to me that he is a very picky eater. It’s never really bothered me and it still doesn’t for the most part. I am not at all a picky eater and I will try anything! I love trying new foods. His taste is chicken and rice, wings, pizza (certain toppings), pasta, chicken strips, etc. like I said I’m not picky so I don’t mind eating those things.
I’ve brought him to meet my family (I am Hispanic) and wanted him to try my mom’s cooking. He was super hesitant which obviously made my mom feel some type of way. He didn’t think he would like what she was making (it was just frijoles con huevo at breakfast time) my mom just made him scrambled eggs instead. I didn’t mind it, but couldn’t help but think that if he wasn’t willing to try a simple dish, he definitely wouldn’t go for something more “extreme” like menudo which is what my family eats at Christmas time. I brought up how I wish he was more open to trying new foods but he told me that I knew he was picky and I should not have put him in that position.
Anyway, fast forward to today, instances of me bringing up different foods (sushi bake (he doesn’t like cream cheese or mayo), hamburgers, ANY sauces like ranch, ketchup, mayonnaise, cfa sauces, canes, the list goes on, he’s not a fan of salads for a side at dinner, etc etc etc) and he got upset because again he said I know he’s picky. I get that I understand he doesn’t like a lot of different foods, but anytime I bring up a new food that we haven’t eaten I ask if he likes it so I can throw something new that’s not chicken and rice into our weekly dinners- it’s the same thing “you know I’m picky”
I guess any real question is.. AITA for asking about new foods knowing he’s picky? I just want to know which foods we can have and I wish he’d be more open to eating new things.
This isn’t a deal breaker or anything for me but at times it can be frustrating. Let me know if I’m in the wrong!!!
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Ok so this might be a lot to explain and i genuinely don’t know if im being a bad partner and person for bringing this up. My partner (M 21) has made it known to me that he is a very picky eater. It’s never really bothered me and it still doesn’t for the most part. I am not at all a picky eater and I will try anything! I love trying new foods. His taste is chicken and rice, wings, pizza (certain toppings), pasta, chicken strips, etc. like I said I’m not picky so I don’t mind eating those things.
I’ve brought him to meet my family (I am Hispanic) and wanted him to try my mom’s cooking. He was super hesitant which obviously made my mom feel some type of way. He didn’t think he would like what she was making (it was just frijoles con huevo at breakfast time) my mom just made him scrambled eggs instead. I didn’t mind it, but couldn’t help but think that if he wasn’t willing to try a simple dish, he definitely wouldn’t go for something more “extreme” like menudo which is what my family eats at Christmas time. I brought up how I wish he was more open to trying new foods but he told me that I knew he was picky and I should not have put him in that position.
Anyway, fast forward to today, instances of me bringing up different foods (sushi bake (he doesn’t like cream cheese or mayo), hamburgers, ANY sauces like ranch, ketchup, mayonnaise, cfa sauces, canes, the list goes on, he’s not a fan of salads for a side at dinner, etc etc etc) and he got upset because again he said I know he’s picky. I get that I understand he doesn’t like a lot of different foods, but anytime I bring up a new food that we haven’t eaten I ask if he likes it so I can throw something new that’s not chicken and rice into our weekly dinners- it’s the same thing “you know I’m picky”
I guess any real question is.. AITA for asking about new foods knowing he’s picky? I just want to know which foods we can have and I wish he’d be more open to eating new things.
This isn’t a deal breaker or anything for me but at times it can be frustrating. Let me know if I’m in the wrong!!!
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I could be in the wrong here because he feels like I’m throwing it back in his face every time we have a conversation about new foods or when I ask why he doesn’t like certain foods- he feels a bit attacked. I’m not trying to come off that way I’m genuinely curious why he doesn’t like so many foods. He gee up with a single dad who is way pickier than he is if that changes anything
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Has your partner been evaluated for a sensory processing disorder &/or autism?
He sounds horrible. NTA. you don’t pressure him, so why is he trying to manipulate you/make you feel bad? He clearly isn’t picky, he has some unreasonable behaviors with food.
NTA – and… your meals are restricted by what he eats or won’t eat? He is not a child. Start making the food you want and he can make himself a sandwich.
> I just want to know which foods we can have and I wish he’d be more open to eating new things.
It sounds like there should be a few nights a week where you do your own thing so you aren’t restricted to his simple tastes constantly. He can feed himself, you can feed yourself. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you broaching the topic of different foods to him though, so NTA.
NTA. I understand some people’s picky-ness has to do with sensory, and in general shouldn’t be pushed too hard on because you don’t know how they experience food, but to not be able to even discuss new foods neither party has tried is extreme. Even if he is picky, at the point in time he first tried any of the foods he does eat, they were new. As long as you aren’t frequently trying to push eating things he already is resistant to, there’s nothing wrong with sometimes talking about or suggesting other things to see what he likes.
NTA, and I’m glad it’s not a deal breaker for you, because I would have kicked that nonsense to the curb.
YTA. He keeps telling you that he doesn’t like really anything. So don’t keep on trying to push things on him.
But you might consider making food just for yourself sometimes. There’s no reason your food life should be so restricted just because his is. And if you go to your family’s house for Christmas and he doesn’t want to eat the menudo, he doesn’t have to eat it, no big deal. He can bring something for himself to make sure he has something he likes. But do tell your family ahead of time so they don’t get offended.
NTA but not a deal breaker lol. It should be
It sounds like you are taking on the responsibility of meal planning and cooking for both of you? If that’s the case, you may need to have a conversation to set expectations. If I were you, I would tell him that I’m cooking the food I want to eat and he should have his own back up meals if he doesn’t like what I cook.
I can see how it would be annoying to be frequently asked about food options if you don’t like a lot of foods, so having one conversation every few months will help you not annoy each other.
ETA: NAH
NTA
Being a picky eater is not necessarily awful, but the refusal to even HEAR about new foods is. I, like you, am Hispanic, and my husband was originally fairly picky about his food. However, he was at least willing to try the food I or my mother made for him, and he slowly became open to more and more foods. There are some things that he still does refuse to eat (bell peppers, for example, which hurts my very soul), but it has become much easier for me to plan dinners around minor things like specific ingredient dislike instead of whole dishes being out of bounds.
It may not be a deal breaker for you now (it seems like you only just started dating?), but in the long run I think you will start to resent it because it will hold you back from having anything new since he refuses to even consider it.
In short, be cautious, but I think it may be a bigger problem than you currently think it will be.
NTA but this is going to wear on you. It might not seem like a deal breaker now but resentment can build. You can’t cook what you want because he won’t eat it. He can’t enjoy a meal with your family, which sounds like it was hurtful to your mother. It will limit what restaurants you can go to and where you can travel. And he doesn’t seem to want to change. I would think seriously about whether this is what you want for your life.
At the very least though, stop asking him whether he likes this or that and just make what you want to make. If he likes it, great. If not, you can have his portion for lunch tomorrow and he can make himself a sandwich or a bowl of cereal.
You love trying new foods. He won’t even consider trying new foods. I think you should just stick to making your own meals as he is getting annoyed at the mention of new foods and you are having to suffer a really boring diet which I am sure will get old. NTA.
You seem to be incredibly dense.
He. Is. Picky.
He told you what he likes to eat. Believe him. JFC I was becoming exhausted on his behalf just reading that. YTA for not leaving him the eff alone about food lol
NTA. It stop asking him and just ear what you like and he can make his own. You shouldn’t be limited to his picky eating style.
Apparently he doesn’t want to hear about food he doesn’t already eat. Has he ever tried any of the foods you suggested?
He’s already told you what he likes. You aren’t okay with him being a picky eater. Read back through what you wrote. You listed his foods, then got upset he wouldn’t eat your mom’s cooking, then continue to try to get him to eat different things. YTA
I think ESH. If he doesn’t enjoy new foods, doesn’t enjoy talking about new foods, feels uncomfortable when you put him in a spot where you pressure him to try new foods, why do you keep forcing all of these things on him? You can’t taste what he tastes. Pretend for a moment that he can’t eat anything other than what he eats because of a medicine he has to take to stay alive. Would you keep pressuring him like that?
You have to decide if his eating habits are something you can live with, then actually live with it instead of acting like he is a lesser human for his preference in food.
He might have ARFID. I live with a picky eater and I’ve learned that he will try most of what I cook once
NTA how are you supposed to know if a food is on the good list or the bad list if you don’t ask? If he doesn’t want to be asked, and he wants you to do all the shopping, cooking and meal prep than he needs to make a total cumulative list of absolutely everything he is willing to eat so you can go to that list without asking him.
That being said, I would stop being the person in charge of cooking and meal prep every day of the week. Make most your own food and clean up your meals ona agreed upon X days/week basis. Shared meals can be his chicken and rice and few dishes he likes. He’s on his own for figuring out the rest of his days, maybe he can heat up the chicken and rice left overs if he’s willing to eat them.
Simpl, because dear God, how can you stand the monotony of it?
Cut your losses. You two are not soulmates.
He is picky therefore let him cook his own food, why would you restrict yourself just because variety is not his thing.
There is growing science suggesting that picky eating may indicate neurodivergent/different executive functioning. I wonder if has other unusual habits.
I would lose patience with someone who was not adventurous with foods. I wouldn’t be interested in dating him any longer.
Mom cooks a meal? He won’t touch it? Rude. You cook the meal? He wouldn’t like parts of it? Rude. Go to a fun interesting restaurant? Naw. He isn’t interested. So it’s pizza.
NTA but is this the life you want to live?
He only likes pub food from the sound of it. I’d send him to the pub at mealtimes
As a picky eater, I get it. It took me a long time to be open to foods and I truly believe it’s an issue rooted in psychology over taste and that is going to take time to expand.
While I agree his picky eating is a real condition for him, he really will need time and slow exposure to be more open. His attitude towards food will need to change but you can’t really force that.
One of the best things you can do is cook your own food, while he may not want it, he may be interested in trying / tasting without the pressure of eating it as a full meal. He may hate it, say he hates it, etc, but often the slow exposure can lead to increased tolerance and eventually liking the food. A taste can lead to being willing to eat a teaspoon amount, and then increase. I have accidentally and inadvertently down this with many foods I ‘hate’ but it has taken many years… and someone to share their food with me.
NAH. You know he’s picky so you asking about foods isn’t unwarranted because sometimes you want something he’s never tried before and it never hurts to ask, but my gods I’d lose my patience with him in your shoes because he’s not even WILLING to try. That being said, have you asked him *why* he’s picky? Is it an autism/adhd sensory issue thing? a taste thing? There may be an underlying cause to his pickiness that even he isn’t aware of if his excuse is “I’m just picky”
You are not his mother. So stop planning meals that only he wants. Make it simple, you are not cooking two meals nor are you living off his tastes. There’s 7 days a week, you choose 3 meals he chooses 3 meals make extra of your meals to freeze / put in the fridge so that then you have something if you don’t want to eat his choice. On the 7th day it’s fend for yourself day. If he doesn’t want what your cooking he makes himself something to eat
Some people have ARFID. Some people are jerks. Some people don’t like it when other people like things they don’t like. I think you’re dating the center of that Venn diagram. NTA but this seems exhausting to me.