Me (25) and my gf (24) got a 2yo daughter and lately she is way more into me.
Like when shes upset or tired or scared she always comes to me not her mom, even at night she calls for me not her.
Letely my gf gets real upset about it like she thinks im doing it on purpose or something..
She keeps saying she feels like a babysitter and that i should back off so she can bond more.
I told her im not doin anything wrong and Im not doin anything particular in general. I’m just there. I pick her up when she cries. I play with her. I make her laugh. That’s it. Not my fault she comes to me when she needs me bcs I aint gonna reject our girl just to make it even for her.
That opened the gates of hell and we ended up fighting pretty bad.
Now I feel bad but also like wtf am I supposed to do? I’m not gonna push my daughter away just to make my gf feel better.
aita?
Comments
dont push your daughter away. GF is jealous, but is she putting in the effort you do?
kids will have a favorite and its often painfully obvious.
you will be a bad father if you dont give you kid the love they deserve bc the gf is jealous.
NTA
This is a tough spot. It’s not wrong to comfort your daughter or be present, but your girlfriend’s feelings are also valid—she probably feels a bit sidelined. If you can, reassure her that you aren’t trying to take over and maybe brainstorm ideas together for her to connect more with your daughter. Communication is key, but you shouldn’t have to reject your child to make things feel fair.
Kids tend to occilate between one favored parent and the other quite frequently. Your GF is being jealous over something that she cannot control. NTA
You’re not the asshole for loving and responding to your daughter’s needs. Kids naturally form attachments that can shift over time, and it’s not a competition. Your girlfriend’s feelings are valid. Bonding can be hard when she feels left out, but it’s important she understands you’re not choosing sides or trying to push her away. Maybe finding ways for her to connect with your daughter on her own terms could help, but you absolutely shouldn’t ignore your child’s needs just to ease adult insecurities. Parenting is a team effort, and emotions will run high, but your daughter’s well-being comes first.
Yta if you straight up said just accept it.
Nta if you said that you will not push your daughter away for her.
The kid wants who they want. That’s it. You can’t force them.
NTA.
I’m a mom. It’s completely normal for a kid to go through stages where they prefer one parent over the other. Honestly, I enjoyed it when my kid was more into his dad because it meant I got a bit of a break.
Your girlfriend sounds like she has some insecurity issues around not being a good enough mom. And your kid preferring you over her is kinda playing into that. I’d highly recommend she seeks out therapy so that she can process those insecurities and get more confident in her role as a mom.
NTA. In my opinion; fuck the girlfriend.
When you have a kid in a relationship and you decided to keep them, that child now because you’re entire focus, universe and all your time goes to that child.
You will lose physical touch here and there and you may even be distant, that’s what happens when you focus on other things, mainly the family you’re trying to build with your child.
It’s natural. But what’s not natural is the jealousy this girl has over your toddler child.
It’s natural for you to have a surge of desire for your partner. But what’s not okay is guilt tripping and trying to manipulate things to get your way like you’re a spoiled child.
She is not. Not anymore. Now she has her own child. She no longer holds the rights to even act an inkling of chaotic and quite frankly immature as a child would be.
You’re not TAH, not by any means.
If anything you’re a really good dad who loves his child and would rather put the kid in the relationship first. Which is how it’s supposed to be.
NTA! Your gf needs to learn that kids will tend to favorite one parent over the other. When I was a kid I liked my father more but that didnt mean I didnt like my mom… So gf just needs to learn
NTA.
This is all natural in a childs behaviour, rather than bitching about this, she should be trying to get in as much time as yourself during this limited window. You’re doing nothing wrong here. Continue to be the interactive parent you are.
Your daughter will switch between the pair of you as she ages and getting jealous over this is going off holster.
Oh definitely NTA! I love that my kids have a great bond with their dad. Please don’t let your gf dictate that you must push your daughter away!
Tell your girlfriend to read up on books about child development. this is age appropriate behavior and your daughter will cycle back and forth between “favorite parents” throughout her childhood and even adolescence. It’s normal. It sucks, and yes it is hurtful, so your gf is normal having those feelings, but it is not a “purposeful” thing and there is no one to “blame”.
Sincerely,
a mom of 6 kids.
There are books on books on books about this very subject matter. Continue to father your child and talk to your gf about it. It comes in waves. In two more years when they start dance or soccer or whatever, they’ll want mom more. Then it vacillates back. Kids are just smaller versions of people with diapers and no filter.
You’re not the asshole for showing up for your daughter. But the way you talked to your girlfriend? That’s where it went sideways. She’s not mad that you’re bonding… she’s hurting because she isn’t. This isn’t a competition, it’s parenting. Your job isn’t to “win” your kid’s attention, it’s to help your partner feel supported enough to grow her own connection too.
NTA for showing up for your daughter. But the way you talked to your girlfriend? That’s where it went sideways. She’s not mad that you’re bonding… she’s hurting because she isn’t. This isn’t a competition, it’s parenting. Your job isn’t to “win” your kid’s attention, it’s to help your partner feel supported enough to grow her own connection too.
Children go thru phases. Maybe now she’s crying for you but soon that will change and she will want her mom’s attention. Then it will go back to you.
NTA – yeah it sucks but that’s kids my son wants to be up my butt one week his mom’s the next then auntie, grandpa, grandma ect. You can’t take it personally they go where the wind blows. Here’s a good example everytime we go to visit my parents i don’t exist he wants nothing to do with me while we are there only his grandparents.
Nope- not doing anything wrong, that I can see. But- is GF the only one doing the hard stuff? Saying no, dealing with tantrums, naughty or dangerous behaviors? Perhaps she just really needs you to step up with that stuff, so that you can both enjoy the good and bond over the had.
I really think this is a communication issue. Would you be willing to take parenting classes with her?
Communication is key to any healthy relationship. Ask GF for a time to have weekly family meetings. Get take off that night, so you can both engage. Create a code word that means “ I already said no”, and another that means “ let’s talk about this when she’s asleep “. And then respect that. Find out what else GF. The mother of your child needs.( I mean, she might be jealous that she not getting attention from you, and not really jealous about baby). Are you still having date nights?
Kids gravitate to the fun parent, it’s normal
When they’re babies they need mom more. When they become more independent they vacillate between the parents. Our boys did a huge switch on us when they were 12 and 9. Suddenly the youngest didn’t want me and the oldest did and vice versa with hubby. It’s natural. It’s part of their growth. Gf needs to take this opportunity to rest up because her time is coming! NTA. Gf & you should also read a child development book or watch a video or two on it. It’ll help both of you to learn about your child.
NTA, it gets better mate. My parents were in the same sitch with my little sister.
20 years later my mom often jokes that it she had to do therapy before she could accept that she just made a daddy’s girl
It’s normal.
They will bounce between favorites. Don’t make your daughter feel guilty or push her away.
In time she will want mommy.
Your GF should get a therapist or read up on this, that is unhealthy behavior on her part.
NTA
Children constantly have periods where one parent ist “better” than the other and then it suddenly changes again and is the other way round.
Our son is 12 and still sometimes prefers my husband over me and then again I’m his whole world. There was never ever resentment between my partner and I for that. We knew about this in a child’s development and rolled with it.
Your gf’s feelings are valid, but there’s nothing you or she can do about this situation and it’s absolutely right that you don’t push your daughter away because your gf can’t handle her own feelings.
You both are the adults here and she needs to deal with her feelings without dragging your daughter into it. That would only hurt your little one and she can’t want that, right.
It’ll someday most likely change again.
Ah. That’s so normal it’s almost cliché. Kids go through phases where they prefer one parent over another, and it’s almost like a switch in their head. One minute only daddy can read a bed time story or make their sandwich, suddenly daddy is out and it’s all mommy.
I understand where your partner is coming from, but it’s one of those development phases they tend to gloss over. You aren’t doing anything wrong, you can’t push a child away because today they are all over you and their other parent barely exists. Next week you’ll be lucky to get a hug in passing. And girls do tend to bond with daddy more than mommy. Daddies little girl is a phrase that exists for a reason. I was all mom, my sister was all dad. We still loved them, but that special connection was for our opposite gender parent.
Please read No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover. It’s on Spotify. You’ll then have your answer.
YTA you are partners, this never should’ve been a fight, both of you sound quite immature. For the sake of your daughter you need to work together to be secure in yourselves and as a couple. Everything you do she will internalise, if she hears you arguing and the way you talk to each other she will learn that’s okay and let people treat her like that.
It’s not your fault your daughter is clinging to you, and it’s not your gf’s fault for feeling the way she does but this is not how you should’ve handled that situation. You need a plan to make sure your gf and daughter are bonding because birth to 5 are the most important years for development. Like other have said it’s developmentally normal for her to want you more than her mum that happens and it’ll switch at some point most likely, so try finding your gf some resources like books or articles on this, she could be going through a leap or regression, or you just give her more attention for whatever reason.
Your gf is an AH too because I have never met a woman who wants the father of their child to be less involved, she is lucky to have a partner who wants to do what he promised he would because a lot of women don’t realise who they’re having kids with before it’s too late. Which honestly is the bare minimum but unfortunately the standards for men across the board are pretty low, so unless you’re lying, you’re already doing better than most men.
It’s pretty clear neither of you know anything about children beyond having one. Consider couples counselling if you are able to because your daughter deserves two mature, stable and happy parents to give her a good life.
When my fiancé and I have kids I would much rather have your problem than deal with what my mum did. My dad did not have a full conversation with me until I was 18, even though we lived in the same house, his reason was that my mum was there so I have her to talk to.
NTA.
My ex would actually get pissed anytime one of the kids chose me over her for anything.
Then of course she’d get pissed when they were always bothering her for something and never came to me.
NTA. Kids pick favorites and it changes over time. As an infant and toddler, of course I was all about my mom. As a small child, I was all about my dad. Pre-teen, back to my mom. As a teen I hated both my parents. Now as a whole ass adult near 40, I’m much closer with my dad than my mom. This wasn’t some intricately constructed plan by either of them. Kids are fickle.
NTA my youngest prefers my sister. This has not changed in the last 14 years. He is 15. The only reason he liked me before that was I breastfed and therefore had his food.
She needs a therapist, children will swing back and forth between parents during their lives. It’s normal.
NTA
Your girlfriend is being insecure.
NTA she can feel hurt but how she is coming across seems to be jealous and petty. My kids would favor 1 parent over the other at different stages of their life, I never once had a negative thought about it. I was happy my husband was as involved as I was and that our children could come to either of us for comfort, cuddles and playtime.
She’s being selfish and ridiculous. My god!! Maybe even jealous.
My niece cannot do anything without her mom right now. Seriously, even when she takes a poo, my sister has to come and admire her work enthusiastically.
For quite a while until about 4 months ago, she wouldn’t even greet my sister when she came home from daycare, and was glued to her dad.
As far as I can tell, this is completely normal behaviour.
NTA Don’t hurt your child because your gf is jealous over this.
Edit: seriously, give it 3 months, and she’ll be happy if she’s allowed 20 minutes to take a shower by herself without a child calling for her.
Omgoodness…… kids do that, that’s not abnormal. If I was mom I would be soooo happy that right now you get to kiss the boo boos & chase away the monsters in the closet.
Additionally, opposites attract, right now she’s a daddy’s girl (& probably will always be), mom just calm down, the baby sees daddy as her protector. She still loves you but right now it’s daddy time😀
NTA
I think there’s other issues in your relationship and your gf is projecting them from your child picking you over her. Ask your gf if there’s something going on or if she feels wrong that she hasn’t expressed
But otherwise it is completely NORMAL for children to alternate which parent they gravitate and want more. 2-3 yrs old is very commonly “daddy time”
Then it switches back to mom, then back to dad, etc etc the cycle repeats
I’m personally very grateful my toddler wants daddy more often. I get a break 😅
You don’t have to push your daughter away, but giving your wife some room to bond with your daughter seems reasonable. A two year old does not get to dictate who takes care of her and when. If she calls for you in the night and your wife goes to her, this sets the right tone, that her parents care for her and she does not determine who and when. This is likely a key moment in boundary setting with her. You are at the precipice of turning your daughter into the dictator who decides how her parents interact with her.
NTA kids of this age tend to go through cycles of which parent they want. For most of her life my 4 year old wanted me, now shes daddy obsessed. Occasionally she’ll only want me but its 9/10. It makes me a little sad but I know it’s not anything personal. Your gfs feelings are valid, but it’s not right to expect you to reject your daughter. She could maybe try doing things just the 2 of them outside the home instead.
Your GF isn’t doing what she needs to bond would be my guess. Maybe give your GF time to answer those needs before you jump to it. Shalom you’re loved 💔
NTA, kids just go through cycles. When our youngest was around 18m she was so attached to my husband she would scream for him for hours if she saw him before he left for work and would sometimes only finally settle when he came home for lunch and he could get her to sleep. I was a SAHM but she wanted Daddy. It went on this way for a few months. It was very frustrating and nothing really held her attention long enough but one day it just stopped and then she wanted me more.
Girlfriends come and go. You only have 18 years to ensure a bond with your kid where they’ll continue contact after that point.
Maybe you could have said it better. I wasn’t there. But Nta for being an attentive dad
Daddies little girl..
Mommas boy.. when u have a son..he will be attached to your gf.. its just hot it is.
My youngest is a mommas boy..
Kids go back and forth generally.
My 7yo has always done that lol it’s normal, and she needs to kinda understand like.. it’s a kid. It’s not
Personal.
That’s normal. They grow out of it. Tell her to go to get a mani/pedi, hang with her friends, etc. It doesn’t last and she’ll have missed the window of a bit of freedom.
NTA. She needs to take advantage of this time because when the switch flips she will be complaining about being the “default” parent. You are correct it is a phase. I think you should take this opportunity to learn about early childhood development together. It was a prerequisite for me to get into nursing school and man was I glad I took it because it helped me in personal life more than academically. I think that will help your girlfriend understand that she isn’t doing anything wrong.
An adult woman mother is competing for attention with a toddler.
I feel bad for you bro – you got two fucking kids to take care of. NTA. She needs a real hard reality check or this shit will get worse.
I can relate to her in a way that when I had my second child my toddler went from mama’s boy to daddy’s fusional baby and it’s still is the case. I’m kind of heartbroken at times but it’s completely normal. The solution we found is that I plan activities each week just for me and my oldest to have quality time together – that way I leave the youngest with dad and I get to bond again 1 on 1 with my first born. At times, my husband go for a walk to physically not be here so the kids don’t automatically go for daddy and that’s when I make the best of it and get all the love for once.
NTA. Tell your gf that a toddler’s preferences are irrational and will rapidly change back & forth, but that if you push that child away she will be hanging onto you for years. Also reassure her that she’s a great Mom.
As long as you’re not tipping the scales in your favor by neglecting the harder parts of parenting, you’re NTA.
But if you refuse to correct or redirect bad behavior, or help her do things she doesn’t enjoy (like bath time, mealtime, or bedtime) and you’re forcing your gf to always be bad cop while you just get to always be fun dad, then YTA majorly. If your partner say no to something and the baby runs to you because she knows you’ll go against her mom and say yes, you’re the ass.
NTA……………..Not a source of concern.
You will find out, once baby gets off the bottle n diapers…they don’t find Mom as much fun. They follow Dad around like little puppies. It’s a New Experience thing for them. They are learning. Wife shouldn’t be hurt.
YTA. She is doing all the parenting, you are the fun parent, of course the dog or the kid will want you more. Force her to eat her food or put on the clothes, and we will see how long you last being the favourite.
NTA
Your GF needs therapy and a parenting book. Your daughter will likely prefer you for the next 2 to 3 years then it will switch back to Mom. That’s just how kids are. The only exception to that, is if she’s abusive to her, then your daughter will always prefer you.