A few days ago I texted a girl that I wouldn’t be able to hang out with her anymore and needed to focus on the other friendships in my life.
Over the last five years my main group of friends has been me and three other friends. Two years ago, my parents died unexpectedly and in tragic ways. So, I became very attached to these three friends because I could hang out with them to distract myself and they would make me laugh and just feel normal again for a little while. They’re great women, and now we have also gone through losing relationships, pets, you name it. I classify these women as my close friends because of these very transformative years we’ve all gone through together.
One of the women- Tara, introduced us to Jenna (an acquaintance from high school) (11years ago for us). Jenna, who just moved to our city. After Jenna moved to town I saw her once or twice times with Tara and the other women in our group. During one of these times, she had asked if I wanted to hangout later that week to do – grocery run. This is when things started to feel really weird though.
It’s now important to let you know my father took his life. I had not told her this, but in the car she mentioned how “much I had been through” so I guessed Tara told her what happened. I told her that I was doing well, and don’t want to talk about it. she then said she had tried do the same as my dad and that’s why she moved here. She said she is still on the verge of taking her life, because none of her friends back home ever spoke to her after she left the clinic (they hadn’t know she was there). she said can’t handle rejection or any conflict in friendships, so she blocked everyone and moved here.
Sometimes, I wrestle with feeling responsible for my dad. I didn’t like that she she felt comfortable enough to say any of that to me so soon. But, I started to worry that if I didn’t talk to her again, I once again would miss the chance to stop that from happening. So I had dinner with her. She complained about her life the whole time and asked me nothing about myself. I did not see her again but she would ask me to hang out about once a week. I told her that I had just lost my job and was deeply depressed. I wasn’t seeing anyone until I’d recovered a bit, and I’d reach out when I felt better. She still asked me to hang out often, and though every time I explained I would reach out when I felt better, she’d ask if I was mad at her or if I still liked her
I texted her back last time saying that I’m feeling a bit better, but coming out of months of not seeing anyone, it was important to me to just focus on my close friends who I hadn’t been showing up for. I said she was wonderful, I just couldn’t see me giving her the level of friendship with her that she wanted from me. I told her that my autism presents mostly as a social disability and I could only handle a few close friendships at a time. She hearted the message and didn’t respond. So, am I the asshole?
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A few days ago I texted a girl that I wouldn’t be able to hang out with her anymore and needed to focus on the other friendships in my life.
Over the last five years my main group of friends has been me and three other friends. Two years ago, my parents died unexpectedly and in tragic ways. So, I became very attached to these three friends because I could hang out with them to distract myself and they would make me laugh and just feel normal again for a little while. They’re great women, and now we have also gone through losing relationships, pets, you name it. I classify these women as my close friends because of these very transformative years we’ve all gone through together.
One of the women- Tara, introduced us to Jenna (an acquaintance from high school) (11years ago for us). Jenna, who just moved to our city. After Jenna moved to town I saw her once or twice times with Tara and the other women in our group. During one of these times, she had asked if I wanted to hangout later that week to do – grocery run. This is when things started to feel really weird though.
It’s now important to let you know my father took his life. I had not told her this, but in the car she mentioned how “much I had been through” so I guessed Tara told her what happened. I told her that I was doing well, and don’t want to talk about it. she then said she had tried do the same as my dad and that’s why she moved here. She said she is still on the verge of taking her life, because none of her friends back home ever spoke to her after she left the clinic (they hadn’t know she was there). she said can’t handle rejection or any conflict in friendships, so she blocked everyone and moved here.
Sometimes, I wrestle with feeling responsible for my dad. I didn’t like that she she felt comfortable enough to say any of that to me so soon. But, I started to worry that if I didn’t talk to her again, I once again would miss the chance to stop that from happening. So I had dinner with her. She complained about her life the whole time and asked me nothing about myself. I did not see her again but she would ask me to hang out about once a week. I told her that I had just lost my job and was deeply depressed. I wasn’t seeing anyone until I’d recovered a bit, and I’d reach out when I felt better. She still asked me to hang out often, and though every time I explained I would reach out when I felt better, she’d ask if I was mad at her or if I still liked her
I texted her back last time saying that I’m feeling a bit better, but coming out of months of not seeing anyone, it was important to me to just focus on my close friends who I hadn’t been showing up for. I said she was wonderful, I just couldn’t see me giving her the level of friendship with her that she wanted from me. I told her that my autism presents mostly as a social disability and I could only handle a few close friendships at a time. She hearted the message and didn’t respond. So, am I the asshole?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action was that I sent a “break up” text to a friend rather than maintaining our friendship even though I knew she was mentally ill. My sister had now told me that I am the asshole, saying I was too direct and could’ve really hurt her feelings.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
She seems very intrusive and I suggest you really focus on yourself and those who are really close to you. You are in need of support and love from your friends, don’t waste your energy on someone so demanding when you are struggling yourself. I send you all the love OP ❤️ you did well
NTA!!! I would’ve done the same. Did she probably need someone to lean on? Yeah, maybe…but that person doesn’t have to be YOU. I’ve dealt with people like this before and it can be emotionally draining. You handled it well, though, by sending her a soft but firm message so there’s no miscommunication on your part. 😌
NTA I feel bad for her as she’s obviously going through it but your mental health is just as important
100%
NTA