This is throwaway because I absolutely do not want this associated with my main.
I (31F) went to a wedding over the weekend with my husband. I’m currently 34 weeks pregnant. At our table, we were seated next to a woman I didn’t know. She seemed nice at first and immediately took an intense interest in my pregnancy, asking how far along I was, what symptoms I had, what I was craving, even what prenatal vitamins I was taking. I thought she was just curious and being chatty.
Eventually, I asked if she had kids or was trying, since she seemed so engaged. She told me she and her partner had been trying for over two years without success. My heart went out to her. I told her I was really sorry to hear that, and that I couldn’t imagine how difficult that must be. She said she’d tried everything under the sun IVF, treatments, acupuncture, fertility rituals and nothing had worked.
I truly empathized with her. But then… things got uncomfortable.
She started asking exactly how we conceived. Like, “Was it morning or night?” “What sex position did you use?” “Did you orgasm?” “What were you eating that day?” “Was it a full moon?” I tried to laugh it off and give vague answers, then shifted my attention to my husband and the rest of the table.
But she wouldn’t let it go. She started following me around the reception when I’d get up to go to the bar, the photo booth, the dance floor, she’d be right there. At one point, she told me,“I’ve been trying to spend more time around pregnant women lately. I read that being near them, being in their energy can help fertility. I’m hoping some of it will rub off.”
I didn’t know what to say. I gave her an awkward smile and excused myself, feeling really weirded out. I thought that was the end of it.
Nope.
I went to the bathroom at some point and when I walked out she was standing outside the door. As soon as she saw me, she quickly turned on the sink like she’d just walked in, even though it was clear she had been standing there waiting. As I was drying my hands, she stepped beside me and said, “Can I touch your belly?”
Before I could even respond, her hand was already reaching toward me. I instinctively stepped back and said, as gently and politely as I could, “I’m really sorry, but I don’t feel comfortable with people touching my belly.” I even smiled to soften it.
She looked so upset. She didn’t say a word, she just walked out of the bathroom without looking back.
Back at the table, she avoided eye contact with me the rest of the night. When we said goodbye at the end of the evening to everyone at our table, she completely ignored me.
On the ride home, I told my husband everything and he was shocked . He said her behaviour was completely inappropriate and I should have shut it down or asked him to come with me to the bathroom (wait outside). I told him it I didn’t want to make things awkward and I had no idea she would follow me to the bathroom.
Honestly, the more I think about it, the more creeped out I feel about what happened. But I am also feeling a little guilty. Like maybe I was too cold. Maybe she’s just hurting and desperate, and I added to her pain.
So… AITA for refusing to let her touch me?
Comments
Sounds kooky. NTA.
NTA You’re more polite than I would’ve been
NTA. That woman was being a straight-up creep and you handled it way better than most people would.
Following you around thinking pregnancy is “contagious,” asking about your sex positions, and then waiting outside the bathroom like a stalker? That’s unhinged behavior, not grief. Infertility is heartbreaking but it doesn’t give someone the right to treat you like a magical fertility object.
You were actually incredibly polite considering she was basically harassing you all night. Don’t feel guilty for having basic boundaries about your own body.
You are always allowed to have your own body autonomy and consent.
Unfortunately, I think this woman has become too obsessive. I genuinely fear for her mental health.
I’m also wondering where the heck her partner was.
NTA for sure.
NTA. Not even close. My heart goes out to her. But it’s your body. You have every right to say no.
NTA – regardless if she’s hurting and desperate, she needs to learn how to self-soothe and comport herself. It’s not on you to accommodate whatever weirdo compulsions she has created to deal with not getting pregnant. You were kinder to her than many people would have been. She needs to figure out a better way to deal with her grief; being weird at pregnant women isn’t kind or compassionate – it’s rude, creepy, and intrusive. I’m sorry you had to deal with that.
NTA. She is a sad desperate person looking for magical solutions. I don’t think she was dangerous but you never know.
That was unhinged. You didn’t want to make it awkward? Girl that ship sailed when she started following you around and jumped the shark when she was outside the bathroom. NTA.
NTA
Ninety percent odds her husband has had a secret vasectomy to keep this nut from ever conceiving.
NTA. Tell the bride/groom to under no circumstances are they to give any of your contact information to this chick if she asks them, this is follow the mom home and cut the baby out of her stomach level of creepy.
NTA
As someone who has personally dealt with infertility and pregnancy loss, I have got to say that the woman following OP around and harassing her are inappropriate and unhinged.
now, I’m possibly over reacting, but you and your husband need to find out from the friends who invited her to the wedding… Make sure no one lets her know anything about your life, where you live, where you plan to give birth, etc. Might even inform your birth team because someone this unhinged is the kind to try to kidnap your child. Upgrade your security!
Now that’s a fucking nutjob.
NTA.
She followed you around for hours and you didn’t mention it to your husband?
NTA That is so scary. Your husband is right though, you should’ve told him. people are so scary and creepy around pregnant women.
RUN!!!!!!!!! (not literally cause you’re pregnant) Never talk to her again or see her because we don’t know how psychotic she is. I would have been so happy to see her not talking or coming near me after that. She got the message. We know she’s psychotic now and with that, she could have been lying to her the entire time.
NTA, you were nice and polite, way too nice actually because I know I would’ve said things to her if she started following me around, also wtf is wrong with people to want to rub any pregnant woman’s belly? Especially in the summer!
Please be careful. She seems pretty stalkerish and no telling what she might do.
Although I definitely would feel empathy for her she definitely crossed at least 10 lines!!!! You were very gracious and l think or hope she did realize she came on way too strong!
Magical thinking isn’t just foolish, it’s dangerous. If you had told her you’d taken an eye dropper of ethylene glycol the day you conceived, she might have tried it!
Nta x1000 bodily autonomy is extra important during pregnancy!
100% NTA.
My heart goes out for what she and her partner are going through, and I don’t even really blame her desperation, per se; but it was a fully inappropriate way for her to behave toward you, that ignored the signals you communicated to her. It was creepy, it was wrong, and she behaved terribly toward you.
Absolutely NTA! I’m totally an over sharer and that would have been way too much even for me. I’ve had 6 children and I’m more than happy to share anything about each pregnancy and answer any question anyone has, nothing is sacred to me, but this….. this was borderline assault. Seriously, in some states, my former home state of PA included, touching a pregnant belly without permission is actually considered assault. I feel for this woman, I really do, and I totally understand that you didn’t want to upset her, but her behavior was concerning and you’re allowed to have boundaries. I agree with others to maybe mention this interaction to the bride and groom, just to be sure they don’t give her your contact info. Infertility struggles can cause some to fall into serious mental distress and you never know what they may be capable of.
Not to be too dramatic but after hearing all the stories about women who cut babies out of other women’s bellies, you’re definitely NTA. What a creep.
NTA. She was Way out of line.
It’s one thing to be curious and another to be invading a stranger’s space like she did. If you had OFFERED advice, that’s one thing, but she was asking a total stranger very personal information. That isn’t okay- it’s way over stepping boundaries.
NTA. As a recovering people pleaser and someone with a little more experience under her belt, I have (finally) learned to shut people like this down EARLY. As soon as she asked about the conception, I would have given her ridiculous, smart-ass answers and, if she didn’t get the hint, told her that I’m not comfortable sharing sexual or medical information with people I just met.
It’s not rude or unkind to set a boundary. People’s reactions to that are THEIRS to manage and not your responsibility.
It’s insane that that woman spent the rest of her night angry with you for daring to refuse to let her rub your magical, fertile belly. That is the icing on the creepy cake. I’m so sorry you went through that.
You know you’re nta. She’s clearly struggling but shouldn’t have projected that on you.
OP, you will never be the AH for communicating body autonomy. Actually, you didn’t go far enough for my taste but I’m an asshole!
NTA Yes, she was hurting and desperate, but that’s not an excuse to use you as some kind of pregnancy talisman
NTA – Your body, your choice.
Nta
Wow
You are NTA. You may have been to yourself for not shutting her rude self down when she was asking invasive questions. She sounds unhinged! And your body is yours, not some kind of luck statue for her to rub so she can get pregnant! How superstitious!
You stand up for you. She may be hurting and desperate, but she’s an adult and expected to regulate her own emotions rather than making you responsible for them.
You know you are NTA.
Honestly I feel bad for her