My 5-year-old son and I were at a local festival where he was playing a 1v1 game with another kid. There was no monitor or staff at the game so it was kind of a free-for-all. He was having a blast, and after a few minutes the other kid’s parent told their child to leave so someone else could play. The kid was reluctant but eventually walked away.
At that point I told my son it was also time to go since there was a lineup and I didn’t want him to hog the game. As expected with a 5-year-old he was a bit reluctant and gently protesting, but the interaction between us was calm and under control. I told him twice that it was time to let others have a turn.
Then this older lady, probably a grandma, came over and directly addressed my son. She told him the other kid wanted to play with his brother and that it was time to go. I didn’t take it well and politely but firmly told her that I’m his father and I’m handling the situation, and there’s no need to interfere. She looked surprised and repeated the same thing again, this time directing it to me. Her husband also looked confused and a bit taken aback by my response.
Here’s the thing. I’ve had enough of people, even my own parents, interfering when I’m parenting. I don’t yell at my son, I handle things respectfully and calmly. The last thing I want is a stranger stepping in while I’m actively handling it. I get that she probably meant well, but to me it crossed a line.
Now I’m wondering. AITA for shutting her down in the moment and telling her not to interfere?
I’d appreciate some outside perspective so I can close this off mentally and move on.
TLDR:
I was calmly telling my 5yo son to leave a game at a festival when a grandma stepped in to tell him herself. I told her I was already handling it and didn’t need help. She and her husband looked shocked. AITA for setting that boundary?
Comments
YTA – the lady was just trying to help keep things moving, and you made it weird by getting defensive over a totally normal interaction with your kid.
NTA, you were in the right to tell that woman off for interfering. boundaries are so important for kids to see
You told him twice to let others have a turn and someone else still had to ask him again to let the others have a turn.
Maybe the reason so many people are criticizing your parenting is because you’re not doing a good job.
YTA. Do better and other people won’t have to “interfere”
NTA, good on you for standing your ground. Letting strangers interfere while you’re calmly parenting only invites chaos protect your authority like your kid’s future depends on it.
NTA. You politely asked the lady to mind her own business. Your kid. Your rules.
YTA big time. They were trying to help. What if your son ran into the road and the only person close enough to grab him before he was hit by a car was that person? Would you not want them to help because that’s what could happen with a jerk like you doing what you did!!!
At what point were you planning to take his hand and guide him away or pick him up and walk off or whatever? I get that you were embarrassed someone stepped in to help when they believed you weren’t able to handle things on your own, but people from that generation were brought up with the “it takes a village” mentality.
NTA. Adults shouldn’t talk to other people’s children uninvited. It doesn’t matter if they are giving them candy from the back of the van or reproaching them for behavior when a parent is standing there dealing with the situation. Not their place, not their circus, not their monkeys.
NTA. You were peacefully handling the situation with your son and had every right to firmly tell a stranger not to interfere. Even if she meant well, it’s important for others to respect your role as a parent and let you take the lead.
Hmmmmmmmm I’m going to say ESH….
I feel you for someone else getting in your kids face. I’m assuming that you were next to your kid, attempting to get them to stop playing on the game, and otherwise obviously the parent. So she is pulling some BS right there. She should have addressed you directly “Dad, speed it up”.
On your part… My dude, whatever it was you were doing, obviously wasn’t enough. I don’t exactly know what “told him twice” means in terms of tone and span of time. Not saying you needed to scream in your kids face and pull his elbow out of socket pulling him away, but you _are_ the parent, and you needed to give someone else a chance to play. So you needed get in front of your son, calmly stop him, not telling him to stop, stop him. Whatever the game was, you, calmly take him by the hand, telling him its time to go, and hand over whatever it is to the next person.
“She told him the other kid wanted to play with his brother and that it was time to go.” Why would you not take this well? Was she moving threateningly towards him? Did she raise her voice? Did she start cursing? There was a line and others were waiting their turn. What if it took you another 3, 5, 10 minutes to convince your son to leave? I don’t think she did anything wrong, especially from the way you described it. YTA
NTA , you were dealing with it in your method and your time. Telling her to back up is fine
Meh sounds like you’re leaving something out, like maybe your son doesn’t respond well to being told it is time to share.
NTA it’s no one’s business to parent your son besides you and his mother. Not to mention you were polite in your response. Don’t let it bug you
NTA. That’s your kid, not hers, and she had no business interfering when you were handling things just fine. It makes me wonder if she did that because you’re the dad and not mom? As if fathers are not capable of raising their own children.
If you had to tell your kid twice something is up based on how you mentioned they only told the other kids once maybe you should parent your kid better
ESH.
I have a kid who just turned 6. If you were taking long enough to have to tell him multiple times and get off the field/area so other kids could have a turn, it was probably taking too long. Even though you had things ‘under control’ other kids were lined up and sounded excited to try and they shouldn’t have to wait for a kid to drag his feet and be told/cajoled.
That said, she overstepped by addressing a kid and not the parental figure with the kid first. She could have also been way more polite about it by saying something like ‘Hey, are you guys all done here? We have two boys that would like to give it a try.’
So yeah, she was an AH and that would have pissed me off too, but if you were taking long enough to have someone approach you on behalf of the other kids, you probably should have been a bit quicker. My kid knows when I use the Tone that there won’t be an argument, especially in public, and they better move it or they’re looking at consequences.
NTA She should of minded her own beeswax. 😊
YTA
If other people are always interfering with your parenting it’s because your gentle parenting isn’t working. Maybe if you did actual parenting, people wouldn’t always interfere.
Do some self reflection on why your parenting always has others getting involved. Especially before it turns your child into a full blown brat.
Nope YTA – be a better parent. There was a line waiting to play. That was not the time to have a discussion with a five year old. Pick him up and let the others play.
If he acts this way in public I cant even begin to imagine how he acts at home.
NTA. If you had allowed your kid to keep playing it would be different but you were working on getting your kid to move on. It would also be different if it were taking an absurd amount of time to get your kid to leave the game. But I feel like 2 asks is what, maybe 1 to 2 minutes max? I’ve seen people being harsher with their kids up to yelling and the kids still don’t listen and have to be told multiple times to do or not do something. The next step would be physical removal but you’re going to be judged for that too and you’re gonna have to deal with a meltdown probably.
The thing is being a parent is hard and no matter what you do you’re going to be told you’re doing it wrong. Unless you are abusing your child or that interaction was taking far too long nobody, especially a stranger, should be stepping in and possibly undermining you.
ESH. She she not have talked to your kid, but if it takes that much to get your kid to move on you need to parent.
NTA. Tell the old honey badger to kick rocks.
NTA. I’d have used the phrase shut your cake hole when she yapped a second time
NAH. She may not have heard your gentle prodding. Your son was ignoring you. She had a kid who wanted to play and your kid had been on there for a while. That happens a lot at arcades. I don’t think she had any ill intentions. I don’t think you did either.
I’m petty. I would’ve said “ok kid, time for another 20 mins of gameplay”.
YTA
So you want to raise a child into being a functioning member of society while simultaneously discrediting disvaluing and disrespecting that same society? All while letting that same child be a problem to everyone around. I get that you want to do the gentle parenting thing because you probably have trauma over getting a well deserved ass whooping as a child, but you were wasting public resources and time and availability to teach child the lesson instead of just removing him like the authority figure you are. You’re his parent not his friend. The lesson comes when you’re not letting him be a problem to other people.
In my opinion getting a 5 yr old to do anything they don’t want to do is a challenge. People should not interfere at all, what right does anybody have to jump in and assume a parental role. There should have been somebody working the game, at least your were trying. I would have just let him play more for that interaction.
NTA.
The audacity to interfere with your parenting is something else.
NTA- old people need to be reminded to STFU.
It depends. If you was not enable for reasonable long time get your son to leave the game, I perfectly understand frustation from others and trying to help, if your methods failed. If she interfered imediatly, not nice from her.
NTA, as a lifetime single dad, way too many older ladies think they can just butt in. If you’re in the US society does not understand how to handle active dad’s.
NTA but providing how long this was taking would help in answering for sure.
If you have people (pl) interfering you obviously aren’t doing parenting it right. Your child will end up becoming a rude and entitled adult who doesn’t listen or deal with authority. YTA
Eh. I’m sure she meant well and you are probably a little more sensitive because of your parents.
Neither of you are the asshole.
It’s all good. She’s fine to step in. You’re in public. Cheers!
Yta
NTA
You’re raising your child with respect and courtesy and to be a respectful person, a 5 year old will take a little bit of persuasion to leave something they enjoy and you handled the situation in a respectful manner.
NTA. IMO, the only time anyone has a right to interfere with another person’s child is if that child is either in danger or actively hurting someone else’s child. Other than that, mind your business!
Nta you did nothing wrong and she overstepped and involved herself in your business
Well…..She def interfered too soon. That’s the only issue I see. She should’ve given you a reasonable amount of time for you to take care of it. But she wanted to rush you instead. However, after a certain amount of time, I def would’ve said something.
NAH “Grandma” should jog on.
NTA
Telling obnoxious old people to fuck off is always the right choice
NTA
Omg my daughter is 14 and my mom STILL tries to tell me how to parent her (mind you, my mother was physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive to me growing up and still tries to be with my and my sister’s kids so she’s really not the one who should be doling out parental advice).
You politely informed her, you didn’t cause a scene, but some elderly people think that “respect you elders” means to let them walk all over you.
NTA A second person intervening rarely makes an interaction with a young kid go quicker. My husband and I have a strict no interference policy until the first person taps out. A small kid having to listen to two people is confusing and makes everything slower. That woman was out of place and you were right to tell her to step away.
I doubt the “gently protesting” if someone else needed to ask your kid to move. – YTA because you can’t stand someone having better parenting skills than you. Hope this helps.
YTA. People are waiting. Life is not about you and your ill mannered child.
I guarantee when you walked away the entire line said what an AH about you.
NTA. When a stranger speaks to your child, you get to manage that how you please, provided you’re not threatening or worse, which you weren’t. Maybe she should not approach children she doesn’t know.
NTA This was your moment as a parent, and she swooped in like an uninvited director mid-scene. Good intentions don’t excuse stepping on a calm, respectful parent-child interaction.
Reminds me of when I was trying to get one of my sons to come out to the car, because we were leaving. A lady saw me struggling, came over and told my son “you go in that bathroom and go potty RIGHT NOW.”
🤣🤣
One problem with meddling, is that you might be misunderstanding the situation.
NTA. It’s not a stranger’s job to parent your child. Plus, you were literally in the middle of handling it. She interrupted.
NTA.
Little kids sometimes need TIME to process in situations like this. Giving up a fun game is more the issue than sharing with others.
ranny did not need to intervene because Dad was already on the job. If it needed to escalate, I’m sure Dad had a plan if his kid refused after his initial request.
Let people parent their kids when they are actually parenting their kids. It’s a stupid game at a stupid festival, people saying YTA have no courtesy or compassion.
You did fine. You weren’t screaming and yelling. But how long did this drag on, your son not leaving?
A public space is public, so yes, it can happen that people will “interfere” even if you don’t like it.
So you are of course allowed to answer, but you cannot abolish “interfering”…
YTA, fine to parent as you see fit but do it on your own time and not when your kid is holding up a line.
Sounds like your frustration of people commenting on your parenting comes directly from your inability to parent effectively. You simply don’t leave decisions up to little poopy pants who is having a tantrum because he isn’t allowed to continue being a little asshole and hog the game. Others rightfully expect a parent to step in and correct the behaviour and watching you molly coddle the kid instead of correcting the problem is going to piss everyone off.
You need to learn to STOP the behaviour that is effecting others FIRST.
THEN you can correct the behaviour at whatever pace suits you best.
You are a complete asshole to expect others to sit and wait while you attempt to reason with a 5 year old.
It’s crazy how many people are defending this lady. Even if he wasn’t parenting effectively like some of you assume, it’s not some stranger’s place to step in and try to correct the child.
I do not understand the mentality of getting bent out of shape because another adult addressed your child lol. She probably felt like she was helping – which is how I always took these interactions. Sometimes kids in public don’t always listen to parents well, and it helps to have another grown up back the parent up. It’s not interfering – this is public, you’re occupying space trying to reason with a five year old while others are waiting. She didn’t yell at him, hit him, berate him, or embarrass him. You made it infinitely worse by setting a bad example for your son with your response. What’s going to happen when he’s older and acting like a fool in public (and they all will, at least once) when you’re not around? Rather than just saying, “See, son? Others are waiting,” and picking him up and leaving, you got mad for some reason (embarrassment? What?) and now youve just shown him he doesn’t have to be considerate of anyone waiting. The woman probably acted surprised because honestly, why would you get upset over someone speaking to your child and backing you up in your parenting? Extremely weird to me.