My husband updated his address ever since he moved out of her house yet mail addressed to him still gets delivered there every now and then.
Today, we were at her house. She handed over an envelope that was addressed to him, clearly already opened. This isn’t the first time either. So I played dumb. I asked, “did the senders of the letter not seal the envelope?” She told me, “oh I saw (husband’s name) so I opened it to see if it’s anything serious.” I rolled my eyes and told her that mail not addressed to her shouldn’t be opened, that it’s a felony.
AITA? I know/acknowledge that I have a major husband issue for not telling her shit about this. I’m not one to keep quiet like my husband over people crossing boundaries like this and it bothers me to no end seeing her do this.
Comments
NTA. So, besides having “updated” his address, your husband needs to file a mail forwarding order with the post office. He can do it in person or do it online for like one dollar. This will forward any more mail for up to a year I believe.
Having boundaries doesn’t make you an AH! Possibly the sarcasm might not go over well with MiL so you can brainstorm now for some maybe a little softer scripts to run with MIL if it happens again. Although to be fair your husband should be the one saying it.
Yta I would let him handle her unless he asks you for help.
NTA. Unless the mail also has your name, your husband should be the one to address it.
Edit: If your husband doesn’t do something about it now, then later it might come to a situation where there’s pressure to choose his mom or his wife.
Yta, your husband should have dealt with this. Stay out of that dynamic unless it directly involves you
It wasn’t sarcasm, it was a fact. She should not open mail addressed to anyone else. And not going over well might get her attention better.
NTA
YTA.. is it really that big of a thing for you to say something about it? If he cares he can bring it up. Do you have other issues with her and you just snap at her?
It would be a shame if she accidentally opened DNA results suggesting the MIL was unfaithful.
NTA. If you’re in the US, it’s a federal crime.
YTA…simply because your husband hasn’t said shit about it to his mom. If he doesn’t care, you need to let it go.
NTA.
If she is so keen to open the mail accidentally sent to your husband at her address it might be time to get some deliberate mail sent there for him.
I personally would start with some female incontinence products. My sister used to sign me up for them constantly when I was in my early twenties. I could have stopped the flow of a river with the pads she had sent to me!
You could move on to free trials of skincare products. Then tampons. Then you move onto medical pamphlets. I would recommend you begin with the big guns and order erectile dysfunction information. THAT’S the one which will push him to tell her to stop opening his mail.
I hope this helps and also gives you some fun along the way.
YTA – get husband to update address if you don’t want his mail going to mom
YTA
It’s his mail. As long as she isn’t opening YOUR mail, what do you care? If he doesn’t care, why are you making a big deal.out of it? It makes it seem like you are just looking for reasons to be bummed out at her.
YTA if he doesn’t have a problem with it .. let him resolve it if it’s a problem
Is there a cultural difference? It is a felony, but tbh my parents can/do open my mail. Boundaries just don’t exist in my mom’s culture specifically. Threats of law don’t go over well with people who can’t understand the concept of boundaries. I read your other comments and see that she’s not the sweetest angel ever, so it could be that she’s an asshole but imo, in this instance, it sounds like she just wasn’t thinking or gaf. Get your husband to update all his mailing address on everything if this is a problem that he specifically does not like. If he doesn’t change his address or worse, tells his mom not to open his mail, just leave it alone. She gives you enough problems to you directly for you to fight in your husband’s honor.
NTA. Stay firm in your own boundaries that you can hold up. It isn’t your responsibility to fight your husband’s battles unless it’s offensive to you. I say this as kind advice because trust that I know how stressful this can get and you don’t need more than she gives you.
NTA I would start bringing up how it’s a felony to open someone’s mail. And she could get in serious trouble.
Boundaries. MILneeds to respect them.
NTA. It’s border line illegal.
YTA
It’s none of your business. It’s his mail, not hers or yours. He decides how he feels about the situation.
NTA. Mil has no respect for your husband.
whys he not telling her? shouldn’t be you. you’re ntah, but you’re the nosey.
also, set up that shit to be forwarded. duh.
YTA Based on your responses, this is not what you are really mad about. You’re mad about a whole other host of issues, and this was just convenient.
As long as it’s not your mail, it’s not your boundary to set. I don’t understand why it upsets you when your husband seems not to care.
YTA.
If he isn’t worried about it, you shouldn’t be.
But from other posts you really seem to hate his mom, good luck with that?
Having been in a 27 year relationship and married for 25 of those, you dont want to listen to the two most important women in your life and how one hates the woman who raised you? Unless he comes to you complaining constantly about his mom?
Leave it alone. A son will almost always side with his mom if she is behaving like an annoying pest.
You are not his mom. You are his wife.
Keep complaining about her, and he will remember everything and throw it in your face.
I’m sorry she gets to you.
It’s not easy dealing with in-laws but find a way to make peace with it.
Opening someone else’s mail is a federal offense. Just saying.