I’ve been friends with this guy, let’s call him A, for about 6 years now. We’re good friends and have been for a while. Just to make it clear, we have absolutely no feelings for each other and we are simply friends.
A few months ago, he started dating this girl whom I was actually childhood friends with but had lost touch. So, after they got together, we became friends again. At first their relationship seemed great and mutual but recently he started making “comments” and “jokes” around me and his other friends for gid knows what reason about how he’s bored of her and how she talks too much and even said that he wants to end things with her because he was bored.
To be fair, he did like her but was being an asshole just to seem “cool” around his friends but that’s besides the point.
So, his gf texted me asking what she should do for his birthday and started telling me about how she was throwing a whole party and making really meaningful gifts for him and that she even got other friends to help. After talking to her more, I just felt so bad that he clearly didn’t reciprocate the same feelings that she had, so I told her everything that he’d said. She was rightfully upset and spoke to him the next day and they mutually agreed to end things.
I told one of our other friends about this and he told me that it wasn’t my business to meddle into their personal relationship and that I overstepped boundaries. I feel bad for telling her over keeping a stupid secret for a friend of so long but I just didn’t want her to put so much effort into something that wasn’t going to pay off because she was the only person putting in any effort into the relationship.
So AITA for telling my bestfriend’s gf that he wasn’t actually interested in her.
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I’ve been friends with this guy, let’s call him A, for about 6 years now. We’re good friends and have been for a while. Just to make it clear, we have absolutely no feelings for each other and we are simply friends.
A few months ago, he started dating this girl whom I was actually childhood friends with but had lost touch. So, after they got together, we became friends again. At first their relationship seemed great and mutual but recently he started making “comments” and “jokes” around me and his other friends for gid knows what reason about how he’s bored of her and how she talks too much and even said that he wants to end things with her because he was bored.
To be fair, he did like her but was being an asshole just to seem “cool” around his friends but that’s besides the point.
So, his gf texted me asking what she should do for his birthday and started telling me about how she was throwing a whole party and making really meaningful gifts for him and that she even got other friends to help. After talking to her more, I just felt so bad that he clearly didn’t reciprocate the same feelings that she had, so I told her everything that he’d said. She was rightfully upset and spoke to him the next day and they mutually agreed to end things.
I told one of our other friends about this and he told me that it wasn’t my business to meddle into their personal relationship and that I overstepped boundaries. I feel bad for telling her over keeping a stupid secret for a friend of so long but I just didn’t want her to put so much effort into something that wasn’t going to pay off because she was the only person putting in any effort into the relationship.
So AITA for telling my bestfriend’s gf that he wasn’t actually interested in her.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) me telling my friend’s girlfriend an implied secret
2) I told her the truth over keeping something for a longterm friend
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Normally, any meddling in other people’s relationships is an instant Y T A from me. However, you were friends with both of these people, and him openly and actively talking trash about her behind her back is where I draw a line.
NTA.
She deserved to know he wasn’t into the relationship any longer and was being an AH to her behind her back. Good on you for saying something before she spent a bunch of money on someone who didn’t deserve it.
NTA. Morally what you did was right so she wouldn’t keep putting effort and getting more hurt later but it’s also a kinda a bad friend move to snitch on a friend and interfere in his relationship.
I don’t think this makes you a bad person but you also can’t expect your friend not to be upset with you or trust you in the future if you went behind his back. You can hope he sees the goodness in your intentions and forgive you but I wouldn’t count on it
Good luck
YTA. Your friend was venting to you in a space where he felt comfortable to share his feelings with you. You don’t know if they had a fight or whatever that day. Sometimes in frustration people say things they don’t mean.
You majorly overstepped here. If you felt like he was stringing her along, that’s a conversation you have with your friend. That was none of your business to share.
NTA. If your friend didn’t want his girlfriend to know he was trash-talking her, he shouldn’t have done it. You saved her from wasting time on someone who didn’t appreciate her. If he’s mad, it’s just because he got caught.
NTA, he kind of showed his cards by telling everyone didn’t he? If he didn’t want her know, he wouldn’t have said that around so many people. He had to expect someone would tell her. It’s very ironic that your friends are saying you shouldn’t have been involved when the boyfriend involved you and they are involving themselves in this too.
YTA. What’s that they say about circuses and monkeys?
NTA, if I were her I would’ve wanted to know if I was wasting my time
Getting involved in other people’s relationships is always risky. Doesn’t seem to me that you needed to gossip about what your friend said to their new girlfriend. It comes across as a little spiteful.
And, the “just to make it clear” bit is a little bit of a signpost too.
So, I think your friend is going to think YTA and seeing as they were your bf that’s a shame.
NTA what you did was morally right by telling the girlfriend who was also your friend that her boyfriend was badmouthing her and talking about how bored he was of the relationship when she was busy making a amazing party and gifts for him.
Likewise, normally I would automatically say Y T A to you for going behind your friend’s back and telling the GF what he said when you might not know all the details since it’s not your relationship. But they are both your friends and I think you did the right thing so NTA
NTA – you’re friends with them both, and it wouldn’t have been cool to let her pour so much energy into celebrating someone who doesn’t like her and doesn’t respect her enough to tell her themselves.
NTA, shit-talking partners to seem cool is anything but. Fuck that! You did the right thing and anybody cool with doing so is somebody you need to look out for.
Might be meddling but i think it was the right thing to do. NTA 🤷♀️
NTA
I think there’s a difference between meddling in a relationship and giving someone information that would happen to change the relationship. You weren’t trying to influence them for a specific outcome or push things a certain way. You were just giving her facts she needed to make an informed choice on if she wanted to be in that relationship. She decided she didn’t.
Also, they’re both better off not continuing the relationship; you did them a favor.
Lastly, if your friends want unconditional, unquestioning loyalty even when they’re knowingly being shitty, they might not be friends worth having. You have to answer the question of where your morals lie and which is better for you though; friends that keep secrets for you, but probably also keep them from you and require a lack of accountability or friends that keep the people close to you accountable for always treating you decently, but also hold you to the same standard?
NTA
I’ll never say YTA for protecting an innocent person from someone who’s actively being an asshole. He had every intent to cause harm and didn’t care. He deserved to get outed
YTA – the right thing to do would have been to speak to your male friend and suggest he end things if that’s how he feels. Letting gim knownits not fair to her.
If he said something along the lines of “ima just use her for a bit,” than morally, you could make the call.
Going behind his back without talking to him first is dirty. You would no longer be part of my friend circle after that move.