AITA for telling my BF that he sucks in bed?
I (21F) have been dating my BF (22M) for 3 years now. He is my first boyfriend and my first experience in bed. Before him, I wasn’t even interested in boys or sex. He is a great guy, but the problem is he can’t make me cum. It’s like he doesn’t even want to try. Every time we have sex, it’s always about him—how he likes it, what he wants—and I’ve tried communicating this with him, but he just doesn’t seem to care and says, “Maybe it’s a you problem,” when he doesn’t even wanna know what I like or how I like it.
Recently, I’ve started treatment for some medical condition, and those pills make me lose my libido. He’s been commenting a lot about how he has no sex life anymore or, “Oh, my girlfriend doesn’t wanna have sex with me,” and I’ve chuckled it off as a joke, but it’s really started to bother me.
So today, when he made a joke again about, “Look at me, 22, in my prime, and no sex life,” I just replied with, “Well, I never had a sex life to begin with ’cause you suck at it.”
He got really upset and has ghosted me since then. So… AITA?
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Original copy of post’s text by /u/IllustriousStudy9604:
AITA for telling my BF that he sucks in bed?
I (21F) have been dating my BF (22M) for 3 years now. He is my first boyfriend and my first experience in bed. Before him, I wasn’t even interested in boys or sex. He is a great guy, but the problem is he can’t make me cum. It’s like he doesn’t even want to try. Every time we have sex, it’s always about him—how he likes it, what he wants—and I’ve tried communicating this with him, but he just doesn’t seem to care and says, “Maybe it’s a you problem,” when he doesn’t even wanna know what I like or how I like it.
Recently, I’ve started treatment for some medical condition, and those pills make me lose my libido. He’s been commenting a lot about how he has no sex life anymore or, “Oh, my girlfriend doesn’t wanna have sex with me,” and I’ve chuckled it off as a joke, but it’s really started to bother me.
So today, when he made a joke again about, “Look at me, 22, in my prime, and no sex life,” I just replied with, “Well, I never had a sex life to begin with ’cause you suck at it.”
He got really upset and has ghosted me since then. So… AITA?
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People only get better by doing it more. Its how you tell them things need to change. Dont be mean. Its ultimately for the both of your betterments.
NTA—he doesn’t even care if it’s enjoyable for you. Ditch the man child
NTA.
You tried to communicate maturely, and he brushed you off with, “Maybe it’s a you problem,” which is incredibly dismissive and unfair. He turned your concerns into a joke and ignored your needs. If he can dish out sarcastic comments about your sex life, he should be prepared to hear some honesty back.
Your response might’ve been blunt, but it came after being repeatedly invalidated and made the butt of jokes about something that’s clearly frustrating and personal for you. You didn’t lash out out of nowhere—you reacted to a buildup of disrespect.
Sex should be a mutual experience, and emotional maturity includes being open to feedback. If he’s ghosting you after finally hearing the truth, that says more about him than it does about you.
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NTA and that was awesome
Men are often very sensible about those things.
You’re NTA, but he isn’t either. Doesn’t matter anyway. The relationship is over. You don’t recover from that.
Stage a real discussion with him on where you are now and where you need it to be. If he doesn’t listen you need to move on and find someone who respects you and values your side of things. Sex doesn’t get better doing the same exact things.
Edited to add NTA if you move forward with a path to correct. ESH if you let it continue like it is.
He is not a great guy. He doesn’t care about your needs, only his own, and I bet that extends beyond sex. You’ve expressed your dissatisfaction, and he doesn’t care to change it. If you stay you will be miserable.
Lmao daaamn you fuckin got him. But in all seriousness it is an extremely harsh thing to say bit if you have tried to communicate your needs and what you like and he just ignores you and isn’t interested then he needed to hear it tbh, he may be mad for a while but if he can realise he needs to do better from this point on then you can go back to being patient and understanding and apologize for being harsh and work through your guys sex life together so both your needs are met.
But if he still isn’t interested in working it out properly and continues to be selfish and uncaring about your needs then fuck that guy don’t put out till he can grow up and learn to care about his partner.
NTA, the poor baby, you hurt his feelings. He couldn’t handle the truth. Might be a good thing if he comes back and tries to please you. If not no big loss.
You are amazing. Keep your standards and your head held high. But please stop dating woman hating dipshits.
NTA and keep him ghosted
Yes, YTA. I get that he is selfish in bed, but this was not the way to approach the issue unless your goal was to end things in an ugly way. I get that you have tried to communicate, and he’s brushed it off and made it a you problem.
You’re inexperienced. Do you know how to get yourself off? Tell him what you want him to do.
If he doesn’t want to do it and he doesn’t care or try, then you just tell someone like that “hey, I don’t think we’re sexually compatible, because you don’t put the effort in to get me off and if I communicate about it, you blame me and call it a “you problem”. If we’re not both enjoying ourselves in bed, it’s an US problem to figure out together, or we end it.”
NTA – And congrats, the garbage took itself out👏👏👏
Spoiler alert: he is not a great guy
Please ditch this cornball im getting second hand embarrassment.
If the phrase “ Ladies first “ isn’t in his repertoire, he’s no good.
NTA: you tried to be mature about it in the past but like a typical straight male (yes i went there) he only wanted to think about himself and tell you it’s “a you problem” you probably could have worded it better but he kinda had it coming imo
Move on.
NTA
NTA he needs to grow the fuck up , i hope u find someone better 🙂
Look my rule has always been, you get me off BEFORE you get P to V or a blow job. Stick to that and you will only have sex with guys who can actually deliver. Also.. break up with this guy.
NTA.
Tell him that if he wants sex he has to make you cum first. If he says no, tries but won’t listen to what you want or tries to skip to what he wants then tell him it’s a “him problem”.
Trust me, men need to be taught. I’m 34 and men still suck at sex. They have to be shown and they have to be pushed into pleasuring you. Unless you get a good one that actually enjoys making women cum (I’ve only found a couple so far)
They’re selfish when it comes to sex. So stand your ground or move on and find a better man. Chances are he hasn’t had much experience before you anyway and hasn’t learnt that sex is a team game and not a wrestling match where there’s only one winner.
If you don’t get off he doesn’t get off
Time to make him an ex. There’s someone out there that can’t wait to make your needs and wants a priority. You are young, you have the rest of your life to find someone who makes you happy.
I mean if he isn’t willing to put in the effort and doesn’t care about his partner’s pleasure. He does suck at it and 22 or not, he’s not going to improve if he can’t handle honest feedback.
NTA- he sounds very immature and not ready for a serious relationship. Me and my spouse are in the same age as you too and he is always making sure I’m taken care of and does exactly what I want and need if he is not willing to even consider what you need in bed then he doesn’t care about you period
Lots of disappointed women in this world. Men only care aboutvtgeitbiownb
You are both assholes, and extremely immature.
No, you are not the asshole. You told him in a decent way how you felt about it and told him what you expect from him as your bf. If he is not able to understand or even considerate trying things to give you pleasure… You are not for him. He doesn’t deserve a gf who actually tries to please him but he doesn’t does the same. And besides… he started joking about his sex life so you don’t have to feel bad for telling him the truth in that hard way because he really earned it by mocking you with it.
Girl you are only 21. Don’t stick around for bad sex, with a guy who doesn’t care about you.
Being alone is better than being in a relationship like this.
NTA. Yeah he’s obviously a bit selfish in bed. I mean a guy with any sense and ability will want to know what you like and will make sure you have an orgasm. I suspect you no longer have a boyfriend but it’s good that you told them. I would move on and just tell him oh by the way if you haven’t figured it out I just dumped you.
Yep- he’s not that into you.
NTA. He wrote off your communication as a “you problem,” and then started being passive-aggressive about not being able to have sex despite the lack of sex being a medical issue, and then ghosted you the moment you called out his passive-aggressive comments. Just based off of what you wrote, it seems like you didn’t tell him that his comments were bothering you and instead just lashed out with your own comment, but I honestly can’t blame you if he wouldn’t stop making comments; Sometimes it comes boiling over. Also the comments he’s making are him trying to guilt-trip you into having sex.
ESH if your intention is to actually solve the problem and form some sort of healthy line of communication.
NTA. Leave this d-bag
Lol NTA that was perfect. Good for you
ESH. He’s a selfish lover and a tool, you were cruel in response.
NTA. If what you said ever really “sinks in” and he ever becomes honest with himself, you will have done him and his potential partners a favor. If he doesn’t figure it out, he will become one more hateful INCEL.
Dude, just break up with him already. He’s not someone you want a future with, trust me.
A man who truly cares about you will care about your satisfaction just as much or more than his own. In my opinion, this is not a loss. You are so young with your life to live, trust that you will meet so many more kind people. My advice as a 31 year old is to let him go. He sucks.
NTA. If he doesn’t care to even try and make you feel good , you guys should break up and you start having good sex for the first time in your life.
If you sleep with a person, and they aren’t interested in you getting off, stop what you’re doing and don’t continue.
It’s normal to, for example, need some practice to learn what someone enjoys and how to get them there. And it might not happen every single time. And you may need some practice too. But ONLY with people who are willing to put in the effort, who listen to you and also communicate their needs.
This guy is not great at all. NTA unless you sleep with him again.
NTA. Move on. If he had no interest in making sure you BOTH had a satisfying experience in bed… he is not worth hanging onto. Find someone who thinks of you as a partner, not a receptical, during sex.
NTAH, he is. It sounds like he only wants you for sex and he’s an ass. Go ahead and block him and then take some time for you and eventually find someone that actually cares.
I would move on if he’s already talking to you as such, then throw in terrible sex.
NTA for being blunt with him but YTA for wasting three years of your life on someone who doesn’t care about your pleasure.
Please stop being the AH and turn his ghosting you into a permanent break up
Haha you just crushed his fragile insecure ego, all the time he’s been selfish thinking he was gods gift to women, find a guy that is fun and cares about you and shows effort… break up with the guy lol
Just like many have said you’re NTA. Being as young and inexperienced you are, let me give you these words of advice. For women, it’s just not about the physical aspect of sex. If a person is no longer stimulating our minds or we tend to have to issues with them, I promise you, you will most likely not be able to cum
Please start breaking ties now, learn your body and want simulates you the best. You can then be vocal with your next partner on what you like and what will make you cum
NTA if he’s your first and you know he sucks… that says a lot. He’s a selfish lover.
Maybe you need to coach him and talk about what you want. If he’s a good guy, it’s worth a try.
NTA
Let him ghost you! Never text him again.
Girl it’s not you. You can get yourself off, right? It’s 100% a skill issue, and the biggest skill he’s lacking is empathy. You can’t make the man care about your orgasm.
I’m sure other women can vouch for this – I have NEVER in my life known a man who was selfish in bed who wasn’t selfish in every other aspect of the relationship.
He isn’t a great guy, because a great guy would want to make you come and wouldn’t stop until he accomplished his mission. Full. Stop.
NTA, queen!!!
NTA. You said what you said
NTA
It’s not great that you both are 3 years into this relationship and yet the communication has failed when it comes to what works for you in the bedroom to orgasm, he has not even shown interest in learning about how to make you cum. Then he goes onto say “maybe it’s a you problem”. So, in a nutshell if his moves won’t make his gf cum then it’s a problem that his gf need to sort out. That is at the point at which you need to pause and think about whether this is the kind of relationship you want to be in.
I get that he is upset hearing that comment you made but that was after he kept making multiple comments about the lack of sex in a passive aggressive way and you told him the truth, in a pretty harsh way to hear, but doesn’t change the fact that it’s how you feel.
If every other aspect of the relationship is great and this is the only issue, then you need to find out is if he is willing to put in effort to learn what you like and how you like it, show you through his actions that he is interested and keen to get you off. Otherwise, you need to decide whether you want to put up with this kind of sex life for the sake of being with this man.
NTA
He’s not even trying to help you enjoy it. Honestly that’s a reason for me to dump him. A bad sex life does not help a relationship. If he’d even try, I’d be saying different things.
Try having a full on straight out blunt convo. You don’t like having sex with him because he’s all about what he wants. Partners usually want their SO to get off too. Most guys I’ve been with won’t finish until I’ve had at least two. Him not caring whether or not you do, sounds like he’s saying he doesn’t care about you as much as he does himself.
Next time he jokes about having no sec life respond with a “yeah well I have no sec life because you only care about yourself”
Well at least you know how caring he’d be if you were in a car crash, or had just had a kid, or major surgery…..
NTA
NTA. Time to move on. If he doesn’t care about your needs it’s not going to work. There are plenty of folks out there no matter your orientation who will find you getting off attractive and will enhance their sexual satisfaction. Find someone who respects you. Tell your next partner what you want. Even if it’s not them, you’ll find someone you gel with in time.
NTA
Better off with masturbation than a master of manipulation.
oh girl, i’m so sorry! i’m in my 30’s now but in my early 20’s i was with a dude just like that! i went down on him like 24/7 and he never once did it for me. getting him to actually care about my orgasm was literally impossible. i would say shit after a while too like directly. like “you never touch my clit” and when time again he still wouldn’t care enough too. it was WILD!! when i finally ditched that loser and met someone who cares about taking care of me? wow-zah. life changing. incredible. couldn’t believe i had been missing out on that for so long.
long story short: i will never tolerate bad behavior like that again. sex is supposed to be fun for the both of you and you should both care about the others time too.
if he won’t even try to listen and care, please just ditch him. you’re so young, save yourself the aggravation and time. go find a man who’s all about it. trust me.
That’s hilarious!
He is treating you like a flesh light
What kind of idiot keeps coming back for bad sex? Gurl? Come on!!! Stop sleeping with him. Your older self is gonna scream at you for this one then laugh at the lesson learned. Hopefully it takes just one time to learn this lesson!
First, I wanna commend you for what you said to him. Fuck yeah. Second, definitely NTA, cause him saying shit like it’s a “you” problem? I’ve dealt with and deal with people exactly like that, and rage is the only answer I can give to those who don’t give the slightest fuck about you and your needs. So you know what? I’m glad you said it, you should tell him more, and then say you two are through. 👋
Find a new boyfriend. You’re young and there is so much fun out there to be had. He’s not it.
Selfish lovers are broken. Can’t be fixed. Move on.
He’s selfish. Don’t put up with it. Men who don’t care whether or not you enjoy sex should be dumped. They think sex is for them, and so are you.
NTA. If he wants you to participate, he has to make it worth your while.
NTA. You tried communicating with him about it, he wasn’t interested and then he makes a jab at you for something medical you can’t control.
I’ll never understand people who don’t care if their partner is pleasured too. You have to be some insane level of selfish to still derive pleasure from sex when your partner isn’t.
Stop complaining and teach him about your body and what pleases you. Maybe you’ll learn something about yourslef and your lover too! If he isn’t willing to learn and share, then, yea, dump him.
Come on now! Do you really want to be with a guy like this?
Trust me… When you get a guy who puts you as top priority in bed, you will think about what you almost settled with.