So my sister (11F) moved in with me (21F) and my boyfriend (22M)after our parents died. So basically she’s been living with us for about two years now and my boyfriend and my sister get along well. It was a few days ago when I heard yelling from my office so it was from my sisters room so I went check obviously and my boyfriend Alex is yelling at my sister Anya for literally getting food out of the fridge so I told him to get the f out and now my friends are saying I made a mistake but I don’t think I did. Please please tell me if I made a mistake.
Aita for telling my bf to get out after yelled at my sister
r/AITAH
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Original copy of post’s text by /u/CARABARRA_11:
So my sister (11F) moved in with me (21F) and my boyfriend (22M)after our parents died. So basically she’s been living with us for about two years now and my boyfriend and my sister get along well. It was a few days ago when I heard yelling from my office so it was from my sisters room so I went check obviously and my boyfriend Alex is yelling at my sister Anya for literally getting food out of the fridge so I told him to get the f out and now my friends are saying I made a mistake but I don’t think I did. Please please tell me if I made a mistake.
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Normally SO’s come first but not if they yell at children for needing food. He’s toxic asf, you’re a good sister. NTA
Edit: In my upbringing I was taught so’s come first. It’s totally ok to believe something different
NTA and you made no mistake, you’re protecting your sister from abuse she didn’t earn. My condolences on your loss.
You didn’t make a mistake protecting your little sister from being yelled at over something so minor was absolutely the right call.
NTA, honestly I wouldn’t fuck with people who yell at children in general, especially not if it is family
He, a full grown adult was yelling at a child for getting food out? No NTA at all!
Listen if it was an impulsive reaction even because he thought she might spill it or whatever, there is no need to yell. Since they get along well she wasn’t going to rebel if he had just asked her to be careful or offered help with getting the food out. That’s how normal adults behave.
NTA, like, at all. This is your house as well as your sister’s home, who is a minor, who the heck does he think he is to yell at your sister, a little kid, for getting food in her own home? Ignore your friends, you did the right thing, and let me tell you, I’m beyond proud of you for everything you’re doing for her, I know it’s a tought and hard situation, I’m so sorry for the loss of your parents, I’m just glad to know you have your sister’s back and are there for her.
NTA. He yelled at an 11-year-old for getting food in her own home. That’s not “just a bad moment,” that’s a red flag waving in 4K. You didn’t overreact you protected your little sister, like any good guardian would. If someone shows you they can’t handle stress without lashing out at a child, believe them.
NTA
Family > Boyfriend
Little sister after parents death >>>>>>> Boyfriend
You set a hard boundary and if he doesn’t accept it – dump him.
It also could have been a misunderstanding.
Talk to your sister first and then, if you still want to, your boyfriend.
Regardless, disrespecting your sister is disrespecting you and won’t ever be tolerated.
So he’s been acting like a guardian for two years?
Maybe he overreacted, but also—maybe you did too.
What’s your sister saying?
Also, who’s on the lease and how are bills split?
NTA. Your friends are messed up if they think yelling at a grieving kid is okay. You did the right thing.
Naw u ain’t make no mistake.. u stood on bidness shorty. Good shit
NTA
Your sister is lucky to have you
Wow. Isn’t he such a thoughtful and mature specimen of manhood?! NTA. Your sister is young and needs love and support, not a toxic bf. I’m sorry. I’m sure you will find a nicer guy that will love you AND your sister for whom you both are!
He didn’t just start, he’s been yelling much longer than just when you caught him. NTA
I think more context is needed. If they normally get along fine then why was he suddenly yelling at her about food? Was it something that he bought for a specific reason that she shouldn’t have been eating it? And when you say yelling, was he screaming/cursing/calling names, or just scolding her for eating something close to dinner time? He is the adult and she is the child so if he is taking on a parental role he might yell at her sometimes. It really depends on the severity of the yelling and the reason for the yelling.
Sounds like a fake story to rile people up ngl. “I pay all the bills”, does he not work lol? Or are you making things up to get karma
NTA. You are now like another mom to your sister. You need to look out for her at all times, and that’s what you did. Keep it up. You did the right thing.
More details please. There is not enough evidence.
NTA. He had no business yelling at your sister for taking the food you made for her.
I feel like OP is leaving out key pieces of this incident? What did he say he was yelling at her for specifically
No you were protecting your sister… And why in da fuck is he yelling for obviously he has communication problems n second get rid of those so called first of yours they don’t understand that’s all you have right now your parents are gone(Sending my Condolences) yea he’s a jerk get rid of him n those friends… You gotta do what’s best for your sister and you…
No, you are neither the asshole nor in the wrong. Some people just aren’t fit to have kids, and I think he is one of them. I think you dodged not a bullet, but a fullon tactical ground to ground missile
Not gonna say NTA but did you end up asking him why he was yelling at her? What were the reasons? Are you sure they have been getting along well?
I don’t think you should have kicked him out but definitely tell him to take a walk in order to cool down.
NTA, I don’t care what your sister was eating, I don’t care if she made a mess, I don’t care about anything, you do NOT under no circumstances yell at a kid for eating, and I’ve read the comments she was eating the leftovers of the food you made for her, it’s not his food, I’m gonna assume he doesn’t do the chores and even if he does, talking actually helps you getting what you want, check with your sister just to make sure if he did that before or not
Ayyyee everyone on this post respond to @DragonRiderBerk n tell him how y’all feel about him yelling at a child because his pathetic ass couldn’t go in the kitchen n fix him something to eat
Clown his ass
Going by your story, you are NTAH. You are your sister‘s guardian. Your boyfriend does not come first.
NTA you did the right thing, he could be a kind adult in her life but he shouldn’t be parenting her or disciplining her. The child may still be carrying trauma from your parents death. I love your commitment to your sister, she is lucky to have you. If you want to try and save the relationship I would suggest the two of you sit down and agree to the boundaries you need to make re your sister. If he can’t agree to your boundaries then maybe he isn’t the right person. On the other hand if you just want to kick his ass to the curb, you have sufficient reason
ESH. He shouldn’t be yelling at a little girl. But did you bother to find out what was really going on? You said BF and sister get along. Need more info.
Good for you! You’re a great sister and you are lucky to lose your Ex! Wish you the best.
So in this situation, NTA, sounds like he was waaaay overreacting for the situation at hand and you were good to intervene
I’d just like to point out something that I haven’t seen in other comments.
You and your boyfriend have essentially been filling out the role of parents for your little sister for about 2 years now (sorry for your loss). It is legitimate for him to also have some kind of authority, and participate in her education, which may include setting some boundaries. I think this is what your friends might have meant and I don’t think it’s crazy given that he is also raising this child with you.
That being said, it does not condone flying off the handle for such a minor situation, and it is indeed concerning
I am curious, does he often lose his temper like this ? With you or her ?
Really? Would you be the asshole defending your baby sister against some man who can easily be replaced..yikes.
You’re a good sister 🙂
You’re NTA. But what was he so upset about?? It’s her food, too.
NTA, you are a wonderful big sister for protecting your sister. If he can’t handle an 11 year old he would die with a teen. He just isn’t ready to be a parent yet. He might have a lot of resentment that has built up. Best to let him go.
So many ‘so’s but you are NTA.
Sisters before misters and this time its justified.
She’s thirteen and committed the unforgivable sin of being hungry? He should feel lucky she’s a girl and not a boy! Those things eat 3 pony meals a day!! Do not allow him to yell at your sister just for food.
NTA……you’re a wonderful big sister
NTA, you’re a supportive big sister. He was yelling at her. I don’t care what the reason, he should not be yelling at a child like that, especially not for such a small infraction.
FAKE.
Something has to be missing from this story.
It seems like there’s a LOT of gaps in this story…
You’re literally ALL she has, the SO rule does NOT apply! You are definitely NTA
INFO what are you not telling us.
Why aren’t your friends talking about how he over reacted and screamed at a child that just lost both parents?
If they can’t see that you’re the only thing she has right now, they aren’t good people worth keeping around.
YTA – You’re the Angel!
It sounds like you co-own/lease the home with your boyfriend. How can you kick him out of his home? This makes you YTA.
INFO. Yelling needs clarification. Was it reactionary? Was it repeatedly having told her not to get something out? Background is needed.
Fuck no. NTA.
Huge mistake! Yes, she’s your little sister and there has been some traumatic circumstances within your family, however, such a drastic reaction does not teach her how to deal with family squabbles in a realistic manner. There are many better and more productive ways to deal with this type of situation.
You were 100 percent right.
You are your sister’s guardian. You’re mom now, and that means she comes first.
Any guy you bring home needs to know your sister comes first and you will not tolerate violence, aggression, raised voice or setting of any additional rules beyond those you set.
Don’t worry about what your friends say. They don’t have the life experience to give an opinion on this issue.
If you were to marry him, he’ll eventually yell at you too for existing. If you were to have kids with him, he’ll eventually yell at them for existing.
Way better to get rid of this man now that you see who he really is. There’s nothing there worth keeping.
NTA
This man and you are now coparenting your sister, if there is no missing information here it is at worst a step parent overreacting. I don’t think YTA, but the entire phrasing of this story makes it seem like he’s a #5 or #6 consideration in a house of 3. This warranted a stern discussion, maybe even a breakup if he was insistent, but thus is not a step 1.
You should add the context you gave in the comments to your post. You said they were leftovers you made for her. You also said you are the one paying the bills. NTA.
Is this common behavior from him?
I’m sorry for your loss, but giving your sister (and yourself) space to heal and be safe in is important. He shouldn’t be flying off the handle like that. I’d ask your sister if he does this ever when you’re not around.
NTA. Unfortunately, you are the responsible parent for your sister. She doesn’t need the drama in her life of boyfriends yelling or abusing her.
So please, (and it is a sad situation), please just focus on your sister until she’s an adult.
This absolutely is a tragic situation and nothing will ever make it better. But you two can grow closer to each other and you help her to grow into a well adjusted adult despite the horrible situation you find yourselves in. it’s only 7 more years. then she can go to college and you can date again.
ESH till OP answers why he yelled (beyond child was eating food).
Only read “so my sister (11F)”. No. You are not.
Umm he yelled at a kid for taking food out of the fridge. You think you made a mistake? You need to be single and not bring men around your sister anymore if you think telling him to GTFO after yelling at a child is a mistake.
He sounds like a loser. Yelling at a child like that? For real?
Pick on someone your own size you punk bitch. If you have a problem, use your volume appropriate voice.
This seems like a lot.
Was it food he wanted? Like the last slice of pie? Did he buy the foid for a purpose? Like his lunch, or as a treat?
Is this the first confrontation between them? Has he been overly critical or mean in the past?
From your story it sounds like it was communal food, that was plentiful. So yelling at anyone over it is strange and uncalled for.
It also sounds like this is the first confrontation. Kicking him out over one incident seems overly harsh.
There just seems to be a lot of info missing here.
Fake post that intentionally is leaving out info.