I am going to start off by stating that I grew up and was raised Christian, but over time my family fell out of it. I personally have my own experiences that were rather traumatic in life that affected my relationship with religion, so I’ve chosen to no longer seek a connection in order to protect myself and my mental health.
I (21F) have been dating my boyfriend (24M) for about 9 months now, and when we started dating he warned me that his mom was a bible thumper, but to a totally different level. She will send you 2-4 bible quotes a day, every conversation she has with you somehow steers towards the topic of god regardless of the original topic, tell you no matter the circumstances good or bad it’s “all part of Jesus’s plan for you” you get the gist.
Now while this was a little jarring, I’ve always been someone who found the beauty in religion no matter which one. I think it’s a beautiful thing that connects people, it just isn’t for me and that’s okay. Not to her though.
I specifically became her target, her token that was gonna get her into heaven. Her new goal was to convert me, despite me and her son both expressing to her I fell out of faith because of deep rooted trauma. It got to a point to where my boyfriend had to tell his mom to stop harassing me with it because I was sent into a panic after she tried to get me to go to church and would not accept my no as no.
Fast forward to this last Thursday, she sent me a podcast and said “It is important to me that my family and loved ones find and accept Jesus, I hope you can too. He is the key to heaven alone. JESUS IS KEY!!”
This was my breaking point.
I sat down and typed out a lengthy but very respectful message expressing my feelings and how it felt disrespectful to send me these after me AND her son both expressed how it causes me discomfort to be sent these things multiple times a day, and while I don’t enjoy this topic, there’s many things we have in common that I would LOVE to talk with her about to continue to grow our relationship..
She then left my message on read, copied and pasted it, and sent it to my partner (her son) stating “I’ll respect her “boundaries” but this is offensive and over the top”.. to which he responded that her response was narcissistic and that she missed the entire point of my message, that while he’s sorry she’s offended he stands by my side here.
Since then she’s been sending multiple texts a day stating that I’m the devil, how I’m ripping him away from his family and God, how I’m no good for him, we will fail in life together… you name it. It’s just pure bitter hatred and it’s left us both not only startled but deeply hurt.
We’ve done what’s best for ourselves which is to not react or respond to her bitterness and to just focus on us and making sure each other are okay, but since this happened I can’t help but feel like I caused all this…
AITA? Should I have just let her continue with her passages and preaches?
Comments
She needed to hear what you had to say. NTA.
Block her number !!
NTA she must attend a church right? Find her priest or pastor and explain the constant harassment and attempts to get you to convent and the hatred. He will stop her
NTA – You haven’t caused this. She caused this. It’s fine that she is religious. But no matter how religious I am it is not ok to push my faith onto other people.
You were respectful about how she handles her faith until she had overdone it.
Also, shoutout to your boyfriend for standing up to his mother for you!
NTA
She is the one who caused it all but behaving horribly and ignoring your trauma.
Very happy to know her son is firmly on your side and from now on you for your own mental health need to be hard no contact with her.
She won’t like it but that’s HER PROBLEM. Not yours.
NTA
You set boundaries and she isn’t accepting them. Eventually her proselytizing would have struck your last nerve so best to get it done now. The bigger issue is your bf and the mom’s relationship. As long as he was ok with you sending it because he is the one with the huge life choice to back you or his mom knowing what could be lost.
She’s so creepy. No common sense boundaries and is a self righteous religious nut.
Don’t force yourself to be polite to someone who won’t be polite to you.
Wow. Stay away from that crazy. She gives Christian’s a bad name.
NTA.
You are dating. He’s just a boyfriend. Why are you talking to his mother? Block her. It’s his job to deal with his mother. That’s the best part of dating. You don’t have to deal with in-laws.
So… why are you giving her access to yourself? If you continue to give her access to you, whatever happens is on you. Let him deal with her, and discourage him from sharing whatever she’s saying about you. You don’t need this stress. You can stop the gossip loop. No matter what the crazy lady says about you, you don’t have to hear it.
Dating is supposed to be fun.
You are 21, so I sincerely hope you are not planning to get married. That would be quite premature, and this is a very bad situation to marry into, worse than you might realize at your age. So I suggest you stop getting ahead of yourself. Enjoy your time dating this man but don’t try to act like you are already married. You aren’t. Cut contact with his family and focus on your boyfriend.
Let him deal with his crazy family.
Remind her of Mathew 6:6 “But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.”
Also Mathew 7: 1-5 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. ^(2) For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
^(3) “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ^(4) How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? ^(5) You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
Even Jesus hated people who were performative and shouting “repent” all the time.
NTA
There is no reason your boyfriend-of-nine-month’s mother ever needed to have your phone number, social media, or email address. She’s not your MIL, and even if she was, her son is her primary contact, not you. You’re dating him, not his mother. You know enough about her at this point. She doesn’t want to get to know you, she wants the points for converting you. It’s ok to cut her off from you, and if your boyfriend won’t accept that he is not the man for you either.
As for your boyfriend, he knew exactly what she was like, he should have told you not to exchange numbers with her! If someone told me that their mother sends Bible quotes all day, I’m not giving out my number, unless she’s prepared to receive some Bible quotes in return like Titus 3:10-11 “Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them. You may be sure that such people are warped and sinful; they are self-condemned.”
Report her to the police for harassment, and place her number on ‘do not disturb’ so that if she keeps contacting you, the evidence will keep stacking up, but it’s not going to bother you unless you deliberately go looking for it.
Call the cops on her she is harassing you. Good for your BF for standing up for you. He is a child of a narcissist poor guy he knows.
There’s no hate quite like Christian love. NTA at all. “No” is a complete sentence and if she can’t respect that, she’s not worth your time, energy, or attention. Good on the boyfriend for actually sticking up for you, too many posts on here are the opposite.
In the meantime, block her on every avenue possible and cut her out. If she keeps harassing you, see about a restraining order. Keep those boundaries rock-solid and live your best life, the best revenge is a life well lived after all!
Updateme!
Her calling you “the devil” and saying you’re “ripping him away” is just manipulation and scare tactics.
NTA but decide *right now* if you want this in the rest of your life. Because 9 months isn’t much, but if you marry this guy and especially if you have kids, dealing with this woman is going to be a constant nag in your life.
I would block her. What parent is constantly texting their kid’s significant other after 9 months of dating? She’s psycho and you don’t need to be subjected to her over the top forcing Christianity on you.
Same. I’m the devil that corrupted her little boy. The only way I managed is by ignoring emails sent by her as soon as they went into religion, and by telling her, “Our beliefs are not the same. We are not going to discuss religion. If you keep insisting and bring up religion, I’ll talk about it, but you’re not going to like what I have to say.”
That helped. She’s gone now, and the “corrupted” boy is still my husband, decades later.
NTA tell her you’re following god’s plan of how you worship it and how dare she suggest she’s knows better than god
At this point I would tell boyfriend you’re about to get a restraining order because now the endless texts calling you the devil are taking this way too far
NTA
It is your decision as to what faith you are..
Sounds like she’s about to reach the Find Out portion of your (and her sons) relationship with her. Enjoy it.
NTA.
Nta, you could suggest that she read the Gospels, and listen to the lessons they ascribe to Jesus. I found most of what Christians preach is the exact opposite of what is in the Bible.
NTA
But BLOCK her. On every platform. And please never marry this guy while his mother is alive. She isn’t someone who should be voluntarily brought in as your family.
NTA. Your bf should tell her that her current behaviour goes completely against what Jesus stood for and is totally anti Christian. You had to put your foot down. She wouldn’t let up. Can you just block her? I’m sure you can so I think you should and have your bf tell her she’s blocked. Jesus is about love and what she’s spewing is hatred. She’s messed. You didn’t do anything wrong. Good on your bf for supporting you. I do believe in God and Jesus btw and for her behaviour is totally anti God and his son.
Nta
NTA I’m sorry but the next step is blocking her, temporary no contact, or perhaps even a discussion with your boyfriend that you at least want nothing to do with her in the future.
NTA. You shouldn’t have to put up with obnoxious proselytizing. I’m glad your bf has your back, but maybe it’s time to get some space from her. No one needs this harassment.
Block her number. Can you block any em I address? You can have it sent to spam indox. Find out more about her denomination before contacting about pastor. Stay strong!!!!
NTA and his mom needs to understand she’s not being a good Christian. One can talk about god and such. You can’t force something on anyone. Nor was it ever meant to be that way. I would suggest finding some Bible passages that may talk about this. That will show that you are aware of the Bible and Christianity. She doesn’t like you turned your back on religion. You also need to determine what your beliefs are without the trauma you experienced.
NTA. I have religious trauma, too, among other issues with the church in general. The breaking point for me knowing that I made the right decision walking away from Christianity was when dad told me that the reason I have mental issues is because I don’t believe in God or go to church (I was diagnosed with anxiety, depression, BPD (trauma response disorder) on my late teens to mid 20s, and ADHD and autism in my mid 30s)