ok this is kinda long and messy but I need to know if I was wrong
me and my bf been dating for like 8 months and everything was fine until last night. I invited him to hang out with me and a few of my guy friends I’ve known for years. some of them I went to college with and they’re basically like brothers. we were all at my friend’s apartment just chilling nothing crazy just drinks and pizza and music
everything was cool until my bf started acting super weird like correcting ppl when they talked about stuff he didn’t even know about and randomly bringing up money and flexing his car and saying things like “yeah I don’t really hang out with guys who don’t have ambition” and we’re all just like
then he started getting all touchy with me and kept trying to “mark his territory” idk how else to say it like hand around my waist pulling me into his lap even when I was just tryna stand and talk. I tried to laugh it off and move away but he got annoyed and kept saying things like “you’re acting different around them”
so eventually I took him aside and told him to chill and he got mad and said he feels like I made him look stupid in front of all these guys and that it was disrespectful for me to “take their side” and not defend him
and I said I didn’t make him look stupid he did that all by himself and that if he’s insecure that’s not my problem
he left early and now he’s been texting me all day saying I emasculated him and that I should’ve backed him up instead of embarrassing him in front of “a bunch of dudes who wanna sleep with me”
I told my best friend and she’s kinda split and said maybe I should’ve just waited til after to talk to him but idk I was embarrassed
so AITA for calling him out in the moment or should I have waited
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Original copy of post’s text by /u/Patient_Try2768:
ok this is kinda long and messy but I need to know if I was wrong
me and my bf been dating for like 8 months and everything was fine until last night. I invited him to hang out with me and a few of my guy friends I’ve known for years. some of them I went to college with and they’re basically like brothers. we were all at my friend’s apartment just chilling nothing crazy just drinks and pizza and music
everything was cool until my bf started acting super weird like correcting ppl when they talked about stuff he didn’t even know about and randomly bringing up money and flexing his car and saying things like “yeah I don’t really hang out with guys who don’t have ambition” and we’re all just like
then he started getting all touchy with me and kept trying to “mark his territory” idk how else to say it like hand around my waist pulling me into his lap even when I was just tryna stand and talk. I tried to laugh it off and move away but he got annoyed and kept saying things like “you’re acting different around them”
so eventually I took him aside and told him to chill and he got mad and said he feels like I made him look stupid in front of all these guys and that it was disrespectful for me to “take their side” and not defend him
and I said I didn’t make him look stupid he did that all by himself and that if he’s insecure that’s not my problem
he left early and now he’s been texting me all day saying I emasculated him and that I should’ve backed him up instead of embarrassing him in front of “a bunch of dudes who wanna sleep with me”
I told my best friend and she’s kinda split and said maybe I should’ve just waited til after to talk to him but idk I was embarrassed
so AITA for calling him out in the moment or should I have waited
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NTA, sis. Dude’s gotta learn the world doesn’t revolve around him. Jealousy’s one thing, but he crossed a line. He needs to grow up and respect you, not throw tantrums when things don’t go his way. Good call on your part. Stand your ground.
I would no longer be dating someone like that.
NTA. It’s fine to be insecure sometimes, but the way he handled it was, as you said, embarrassing. You were fully justified in pulling him aside so you wouldn’t have to continue dealing with that type of behavior.
Nta. Cut and run.
NTA, I feel you, insecure partners can make situations awkward
NTA. Fact is, you’re gonna have male friends, male coworkers, and male acquaintances. If your bf can’t handle you being friendly with men-men that in this specific case, you’ve known longer than him-that’s a red flag. Even worse, he tried to defend the way he acted by bringing up a totally imagined scenario in which all these men want to sleep with you. Dude needs a therapist, not a girlfriend.
nah girl you’re not the asshole, he embarrassed himself tryna play alpha in a chill room. acting like you’re a trophy to guard and throwing ego fits? 8 months and he’s already this insecure? huge red flag. you didn’t emasculate him his own behavior did.
Am I the only one who sees the issue? Guy friends ? Like brothers… That’s some straight disrespectful shenanigans right there. For starters.. Those guys aren’t friends.. they are opportunists.. Waiting for you to call to be that shoulder to cry on. Waiting maybe one day.. Netflix and chill will be on the horizon.
You take each other’s side no matter what. Make every guy jealous of him not your bf jealous of someone else.
But yeah. You were in the wrong way before he embarrassed himself..
NTA. You tried to de-escalate and speak to him away from the group. He didn’t like being called out because deep down, he knows he was out of line. Don’t let “emasculated” become his excuse for controlling behavior.
NTA. Dump this manchild. What’s he gonna do when you’re breastfeeding? Slap the babe out of your arms? Don’t go there. Find a real man. His insecurities are not your cross to carry
You should have just broken up with him
When one starts to act entitled in front of friends and disrespect your space for his/her insecurities, yeah I agree with you, you need to set them straight and have that person stop embarrassing you. You’re not the AH!
NTA. This one is not done growing yet. Throw him back.
Nta you pulled him aside. Id tell him he embarrassed himself by acting stupid and if that makes him insecure he’s not mature enough for adult friends. If my man suddenly started manhandling me I would politely tell him to stop once. If he didn’t I would tell him that its not acceptable and he needs to leave and not to call until he grows up
Your friend thinks he should be allowed to mistreat you so he doesn’t get sad? Reconsider both the friend and boyfriend.
Marking his territory? He forgot that he is a man, not an animal 🤦♀️
How many of these (friends) have you slept with?
YTA. Reverse the sitiuation. If it was his girlfriend’s and you were a all handsy on him and he pushed you away. You would be pissed.! You treated him like he wasn’t your BF. Not letting him hold you or touch in front of you guys friends is red flag. Respect goes both ways.
You did the right thing by pulling him aside. Waiting would’ve just let him stew and probably made the blow-up worse later. He made himself look stupid, not you. Any guy who thinks you “emasculated” him for not backing up his bad behavior is telling you exactly who he is. Trust me, I’ve had exes like that, and it doesn’t get better.
Sounds made up
NTA
Cut him off you’re allowed to have your own life bro he’s being weird
Jealously I get but what he’s doing is clearly crossing boundaries and lines
ESH. It’s always cringe when someone says their friends of the opposite sex are “like a brother or sister to me”. They’re not your siblings so don’t try to make them seem untouchable because they’re still people and can develop feelings for you. He shouldn’t have acted the way he did but you shouldn’t have called him out in the moment either. You have plenty of people taking your side here so if you want to accept zero accountability then your relationship is probably over soon.
Both yall the asshole youre leaving shit out.
NTAH. I don’t like that your best friend took his side. You pulled him away and didn’t reprimand him in front of the group. Clearly he did like that you had male friends.
Your leaving something out of this story. Everything was going fine and then he suddenly started correcting people on stuff he knows nothing about and flexing his money? Obviously something happened that made him uncomfortable. His response about you not taking his side is more proof of that. Yeah he may be a bit insecure but the truth is everyone is a bit insecure sometimes. but either your intentionally leaving something of this story out or you are oblivious to whatever it is that you did. Or he’s a total weirdo.
Have you previously been intimate with any of your “male friends?” Maybe he felt the tension. If he’s not for you, move on.
NTA but male friends will have sex with you when given the perceived chance whether you have a boyfriend or not.
So you are dating a complete bellend….. Surely you have better taste than this….
NTA, you handled that situation with way more dignity than he did… setting boundaries isn’t weak, it’s smart. It sounds like he needs to grow up and learn how to act in public without being a jerk. You’re doing something right by standing your ground, keep it up. What do you think would help him understand why his behavior crossed the line?
NTA
But I’ll just throw this out because I hate writing people off.
Ive seen this exact scenario play out multiple times before and its always for one of two reasons.
Just my 2c