My boyfriend 27M has an extremely high sex drive and will not leave my apartment to go back home until we have sex (he lives with his mom, and I have literally never been to his apartment). I 21F would not be bothered by having sex every night except for the fact that he is growing cheese under his foreskin and has given me the same STI 3 separate times (we are in a monogamous relationship). He always insists that I give him oral, and I avoid it at all costs, but haven’t told him no flat out.
Last night I tried to put my finger in his mouth while he was tickling me and would not stop, like not all the way but just enough to throw him off, and thought it would be funny. He was mad at me and cursed at me for trying to do it. I asked if I had accidentally hurt him. He said no, and continued on a rant about how I was violating him. I finally snapped and said if I can’t put my finger in his mouth, then he can’t put his penis in my mouth. He said we’ll see about it and left.
Now I feel bad because clearly he didn’t want me to do that, but at the same time, how was I supposed to know when we are literally having sex every single night, so I assumed that this wouldn’t be off limits. It’s not like we’re just friends, and I put my finger in his mouth.
I am also unsure if what I said was appropriate because I feel like I shouldn’t be withholding something as a threat to get him to allow me to violate his boundaries. But at the same time, I don’t want to give him oral anymore, regardless of the finger thing.
So AITA
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My boyfriend 27M has an extremely high sex drive and will not leave my apartment to go back home until we have sex (he lives with his mom, and I have literally never been to his apartment). I 21F would not be bothered by having sex every night except for the fact that he is growing cheese under his foreskin and has given me the same STI 3 separate times (we are in a monogamous relationship). He always insists that I give him oral, and I avoid it at all costs, but haven’t told him no flat out.
Last night I tried to put my finger in his mouth while he was tickling me and would not stop, like not all the way but just enough to throw him off, and thought it would be funny. He was mad at me and cursed at me for trying to do it. I asked if I had accidentally hurt him. He said no, and continued on a rant about how I was violating him. I finally snapped and said if I can’t put my finger in his mouth, then he can’t put his penis in my mouth. He said we’ll see about it and left.
Now I feel bad because clearly he didn’t want me to do that, but at the same time, how was I supposed to know when we are literally having sex every single night, so I assumed that this wouldn’t be off limits. It’s not like we’re just friends, and I put my finger in his mouth.
I am also unsure if what I said was appropriate because I feel like I shouldn’t be withholding something as a threat to get him to allow me to violate his boundaries. But at the same time, I don’t want to give him oral anymore, regardless of the finger thing.
So AITA
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Girl why are you letting this guy do this to you? He’s given you an STI 3 different times?? One time would be enough for me to be out of there. The fact that he won’t leave until you have sex with him is a bad sign too. His threat before he left is the cherry on top. Break it off with him, he’s a prick and I think he’s going to get worse unless you leave now. NTA. Be careful and stand up for yourself, you deserve better
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
He gave you an sti 3x? Is he sleeping w other people?? Nonetheless, he doesn’t respect boundaries. You can do better.
NTA
Jesus woman this story keeps getting worse and worse. Wtf?! SERIOUSLY WTF!?
Yta for not kicking this abusive man. 🚩 Find other.
i audibly gagged reading this.. please for the love of all that is holy, as a woman who has been exactly here at your age, please, please reconsider this relationship. older you will thank you, i can promise you that.
NTA. (btw he can get mad at you for that all he wants, but i am assuming you also asked him to stop tickling you, so.. play stupid games, win stupid prizes.)
Run, run very quickly! He is not a nice person.
You’re 21, you have your entire life ahead of you to find a man who can keep his dick clean and in his pants when appropriate.
NTA honestly I would have done the same thing and said the same thing 😂😅
So no you shouldn’t have continued to do that when he told you to stop, however all of his behaviour is so much more concerning. The fact he won’t leave your apartment till you have sex, his “we’ll see” when you said no more oral. You do know you’re allowed to just say no to any kind of sex you don’t want to have? He in turn is free to leave the relationship. Do you enjoy the sex you have with him and his crusty dick?
NTA. He’s gross, disrespectful, and crossing your boundaries. You’re not wrong. leave him.
Nice shp, u/mentallyilllesbian
He sounds like a walking red flag. If you don’t want to give him oral you don’t have to and you don’t need a reason to say no. Full stop. Aside from that he sounds like he has some growing to do and you don’t need to be there for it. The STIs should be your first clue but in any case you should consider leaving him.
This is a bad day to be able to read. NTA of course and please have some self respect, you deserve better.
I know the bar standard for men is pretty low nowadays but that bar is so low it’s underground.
NTA honestly it doesn’t sound like you were withholding something as a threat for violating his boundaries. It sounds like the hypocrisy of him insisting on sex in disgusting conditions and then acting defensive over a legitimate mistake pushed you over the edge and you snapped.
He has zero regard for your literal safety (STIs ARE a safety risk), is fine with you tolerating it, and yet blows up at you for doing something wrong.
Why are you even still with this guy?
break up with him based on the cheese alone, you deserve better girl
YTA for not respecting yourself. He’s given you the same STI? Why is he not getting treated? What STI? These can be detrimental to your health if you’re repeatedly getting them.
The smegma under his foreskin is disgusting- he’s 27 and should know how to clean under it?!
He expects oral but doesn’t care about hygiene… girl, no.
Finally the finger in the mouth thing is weird but nothing compared to the above two points.
Why aren’t you talking to him? Does he know he’s got an STI? Is he going through depression to disregard his hygiene?
You both sound exhausting but he’s a walking red flag.
NTA, tell that stinky he needs to shower!!!!!!!
Honey. You can’t get sti’s from bad hygiene. If he’s given you UTIs that makes more sense but if he gave you an sti, was treated for it then gave you the same sti again then he was cheating on you. But either way there’s a ton of red flags here, several of them are kind of abusive and you should always feel comfortable saying no to sex. Also 28 and lives with his mom? Like don’t get me wrong it happens but usually that’s at least an orange flag.
NTA. You are setting logical boundaries to protect your health.
He gave you the same STI multiple times… Why is he not getting it cleared up? Have you told him about the fungus he needs to see a doctor for?
How anyone in this thread can believe that this is not satire blows my mind
How am i single?
Sausage and smegma. Worst charcuterie ever. Find someone who knows how to shower
You are not obligated to have sex with him. Not daily. Not before he leaves. Not ever.
You have sex with him as an enthousiastic consenting adult, which means when you feel like you Want to. If he gets mad about hearing no.. he’s a whole bag of red flags. Please leave, from someone who has been in that relationship too.
Cheese plus STI x 3!!!?
Please stop allowing yourself to be dumping place for his garbage…literally.
End this relationship. You deserve sexually compatible partner who wants you to have pleasure in equal measure or more. This is not it.
He’s given you the same STI 3 times, and you still give him oral? You need to say no more often.
I’m not sure if I completely believe this post Miss Mentalyill_Lesbian
Girl! Why are you allowing him to put that nasty prnis in your body?
And Im sorry, the last thing he said to you was literally a threat of sexual violence.
Your not the asshole for saying no to oral sex, you are entitled to your bodily autonomy.
You are the asshole for not respecting yourself (body and mind) for not leaving him after he gave you the same sti a second time.
a) He sounds like an asshole and b) he sounds like he needs to sort out his personal hygiene. If he has a cheesy disk that’s from not washing for days.
Jfc, this is such an obvious “dump him” that I legit don’t know if it’s fake
Is this rage bait, because seriously. I know reddit has a tendency to jump to leave him, but this on it’s own is worrying “will not leave my apartment to go back home until we have sex”, that’s a very rapey statement
Ewwwww
Ew, nta
YTA to yourself for even considering sex with a man who lacks sufficient hygiene and keeps giving you STIs. I just can’t fathom having such little self care and low self esteem to put up with this. It’s okay to have basic expectations of a partner, like keeping his genitals clean.
LEAVE HIM
I am very serious when I say “dump him sis” he doesn’t wash his dick!
Doesn’t he shower regularly?
NTA
If dude can’t be bothered with basic hygiene, he doesn’t deserve you in the first place. All the other stuff just makes it even worse. Tell him (respectfully, otherwise there’s no chance of him listening) how you feel and if he refuses to change, LEAVE HIM
NTA – he is being abusive and is also unhygienic.
He will not leave until you have sex with him? That is not okay. Coercion is not okay. Threatening sexual violence is not okay.
Sweet girl, there are so many other people out there for you. Keep yourself safe and get away from him.
Girl, my self-respect wouldn’t let me go anywhere near a man like that and I’m a fucking gremlin.
Seriously, what are you doing?
(Obvs NTA)
NTA- so he’s a dirty pig AND he blackmails you into sex ? Did i get that right ?
NTA. Out of curiosity, why didn’t you leave after the first STI? I’m gonna guess Chlamydia, as I know that is treatable with antibiotics and explains getting the same one 3 times.
I’d say he’s cheating, with a regular second partner that doesn’t know/care that she has it.
I’m more concerned what he meant by ‘we’ll see about it’ does he plan to rape you? And you said he has an sti, have you told him to get it checked out and cleared?
NTA, I’m not sure why you’re with him. He’s given you STIs and clearly doesn’t wash his genitals properly – what grown man doesn’t know to pull it back and wash properly – gross. Then, he has the audacity to get annoyed that you put your finger in his mouth when he wants his dirty cheese d*ck in yours.
>I finally snapped and said if I can’t put my finger in his mouth, then he can’t put his penis in my mouth. He said we’ll see about it and left.
damn that’s good. NTA. also, tell him to learn to wash hes dick if he wants to get laid. i hope he gets you off as well as you do for him.
I’m sorry, you tell him you don ‘t want part of his body in your mouth and his answer is “we’ll see about this” ??!!
That, only, and a apparent lack of hygiene, feelings for the guy or not, are reasons to have doubts How are you still accepting this? Where is your own value in all this?
Not only NTA, but please do consider your present, and future self in such a relationship. You’re not a hole, you are not a sex slave, you are an own person with your own rights, and needs, emotional and physical, and he does not seem to treat you very well. Please think about this
He just sees you as a hole… I would cut him off completely and see what happens. If he doesn’t break up with you within two weeks, I’ll be surprised.
“will not leave my apartment to go back home until we have sex”
The whole “wants to put his unwashed dick in your mouth” thing is plenty reason to dump his sorry ass. But that sentence right there, change your locks, block him and call the police when you see him next.
My girl, he doesnt even respect you enough to do BASIC HYGIENE.
Sorry kiddo, this is going to be a bit harsh:
You don’t have a boyfriend; that guy you hang out with has a sex doll.
NTA in the situation described. And stop being TA to yourself and acknowledge that he has no regard for you. (And likely has no regard for the other people he has been with while with you -bad hygiene does not lead to STI- )
he DOESN’T WASH HIS DICK?
NTA, but you WBTA if you stay with him.
I would like to think this isn’t true but sadly it probably is true. There is so much in this story that is messed up.
A finger in the mouth should not be a violation when you are having sex with someone.
You don’t have to do anything in bed you are not comfortable with. Being forced to do something is sexual assault.
Him saying “we’ll see” I find threatening and he may be planning on forcing you when you say no.
3x STI that is a huge issue. He needs to clear that up before you ever sleep with him again. That is gross.
Won’t leave if he doesn’t get sex. Being pressured into having sex is a sign of abuse.
Break up with him, he is dirty, manipulative carries a StI that he won’t treat and trying to force you into doing things you are not comfortable with. May physically force you in the future. Get out now, if you don’t, I don’t see this ending well for you. Be safe.
NTA but wow your boyfriend is gross. This entire post is just gross.
NTA. leave this nasty ass mf who don’t know how to was his dick properly.
Omg, I was eating yoghurt when I read this …. I’m just not hungry anymore!
NTA but you will be if you don’t leave this guy. The fact that he won’t leave until you have sex is a red flag. Him insisting on oral is another. And him saying “we’ll see about it” when you told him you wouldn’t be giving him oral is a big enough red flag to signal Mars with. That’s basically code for “you’ll be doing this later whether you like it or not” which would be assault if you didn’t want to. You can do far better than a pushy asshole who can’t properly clean himself.
NTA but why are you with a 27 y.o that doesn’t wash his penis properly, gave you 3 times an STI and say : we’ll see about it about giving him oral.
That’s not a red flag,that redflag parade!
Ew ew ew!!! How are so many people attracted to dudes that have zero sense of hygiene?? People need to get some standards, jfc
NTA. Stop giving him oral and stop having sex with him until he goes to the dr and learns to clean himself. Absolutely disgusting.
The same sti three times??
Girl.. the red flags are flagging. Run. Seriously. The “growing cheese” part? No honey, just no.
A good man would never be this way. There’s being in a healthy, loving relationship, and then there’s this. You deserve better.
Reading this felt like it was a bad day to know how to read and understand English. I threw up a little.
This man is dirty, and he doesn’t seem to respect you. NTA, but do yourself a favour and find someone who knows how to wash himself. At 27 you would expect someone to know how to be clean.
Yes
Wow girl! You deserve better, he cheats on you and disrespects you and you stay.
Bro NTA leave that man immediately, mans is almost 30 and doesn’t know how to clean himself, plus he clearly doesn’t respect your boundaries if he is gonna throw a tantrum to you saying no plus him stating that he will not leave until you have sex with him is clear coercion, he is pressuring you until you say yes that is not consent, that man does not love you, LEAVE HIM
He sounds incredibly abusive. What do you mean he WON’T leave without sex?
What happens if you try to say no?
Girl, Run. And fucking protect yourself because this guy sounds psychotic.
What in the red flags hell is this
For the love of god, OP please leave this guy
Not only is this nam disgusting but also sexist and grapey… no girl just no run away.
NTA
> I finally snapped and said if I can’t put my finger in his mouth, then he can’t put his penis in my mouth. He said we’ll see about it and left.
Context matters… and you might want to see this more as a warning than a joke. Cause damn, it does not sound like fun was had by anyone in this.
NTA. How often does he go down on you?
ESH
He sucks for giving you STI over and over
You suck for violating a boundary then punishing him for expressing his discomfort with it
Yikes!
NTA
This is called abuse. It’s not healthy, nor is it kind, loving, respectful, or acceptable.
Plus, he’s simply gross and unhygienic
DTMFA you can do better my leaps and bounds and this person is not a life partner.
Why are you with this man? Please realize you deserve better oh my lord. NTA.
I can’t believe you’re letting him stick his cheese infected dick anywhere near your vag.
There’s so much wrong with this story. Like so much. What are you doing with him?
He’s 27, never taken you back to his apartment (which is a problem as it allows you to see who he is when he’s not with you), refusing to leave unless you have sex, doesn’t have good hygiene which has resulted in making you sick (the first time would have been a clean up your act or no go for me, and considers digits in the mouth a violation though he expects you to open up.
You need to stand up for yourself more, not open up your body for being poisoned and dominated when he’s not even willing to take you home to his place. Yuck.
YWBTA if you keep taking what he’s dishing out without putting some boundaries down for yourself.
“We’ll see about it” wtf? Leave him.
must admit I skimmed but everyone should have bodily autonomy
Your boyfriend is ewwwwwwwwww. Cheesedick is disgusting. He needs to wash, disinfect, get antibiotics, and use a double condom.
NTA. Honey please listen to yourself. This man is nasty l, dirty, and abusive. Demanding sex isn’t romantic. It’s bordering on a sex crime. You are too young for this. Dump him and do not date again until you can respect yourself!!
Um. 3 STIs in a row? Dump him.
Get some self respect
You’re literally being abused sexually, physically and emotionally. He is an abuser
If he’s given you an STI three times, surely that’s not monogamous, at least on his part?
Either way, NTA. But you really should ditch this guy. He sounds awful.
Why are you not horrified about his cheating? 👀
NTA
At the Very Most I would have dumped him at the second STI if not the first.
No hygiene, no care about your pleasure, AND is either cheating on you or refusing to get treated for an STI. 3 strikes hes out.
Forget stopping going down on him, why would you EVER go down on a man who has STDs and doesn’t wash his penis properly? Wtf.
NTA. Why are you with him??
Yeah, yeah, yeah, ESH don’t push boundaries like this glad you caught yourself on that etc. Why isn’t this guy washing his peewee? You found yourself a smegma male. Get rid of it. Throw it back into the wild.
INFO If you are really in a monogamous relationship, where is he getting these STI’s that he is passing to you? The tooth fairy?
NTA he doesn’t even clean himself. why should you have Sex with him at all when he is dirty and gives you STIs? this will damage your health and can turn you infertile.
He does not love or respect you.
If you are in a monogamous relationship Id be questioning how and why he keeps giving you stis and I wouldn’t be having sex oral or otherwise with someone who can’t keep their junk clean.
He said he lives with his mum but you have never seen the apartment you sure it’s his mum he lives with.
With the sti he’s either not gotten it treated or he’s cheating on you with someone who doesn’t know they have that sti
MAKE. HIM. WASH. HIS. PENIS.
YTA for staying in this relationship.
Girl.
so nta. pls don’t do anything you don’t want to do, don’t give into any pressure from your partner.
NTA – Find someone cleaner who also respects your boundaries. Also, set those boundaries.
NTA you are worth so much more than what he is giving you please leave the whole man behind, there are so many red flags here
This is definitely making fun of a different post, right?? Did I miss something???
I genuinely don’t understand why some women dont understand their value. My wife would have said no sex after the first uti unless I showered that day, and she’d never put up with eating dick cheese. Wtf? You can do better man please
NTA – leave that relationship immediately there’s so many red flags, his demand for sex, his poor hygiene, the STI which I’m sorry that means he’s been unfaithful or he contracted it before you guys started a relationship and he’s not following with proper treatment. I nearly vomited reading your post, your relationship needs to end
That’s disgusting. I wouldn’t date anyone who doesn’t bother to take basic sanitary care of themselves.
EBSH. But him alot more.
You need to talk to him about his higene problems. He clearly doesn’t know. Ok potentially doesn’t care but you can’t know that without talking to him.
Similarly did you talk to him about the STI so he could get it cleared up.
I won’t go into his numerous failings, others have covered that in sufficient detail.
You would be justified in just dumping him. Not taking no for an answer is unacceptable.
Ata, not for the whole finger or penis in the mouth question, that is SOOOOOOO the least of your problems, but for having anything to do with this ah who gave you an sti 3 times and being so immature as to actually type after that that you two are in a monogamous relationship! It’s laughable, it’s ridiculous. Dump him and his weird homoerotic phobia, be single for a long time until you grow up.
Do not give your boyfriend so much as a handjob until he goes to the doctor
NTA.
If a man doesn’t know how to wash his penis, or chooses not to, then he’s not worth having in your life. A lack of basic hygiene or basic manners should be a deal breaker.
Get him to clean himself. You guys are nasty
NTA – get him to clean his smeg & stop being abusive
The finger thing feels at best borderline. You feel violated so you violate him. That’s an AH move.
You’re well within your rights to say “no more oral”. That’s fine. No moral issues there. Sounds wise given the STIs.
You might be better served by having a conversation about his hygiene. If he knew that you found him unclean and that was the reason you didn’t want to perform a sex act he enjoyed, I’d think he’d prioritize cleaning himself before sex. Why haven’t you told him about that the issue is disease and hygiene?
If you have told him, and he hasn’t addressed those issues, that tells you that he doesn’t take your comfort and health very seriously. That seems morally dicey at best, and definitely a strong reason to break up with him.
ESH
YTA To yourself by staying with him and his diseased cheesy dick
Have some respect for yourself and leave
Dick cheese not a dealbreaker for you??
STIs not a deal breaker for you??
That’s the shit people deal with in high-school not a grown ass man. NTA, but you need to re-evaluate your self worth. Is this really something you want to have to put up with in the future?
NTA. leave him.
Wait. Do you mean STI or UTI?
Regardless, tell cheese dick to fuck off. Or marinate your muff machine for a few days until it has a particularly piquant aroma, not dissimilar to a ripe well aged Pecorino, and sit on his face until he passes out.
Fair’s fair.
NTA, he’s a filthy (literally) abuser.
Excuse me??? He has cheese growing on his dick and you’re still fucking him. Hellll nah.. that’s not ok. Please think of yourself more highly. That is gross.