I (23f) am a Chinese woman living in America. My boyfriend (23m) is American and white. I am somewhat aware of a weird thing for Asian women some white American guys have. But most of my boyfriend’s exes are African-American so I thought I was in the clear.
He’s going to attend a event that includes many friends from high school. He told me he wants his friends to think I’m Japanese. He said I don’t have to outright say it, I can just do something subtle to give them that impression. One person who will be there is an ex-girlfriend (24f) of his. She’s African-American. He promises that his ex has nothing to do with him wanting people to think I’m Japanese. He said it’s for his male friends.
Even though it’s people he rarely sees so this maybe a one time thing, I told him I wouldn’t pretend to be Japanese. Unless it’s required, I avoid telling people I’m Chinese. I feel people put much stock into where people are born and I want people to get to know me for me. My boyfriend still wants to go with me but now he seems like he’s dreading it. Am I the asshole ?
AITA for telling my boyfriend I wouldn’t pretend to be Japanese to impress his old high school friends ?
r/AITAH
Comments
NTA.
Be proud of who you are and your heritage that helps make you that way.
NTA boyfriend and his friends have a weird ass fetish
NTA. Be true to yourself.
NTA and it’s really weird that he wants you to lie to show off his “Japanese” girlfriend like a trophy.
He’s out of line, you’re not a costume or decoration. He should be the one feeling ashamed, not you.
Why the heck are you dating this creep nta
Red flag. Don’t waste any more time. If he has friends that care if you’re Chinese vs. Japanese, then he has shitty friends. If he has shitty friends, well he’s probably shitty inside (even if he hasn’t shown it you in all his shitty glory).
NTA. Fake your identity to impress his friends. Disrespectful. You should expect to simply be honest and accepted for who you are. Not some weird fantasy or ego trip.
NTA, sorry your boyfriend sucks.
Honestly I think this kind of fetishization is a dumpable offence.
NTA. Do you really wanna be with someone who fetishizes Japanese women?
NTA. I can’t form the right words to write for what I think about your boyfriend. He’s wrong for even asking you in my opinion.
Nah fam. U need to end it.
Ur literally his geisha girl fetish.
WTF kind of Asian kink is this?!? NTA and please dump that weirdo.
NTA, it’s a very odd request. I recommend you talk to him about how it makes you feel. I would feel like I’m being used as a weird accessory edit: why would being Japanese make you more impressive than you already are??
Rage bait
He’s reducing you to a character, NTA.
Sorry, OP, but there’s definitely something very wrong here. Why would someone you’re dating want you to fake who you are? Would he ask one of his ex AA dates to pretend they’re from some other country other than America? What’s his twisted reasoning on this? Aren’t the Chinese good enough Asians? I’m with you on this. Whenever, I am meeting people for the first time (whether my husband has known them or not), I want them to meet me, not some imposter.
Yes YTA. You should dress up like a good Geisha Girl and be obedient. Just Kidding!!
NTA. Whats wrong with that dude…seriously….beside people can actually differentiate what a Chinese person and a Japanese look like.
Next thing you know hes going to bring home a strap-on and ask you to pretend to be a Korean man. Ditch this dude.
NTA. And wtf, why can’t he just proudly bring you along no matter where you’re from. I don’t get it. He’s being an idiot.
Omg no you are not the AH, how insensitive to ask a Chinese person to pretend to be a Japanese person after all the history between the too countries…shocking
Wtf. Because, wtf? Where to even start? This wrong on so many levels. It is assuming all asians look alike and 100 varieties of that? He wants you to deny your heritage, but to pretend like you are from a whole other country too? I would have broken up with him.
Is he some kinda fucking weeb?
What the fuck is wrong with him?
Does he reaaaaaaally like DBZ?
Nta
Wtf
Ask him if it’s possible for him to pretend to be a decent human being.
He’s dreading it because he’s already told them that you’re Japanese because he’s a weeaboo fetishizer
Dafuq did I just read. NTA
NTA.
He’s asking you to deny who you are. And he may have Reichwing friends who now think that everything Chinese is evil. THAT could be the reason he’s dreading going with you.
Might want to rethink this relationship.
Think about it this way. Tell him that your Chinese friends think that British men are hot and that you want him to pretend to be British by having a slight accent.
Absolutely nta.
So like, what? Is he planning on you pretending to be Japanese for the rest of your relationship? Not even that, but if you make friends within the friend group you’ll be lying to your friends too.
Tell him no and that it’s not ok for him to ask you to do this. How would he feel if you asked him to pretend to be German or Irish around your friends?
It’s not even the same language.
NTA. Have asked him WHY? He should at least have to explain this absurdity.
And what subtle signs are you supposed to give? Wearing a Kimono? Adressing him with Weirdo-san?
Your BF is the AH for wanting you to pretend to be something that you are not. Why are you still with this guy?
Anyone with sufficient exposure to Chinese and Japanese people could catch you in a lie that would explode in your and your STBX boyfriend’s face. Do you want to risk exposed as a liar and being accused of racism for no particular reason than letting your boyfriend turn you into a liar? This sounds like a power play on his part. NTA
Why in the world does he want you to pretend you’re Japanese? Does he think there’s something superior about the Japanese or inferior about the Chinese? I don’t get it. Whatever way you slice it, it’s pretty offensive.
NTA.
Be the most Chinese you can be, be so Chinese they become uncomfortable not knowing if its for real or racist.
Nta btw. Your bf is though
Pass port bro vibes
What the hell? Why wouldn’t a Chinese girlfriend be just as impressive as a Japanese one? This is bizarre. NTA
You’re an asshole to yourself if you keep on dating this loser. I’m a Chinese American woman and this whole situation is giving me the ick. He doesn’t respect you as a person or he’d never ask this of you. You’re a fetish to him. Please respect yourself and find a better boyfriend.
Uh wtf? Japanese people look completely different.
You have to dump him he’s too stupid and he thinks his friend group is stupid. NTA.
NTA. Your boyfriend is trash. In my opinion, his old high school friends have a fetish for Japanese women.
Lol i hope thats not why he started dating you; thinking you were japanese!
It’s normal, at least in the US, to express interest in where people are from. Your background and experiences help people understand you. Your bf should not ask you to fake that. If he’s dreading introducing you to his high school friends, perhaps he has not matured much on the years since he graduated.
NTA
Just tell everyone that your TOS Klingon
NTA – he and his bro-friends have had a fetish and now he wants to parade you around like he got the prize??? Wow. Give yourself some self esteem and walk away. This guy gives me the creeps.
NTA. Girl what?
Dump him
How would someone who is Chinese even pretend to be Japanese?
Am I the only American who can tell that Chinese and Japanese people don’t look the same or have similar accents, cadences, tonal qualities, etc.?
Anyway, NTA. Your (ex? I hope…) boyfriend is not only TA he’s also ignorant.
Leave this guy.
Girl, no. Dump the loser. You’re not a fashion accessory.
WTF. Go tell him to go fuck himself with his weeaboo fascination.
My first thought after reading this post was imagining the reaction of Chinese people reading this.
Heads erupting like volcanos due to anger, probably.
You’re not overreacting, I’m just not sure why he would want to tell people you’re Japanese? I don’t think this is a kink thing, I just think American society puts Japanese people above Chinese. From what I’ve seen, a lot of Americans seem to think Japanese are the top, then South Korean, then Chinese, then the rest. It’s a weird racist thing I’ve noticed over time, and the South Korean thing is a relatively recent thing within the last decade or so. This is less of a sexual thing and I think more of a status thing? Are his friends anime weebs?
Definitely NTA. And you should 100% dump this ape as quickly as possible.
This is very weird.
He and his friends are racists who fetishized certain races. To be clear, a racist is someone whose actions are motivated by race; good, bad or indifferent. In today’s Fox News Trumpian social climate this is becoming increasingly common and more prevalent. Trump himself marries exclusively eastern bloc women who need him for citizenship so for him it’s about control and subservience.
Nope. Disgusting. NTA.
NTA. Ditch him. He has no respect for you. You deserve better.
This is a weird thing for your guy to ask.
He’s got an Asian Fetish…you’re part of it. You are just a cog to him.
Please just dump him. You will find someone who will actually appreciate and respect you
Of course you’re not the AH. He’s a racist piece of crap. Avoid.
I got 5 on him saying his girlfriend is Asian to one of his friends or ex.
Who then asked if Japanese and he mistakenly in the spur of the moment said yes. Insert some banter around origin here that has now become a “thing” that has gone on for a while and stuck.
He is now shitting bricks at how this might play out in either direction.
This is weird. Throw him back and cast another line.
I totally get this and no girl you’re NTA☹️ He’s so weird and has a yucky fetish and is prizing that over YOU as YOU. Be safe pretty, you deserve sm better
You are dating someone who fetishizes people of other ethnic backgrounds, but Chinese isn’t good enough for him? He’s a loser.
NTA
Money is he likes anime.
You boyfriend is a huge asshole. Dump him.
>… but now it seems like he’s dreading it
My money is on him already having told at least one of these people that you’re Japanese.
NTA what happens when one or more of his high school friends starts playing a more active role in your lives? This happens. You hook up with old friends, you all promise to stay in touch more going forward, and a couple of you actually follow through. Sooner or later, one of you let’s something slip, and now it’s “Wait, I thought you were Japanese”
And even without the possibility of this happening, it’s just gross that your bf wants you to pretend to be a different ethnicity. It’s like he’s saying “Japanese just looks better” WTF? Reevaluate his past behaviors and words. Is this attitude and request pay off a bigger pattern?
NTA. Does he actually believe the Japanese and Chinese look and act so much a like they’re just interchangeable like that? That’s so racist. You do what you want to do sweetie, it’s your life. But from my perspective you should be way more upset by this situation then you are.
Ew gross why are u letting that creep fetishized u along with his friends. Break up with him & don’t waste your time. And you should be proud of yourself and being Chinese. Tf pretending to be Japanese for is weird.
NTA
You are a fetish to him and probably his friends. White guys are weird when it comes to any other culture. If he wants to play pretend with his friends, I guarantee you he does when y’all are intimate.
Also, he’s belittling your culture. This is a man who needs to strictly say other white ppl and leave POCs alone.
NTA. Also that’s super weird and pretty insulting too
Oh, ffs.. your bf is basically saying, “My high school friends think Japanese are cooler than Chinese, so act Japanese for me.”
At least, that’s what I get out of it.. which is a shitty thing to request of a partner. I’d be mad af and reconsidering my choice of significant other or at least having a serious conversation about why it’s not ok.
NTA He is a POS. That’s like asking a Jewish girl to pretend to be German.
NTA
Why is your BF such a weirdo? Why should you lie to his friends because they have some weird preferences about a woman’s nationality?
This is weird. You’re not the ass. Your boyfriend is ridiculous for even suggesting this.
“Please pretend you’re a different person to impress my friends”
What subtle thing does he expect you to do to pretend that you’re Japanese? Does he want you to show up in a kimono and talk about anime? What Japanese stereotypes does he expect you to embody to appeal to his weird, racist “friend’s” fetish.
Here I will reenact him in private:
“Oh, no, I’ve made fun of Chinese people and people dating them. Me and my bros were racist against chinese. Now I’m dating a Chinese woman!”
He is afraid his bros will make fun of him. Or worst. Tell you how racist he is.
You are being used
NTA. You’re WAY more than a trophy for him to show off to his Japan fetishizing friends. You deserve to have someone who not only respects your culture, but someone who won’t parade you around. Who you are is important and if he doesn’t respect that, he needs to go
NTA. If he is telling you to hide your heritage, then he’s not the one.
NTA, wtf. It’s already extremely disrespectful to ask someone to hide their origin and pretend they’re from elsewhere (whatever the reason), but given modern history, asking a Chinese to pretend to be Japanese? Not sure if extremely stupid or just insensitive to other people’s (ie your) feelings.
(just adding, I have no problem with Japanese people, wish you guys the best)
Are his friends China-hating MAGAts? Do they fetishize Japanese women and buy into the sick sex fantasies?
In any case, dump this xenophobe.
NTA
But to mess with him, and them, pretend you’re Jamaican! I recommend the cinematic masterpiece Half Baked as a guideline on how to be fake Jamaican
NTA
That guy doesn’t like you for who you are but because he has a race fetish, good luck with that if you choose to stay with him
NTA. Your BF, hopefully STBX, is a creep. I am sure he sees all non-white women as exotic. You should ask him why he specifically wants you to be Japanese since it is insulting to you and your heritage.
You say he is white, but what white heritage does he have? British, Irish, Italian, Eastern European, etc.? Some people are being proud of it. Ask him how he would feel if you told your friends he is the opposite/insulting heritage than what he is. If he said he would be insulted, tell him his request is the exact same thing.
I’m sorry but your bf thinks of you as an accessory, not a person.
Gross. Really. Your boyfriend is being one hundred percent disgusting. He’s acting like he doesn’t think you’re human. He’s treating you like you’re a sex doll, and not the kind he wanted. I hope you see how bad this is, because it’s pretty bad.
Ask him to pretend to be British for your friends because they have a thing above Americans and see how offended he gets. Dude is doing something that in the grand scheme of things feels racist (as a mayonnaise human my view is not the important one on that score) and passing it off as a simple bit of one up-man ship which is its own red flag. Dude is just a flashing red sign saying Flee! NTA and get a boyfriend who wants to date you not a fantasy.
NTA
If you go through with it, at least one person there probably knows SOME japanese, and it’s going to turn into a shit show.
Worse yet, he probably told someone you were japanese already. He is stressed because he is going to get caught in a lie that is either going to ruin his relationship or ruin his friendships.
Why not just end it now for the incredibly disrespectful thing he just asked you to do? He doesn’t respect you at the very minimum. :/
NTA.
You are Chinese. Anyone who thinks that Chinese people and Japanese people look the same are imbeciles. Just like those who think that all people from African countries look the same. I can’t stand this sort of discrimination.
NTA. I am Asian Canadian and this is extremely disrespectful.
He wants you to be a token trophy Japanese girlfriend.
NTA.
As a light skinned Black woman who dated a guy that wanted me to pretend to be Mexican so his racist grandparents would like me (I did not do it)….Run from this racist weirdo.
Dudes who have a thing for Asian women can discern Japanese and Chinese women with very high accuracy by sight, and even higher accuracy once you start talking.
I can’t fathom why your BF would ask such a thing, but it’s probably not about a general Yellow Fever fetish.
NTA it’s incredibly disrespectful for him to ask that. Dump his ass
What’s wrong with being Chinese anyway? Not like being American is any better anyway. At least you have some heritage and historical significance. Not sure Japanese is that much more impressive than Chinese either in my opinion.
Beyond all the stereotype that exists about Asian women. This is just a ridiculous request and disrespectful and shouldn’t be asked. To ask an asian woman to pretend she’s of a different Asian ethnic background. Just wow.
Your boyfriend is creepy and gross. He said the quiet part out loud so now you know that you can’t trust him and you shouldn’t be dating him so is he an ex-boyfriend now?
It seems odd. I’m sure your parents and grandparents generation would’ve flipped out about it. But Americans can often be unaware of history outside the United States.
That is some straight up crazy sh*t. Him and his friends are disgusting 🤮. I’m willing to bet he totally fetishized his ex gf too
I’m able to tell the difference between Chinese and Japanese people. Some of your friends may also know the difference, and wonder why you’re going with the misidentification.
他不懂中国女人的美，他可以去找一个没有灵魂的日本女人。
Go Lu Bu on his ass if he can’t appreciate your Chinese heritage.
You’re not his girlfriend but a trophy for him. You deserve better. 🖤
You deserve better. A lot better. I cannot believe the audacity.
I hope you find someone that appreciates you for your authentic self, not what he wants you to be.
NTA but you would be if you keep dating this dweeb.
What is this ? Fucking rush hour??
Um NTA but this whole situation is really icky. This guy is fetishizing you big time and objectifying you to show off for his ex and boys. I’d be rethinking this relationship right now.
Fuck this guy. FFS.
INFO: What the actual fuck?
NTA, but you bf is. Hopefully you’ll make him an ex. This is weird behavior on his part.
This is odd,but i’d hold up on breaking up till you refuse and gauge his reaction
I rarely tell women to dump their bfs without communicating first but dump him. yesterday.
you mean ex I’m assuming?
NTA.
Be proud of your heritage and stand up for yourself because you are worth it.
Moreover this could be really bad for you if any of those unsavory people happen to speak some Japanese
What’s the possibility that his friends are MAGA and Japan is safe but he doesn’t want his girlfriend associate with Giina?
When I read this all I could think was Wuhan virus and a bunch of white asshats.
This is of course leaping logic and they may have an idealized version of some anime.
NTA. Dump this weirdo.
Major orange flag.
This is racist , and I wonder if your boyfriend understands this. I know you’re not saying it here, but as a third-party, that’s how I’m reading his request.
I encourage you to have a conversation with him, not necessarily naming that he’s being racist here, but sharing that this is something that makes you feel uncomfortable, and I would encourage you to wonder why he was making this request . If as you learn that he is trying to make his old girlfriend jealous, that’s an automatic red flag. If you learn that he has some sort of racist mentality going on here that he hasn’t worked on and is not willing to work on at all, that’s an automatic red flag.
Wtf did I just read? Why does he want you to pretend to be something you’re not? Is he dating you just to impress his male friends?
Your BF is a complete douche
NTA
NTA, your guy just wants to fetishize you in front of his friends. If he wants a Japanese woman so badly, he can go get one. What a weirdo.
so your boyfriend is saying chinese is an inferior flavour of asian woman to japanese. how do you feel about that?
Please do what your boyfriend asked
It is a fact that Chinese are in the lowest social tier in America right now
Below even illegal Guatemalans
It is practically legal to be racist to Chinese people in America right now
It is just fact right now