So, I (18F) have been dating this guy (19M) for about 6 months now. He’s sweet, caring, and overall a good guy though, I’ve noticed he’s a bit… attached to his mom. I thought it was cute at first, but it’s starting to get out of hand.
At first, it was just small things. She’d correct the way I say things, and would remind me at every family dinner that “no girl could ever take care of him like I do.” I shrugged it off, thinking it was just a mom thing.
But now it’s getting weird.
She told me I shouldn’t wear certain colors around him because it’s her favorite.
She calls herself “his first woman” and says it like she’s proud of it.
She once texted me at 3 a.m. saying, “He’s coughing. Why aren’t you with him?”
The best part? When I made him lunch one day, she examined it and told me it had “too much seasoning” and that I was probably affecting his health.
Finally, I had enough. I sat her down and said, “I’m not trying to replace you. You’re his mom, not his soulmate. Please stop trying to compete with me.”
She went completely quiet, then turned around and told the entire extended family that I “disrespected her role as his mother.” My boyfriend’s now freaking out, saying I “made things worse” and that I should’ve just let it slide since she’s “sensitive.”
But honestly, I’m not going to be in a relationship with a guy and his mom who thinks we’re in some weird soap opera. I’m trying to be respectful, but she’s making it impossible.
Comments
It most definitely is weird. As hard as it may be for your boyfriend: He needs to be the one to put those boundaries in place and have a talk with her.
NTA. His mom is crossing serious boundaries and acting like she’s auditioning for a reality TV show about dysfunctional family dynamics. It’s one thing to be close, but this sounds like she’s trying to be his co-wife. You called it out, and honestly, someone had to. Your boyfriend needs to set some clear boundaries with her, or this relationship will implode.
Nah, youre good if he doesnt like it then too bad. If his mom doesnt like it…who even cares? Im all about a good relationship with the in laws but theres a line and shes well beyond it. You guys are young but still he shouldnt be letting her hover like that if hes not doing anything about it then you should bounce…
ESH. The entire situation sounds a bit creepy, but it’s on your BF to set boundaries with his mum – not you.
She sounds incestuous, honestly.
Look up enmeshment, and then make your bf read it. If he doesn’t realize his situation isnt healthy, leave him. They arent worth the trouble.
NTA. You set a kind but firm boundary, and that’s healthy. Reassuring her while protecting your own role was the right move.
NTA. She is definitely controlling – and creepy, and he is enabling her. He should have been the one to stand up to her. He not only didn’t, he blamed you when you asserted yourself. I’d definitely have some long, hard thoughts about whether I wanted to remain with this tied-at-the-umbilical-cord mamma’s boy.
Things will not change. He’ll be mama’s baby forever. She will undermine you at every turn. Run like hell.
Nta. You have a boyfriend problem. If he doesnt call her out now, he never will. Is that a situation you will be happy in. Mil wont change
You been together 6 months, I would cut and run.
She is not going to change and he’s already making excuses for her.
She’s sensitive???? No she’s disturbed is what she is.
You won’t change him or fix him. Go find someone normal.
Break up. Now. You’re young and this drama isn’t worth the bother.
NTA this isn’t going to get better unless your boyfriend has your back you need to have serious talk with him.
Feels like I have read a million of these exact same stories.
NTA. Communication is essential. This should have stayed between you and her – it’s very immature she would tell the extended family you disrespected her. You honestly didn’t. She needs to be an adult and let her adult son experience life without interfering in his relationship. Can you get clarification from your bf how you made things worse? Why isn’t he backing you? It’s not your fault she’s sensitive and sticks her nose where it doesn’t belong. What does he think of his mom’s behavior? It sounds like weird jealousy. Did she SA him? (Sorry, she has cringe all over her) I suggest if you want to continue dating your BF to only hangout without his mom around, and keep communication super short with her if you have to talk. Or break it off completely with him. You’re so young and 6 months isn’t that long.
thats a mama boy and sorry to say that but OP will always second in his life … 🚩
NTA
NTA
Your boyfriend needs to deal with his mother, not you. His mother is an adult and “being sensitive” is not an excuse to behave in this way towards you (or any young woman he dates in the future).
I think you should tell your bf that you aren’t going to put up with it. But there’s a fair chance that this relationship won’t pan out. It may take the failures of several relationships before this guy realises that his mother is sabotaging his chances of a normal relationship.
Kindest thing you can do – seriously – is to break up and tell him it’s 100% due to his mother. Don’t softpedal a single thing. You sound fine, sorted, I’m sorry that this has happened to you but you have self-esteem and know what you won’t put up with, which is fantastic. Your stb ex? He’s fucked. He’s going to be living in his mummy’s pocket forever doing as he’s told – unless – he has many people point out to him that he’ll never have a relationship unless he cuts his cord. Lee him know this, then run.
NTA. I think this will be an ongoing problem, especially if you are going to marry him in the future. The mother will always shadowing your relationship
You’re Not overreacting OP… You’ve tried being respectful and even were when you set her down for an honest talk. She’s a Smother and her son Is 19 years old Mama’s boy. Though you did precisely the right thing, she would have never accepted you’re thoughts or input.
She’s the type of mother who refuses to accept that her son is growing up and is at your age, where most leave to live on their own and these mother’s fear that they are no longer relevante or needed. It’s a very unhealthy why to raise your children and live life that way.
This is where your bf should have stepped in and told his mom to treat his girlfriend with more respect and to stop hovering like a psychopath just because she won’t let go and accept life and her son are changing.
Just out of curiously, OP… Do you and your bf still live with your parents? I know you’re both still very young and the amount of time his mother is all in your faces it seems like you both or at least you bf still live at home.
If this relationship is serious, I suggest you two or on your own find your own place to rent and tell your bf to put on his big boy pants and stop acting like a 10 year old child and confront his mother once and for all instead forcing you into an impossible situation.
Or take a break and do your own thing for a while… Your bf clearly needs some more growing up to do.
NTA. Get out while you still can. This “man” will always be attached to his mother’s tit.
Nta. But you aren’t going to win here, and you aren’t doing yourself any favors by pushing this. She holds all the cards, you are just a random gf who’s been around 6 months and acts like you have some authority here. The last thing he needs is to be going from one controlling woman to another. He has his own mind. He’s still young and he’s not going to cut her off, she’s is mom and the only one he has, he’s probably still depends on her for housing etc, which is normal at 18. He may eventually, after losing multiple relationships because of her brand of crazy. He’s provably going to need some professional support to figure out what healthy boundaries look like and how to communicate with people who use emotional manipulation to meet their own needs. A healthy parent wants their young adult kids to become for independent, and celebrates this for them. He might want to read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents.
RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN. They have a very unhealthy relationship and you will never measure up. His mother needs psychiatric help.
You are absolutely right. Staying with this guy means you will have his mother breathing down your back the whole time and your boyfriend not supporting you if you don’t agree with mommy-dear. He’s a mother’s boy, not relationship material. I suggest you found someone who’s a better fit for you, because he isn’t. Talking won’t help.
Run, don’t walk.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Threesomes never work out especially if one is the mom. Sorry move on. He will get it eventually. Maybe on his 4th / 5th girlfriend.
You’ve had your warning! He’s a mamas boy and she is a problem . Run!
You will always be in competition because psycho mom sees your boyfriend as her “Sonsband.” Your momma’s boy bf is also a problem because he refuses to set any boundaries. This issue most likely won’t ever resolve.
Time to dump him and his mommy. Let them have their incestuous relationship
OP this used to be called a momma’s boy. This is not going to change because he is been in her bubble his whole life and he is dependent on her for his decisions. The mom influence is strong and he won’t go against the grain not in the disrespectful way but he doesn’t see a reason to change his life even with a loving person next to him. At 18 you have a whole lot of years to not stress and find yourself a person that you will value you.
No. You’re dating a mamas boy.
The only times I’ve seen it get a bit better is if/when they move out. Your boyfriend is 19.. so that’s probably not happening any time soon… his mom won’t let him.
Also.. he needs to want to be a man… independent from his mommy… doesn’t sound like your boyfriend is there..
So break up. Save yourself the trauma and the drama of mothers that can’t or won’t stay in their lane.
NtA
Girl RUN. Boy moms and Mama’s boys are no joke. Don’t be one of the “I can change him” crowd. You can’t.
I truly hate that you are having to deal with that. I can understand the difficulties she is dealing with as a mother. From that perspective, she’s spent her whole life taking care of her son. Then, he gets into a serious relationship and she immediately starts doing the things for him that she’s used to doing. It could feel like overnight, she’s been replaced. So, I can understand struggling with that shift. However, that in no way excuses her behavior. The things she has said are completely unacceptable and some of the things, just down right weird. However, I don’t think anything is going to be solved until he puts his foot down and tells her that he is not going to allow her behavior to continue. Until he does, there isn’t going to be any real change. As long as you are the only one voicing that it’s a problem, she’s going to see it as a you-problem. It’s his mom. They are close. And he hasn’t been an adult for long. It’s going to be hard for him to stand up to her and risk “hurting her feelings” but if he sees a future with you, he needs to acknowledge how her actions are making YOU feel and he needs to respectfully put an end to it. If he doesn’t nip it in the bud now, I can only imagine it will get worse in time.
I hope that you are able to have a conversation with your boyfriend and he is able to do what he needs to do in order to stop it before it escalates any further.
She sounds like one of the weird “boy moms”. Just cut your losses, you guys haven’t been together very long and you’re very young. You don’t want to try to fix this mess
Run. Omg. We don’t get between mother bears and their cubs, same rule should apply to boy moms and their mama’s boys.
Being a mommy’s boy is not cute. It’s never cute. It’s a HUGE red flag.
Wait… she heard him cough at 3 am? Where was she? Sitting outside the bedroom door? Does she have a bug in the room? You did not make things worse. They were already worse because he refuses to ever shut his mother down. Do NOT stay in this relationship. You will always be second fiddle, both to his mom AND TO HIM.
You can’t win this war because he’s fighting on the other side.
Is your boyfriend’s father not in the picture? If so, that would go a long way to explaining why his mother is so enmeshed with him. It’s far from healthy for either of them, and of course, it will make your life miserable.
To be honest, mother and son need family counselling to make them understand that:
Unfortunately, they won’t. He will go through a series of failed relationships until he finally sees and acknowledges the problem. His mother may never, and eventually, he may cut off all ties with his mother.
Someone needs to paint the long term story for them.
In the meantime, you did fine! More than fine! You spoke up in a confident, healthy way.
If they don’t change, them consider if you want to take on this life-long battle. His mother doesn’t realise that she could gain a wonderful loving daughter in law, and potential friend! Instead, she’s letting her ego and enmeshment with her son destroy a budding relationship and happy family potentialities. She has no self awareness or ability to see how the future will look for herself is she stays in the path she’s on.
Her son sounds like a good person but also has no awareness of the problems in his relationship with his mum. You sound very emotionally mature. I guess the question is where you want to spend your psychological and emotional energy? Being an inadvertent family counsellor or to find someone who is as healthy as you? I’m not trying to sway you one way or another. Just questions.
It’s not going to get any better unless HE is the one creating boundaries with his mom until then it’s going to keep being like this. Since he’s not RUN!
This is a bf problem
Bro. Run.
Your so young and so is your boyfriend he is probably shocked and trying to navigate this new phase in his life, it’s pretty pathetic that she feels she has to compete or put down an 18 year old because she feels threatened.
So you need to be the mature one here anytime she criticises you say something like oh thank you so much for the input I’ll take that on board for next time. Your boyfriend will eventually take blinkers off but if you always act sweet and kind she will have nothing to complain about and that will really annoy her. Just concentrate on enjoying your boyfriend and totally ignore her toxic behaviour
Why are you arguing with his mom?
His mom, his problem.
You should tell him she is inserting herself in your relationship and set boundaries. If your BF takes his mom’s side, he should be your ex.
NTA for standing your ground, but Y-T-A for fighting for a guy who won’t prioritize you
You need a new boyfriend because it’s not going to work no matter what you try ,he respects and loves his mother more than you ,you will always come second , you are fighting a losing battle, when you are winning ,that’s when you lost, he will listen an do what his mother say do
Everyone’s said everything already, but ultimately your bf appears to enjoy his enmeshment with his mom. I’d just say to them ‘you can’t have babies with him/her,’ and leave it at that, and then leave him. If they do try to have babies with each other well that’s on them, wash your hands clean lol nta
I knew a woman who was just plain horrible she treat everyone around her like her employees made up white lies to her husband and family and when called out on it she would start the water works saying people were picking on her. Her families excuse was that she was sensitive. Glad I got away from that family it never got any better by the way she always made sure she got everybody on her side.
That’s never gonna get any better sweetheart. It’s time to move on.
NTA. “Run Forest, run…”
It may be harder on him if he is living under her roof (due to age). If you weren’t so young I would have skipped the try and help them see how unhealthy their relationship is headed and just said RUN !
Eew woman like this is so disgusting, she sees her son as her man, run
Run Girl Run
Honey, you’re 18 years old. Why have you involved yourself with this mama’s boy? You’re so young. Relationships are supposed to be fun at this. You shouldn’t have to worry about enmeshment and emotional incest. Cut your losses now.
NTA.
break up with him, he is in a “relationship with mommy” . he needs to grow up and isn’t worth time
girl, you are 18. you don’t need this type of people in your life, soon it’ll turn into you having to d exactly what he wants and how he likes stuff. leave him.
YOU’LL FIND SOMEONE 1000X BETTER.
I was in a relationship like this for a few years when I was younger. It does not get better.
This is your cue to leave. This kind of mother will NEVER stop with her obnoxious behavior, and guaranteed she is trashing you to her son behind your back. Say your sad goodbye and move on. Speaking from experience.
Run far and fast
Honestly she sounds like a nightmare and unless he shuts her down pretty soon she’s going to continue to push her way into your relationship like it’s a competition.
Is he worth is, honestly?
Yea, she’s out of control. But you two aren’t engaged or married so it is his place to put a stop to it. If he refuses, you know what you got on your hands and will have to make a decision based off of it. Six months isn’t very long to be in a relationship. It sounds like he still lives at home. So you standing up to her is just going to make it worse.
You’re not going to lessen his mom’s hold on this guy. She’ll always be part of his life, whether you or he like it or not.
Bf is 19 and needs to grow a pair. I see another season of Mama’s Boy in the future if he doesn’t.
She will control absolutely every aspect of his life, he will never have a quality relationship …Heck if he wanted to move (which he probably wouldn’t because she would FLIP), she would end up want to move with him m, if not in with him…its creepy.
I will still never understand people who don’t see their mothers cross waaaaay too many boundaries…
Run.
This never gets better. They’re enmeshed/emotionally incestuous, etc. it never stops. You will never win and at your age you don’t want this ruining your life.
NTA